Confessions of the Week – Scary Mommy

Confessions of the Week

 

Inspector Gadget would be super  impressed with how far my  boobs stretch.   If only I could use them to fight crime.

 

I asked Google "why is my son so  annoying?"   The first result was Scary Mommy.

 

Figured out a way to get some time  to myself. I went in my room, closed  the door and hung a sign that read  "Do not enter, mom is naked".   Worked like a charm.

 

 I spent most of yesterday's car ride  fantasizing about pulling the car  over, kicking my fighting kids out  and peeling the hell out of there  while blasting some music and  flipping them off.

barbies

 

I keep a spoon in the glove box  for eating Ben & Jerry's in the  grocery store parking lot.

 

I pee when I cough. I fart when  I sneeze. And I'm happiest when  the kids are with someone else.

 

I let my toddler shoot me with his  toy gun so that I can take a power  nap while I play dead.