Dana Talusani
Latest posts by Dana Talusani (see all)
- Damn, That’s an Ugly Baby - February 19, 2013
I didn’t want to have an ugly baby. Having an ugly baby was definitely not in my Birthing Master Plan. In fact, I was confident that my baby was going to be luminously beautiful–hybrid babies always are.
Doubt the beauty of hybrid babies? Two words for you: Halle Berry. Two more words: Lenny Kravitz. Yeah.
That genetic cocktail brewing in my belly? Killer. Genius, even. Would my magnificent creation come out wearing Elie Saab, I wondered?
The first indication that something might be amiss happened after I gave the final push (yelling “Motherfucker!” in my husband’s general direction) and the first word out of the nurse’s mouth was, “Whoa.”
I waited for it. I waited for, “Look at that beautiful baby girl!” I waited for them to place her stunning little body on my chest so I could admire her.
Instead, the nurse hustled her to the weighing station and hissed at the obstetrician, “I thought you said this baby was term.”
So I’m waiting, spread-eagled.
Then the attending nurse exclaims, “Awww. She’s got a Mongolian spot on her butt……boy, that’s a whopper.”
Hello! Waiting here and where the Hell is my champagne?
Curious, my husband ambles over. And then I hear the sonorous sound of his laughter. “Okay, that puppy needed at least another month in there,” he says.
Give. Me. Alcohol. And while you’re at it, can you fork over my dang kid?
“The Apgar’s good,” the head nurse chirps helpfully.
My mother decides to get in on the action. “What’s this Mongolian thinga–?” Damned if she doesn’t giggle, too. “Ronald,” she calls to my father (who is out of the room, terrorized by the birthing process), “The baby has your belly.”
My father oozes into the room. He doesn’t laugh.
“Is it because she came out so fast?” he whispers.
“Like a West German on the luge,” my husband snorts.
The obystetrician is still hunkered between my splayed legs, waiting for whatever gunk needs to come out, and suddenly, I’m royally pissed off.
“Give me my champagne and my baby, you morons!” I holler.
So they do.
It’s a good thing I demanded alcohol, because damn, that’s an ugly baby.
But then I look into those big eyes and that little monkey face, and it’s not so bad and…she shits all over my chest.
Welcome to the world, ugly baby. I vow to love you anyway.
{ 135 comments… read them below or add one }
My son looked just like a mini old man. My friend who was in the room with me said he looked like a wet rat coming out of me. His eyes were black and I looked to make sure 666 wasn’t under all his hair or on his butt.
He was still awesome. Looked like a little old man until around 5 months. Now he’s a ladies boy at 5 years and I just know I’m going to be in trouble.
I too, had little old man babies. In fact, when the family came in to meet my firstborn and were discussing who she looked most like my reply was, “Really? I think she looks like a angry little Chinese man…” I got some crazy looks from my inlaws and the nurses for that quip, but she really did look like an adorable mix of Mr. Miyagi and Yoda. At 2.5 years, she looks like a far more beautiful version of me. She does, however, absolutely love Yoda.
Okay, the hairy butt? I had to laugh! My underweight baby had a hairy one, too!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Mouhahahahaah!!!!
I was hoping for a beautiful baby as well when I had my #1, but expected a little tiny ugly, wrinkly, wet thing! I loved him at first sight anyways! I think that 99% of new born are reallllllly ugly, My 3 included! they get better looking after a few days, once their skin is “ironed-out” :)
Thank you for that post!
My sons were both preemies and they looked like little old men when they were born. I can totally relate to this post although now they’re the most beautiful boys in the world.
Aww, most newborns are not all that cute! Mine was 3 weeks early and was so scrawny! He also had the most hilarious hairline. A few days at the boob and bottle and he was right chunky. I think little old man babies are adorable!
Oh, I just spit my breakfast on the screen. HILARIOUS!!! I had c-sections, so mine didn’t have the conehead look. I think that helped a bit.
