Eloise writes in her journal almost daily. Her thoughts are deeper than mine were at her age. I found my third grade diary and mainly found posts that said “Dear Dairy, Today we had peas again at lunch.” or “Dear Dairy, Scott Wellington likes me.” or “Dear Dairy, My brother is mean.” Yes, I spelled ‘diary’ wrong the whole year and how could I really share my deepest darkest secrets when I was writing to a dairy the whole time.
I don’t read Eloise’s journal and she doesn’t read my blog, but she did ask me the other day why I blog instead of just keeping a private journal like I used to do when I was young. I thought that was a great question because it’s true…just think of how private our diaries and journals were of our youth. They were locked up tight, we kept the keys around our necks for safe keeping and our precious locked words were then kept under pillows and deep in drawers that were in rooms with doors closed.
Now our words are out there for everyone to read. Our deepest, darkest thoughts, our personal feelings, and our daily doings. Open. It’s weird to think about my journaling that way. But I guess I don’t really share my deepest thoughts on my blog. Those are still locked away in my heart with my own private key and only I know where it’s hidden. My blog is not my diary. Or my dairy. My blog is just my blog.
And with any writing medium – sometimes you just need to put it down and walk away. I found months of blank pages in my childhood diaries. Yet I don’t want my children to come back to my blog one day and wonder why I was quiet sometimes. It’s not like life was not happening every minute of those days for us. It was just maybe because I got busy or the words wouldn’t come or I didn’t want to write the sad.
And I know that sometimes we just want to hit delete and walk away. It’s on these days that I need to get back to Eloise’s question…
Dear children, this is why I blog..
1. Because I want to remember when you were little. I will never take the time to print out photos or fill-out your baby books or make elaborate scrapbooks for you. So this, this is what you will have someday along with tens of thousands of pictures I’ve taken of you. You will find those on my hard-drives. Sorry.
2. Because sometimes I don’t have anyone to talk to you. No one tells you how lonely motherhood can be, but through writing I can communicate -even if it’s just to myself and feel like I’ve said something today even though no words were spoken.
3. Because there are amazing people out there that I can connect with on the Internets. We use our blogs and social media to form playgroups of our own and I’ve made lifelong friends.
4. Because I want you to know me as more than a mom. I’m not a great verbal storyteller and I don’t want you to wake-up in your 40′s and wonder what your mother was like. All you have to do is find me here and you will know who I was. There are so many questions I never asked my grandmother. I don’t want you to one day regret the questions that were never asked.
5. Because I want to remember stuff and if I don’t write it down I’m afraid that I will forget it immediately. Because it happened here right in this little life we are making. And it’s the little things, not the big things. We will remember your first steps, your prom and graduation. You will remember your first kiss and the first time you drove a car. I’m talking about times like last night when Esther was playing rock-paper-scissors with the cats…I want to remember that.(More on that in another post).
6. Because sometimes you don’t laugh at my jokes but maybe somebody else will find them funny. And maybe not. But it’s worth trying on a bigger audience.
7. Because I like to write. It feels good to do it and to read it, and it makes my mind happy. I don’t want an old and feeble mind that cannot put thoughts to paper one day. I want to write on the day I die. Whenever that might be.
Love you girls,
P.S. You might want to consider starting a blog. Trust me on this. There will be lots of my advice that you will not take, but this one…this one. I hope it sticks for you.