Crime & Punishment

I have a really hard time disciplining my children. I’m not talking small punishments, like sitting in the corner or not getting dessert. Those are a piece of cake. I mean, the big stuff. The stuff that comes after numerous warnings, countless chances and never ending tantrums.

The problem? Those punishments always seem to punish me, too. And, frankly (said in my whiniest voice while stomping my feet,) it’s just not fair.

Let’s review the punishments that really get to my children:

• Cancelling play-dates: Not only do I look like a dick to the other parent, but I need to deal with annoying children complaining of nothing to do all afternoon and I have to entertain them.

• Not attending birthday parties: Again, I look like an asshole backing out and I’m already out the gift, plus I have to make lunch.

• Going to bed early: So I need to listen to screaming and crying for hours? That makes for a relaxing night.

• Going to bed without dinner: OK, so I’ve never done it, but I would without a doubt end up stressing all night that they are malnourished or dehydrated and that I am the sole cause.

• Turning around the car mid-trip: Are you kidding? After strapping the kids in, packing everything up, and schlepping somewhere I’m supposed to just turn around? Does anyone actually do this?

• Taking away TV time: The only time that my children are ever peaceful and quiet is during the hour when they watch television. I am not about to give that up.

So, what does that leave me? Time-outs? Pfft. I’d kill for a time out, myself. It doesn’t seem like much of a threat. Time in their toy-filled rooms? Nah…

Perhaps, I should record their meltdowns and subject them to incessant screenings. That’s certainly punishment for me.

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)


Jasmine 11 months ago

Running up and down the stairs, wall sits, Standing in the corner on there tippy toes, push-ups, planks, run laps, 5 gallon buckets and make them fill em to the top with rocks stuff that doesn’t hurt them but they definitely wouldn’t wanna do it again.

Anonymous 2 years ago

Wow you guys consider yourselves scary parents? Methods I have been using with my 14 year old daughter are harsher. I take away $3 for every mistake she makes from her pocket money of $30 per week for lunch and she has to make do with the remaining…am I being too extreme or does anyone else have the same method?

curialisa 2 years ago

Love my husband even laughed i read it outloud to him. I totally agree punishing the kids ultimately end up punishing us in the meantime and it sucks ass!!!

licorice 2 years ago

what. a. selfish. mother.

Jesus Christ, all you’re doing here is complaining about what you’re losing and not about actually raising your goddamn kids.

Liz Gill Lil-Mami 2 years ago

ok to some this sounds a little cruel but my parents are Caribbean and this is how my siblings and I were brought up because I was a bit of a sneaky thief when I was a child and always up to no good, so after the many talks and warnings my parents decided to give me the old school punishments they used to get growing up. You put them to kneel down on their knees in your line of eye sight and tell them to hold their arms straight in front of them. Let them stay that way for a good 10 – 15 minutes until it begins to hurt, don't mind the cries and excuses. After a few timeout's like that, I'm sure they'll get their act straight. It beats having to spank them or get angry/frustrated with them.

Michelle 3 years ago

I have a little terrorist at home myself! She’s 4 1/2 and ever since she could walk, talk, and express herself she’s been rebellious! Something as simple as me saying ” Don’t touch that” leads to her saying “What…. don’t touch this” as she keeps her finger on it and smurks! When she’s obedient she’s such a delight… its like night and day! When she
doesn’t listen I tell her to go to the corner atnd then she refuses go. She’s starts screaming and crying. I will ignore this type of behavior and I will talk to you when you’re in the corner quietly. So…. what does she do she sees it as a challenge and screams louder. Then when she sees I’m still ignoring her she pulls out the big guns. ” I know you hear me, Hello….. do your ears work…. ur mean! ur ugly…etc etc etc. I have to fight every bone in my body not to REACT! I’ve tried putting her outside and telling her she can’t come in until she stops being disrespectful because I won’t have it in my house. that didn’t work she screamed so loud damn near drove our neighbors crazy! My neighbors probably think I beat the kid cause of how she screams! She threw a tantrum one time while we miniature golfing because she refused to move out of the way… she was standing in the middle of the putting area and her sister nor anyone else could go. so… I took her golf club and told her she need a break and needed to think about what she did. That didn’t go well… she screamed at the top of her lungs and through a fit. I swear her head turned all the way around! so I ignored her… it was time to go… I told her u can get in the car when your done screaming and ready to listen.. everyone else got in….man! she’s ruthless! the screaming continued … she kept knocking on the side of the car kicking the side of the car! OMG! Sometimes all I can do is PRAY! (Get the devil out of this child) LOL! She’s such a sweety when she calm… but the second she doesn’t get her way ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE! I need some new “weapons for my arsenal ” BTW… I’ve tried the whole positive reinforcement … it makes me feel this way when u dothat stuff for this kid… nuh ah… doesn’t work.. and she doesn’t have add adhd… none of those syndromes. I love her to death! She’s my baby! : ) BUT she’s also my brat!

    Michelle 3 years ago

    sorry about the typos and missed words; )

A 5 years ago

Wow. Maybe you people should try treating your kids like human beings instead. Jesus christ.

Coconuts 5 years ago

I can wield a wooden spoon like a Samuari Warrior. I even carry a purse big enough to fit one inside. It’s fiarly effective from across a store.

The punishment definately has to fit the child. For my older one, if she breaks something throwing a fit or won’t participate in a dance class she begged to take, I make her take money out of her bank and pay for it. She has no idea I slip it back in when she is not home.

Last night my 4 year old told me that I am not in charge of her room and she can stay up as long as she wants. I informed her that I am a Mom. I am in charge of her entire universe. Then I turned out the light and said good night. I bet story time is a little more appreciated tonight.

Melissa 5 years ago

Hi all. First time here, and let me tell you all of the other comments are very comforting to know I am not the only one ready to put myself in a month long time out.
I found a rather large pocket knife/swiss army knife thing hidden by my 11 yr old inside two boxes and a drawer today (I was cleaning out the trash in the drawers). I asked him what it was and why he had it. He then looked straight at me replied pocket knife, and told me he knew he was not supposed to have it. He said he picked up outside and snuck it into his room. Now my 11 yr old and his 10 yr old brother have a very hate/hate relationship. They fight like nothing I have ever seen, a real hate/hate relationship. I punisherd him by taking away all screen time (DS, Wii, Computer, TV), and he is confined to his room for the next two weeks. I feel as though I am being too harsh, but then again, I have to instill in him that it is not okay to bring a weapon into the house and hide it. Any comments or ideas to make this a little easier (on me at least?)