Keri,
Yeah, I think c-section babies are cuter. Mine did NOT enjoy her speedy trip down the birth canal!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I remember having beautiful babies, but when I saw my sister’s first child (a girl) I couldn’t believe how ugly I thought she was! She looked just like her dad. But rest easy! She is 4 now, looks just like her mother and is gorgeous little man slayer. :)
Thank God they don’t stay that way.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My sweet baby girl was a chunk, slightly orange, and covered in hair…adorably ugly and beautiful at the same time :)
Koren recently posted..My Breakup with the Scale
Koren,
What’s with the hair? I couldn’t believe how hairy my kid was!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Hilarious!
Our daughter looked like a little alien. She is 6 months old now and adorable, but my husband and I still laugh when we look at newborn photos of her.
Lisa,
I’m still looking for the picture of my other child–the one born with a black eye…
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My daughter looked like Robin Williams when she was born…. Yes I said DAUGHTER
lynnZMbH,
I’m trying to get Jill to hold an ugly baby contest! I hope you enter!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
All BS aside my baby was and still is beautiful. I went through a lot to get her into this world. Even the nurses oohed and fawned over her. She was 5 weeks premature and weighed 7# 12oz. she was a whopper! I can’t go anywhere without someone telling me how beautiful she is.
Wow, that’s a big girl. My son was 4 weeks early and he was 8#12oz and 22″ long. But as big as he was he looked like a skinny little frog, lol.
That was great! I was terrified my babies would be ugly, even more so that they’d be ugly and no one would tell me! My first baby was preemie, big and red. I didn’t know it at the time, but she wasn’t the cutest newborn. I know it now, looking back on photos. She wasn’t an UGLY baby, but she wasn’t completely adorable.
My second, however, was absolutely precious from the moment she came out. She looked like a little porcelain doll, and I know it’s true because I still think that looking back on photos.
Oh, and I meant to add that they both had full heads of hair, so they avoided the “old man” look.
Ronica,
Both of mine had hair–the ultrasound tech could even see it waving on the screen when I went for my 32 week check-up.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My so looked like Yoda when he was born…so ugly, but so darn cute! My daughter was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, not saying that cause I am her Mom, if she was ugly I would admit it, but she was born beautiful and still is 3 years later.
My second born was an ugly newborn (of course, all newborn are ugly anyway). We called him “Benjamin Button” because that is EXACTLY who he looked like…and then after a few months or so he developed into Mac from “Mac & Me”. Now? He is a gorgeous, dimply-faced, curly-haired, three-year-old model! Who knew he would turn out to be that cute?!! They all come into their own, but it is a little scary looking at your newborn for the first time after they’ve been stuck in a canal for a bit. Wowza!
Andie,
Benjamin Button? OMG, laughing.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My little guy was a GORGEOUS baby and he’s now a beautiful 8 year old little boy. His eyes have always been so pretty!
Talia recently posted..MtMoriah25
Hilarious. Whether beautiful or ugly they are ours and we love them :)
Denise recently posted..Video Laxative For Blogger Constipation
Both of mine were a little under cooked, too. It was a letdown for sure. One of mine sounded like Darth Vader, too. Don’t worry. They’re cute now.
Amy recently posted..20 Things I Learned In College
Amy,
Get the heck outta here! My second-born was channeling the Darth-man, too! She stayed that way for five years until we got her gi-normous adenoids taken out!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Oh my goodness! That as hilarious!!
My eldest was a miniature Winston Churchill.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..A first for my second, another last for me
Tinne,
Did he come out with a gin in his hand?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I swear, I think all babies have at least a brief Winston Churchill phase!
OMG- I so remember this!! Oh wait this wasn’t me- but I do remember saying- Oh my God- will that go away..I have guests coming this weekend, when my precious baby was born with what can only be described as the CONEHEAD from the 80s SNL skits!! Glad other mommas have this ‘weird’ non movie perfect birth moment!! LOVE this post!!! and love our perfect little babies!!
dawn recently posted..Should you be out looking at homes?
Dawn,
My uncle was a forceps baby. Try passing around pictures of “dent head.”
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Haaaa! Brilliant!
My 15mo has a thumb print size Mongolian spot on her back. Never even heard of it til I had her.
Moomin,
I’d never heard of it either! At least you have a thumbprint; we have an asteroid.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My boy’s is the shape of Africa on his lower back. And I have no idea if he was ugly or not. I didn’t see him for hours because of the emergency c-section (bastard ass bastards! I came in for a motherfucking stress test YOU BASTARDS) plus I was high as a giraffe’s ass. Even that hairless dog would have been cute to me.
Arnebya recently posted..Sometimes
Arnebya,
Girl, you tickle my funny bone. Because Hell yeah, I’m definitely hanging (with my big belly) with the girl who is “high as a giraffe’s ass.” Where’s. Our. Alcohol?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Hilarious!!
I had twins. One came out big, fat, & happy. The other one came out looking like a water-logged rat! They’re 8 years old now & devilishly handsome. And they look nothing alike :)
Amanda,
That’s so interesting. The whole twin thing has always baffled me. I love that they don’t look alike–saves them the confusion!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Is that your baby in the picture? If so, aw it is cute. But this is hilarious. Especially the shitting part LOL
walkingqueen recently posted..Walking for Health and Wellbeing
walkingqueen,
Yep, that’s my ugly baby right there.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
When I was pregnant I used to have nightmares about having a really ugly baby. I don’t mean just one or two nightmares…..it went on throughout my whole pregnancy! I wasn’t at all concerned that she would be healthy….I was just petrified she would be ugly. When she was born, the first question I asked my husband is was she ugly? He cracked up at that and then they showed me a pretty little girl. All I could think was thank God she’s not ugly. No idea why the idea of an ugly baby was so traumatizing to me…but it was! Only after I had my daughter did I realize that every baby is beautiful!
Julie,
Do you remember the episode of Seinfeld with Elaine and the ugly baby? If not: Google it. Hilarious.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My ob told us during our son’s last ultrasound that he looked like Wilford Brimley and sure enough, when he arrived 7 weeks early, there was a resemblance! Well, except that he had such a cone head that they subtracted one inch from his birth length. They had to leave the top of his little cap open for the cone to stick out!
Michelina,
Wilford Brimley made me laugh! Does your kid do insurance commercials?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Haha! My daughter was gorgeous when she was born (and still is), but if we ever took a picture of her, she ended up looking like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons!
Mr Burns? Horrifying! And funny.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Girl, I think this post made me love you even more!
Wendi @ Bon Appetit Hon recently posted..Angel Food Cake
Wendi,
Thank goodness your Libby escaped that fate!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Haha as a 20 year old all I could think of how beautiful my baby girl was going to be when she came out ( like A princess dress, long flowing hair, sparking green eyes… Not really but you get what I mean) instead I got the complete opposite! She was skinny and this black hair (like a troll doll) and theses piercing huge dark brown eyes (almost black) that I could have swarn she was looking threw me! She grew out of it in like a week and was bald for almost 2 years but who cared she was mine and I loved her(plus I could not careless after she was out All I could think of was McDonalds, I was starving)
Mommieof4,
My kid’s eyes seemed HUGE when she came out because she was so small. They kept rolling around in her head, like she was thinking, “Where the Hell am I and who is to blame?”
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
So glad my LO didn’t come out looking like anything but pure cuteness. Even more glad that my genes were dominant to that of my H’s. Hes one goofy looking goober sometimes.
OMG….. I didn’t know Apple Jacks could exit through a nose but they just did. So fricken funny!
Katy,
An Apple Jack? I feel honored.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
It took me more than 5 years to admit by baby girl was really ugly when she was born. She was red and had lots of pitch black hair standing on end. Her brother was a perfect looking baby when he was born two years earlier – so I clearly had a comparison but the love goggles are thick.