    Bruna 5 years ago

    Hi Melissa, I SO read you! The very same happened here, more or less. Except for, my son is 9 – and he was 8 when he found the pocket knife and brought it home! Yep. So…..scarry, and it made me so mad as well. He found it outside in the complex where we live, brought it to his room – but he wasn’t so smart to hide it well, so he just left it there somewhere. There are so many things (read: dangers!) that come with it! We don’t know whose stuff it was, so we don’t know what it had been used to (God knows what those blades have touched, right?), he could get seriously hurt, or he could hurt someone ELSE badly (what’s worse, btw?), oh did I mention he has a baby sister and he could REALLY hurt HER? I mean, I love my son to death and I trust his judgement of what’s right and wrong (to a certain extent, of course, but on this specific matter I am sure he KNOWS he’s not supposed to do “this or that”), but heck, these kids these days… We never know. Could be one of his friends messing with it, could REALLY just be anything at all! So… I gave him a hard time (said a bunch, don’t remember what now), took the pocket knife away and I’m not sure I grounded him back then, because I seriously believe he didn’t have a CLUE what he was doing or going to do with it, but I seriously have to work on this “found ot and brought it home” thing. He does that with EVERYTHING he finds on the ground outside. You name it. The other day I had to try to find the owner of a mobile phone, haha. At least he broguht it and said “mom, try to call someone and see if they lost THIS”.

    Oh man….. I don’t know. BOYS. 😛

    Bruna 5 years ago

    PS: do NOT blame yourself for anything here – you SURE DID the right thing!!!!! :) *group hug!*

      Melissa 5 years ago

      Thanks Bruna! My husband came home and talked with him. I was hoping he would scare him silly, but that didn’t happen :( I am just not sure that he even can understand the danger. He just looks at me and says “Whatever” when we talk to him about how dangerous it was. I don’t know if he doesn’t understand or just doesn’t care (which is even scarier).

        Bruna 5 years ago

        I know what you mean! It’s the exactly same thing here. I don’t know whether he doesn’t care or doesn’t understand, but I sometimes choose to give him some credit and believe that he’s just too naive, or smth. But I keep both eyes open, you know? I go with my gut feeling and……..hope it’ll be all good.
        OH MOTHERHOOD! 😛

rae 5 years ago

Instead of punishments would it not be easier to set up rewards, like if theyve been really good they get to do something they like

that way they get rewarded and have an incentive to be good.

i know that worked for me!!

All in all it just has to be consistant

(i love answer 76 btw)

AmyJ 5 years ago

I…cannot…believe that this thread has gone on so long and only ONE person (thanks Alexistlesa!) has even mentioned the dreaded “S” word.
“Experts” tell you that spanking will harm your kid’s tender little psyches. When my kids are willingly disobedient, and I am in a cool headed frame of mind, I spank them on their tender little psyches. It is immediate, effective, and can be done anywhere. Afterwards, we talk, and I tell my son that I love him, and he tells me he loves me back.
I have never had to deal with temper tantrums because I have NEVER tolerated one. My kids know that the tantrum is just as much a disobedience as the initial act.
And they are not shy and cowering kids, waiting for the next backhand.
They are smart, fun loving, and talkative.
I may get sued some day, but hopefully it won’t be from people on this thread who are apparently here to celebrate the joys of doing mothering the quick, efficient, and stressless way.

CARMEN 5 years ago

I have a difficult time dishing out punishment for my little but I have age to blame, besides I have an 18 year old so I was able to punish him enough. My littlest one is five and her mouth is OHMYGODPLEASEHELPMEBABYJESUSNOTBEATHERTODAY, but I mean I love her.

Christianna 5 years ago

First off, I just want to come clean and say I’ve been lurking your blog and have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your posts and comments of all your readers. I am a mom of three myself (boy 8yrs, girl 7yrs and another boy 5yrs) and I certainly know how things can get out of hand with the quickness if not “handled”.
Heres my take.
Never feel bad about disciplining.- I totally believe children thrive in structure. They may not neccessarily out right say that, but they ARE less “confussed” as to what is expected of them if you set limits and boundaries.
Setting Limits and Boundaries: How do you “discipline” if you don’t have a clear and concise limits and boundaries? I believe these two mentioned above go hand in hand with being able to “discipline” our children without any confussion for our kids. (and quite honestly parents too)
How would they know if it’s “really” wrong to hit your brother after he wrestled you to the floor and farted in your face? (true example.)
In this senario,(IMO) rough housing/playing rough has to be addressed as unacceptable behavior. (Limit)
And set “House Rules” (Boundaries)
If “House Rules” are broken there are consequences (Discipline/Disciplinary Action)
I have a 3 strike rule in my house. I only give my kids 3 strikes/warning. On third, I enforce and follow through with their consequence. Sound harsh? It is as harsh as you make it. But whatever you set your ‘Consequence’ as, it HAS to be do-able by you and you should not feel bad about following through with it. (Remember the kid(s) had 3 chances/wanings!!! Its fair!!!)

My reliable ‘Go To Consequence’ is “Would you like to go to the bathroom?” (not to confuse with “would you like to go/try potty?”)
I came up with this idea of “going to the bathroom” with my first born, while my second was still an infant. (They are 12mos and 2weeks apart, birthdays in the same month, 2 wks apart)
I bowed never to reprimand my children in front of ANYONE. That’s family members, friends, strangers not ANYONE. (Its humiliating for both parties involved especially in public.)
So I mean business when I say “would you like to go to the Bathroom” (quite literally) So what do I do with this child in the bathroom? I ask, state what she/he did, the reason we are now in the confines of this bathroom, how I hate to have to have this conversation here, how I feel when she/he… (ie: thows a trantrum) All with real feelings as if I am talking to a very upset adult. (I’ve cried many times with my first…)
I chose the bathroom because it is everywhere. Malls, friend’s house, my house, parks… etc
It is semi-private, away from direct eyes of others
I started this when my first born was 2 yrs old. And my second watched ’till she was 2 years old. By the time my first turned 3 yrs old, he was able to stand just outside of the bathroom door while his younger sister gets a “talk”. All the while, his “hands are behind his back(so not to touch anything) and bubbles in his mouth(so not to talk to any strangers)” against the door of the stall. I am able to see his feet so I know he is safe and the “talk” is never no more than a minute at that age. The ‘talk’ gets longer as the kids get older, as I now ask more cause and effect questions.

*The Golden Rule is follow through with your ‘Disciplinary Action’*

You’ve mentioned:
• Cancelling play-dates: You won’t look like a dick to the other parents if you explain as to why you are cancelling. And yes, you DO need to deal with your children complaining of nothing to do all afternoon. I would interrupt your children’s complaint by saying
“I know. I certainly am bored out of my mind. I wish I can be at that play date/party. It IS too bad that Joe’s behavior has made us all stay at home. Joe, it is now your responsibility, NOT MINE to entertain yourself and your siblings. You took that privilege AWAY FROM ME to entertain YOU and your siblings by behaving the way you did. Not only did you take that privilege away from me, but you have made yourself and your siblings be missed at Sarah’s palydate/party. They invited you because you are …(fill in the blank with all positive things you can think of about your child) … but you have disapointed all of us by displaying such unacceptable behavior. I think you would feel better if you would occupy your time writing her a very nice apology card for not being able to attend, since you have “nothing to do all afternoon.” You may give it to her when you see her next time”.