Michele recently posted..NPR’s 100 Best Ever Teen Novels.
Haha
I don’t know if this has scared me more or made me feel better for having this same fear!! I’m due in 3 weeks and I keep praying for beauty… I usually think all newborns are ugly too but I was praying to God mine would be an exception… We’ll see!
Natalie,
I expect a report back. ;)
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
The first words my OB said were, “Looks like we have a linebacker here.” Just the words you want to hear about your baby GIRL.
Shannon recently posted..Listen To Your Mother, Chicago!
Shannon,
Niiiiice. Why can’t the peanut gallery just shut up?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I also had a hybrid baby and could not for the life of me picture what my son would look like. He came out absolutely perfect and gorgeous. He’s 9 months now and wherever we go people stop and tell us how handsome he is. But I was terrified he’d be ugly.
This story cracked me up. And the way you told it… priceless.
My daughter was cute but she had Asian eyes, which stumped me. But then I looked at my husband’s newborn baby pictures and realized he had Asian eyes, too. And he was a seriously ugly baby.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..If You’re Happy, Do You Know It?
Kristin,
I am constantly being mistaken for the nanny. My DNA didn’t translate.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Hahahaha, love this. Makes me feel better that my initial thought upon seeing baby #2 was a piece of his ear was missing. I figured it just flapped away somewhere from being in the birth canal, but nope, it’s actually not there… he’s so damn cute though, missing little ear flap and all :-)
Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog recently posted..If You Ask a Toddler About Their Day…
Kelly,
Is it weird that I really want to see a photo of the missing ear flap?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Haha, I had the exact opposite experience. I was exceptionally ugly as was my husband. I expected a really ugly baby, especially after they warned me it could be really bad after she was stuck in the vj so long.
When they finally ripped her out and showed her to me the first thing I said to my husband was “Are you sure that’s our baby?” She looked like the three month old TV babies that are passed off as newborns. Perfect skin, perfect head, pretty, long hair. Hybrid vigor at it’s best.
Now I kinda expect this baby to be pretty too. Hybrid vigor, right? When he comes out wrinkled and weird I’m gonna say again “Are you sure that’s our baby?”
Josie,
Viva la Hybrid! I’m hoping for you, girl!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My daughter looked like Curious George when she was born. She was so hairy! Everyone told me it would fall out and all I could reply was WHEN?!? She is now 8 months and absolutely beautiful… and bald.
Jen,
Same thing happened with my first-born. Full head of hair and hair in lotsa other odd places. And then the hair on the head fell out. Made for some very awkward Easter photos…
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
This really cracked me up! I actually thought my son was GORGEOUS when he was first born, but when I look back at pictures of him I think to myself, “no wonder no one ever stopped us to tell him how cute he was… he was really kind of purple and wrinkly and misshapen…”
Not to worry, though, mommas of ugly babies – my boy’s a real looker now, at the ripe old age of 6 (other people tell me so, that’s how I know for sure.) ;)
Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted..What Do Light Switches, Strike Plates, and Flip-Flops Have in Common?
Kristen Mae,
At least you were brainwashed enough to think he was gorgeous at the time. Alas, I knew the verdict immediately: ugly.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My first born belonged to the ugly baby club – he was long & skinny, pasty faced like a little old man, with stringy dark hair. And it only got worse – a few weeks old and all the hair on top fell out – my precious baby looked like Peter Boyle on a really bad day. It took weeks for some peach fuzz to start sprouting up. Needless to say, there aren’t a lot of photos from those months. Thankfully, the new hair finally came in a glorious golden blonde, he filled out a bit, and his cheeks developed healthy pink. Phew, was I relieved!
Lollie,
My kid’s hair fell out, too. Awkward. Just…awkward.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
This is hilarious. I love it.
And even through the uglies we can see the beauty
Well I don’t find that funny at all. My children were perfect, beautiful, little balls of sunshine when they were born.
LOL! Just kidding.
I think newborns are the reason someone came up with the phrase, “A face only a mother can love.”
Shannon,
Her face was bad, but it was the refugee-style bloated belly that truly took it to the level of frightening!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My oldest was induced and rather large head thanks to his dad. Its never a good sign when u look down while pushing and see your ob sitting on a stool suction cup on your sons head and one foot on your bed pulling your child while you push for 3.5 hours. Horrid cone head when born!! When the nurse placed him on my belly i said “your gonna clean him right???” my youngest was a c section. I thought he was perfect. Beautiful complextion my bright blue eyes and his dads dark hair!
My first was really cute. So I was unprepared for my second. She was 3 weeks early, bright red and had a stripe of black hair from the back of her head to her butt. She was also the spitting image of my MIL! I said look Mom it’s you! She’s my MIL’s favorite!!!
Of course she is her favorite. Simian love! Hilarious.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Look up “Stephen Lynch, Damn thats an ugly baby” on youtube. Funny Shit!
:)
Love it!
April,
I love you! I sent that video to Jill when we were discussing the concept of ugly babies! Clearly,we have nuanced taste. :)
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I shared this story to my fb wall I thought it was hysterical. Some of my stick up the ass friends thought it was horrible. I for one appreciate the humor in honesty. My first child was born with a conehead, my second with super swollen eyes and a crooked nose, she was sunny side up. They certainly didnt look like the gerber babies but that doesnt mean I loved them any less!
Jess,
I am sorry that your stick-up-the-ass friends took offense. Thank you for sharing, though. I know plenty of female popsicles in this area, so I feel your pain. It’s okay. Honesty is better!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My younger one looked like a dark purple alien, I was terrified so when I saw him. I think my husband has that picture, I’ll try to post it later :)
Lola,
Promise?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I’m pretty sure that no baby is beautiful on day one. I distinctly remember them putting my first child on my chest, the nurse cooed something sweet…and all I could think of was “THIS is the creature that came out of my belly??” He was bluish-gray, smeared with blood, and a bit pointy. But after a few weeks he plumped up, got some normal color and gained his good baby looks. Now he’s 14, and when I can get him to take a shower and scrub his face, he’s a dang handsome young man.
Denise recently posted..Zoo Parking and World Aquarium Rates Go Up
Denise,
He will suddenly turn the corner and start showering all the time. And then your mind goes there….
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My son looked like Kim Jong Il for a while there. I kid you not.
Michelle,
I have had a wrong-ass day but your comment made everything shiny and gold. LOVE.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My son was hideous when he was born. He had baby acne, beady eyes, weighed 9.5 lbs and had no neck and thus, the nickname “Tater” was coined.
Amy,
Tater is a good moniker. My little one was “Miss Chicken Wing.” Maybe we ladies who nickname our kids after foodstuffs should meet sometime…
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Sounds like a great idea! We should each bring the food our children are named after: Ugly Baby Potluck.
It’s a date.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I didn’t have ugly babies but they also didn’t look like newborns. They came out looking like 3 month olds. The 1st was almost 10lbs 9oz and looked like the Michelin man. The 2nd was 9lbs 11oz. She didn’t look quite as much like the Michelin Man, she only had 2 bum rolls.
CJ,
My grandfather was so huge that they had to break his arm to get him out! Whaaa?
ps: has your vagina ever recovered?
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Amazingly enough it did, though sitting was a challange for about a month after the first. My tail bone however has not recovered. My grandfather was 12lbs and my husband was 10lbs, I should have known better. Luckily both of mine were induced early so they didn’t get as big as grandpa!
C.J.,
Ah, if our collective asses could sit (on donuts) and share tales…
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I was actually surprised that my son was a cute newborn. Except for the conehead and scrapes from the forceps, of course, but those went away quickly. I really expected him to be ugly because I think most newborns are ugly. I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one who thinks that.