• Going to bed early: I have never done this. It WOULD be a torture to just lay in a dark room.

• Going to bed without dinner: I’ve never done this one either it sounds cruel!!! For kids and the parent(s)

• Turning around the car mid-trip: I have definately done this. I was mad I had to do it since that’s what I said I was gonna do. After several U-turns, my kids and I are so very happy that we don’t have to resort to this anymore. I still on occassion have to remind the kids of the few U-turn trips we took, but we haven’t had to make a U-turn trip in a very long time

• Taking away TV time: The TV times are a privilege you ‘earn’ in my house. I usually took a whole bunch of flour, water and food coloring and make a home made play dough. Cut big plastic garbage bag flat and place it on the dining table and let them create whatever. Did the same with crayons and plain ol paper. And I don’t have to stand-by. No, it doesn’t keep them occupied for hours like TV, but it gives them something to do. And you get all the Kudos for all their little projects!!!

I have never tried time-outs. other than when they start to complain about the food on their plate. I do tell them not to eat, but they are to sit at the table minding their manners till everyone is done eating. If they continue t\ to whine and misbehave, on the third warning, guess where I send them off to with their food till everyone is done? Yup, you guessed it. The dreaded BATHROOM!!! till everyone at the table is done.

Kids are incredibly intellegent, affectionate little people who love us unconditionally. They look to us for guidence and rewards. And rightfully so. We ARE their parents after all…

Kali Capps 5 years ago

First of all, I love the fact that after clicking the thumbs up icon, it now says: Kali Capps likes Punishing Children. That’s awesome.
Second, can I just say that this video brought me so much relief I cannot even put it into words. My son is almost 4 and when he does the whiny thing and the “mommy” on endless loop mode I am caught between laughing and crying. I am just glad I’m not alone. Thanks, Jill.

Angie 5 years ago

Yep, gonna have to try this on my 11 year old son. I think that my two younger ones would get a kick out of the attention and ham it up, but it might just work on a tantrum throwing 11 year old!! Hehehehehe!!

Jennifer 5 years ago

-Yes punishing your child may seem like a punishment to you as well, but welcome to the self sacrificing choice you made when created a life
-Disciplining a child does not equal fun for parent
-Discipline is about teaching the child an effective life lesson
-I think that teaching your child consequences for their actions and behaviors outweighs what your friends think of you

Patti 5 years ago

My boys are 8 and 10 and what works for all of us is sitting them in the other room with no TV, radio, computer, or books. I usually use the one minute per year guideline. They live with their father, so I try not to use the “I’ll tell your father” threat. It tends to undermine me as a parent, and seems to me like punishing them twice when I’ve already handled the problem.

Mrs. Estes 5 years ago

I have tried all sorts of punishments. My favorite when the girls were small, we had a timer, you had till I set the timer in the hallway to get to your room ( I usually set the timer for 20-30 minutes depending on the fightin) I scared my girls once because I grabbed the timer and ALL 3 of us headed to our rooms. I set the timer in the hall and shut MY bedroom door! I needed the time-out. When I came out 20 minutes later I had 2 girls wide-eyed and silent.

Now they are teens with driving permits. Needless to say they dont get to drive. Another good one is to send the kids out to pull weeds in the flower gardens or yard. I have given them a rake and told them to de-thatch the yard (either front or back but not both)

Erin 5 years ago

Was JUST thinking this today. I suck at disciplining because it hurts me more than them. Not only because I can’t do fun stuff, but because I really don’t want to be a screaming maniac all day. I’d end up with one hell of a headache and I’d definitely end up drinking too much. If I discipline one thing, then I feel like I have to discipline it all, and who has the time or energy for that? And what a sucky day that would be. So I decided to just focus on laughing with my kids, because if they are laughing, they don’t have a chance to whine or scream or hit or bite or cry.

Loukia 5 years ago

Dude, I have problems with all forms of punishment with my kids – I can’t say NO! Seriously, it can be such a problem sometimes!

Cynthia 5 years ago

LOL! OK, now I feel like a moron. “GRILLED” cheese makes significantly more sense.
I really should have videotaped my DD’s meltdown yesterday. She’s the queen of the pouty lip, trembling chin, tear-filled eyes, and grouchy looks–new and improved lately with eye-rolls that should win her a Tony award. The reason for this little drama? I had the audacity to take away some weird “fighter jet trading card” thing her Grandpa gave her.
Did I mention that she’s not even 2? Her twin brother has one terrible temper, but at least he isn’t a whiner.
Kids are strange and not-always-that wonderful animals.

Cynthia 5 years ago

He wants GOAT CHEESE?? What the eff is he even whining about?!

Denise 5 years ago

Well, I know he doesn’t want “girl” cheese, so is it “goat” cheese or “grilled” cheese?! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you need it! Can you send them for a visit somewhere?

Tiaras 5 years ago

Love you little dude who just goes round and round! hee hee

Kelly 5 years ago

That video is hilarious! I love how your other son is making his presence noticable since he’s not the one in trouble! Recording hissy fits is definitely an ingenious punishment!

Natalie 5 years ago

I really have nothing except to chortle outright that his brother is just circling him and egging him on. LOVE IT.

My bag of tricks for older kids:
– I put the TOY in time out instead of the kids fighting over it
– I assign lines. I just found some in a notebook that read, “I will lay quietly during nap time at school and not scream”
– I have tied my kids together until they stop fighting (only once, but it did work)
– I have bagged up every toy in their trashed rooms and actually thrown out the bags instead of giving them back (sob)
– I assign extra chores (or gasp! make them do their sibling’s chore)
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..foto friday: funny baby face =-.

rikka 5 years ago

when i was 17 i saw a boy that i was not supposed to behind her back and she of course caught me. she obviously had no idea what to do in that situation because she put me IN THE CORNER. yes, she was so overwhelmed with blinding anger that she put a 17 year old senior in the corner. something she had not done in about 12 years!!!! LMAO my 15 year old brother walked by me in a look of utter confusion… hahah!!!!

Liz 5 years ago

Luckily our kids are really passionate about things they are involved with, so we can take away privileges, like wii time or baseball practice, etc. But, often if we do a time-out on a chair in the kitchen (# of mins same as their age in years), and then talk about things and if I focus on them a little more, then they are super sweet. It’s all about consistency though… Ignoring the tantrums is the hardest but most effective for us when they are young…Goog luck.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Is it a deal, or not? =-.

BlissfulBabe 5 years ago

You freaking kill me.
.-= BlissfulBabe´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday =-.

The Flying Chalupa 5 years ago

How to punish kids without punishing yourself? I got nothin.’ It’s a tough business that ends up being more work or worry for you. And for the record, are you saying the whiny voice my 21-month old just learned – the one your son has in that awesome video – is here to stay? For years? AND YEARS?

Chris 5 years ago

Little Miss has just started to figure out that she can throw a tantrum. Now when things don’t go her way she folds in half and whimpers.

I find it funny – for now.
.-= Chris´s last blog ..Empty Threats: Stop Now Before It’s Too Late =-.

Bruna 5 years ago

Haha! Yeah it sure IS hard!

But going to bed early is a bliss for me. I have MY time on the tv for a change (hehe) and also some time alone with my husband, to talk about grownup stuff or just enjoy each other… And well of course my son complains, but he knows there is no “buts” or anything, so it’s “shoosh, brush your teeth, hop into your pjs, and get moving”! :) He is also turning 9 soon, so maybe it is easier?

As for going to bed without dinner, it doesn’t work for me. Not that sometimes I don’t feel like he’d deserve that – but my “nature” doesn’t allow me to do so. He HAS to eat. Period. I don’t see that as a “healthy” punishment, for obvious reasons. I do believe he’d maybe learn a thing or 2 about eating at dinner time, but I don’t wanna see him going through this process, haha. I think it is too mean, so I just make sure he DOES eat, at least a little, whether he wants to or not. Chances are he really isn’t hungry sometimes, but a few bites of his favourite thing on his plate won’t kill him either, right? 😛

Last but not least, trips and b-day parties? Sorry, those are MY reward-relaxing times HAHA! I’ll get to rest while he – how convenient – has LOADS of fun! So I make sure to, instead, take his tv, X-box, Nintendo, playing outside, time away. These 4 kill him! Hmmmm unless he does smth VERY serious, then I’d cancel the parties, trips and friends thing. But (maybe I’m too lucky) he never gets that far. :)

Tough one. :)

vanillasugar 5 years ago

OMG, its just too funny how the smaller kid is KICKING the one having a fit. how bad is that? or is it worse that I am laughing?
.-= vanillasugar´s last blog ..asian beef short ribs over warm balsamic potato salad =-.

jackie 5 years ago

I always said to my whining kids matter of factly, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand Whinese.”

Also, try 1-2-3 Magic, a book on emotionless timeouts. They’re quick, they’re over, and though you may have to do them 13 times to overcome a bad habit, they’re totally worth it–at least until the kids are teenagers. That’s another story. :)

    Kali Capps 5 years ago

    Whinese … I love it! I used to call whatever my son was babbling about as an infant “Colanese” (his name is Cole). I’m totally using “whinese” from this day forward. Awesome.

Kathy K 5 years ago

Whatever punishment you threaten with, be sure it is something that you’ll actually follow through with. Kids learn fast and early if you mean it or not.

TheKitchenWitch 5 years ago

I’m with you on t.v. time. No WAY is that going out the window–no t.v. is definitely punishment for mommy.

When you figure out a good solution, can you send me the memo?
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Ceviche for Miss Sunshine =-.

Sarah 5 years ago

Dude! Please tell me your kids have more wicked meltdowns than that! Cause if that’s a meltdown then I can’t imagine you’d ever have to use any of those evil punishments anyway. And if THAT’S a meltdown then what the FUCK do you call it what MY kids do? Oh and I’ve got the video, to be sure. If I ever post it, I’ll drag your ass over to my place for a looksee at pure boy drama.

.-= Sarah´s last blog ..!!! =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    OMG, that wasn’t even a meltdown. I just think Lily would KILL me if I ever posted one of her monster psychotic meltdowns here. They are epic.

    LizMcG 5 years ago

    Sarah, you crack me up! I would need to start saving NOW for all the therapy my kids would need if I posted videos of their major meltdowns!

From Belgium 5 years ago

Since mine is only 15 months the biggest punishment I can dole out is not given attention. I completly ignore her while she has a temper tantrum (oh yes, they have started already, fun huh). It has worked so far.

Texan Mama 5 years ago

I have TOTALLY recorded my toddler screaming. Not usually for goat cheese, though. She wants me to go get her stuff, like her blanket or her pacifier.

Yes, pacifier. Don’t judge.

Anyway, she is so lazy. I’m not telling her she can’t have it, just that I won’t physically go retrieve it and deliver it to her. So she throws a fit. More than once. I have no idea what I’ve done to make her think this is a reasonable request. Maybe I should start spending MORE time in front of the computer and MORE time tuning her out…
.-= Texan Mama´s last blog ..Look at ME! I’m so Pretty!!! =-.

LizMcG 5 years ago

I feel your pain. It’s so easy to get screwed, but I’ve found some work-arounds…
Instead of canceling a playdate entirely, we go but my kid is in “time out” for the first 5 minutes. (Or they sit on the side of the pool for 5min while everyone else jumps right in, etc). They are missing out AND totally embarrassed.

We have done the going to bed without dinner if the tantrum is about a “disgusting dinner” fit. We’ve only had to do it a couple times. Once I gave in after “I’m starving!!” pleas. I brought her carrot sticks and water, not whatever meal we had eaten. I figured if she was really that hungry, she would eat the carrots.

I have unfortunately had to turn the car around, but more often all I have to do is pull over. Then I crank up the music and check my email until the lunatics in the back settle down.

And I’m a big fan of putting toys in time-out when it’s a toy-related offense. Lovies are off-limits, but everything else is fair game.

I love that one of your readers actually took the door off its hinges. I have threatened this many times because of slamming, but have never followed through. It seems difficult (I would need a screwdriver, right??) but I’m still inspired!

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    I love the time out at the start of a play date- that’s perfect!

    Bruna 5 years ago

    Fantastic ideas! Actually whenever my son doesn’t eat dinner, that’s what I do as well, but slightly different. He’s not having any fancy sandwich with chocolate milk later, if he doesnt eat his dinner – he will finish the very same food on his plate – because that’s usually what makes him say he doesn’t wanna eat – pure lazyness of eating that specific food (“I dont want beans and greens today, mom!”), cause he is a good eater and I dont really make food we dont like, so… If he’s really hungry, he’ll eat whatever it is there.

    The time out during parties and stuff is GENIUS. Thanks for that one!
    .-= Bruna´s last blog ..Memorial Day e afins =-.

Kelly 5 years ago

I think instead of childbirth classes they really outta have parenting classes. Or a hour class at each well baby check up. You huff, you puff, you push the kid out (or have a Csection). That lasts like, what? 8-12 hrs? The rest of it drags on FOREVER. And most people… clearly don’t have a clue that parenting is hard frickin work. Maybe if they taught about that in high school health class instead of birth control, that would be birth control in and of itself. hahaha.