Dana,
Your forceps baby looked cute within days? My uncle Johnny (forceps baby) is rolling in his grave. It took him years!!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I had beautiful babies but my sister had a baby that looked exactly like ET, down to the clolour, the huge eyes and the baggy skin. She grew to be a beautiful woman.
Molly,
Yoda and ET were my first impressions of my daughter. I hope she never finds out.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
You guys make me laugh, but seriously I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep my mouth shut and say something appropriate if he would have been ugly. Especially not after nearly 30 hrs of sleep deprivation and drugs, lots of them. I had a perfect blonde haired boy who looked like he just got a cut and style before he came. ON the SUPER FUN side he had a big patch of blonde back hair! I told his dad in a drugged up stupor “see that proves hes yours (snort and laugh here) HAW (i yelled that)” We are married and didn’t have kids for 6 yrs so lots of jokes about that. I was so drugged and sleepy when they finally gave him to me I almost gave him back to the nurse because I thought “no way this one’s mine, hes cute”.
Taren,
At least you were drugged and sleepy. The Luge Girl came so fast that I didn’t get any drugs at all. Thus, the “Motherfucker!” I hurled at my husband as she came out.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My daughter was so old man looking that her uncle used to always say “Hey you kids, get off my lawn” in a gruff yet somehow baby voice.
Jessica,
I think I love uncle. Send him over? (I have beer!) That is charming beyond belief.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
When I had Cady, the nurse said, “Wow! That baby has a LOT of hair.” Right then and there I decided that baby wasn’t really mine. They were cutting her out of my uterus at the time. For real.
But???? She was pretty darn cute with all that hair… on her head (nowhere else). I had two c-section babies that were super chunky. They were both beautiful. I can say that because I take zero credit.
Jennifer recently posted..Parenting Two
Jennifer,
Screw zero credit. You get 100%. You had to marinate those little crappers for almost an entire year. Tiara for you, my friend.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Hah!! Very funny. I really think that most babies are unsightly at first. So red and wrinkly! Mine were no exception.
Some take longer to outgrow it – those are the ones you have to say, “Oh, look at the baby” to since you honestly can’t say they’re cute.
Thanks for the laugh.
Kristen Brakeman recently posted..Teachers – Give Us Parents A Break!
Kristen,
Maybe you are right, but when I saw so many plump and pleasant babies in the nursery, I looked at mine and thought, “Damn.”
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Thanks for the laugh!(the last line) My ten month old and his daddy just turned and stared as I burst out in laughter : )
Kat,
Bet you are laughing because your baby is beautiful. If not, please share and bask in the puddle of shame! Ugly Baby Mama’s Unite!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Hysterical! My baby was super furry all over. She even had a whirl pattern in the hair on her forehead. And the top of her ass looked like she was dipped in blue koolaid. She had a cute face but I had to wonder if I had given birth to a beautiful baby baboon since I was certain full body hair and blue butts weren’t typical human characteristics!! Hahaha
Cuevi,
She had monkey butt? Mine, too! Baboons are the worst. Nasty butt-flashing fuckers.
My kid had hair everywhere. It was alarming.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
I so love that you admitted your baby was ugly! No one ever does!
Jamie,
No they don’t admit that. Until your kid pops out and looks like roadkill.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
DD was born at 37 weeks, so she looked like a little spider monkey-thin little arms and legs, and covered in body hair. I joked that she clearly took after my German-Italian husband with the shoulder fuzz. Although she did have a headful of beautiful red hair at birth that is still just as flaming three years later :)
Andrea,
My maiden name was Hagmeyer. Translation: turnip farmer. I am so proud.
ps: Redheads make the world go ’round.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My kids are hybrids too! My firstborn was a gorgeous newborn. He came out with a full head of black hair and beautiful olive skin. Imagine my surprise when number 2 came out red and bald, looking exactly like my father-in-law. Thank the Lord he got cuter.