But so true. Most often times it’s torture for us. I have found that if you don’t allow countless warning and numerous chances (which initially is a lot of work), it’s better and doesn’t drag out so much. Works for the under 7 set, anyway. I’m scared to death of teen yrs, though. Someday, I’ll have a 17, 16, 14, 12, and 10 yo. Yay me. *grabs for xanax*
.-= Kelly´s last blog =-.

scrappysue 5 years ago

classic! who knew cheese was such a long word, or mummy? was he actually asking for goat’s cheese?
.-= scrappysue´s last blog ..photostory friday: just when you thought you knew me =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    Grilled. :)

Natalie 5 years ago

You mean this is what I have to look forword to? Mine three are all under three, so I haven’t had to do any of these fun things yet. Good thing I’m your newest reader so I can see the fun that’s coming!
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..Friday Flip Offs =-.

Carabee 5 years ago

Mine is still little, so her punishments are pretty basic. But we’ve just started the send her to her room approach and I am LOVING IT. She has toys and stuff in there, but just being confined is torture for her. Meanwhile, I get a couple of minutes to myself.

Mama Kat 5 years ago

Their new punishment should be for you to eat a giant bowl of ice cream in front of them, “sorry…you chose to do that thing I told you not to do and now I have to eat this ice cream in front of you…that was the choice you made”.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop: Spirits Steal Things =-.

    JenniferG 5 years ago

    LMAO!!! You are so on target!
    .-= JenniferG´s last blog ..Tagged! 10 Things That Make Me Happy =-.

MomBabe 5 years ago

Sit ups. I make my children do sit ups. BECAUSE I’M MEAN. But it works really really well. And I make them do sit ups wherever we are, again, BECAUSE I’M MEAN.

Seriously though, the best thing about it is that when you’re done, you’re done. 10 sit ups, and it’s over. If they’re not done complaining, then they do more sit-ups. And they’ll learn to count while they do it. Two birds, one stone.
.-= MomBabe´s last blog ..Once Upon a Time =-.

    Brooke Ducharme 5 years ago

    I did pushups with my 11 year old daughter for about 6 months, but found ultimately she was enjoying the exercise….so that went by the wayside. But in the beginning it was wonderful, she woke up with her arms so sore by day 2 of an “attitude” that she just whined about it all day. I just kept telling her that I didnt’ need her attitude and wouldn’t put up with it. We live in the country on a dead end private road…so I have also used – filling in pot holes in the road, 1 sand bucket at a time or the ever famous – stacking firewood. Even if it is already stacked we can change the location of the stack at any given moment and it can be used again. Of course I wouldn’t endanger then, but a few hours of hard work can go a long way to changing and attitude. I can only IMAGINE what 15/16 will be like around here!

theresa 5 years ago

That screaming of “ma-meeee” that I hear all the time too will definitely make me go insane one day! Glad I’m not the only one who is subjected to it! :)

jodifur 5 years ago

The worst punishment in my house is no screens, no tv, no wii, no computer. Go play like you are Amish. But you are right, that punishes me too.
.-= jodifur´s last blog ..Shoe Friday #80-Girls Night Out Edition =-.

Gigi 5 years ago

Ah yes, the feeling that you are being punished as well…..definitely goes with the territory of being a parent. And that feeling that the other parents think you suck? They don’t. They are in total AWE that you actually had the guts to do it.
.-= Gigi´s last blog ..You can thank BrightonMum for this post. =-.

Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation 5 years ago

Okay your son looks EXACTLY like my daughter in a time-out. It is soooo freakin’ annoying. When she does something that she knows she shouldn’t do I just take something away that she is really into at the moment, with no warning. Then she knows I mean business. And oh please, I can’t take the TV time away. When would I get to read blogs and actually have a quiet moment during the day to myself? NEVER!
.-= Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog ..My New Sexy Look! =-.

Missy 5 years ago

I know exactly what you mean. My husband will sometimes instill a punishment and later I will tell him “thanks for punishing me too honey.”
He doesn’t get it.
I just keep threatening I’m going to them back to where they came from. LOL
.-= Missy´s last blog ..Friday Feedback ~ Snacks =-.

Kmama 5 years ago

Right before Christmas, I video taped my 5 year old son’s meltdown and told him I was sending it to Santa Claus. That certainly had an impact.

I love how your little one just had to be right there during the tantrum. The same thing happens in my house, usually just creating more chaos and anger on everyone’s part.
.-= Kmama´s last blog ..TYVM: 6/3/10 =-.

Lolli 5 years ago

I know exactly what you mean. Does that make us both bad parents? I don’t think so.
.-= Lolli´s last blog ..Second Cousins or First Cousins Once Removed? GMYBS =-.

Cheryl 5 years ago

OMG the whining! The whining! I never thought of recording it. Just wait til you play that at his wedding! My eldest also had the same pjs that little guy who’s doing the Circle of Death around his bro is wearing.

Every punishment DOES seem like a worse punishment to the Mommy, like leaving a playdate early. We like to send them to their rooms, and every time they ask when they can come out, they have to stay for an additional five minutes. Not saying it works like magic, but at least it gets them out of my face!
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Crazy Eights =-.

Emma 5 years ago

I’m really careful about what I threaten to use as punishments after making Chick miss the School Disco! She cried for the whole night and I just re-iterated that she should’ve listened but it was killing me! Now I try and stick to stuff that I know I can carry through without affecting me, like taking toys away and sending her to her room!!!

I’m definitely gonna threaten in future to video her and use it on my blog….that’s brilliant!!!!
.-= Emma´s last blog ..Almost Wordless Wednesday (on a Thursday!!!) =-.

    TraceyS 5 years ago

    Out of curiosity, did the grand gesture of making her miss the disco have a lasting (positive) affect on her behavior? I know when I’ve done something pretty major and then referred to it afterwards (as in ‘remember how you missed out on going to the movie with your brother?’) it’s worked pretty well.

Peggy Brister 5 years ago

Sounds like you have decided that all the things there are to punish your children with are just too big of an inconvenience to you. So what DO you do? What do you use to keep your children obedient? Anything? Or you just let them do their own thing and don’t punish them at all? I am asking because there are ppl out there who do JUST THAT. No rules NO consequences, then wonder why their kids act like monkeys on crack and nobody wants to be around them because of their behavior.
The thing I do that my kids hate the most is to make them spend an hour in their room with no games and no tv. Just sit there in the quiet alone with themselves. They HATE that, so that’s what I do. If I have to do that more than once in a night they get sent to bed with no tv at bedtime, which they view as cruel and unusual punishment, so that’s what I do. It works, on mine anyway.
.-= Peggy Brister´s last blog ..100 Things About ME =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    They do go to their rooms as punishment and I endure the foot stomping and screaming. I do take away desserts and special toys. But, I don’t usually follow through on the birthday/playdate cancellations much as they may deserve it.

    Jamie 3 years ago

    ok see i cant send my daughter to her room with no tv or whatever, because now she is at the stage she is curious with her body and when there is nothing else to do…. welll… u know, soooo i tried the corner, and she picked the paint off the wall, i try to make her sit in timeout, she becomes an acrobat, im about out of options!

alexistlesa 5 years ago

i know…if i had known that this parenting thing was gonna be such an inconvenience, i might have thought twice. bwahahaha. i have to say that i usually take the easy way out and do the timeout thing. my kid hates being out of the action, so timeout is like death to him. it’s either that or i scare the piss out of him by threatening to smack him. he knows i’m not afraid of corporal punishment, so he doesn’t usually call my bluff. i don’t like to spank, but i’ll do it if i have to. it’s not for everyone, but it works for my family. and also, i don’t have to turn the car around. (i never would do that anyway for the specific reasons you detailed above).

Barbara 5 years ago

I have trouble punishing my kid, she’s such a drama queen.. We tried the times out wich she ended up enjoying and the cancelation of the trip to the park and no candy or cereal if she doesn’t eat.. They all end up with her making a major drama and we have to deal with at least five or six tantrums a day…and not the quiet kind. Im out if ideas here.. Now that her little sister is here…its even worse!

Barbara 5 years ago

No punishment seems to work with our five year old i am sick and tired of trying to make her understand, and now that her little sisters was born i have do deal with at least five tantrums a day and not the quiet kind believe me .. I need vacation!!.. We tried the time out, she ended up enjoying those…no going to the park wich ended in having to deal with an anhoying crying drama queen five year old… Honestly I’m out of ideas and could use some help …

jess 5 years ago

Is it bad that all I could do was laugh out load at my desk? The only silver lining is that you can embarass him for years, and years, and years to come. I’m thinking that you play it at his wedding for true mortification. It will also ensure you some AMAZING Mother’s Day presents from that point forward – forever.

Kate Coveny Hood 5 years ago

Do you know how many times I’ve thought about filming George have one of his screaming fits? I call them “If Linda Blair was a Muppet.” Brilliant idea.
.-= Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..The Shooting Range =-.

Rebecca 5 years ago

That is hysterical and I’m totally doing it…

When the kids are fighting over a toy, I put the toy in time-out…it’s hysterical to watch them get all upset and then wait it out staring lovingly at the toy…one of them inevitably loses interest!
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Friday Funyuns =-.

Amy 5 years ago

I love when a monster tantrum ends in them crashing asleep in the time out chair. It is almost as rare as haileys comet but way more satisfying.

tracey 5 years ago

I swear to God, that could have EASILY Been MY Evan right there. Except he wouldn’t be asking for GOAT cheese. Or was it grilled cheese? Hmmm…
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Yo =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    grilled. :) He doesn’t annunciate when he whines.

Life with Kaishon 5 years ago

Oh my gosh Jill! I laughed and laughed and laughed. Goodness I miss having little kids : ) See, whenever your husband says you don’t work hard enough at home with the kids just make him watch this : )
.-= Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..tempted by puppies =-.

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances 5 years ago OMG this is so true! I only have a 6 month old, but I was a nanny for years. I dealt with this all the time! I didn’t want to do any of that stuff because it ended up screwing me over instead.
There should be a book written on, “How to punish your kids effectively while treating yourself to an afternoon of silence and chocolates.”
I’m so glad you posted this. I’ll remember it forever – I’m not the only one who can’t stand to follow through on “typical” punishments.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    I would totally buy “How to punish your kids effectively while treating yourself to an afternoon of silence and chocolates.” :)

Susie 5 years ago

My husband came up with a great “punishment” for our older kids. He kept talking about how it would be great to have a “jail” where they didn’t have the comforts of their things/home and where we wouldn’t be hearing them whining and thus punishing us too, etc. So, we required our daughter to put in a few hours at the local food bank. If she didn’t care enough about how she was affecting her own family with her behavior, then she was going to go and help others. She was not allowed to use it toward her community service requirement, she was away from us “doing time”, and she was helping the community. Win-win!

    Michele – The Professional Family Manager 5 years ago

    I LOVE this idea. Only–drats–we live half an hour away from our food bank, which means then *I* have to drive an hour round-trip. Okay, okay, so ultimately it’s for a good cause, so I can’t really complain about being punished, right? As punishments go, though, I really, really like it!
    .-= Michele – The Professional Family Manager´s last blog ..Do We Really Ever Listen to Ourselves? =-.

      Scary Mommy 5 years ago

      That’s a REALLY good idea.

Jennifer 5 years ago

Baby Girl HATES being sent to her room. She is a clingy kid so that always works for her. At least for now. I don’t know what I’m going to do when her room is her sanctuary. Punish her by making her sit with me????
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..We just did it because we were poor. =-.

Julie 5 years ago

I KNOW. Our biggest punishment for our oldest is to take away his Wii time. If he his on the Wii, as long as you let him, he’ll not make a PEEP. Not ask for ANYTHING. He’s totally self sufficient, as thought the Wii feeds the very depths of his soul. He only gets a certain amount of Wii time per day (well, depending on who’s in charge.), and if I take that away, I may as well just stab myself in the foot. In fact… I think someone was playing with that knife the other day…
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Let’s Review. =-.

WebSavvyMom 5 years ago

–>I don’t know what I can say that you haven’t already tried. When my step-children were little we’d actually ask them what they thought their punishment should be and they came up with things that were WAY harsher than we would have told them. This was also about the time they got allowances so they would start with $10 each for the week and for everything they didn’t do, lose $. They usually ended up with about $4 each.
As for my 3 1/2 year old, the Catholic mom guilt works wonders of telling him he’s making Mommy “very, very sad.”
.-= WebSavvyMom´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday (almost) – The Boat Ride =-.

Megan 5 years ago

I have actually threatened my 11 year old with this – “If you don’t stop, I’m videoing this and posting it on my blog.” Then I hold up the iPhone.

Works like a charm for one reason. He knows I’ll actually do it.
And I will. 😉
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Happy Purple Octopus is less happy these days: indestructible *cough* dog toy =-.

Molly 5 years ago

I love Evan just sort of wandering around aimlessly observing his brother. I think you should just throw down and have a tantrum yourself. and he’d look at you like “seriously? wtf mom”
.-= Molly´s last blog ..Out of the mouths of moms. even though I’m not a mom =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    I have tried that with Lily and it only adds fuel to the fire. It might work with Ben, though.

Coma Girl 5 years ago

I’m just guessing, but I think he wants goat cheese.

Now that video is a keeper to show to his future girlfriends.

drlori71 5 years ago

You’re right – so many when we punish our kids it turns into punishment for the parent too. That’s why I like to give my kids punishments that benefit me. Like having them vacuum my house. Or wash my floors. Or polish my toenails. OK, I haven’t really done this….but I think I may be on to something :-)
.-= drlori71´s last blog ..Oil, Oil, Toil & Trouble =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    That is the smartest idea ever. I’m totally doing that!!!

    Bruna 5 years ago

    Hehe wouldn’t work for me – my son loves to help with the vacuum cleaner! And the dishwasher and the trash, that’s some of the chores that ensure him his $10/week, so he loves it too. He is turning 9 soon.