Both of my kids were born c-section but my eldest was cute while my youngest looked, to quote my sister, “like a drunk bum”. He had super-dark body hair, vague, mushy facial features and he was small. I look back on it now and laugh because as he gets older he resembles me more and more and I have to wonder if I looked the same as a baby!
Adria,
“A drunk bum?” I like that kid already.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Kitch, you never fail to crack me up!
Oh my god, this was my favorite line ever – My father oozes into the room. He doesn’t laugh. Oozes is a great description for a father/grandfather in that situation. Laughed so hard at this one I cried.
You would think C-section babies are pretty cute, yes, but not when the C-section baby started out as a down the birth canal baby and got stuck. Not pretty. Remember the Coneheads?
Lisa @ The Meaning of Me recently posted..Friday Favorites – Yes, I Know It Isn’t Friday Edition
Coneheads are not attractive. Nor are forceps “dent head” babies. And pissed-off 4-pound babies who shot down the birth canal? Not cute at all.
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
My first reaction was, “I went through 12 hours of torture for THAT?!!” followed by, “My God! He looks like a monkey”!
Roshni recently posted..The world is your oyster
Hi! Just wanted to let you know that, for what it’s worth, I featured this post in my blog here: http://www.bigaandlittlea.com/2013/03/what-ive-been-reading-this-week-23.html
Roshni recently posted..What I’ve been reading this week #23
Ahhhahahaha! I was also blinded by it all in the beginning, thought my 8week premature baby girl was the most perfectly beautiful little being. For a brief moment she really was angelic, like a little doll – - from about 4lbs-6lbs she was really really pretty… but out of the gate she absolutely looked like Don Knotts (Barney Fife). And as some other people are stating, it got better? well not for a while for us! She had a giNORMOUS head. Again, blinded by motherly love, I remember taking a picture of her at about 9 months thinking…she is the most beautiful little girl EVER! Whelp, when she was about 4yrs old I looked back at that same picture and wondered how she didn’t topple over with that HUGE MELON! Like an upside down BUOY! I couldn’t see anything else but THANK YOU C-SECTION! What the crap, she was NOT cute what was I thinking?! Yikes!
HOWEVER….now at almost 9yrs, platnium blonde, stick straight locks cover up her (still) huge head but she is gorgeous :). My oh my those icy blue eyes melt EVERYthing. :) And everything about her on the INside is even more spectacular.
CC,
I am rolling. You are hilarious!
Thekitchwitch recently posted..Potato Soup and Ugly Babies
Your baby is NOT UGLY!!
That’s all…Carry on. :-D
Katybeth recently posted..International Mother Language Day, Sticky Bun Day
I too birthed an ugly baby. She’s thus far grown to be a homely 9-year-old. I love her to pieces… she’s smart, funny, and as sweet and loving as they come. She’s just not a looker, and that’s okay.
Lynette recently posted..The myth of manliness
Eli was 6 weeks early and had a cone head to beat the cast of SNL. He was furry and skinny and scraggly. He took awhile to gain some baby fat to make him resemble a cute baby. And then, out of the blue, he was the sweetest looking little baby a mommy could have ever seen.
Your ugly baby grew into a beautiful princess. I’m certain her daddy watches the door closely for any little boys getting any ideas! Good thing we live so far apart as my boys seem to have a thing for older women ;)
Heather recently posted..Wisdom and Beauty
You guys deserved it. Who do you think you are, calling your own babies ugly? I bet 55% of you commenters are middle schoolers trying to act cool. This page makes me weep for humanity.
Ugly babies must be white thing… Our Native babies are cute right out of the oven. We always over hear our white coworkers mention our babies being cuter then theirs… When my daughter was born she was hairy but gorgeous! No red or wrinkled skin. But that is normal here, so far all the white babies I have seen look like old men… Nevertheless ladies love your babies not matter what.