    Maybe with my lil girl it will work, when she gets older hehe.
    .-= Bruna´s last blog ..Memorial Day e afins =-.

Krystyn 5 years ago

I agree with the punishments..I have to really think about them when I say them, because, hello, I want Chick fil a, too!

I think my kids would think it’s funny that I recorded them.

What a stinker with his string cheese in are so mean, aren’t you?

And, the “mommy, mommy, mmoooooommmmmiiiieee” at the end when you are “ignoring” him…awesome.
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..They did get their ice cream | PSF =-.

Ironic Mom 5 years ago

I agree. In our house, the time out chair is the big comfy chair in our living room. It is also known as the quiet chair. Quite frequently, I say, “Mommy’s sitting in the time out chair for quiet time.” It works. For about 30 seconds…
.-= Ironic Mom´s last blog ..Decorating Kids’ Rooms: Why Bother? =-.

Jen 5 years ago

When things get too bad around here and the kids are through fits, I just lock myself in the bathroom until the screaming stops or there some one is bleeding. 😉
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Maintain the Professionalism No Matter What =-.

SaucyB 5 years ago

My husband has this annoying tendency to threaten punishments we’d never actually follow thru on, like not going down the shore or to a family event. Gee and I wonder why displine usually falls to me.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    Mine does the same thing. Makes me crazy.

Evan 5 years ago

Is that child begging for goat cheese? You really are depriving them, aren’t you…

I’m always amazed at how long my little boy will ask for something or call for me, after I’ve told him “no” and that I won’t answer him anymore. Recently, after I told him to go to sleep and that I wouldn’t come back to his room, ” he yelled for me from his room for maybe 15 minutes straight, “Daddy! Daddy!” Finally, he added “Daddy! I know you can hear me!” He used to sometimes yell, “Daddy! It’s me, Jack!” Just in case there was any confusion.

As for punishments, I’m impressed that you would cancel play dates or birthday parties – which I totally look forward to. No dessert goes a long way in our house, as does taking away certain toys (whatever he’s into at the moment – right now, it’s the drum set).
.-= Evan´s last blog ..By the Time We Got to KidStock… =-.

    Scary Mommy 5 years ago

    LOL, grilled cheese. It just sounds like goat when he whines it.

      Jayme 5 years ago

      LOL I thought he was saying goat cheese too!
      .-= Jayme´s last blog ..Crawling =-.

Cathy 5 years ago

My problem is I have a tough time coming up with any form of punishment that actually works! Seems like they have no currency (thanks Dr. Phil for the lingo).

    Sharon Hughes 5 years ago

    I am just finished reading Beyond Time Out – From Chaos to Calm, by Beth A. Grosshans, Ph.D. and I am finding it helps.

    Seems I am a pushover and have lost some parental power to my very strong willed 5 year old daughter….. working on creating balance works, and remembering to stay calm when she’s not….. it might be a worthwhile read for you.

jeninwisconsin 5 years ago

I always get annoyed when my husband takes away things from my 8yo, like his limited TV time. Because that means that immediately he wants to “be with you, Mom.” Gah.

This house is NOT big enough.

    Michele – The Professional Family Manager 5 years ago

    Of course, because now you are his new best friend and dad is the bad guy.

    So, when things like this happen, does it mean that Dad owes you for taking the punishment, too? :-)
    .-= Michele – The Professional Family Manager´s last blog ..Do We Really Ever Listen to Ourselves? =-.

WTH am I Doing 5 years ago

Ugh. I know just where you’re coming from on this. Some of the punishments also deprive me of things I enjoy doing with them, too. It is often effective to take away the bedtime story from my son, but that is one of the few times he & I get to sit together & enjoy a few quiet moments together. I enjoy that time I get to have with him & it sucks when I have to take it away.

Likewise, you covered those negative consequences above. The whole sending to the room thing is kind of a joke. “Go sit buy yourself in Toy Utopia!” Noooooo, don’t make me do thaaaat…. :p
.-= WTH am I Doing´s last blog ..Confessions of a Kid Hater =-.

Cranky Sarah 5 years ago

Is he saying “I want more cheese” as he’s holding uneaten cheese? Classic!

I have done all of those things (the sending them to bed without dinner is technically their choice though and my pediatrician’s idea) and you’re right, it is more punishment on me than them.
.-= Cranky Sarah´s last blog ..OOTW: What I wore on my anniversary =-.

Michele – The Professional Family Manager 5 years ago

I just had to inform my oldest via text that she is not to get off of the bus with her friend, but is to come home and do the two chores I told her needed to be done before she spent the afternoon/evening with her friend. She’ll come home and do the chores…and I’ll get to deal with the eye-rolling, the stomping, the glares, and the music she will blast from her room. Oh, yes, and she will post notes about how life isn’t fair on Facebook and tell her father that I was a royal b**ch this week.

Don’t think this is going to get any easier with teenagers.

I’ve had to look like the “Most Rotten Parent in The World” to other parents. I’ve had some tell me I should go easier on the kids, or can’t they just come over this one time, and if I’m too controlling I’ll just make things worse. Sorry, but I’m not interested in raising one of those entitled, whiny kids. We have rules for a reason. There are consequences. End of story.

But, yeah, the parents get punished when we punish our kids, too. Life is so not fair! (Insert eye rolling here.) :-)
.-= Michele – The Professional Family Manager´s last blog ..Do We Really Ever Listen to Ourselves? =-.

    Jenifer 5 years ago

    I have the same problem & now that my kids are teens they know that when I say they won’t get to go somewhere it’s only a threat :( that is until recently .. We attend a lot of Hot Rod & Art Shows & a few months ago I told my husband I wasn’t gonna go because I wasn’t gonna take the kids, then I started thinking about it & realized I was punishing myself!! So I made a few calls & made arrangements to leave them with my parents which they didn’t know until the morning of the carshow! As we pulled up to my parents house my daughter asked what we were doing there & I said you guys are staying here while Dad & I go to the carshow … OMG! right before our eyes our teens turned into 2 year olds! As heartbroken as I was we drove off!! Oh I forgot to mention it was an out of town weekend show so they had to spend the night. Called to check on them & my Dad said they literally cried for over an hour saying “I can’t believe they left
    us!” Now when I say they won’t go they believe me :)

      Michele – The Professional Family Manager 5 years ago

      I wish I had extended family. I’d love to use this one on them!
      .-= Michele – The Professional Family Manager´s last blog ..Do We Really Ever Listen to Ourselves? =-.

      Brooke Ducharme 5 years ago

      that is an awesome idea!

      Mum Dee 5 years ago

      I am totally with you on your method and am glad that you found a way to make it work so that you could still go. Way better effect on the kids too since you and their dad got to go have a good time. I know that I am careful how I pick consequences because I won’t go back on them.

      I remember one time driving 2 1/2 hours to go to a certain museum my two youngest daughters and I wanted to go to see. The youngest one who would have been about 7 at the time had a bad habit of always wandering off when we were out places (she never really outgrew this either!). I told them before we left that if she didn’t let us know where she was going to be if she felt like she wanted to go look at something away from where we were that we would leave the museum. I don’t think we were there much more than a half hour when she disappeared. It took us over 10 minutes to find her so guess what, we left as soon as I found her. Her sister was sooo mad at her. I was pretty pissed myself because I really wanted to see everything as well.

      I should have planned to return there and left her with a babysitter the second time around maybe that would have gotten through to her!

    Kelly 5 years ago

    Maybe you should preempt all that and cut the power to her room. No music, no Fb. hahaha. And she can have it back when she’s respectful (and has forgotten about it so she won’t post/tell dad, etc.

    Clearly, I don’t have teens yet. Though my 5yo is pretty good at the stomping thing. But I would think that losing the cell/computer/music would be good consequences, right?
    .-= Kelly´s last blog =-.

      Michele – The Professional Family Manager 5 years ago

      Actually, she just got her FB account back this week after I deactivated it two months ago. Apparently there are more lessons to be learned here.

      The circuit breaker has her room connected with the kitchen, so if I shut her off then I shut off the ‘fridge and other essentials. I’ve thought before that, if we ever had a house custom built, I’d put every room on its own circuit.

      Fortunately, she really is a good kid–good grades, mostly responsible. She’s just going through normal teenage growing pains. That doesn’t mean I’m letting her off the hook for not finishing her jobs, though. I may be sympathetic, but, if I say to do something, then it needs to be done unless she’s bleeding out of her eyes or something.
      .-= Michele – The Professional Family Manager´s last blog ..Do We Really Ever Listen to Ourselves? =-.

      miss 4 years ago

      dont think taking away stuff helps any at all my 9 yr old has been getting into a lot of trouble at school rolling his eyes at the teacher snatching papers out of the teachers hand banging his head of the table durring oral reading and many more so i have grounded him took away everything computer play station 3 all of his toys i even took away his tv when he gets home from school he does his homework and then chores till bed time this still isnt working i dont know what else to do they are talking about expeling him from 3rd grade i am going to try to make him write 500 times a night for a week that he will be good at school and he has to write it neat if not he will have to redo it then for every day he gets into trouble at school add 500 more but if he can go 1 week without trouble i will start to give him things back one at a time starting with the tv once he gets that the writing will stop and if he gets in trouble again he losses tv and writing starts back up but if no trouble he can earn other things back other then this i dont know what else to do

        All My Monkeys 4 years ago

        Sounds to me like there’s something bigger going on here. Maybe you should start by having a heart to heart (you know, not in the midst of yelling and screaming but at a totally unrelated time) and asking him what’s going on? Bullying? learning problems? friend probs? home probs? This kind of behavior can be a cry for help. Talk to the teacher and find out if there has been any other stuff going on non-classroom related, like on the playground. My kid (8) will get weird and come to find out something happened. Even something that in our eyes is minor can stress them out. Then, try positive reinforcements. If the kid gets negative all the time, then that’s how they feel about themselves. Try to focus on positive stuff, even if you have to compliment him on something as dumb as thanks for putting your dirty socks in the hamper – i appreciate it. It’s SOMETHING GOOD that he’s done. And make small goals with small rewards. Daily even. Kids need to feel good about themselves. Good begets good.

        And, for the love of pete, use some punctuation when you write. It makes you look illiterate, when you’re clearly not. Even a period is something. Otherwise it’s hard to read.

Jessica 5 years ago

My husband swears we should be recording our daughter’s tantrums to play for future boyfriends. After the one she had last night, I’m almost inclined to agree with him. Even if we just hold the video for blackmail purposes…
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls — A Review =-.

    Michele – The Professional Family Manager 5 years ago

    My mother did that to me…she recorded a temper-tantrum when I was two over not getting to eat all the chips and dip I wanted at Christmas, and she played it for my fiancee as a joke to show him “what he was marrying.”

    Funny thing…my husband buys chips and dip for every holiday now. :-)
    .-= Michele – The Professional Family Manager´s last blog ..Do We Really Ever Listen to Ourselves? =-.

      Julie 5 years ago

      Hehehe. That’s funny. AND that’s a thoughtful hubby!
      .-= Julie´s last blog ..Let’s Review. =-.

        Scary Mommy 5 years ago

        I have a few of Lily’s but she gets SO angry at me for recording them that I just couldn’t get myself to post them!

    Jackie Lee 5 years ago

    My daughter had a complete meltdown in the car one night ~ it happened to be right after her last dance class and I had the video camera with me. She wouldn’t get in her car seat and I swear the devil took over that child.

    I thought it might make her stop if I videoed her in the midst of this meltdown. It did not help calm her down at all… in fact it was while the recorder was running she got the brilliant idea to chuck her shoes at my head.

    I showed it to my husband later on and he could NOT believe that was really her. She went to her grandparents for a week earlier this month, I almost sent it to them so they knew what they were in for. Of course, she was a dream while she was there ~ it’s pretty easy to be good when you get everything you want.

    Kennedi Tompkins 7 months ago

    The Best Punishment for a baby would be sit with the parent
    The best Punishment for a Toddler send them into a corner with there nose in it and beat them
    The Punishment for a Kid would be no Dessert
    The Best Punishment for a Teenager no T.V. or Music 3 weeks

Soccermom 5 years ago

I agree most punishments effect both parties.

The thing that worked the best for us is we took my daughters door away. Took it clean off the hinges. She hated it cause she had no privacy.

    udon’tknowme 5 years ago

    The door off the hinges definitely works! I thought this punishment was a bit much, but after having told our daughters numerous times over the dangers of slamming doors. fighting over the doors, limbs being hurt in doors, they really didn’t believe we’d do it. But we did for a couple of weeks, & after putting it back on, they’ve been listening!! :)

      Brooke Ducharme 5 years ago

      I was finding that my 11 year old was hiding stuff when the door was closed to her room. Luckily we bought a house where they put the CHEAPEST doors known to man in….so in frustration one afternoon I called my brother up and had him come help me. I took all of their doors off, cut them in half (making them the lower part of a dutch-door) just above the door knob and put them back on. Now the 11 year old can still keep the little ones out of HER room and I can pop in and check on her and her escaped anytime I like! My husband thought I was crazy, but I actually have a better feeling about it now and I think she has gotten use to it.

        Rae 5 years ago

        I wish I had thought of that before my 8 year old’s door broke off the frame, now a baby gate keeps the 1 year old out, and provides her the opportunity to sit and just watch him sit and watch his tv. I don’t get it,but it keeps her occupied sometimes, and he really has no problem ignoring her..

        BEST PERSON EVER 1 year ago

        that is just an invasion of their privacy!!!!!! Why whoud you do that to a child?!?!


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