There are a lot of things that are different about being pregnant post-40. For instance, I found the “pregnancy glow” this time around to be nothing less than a miracle makeover. The fountain of youth doesn’t have anything over this homemade hormone cocktail. One of the things that stays the same during pregnancy at any age, however, is the amount of embarrassing commentary the general public will unsolicitedly bestow upon your bump.
Below are the top five things, gleaned from recent personal experience, not to say to an unsuspecting, expectant mother over 40:
1. I have another friend who had an ‘Oops Baby’ too.
Please save us, Holy Mother of Assumptions! In case you didn’t get the memo, getting pregnant after 40 can take some concentrated effort. As far as planned goes, this pregnancy ranks just under the Mars Rover Mission in hardcore coordination.
2. Did you realize that you’ll be almost 60 when the baby graduates?
Wait… What?! Really?! No, seriously, I’m actually quite capable of doing math. I had a lot of practice during the conception phase of this project (see above). Besides, do you know how spry I’m going to look attending my child’s graduation at 60?! Everyone will be in awe of my fertility, my vitality. Not to mention my chutzpah.
3. Wow! You’re really starting over.
How clever of you to see through my ruse to abandon my older children! Because there couldn’t maybe be another more sensitive or compelling reason to explain the gap in my children’s ages. Career considerations? An intervening personal hardship? Strengthening bonds with a new partner? Nah. Obviously, I just wanted to manufacture an opportunity to trade in the older models.
4. Well, your body isn’t 20 anymore.
Yes, thanks, I’ve had 20 years to notice. You might want to consider what that 20 years amounts to in terms of experience, patience, and confidence. Not quite a college fund, but I’m banking valuable assets for this baby. Cha-ching.
5. You’re almost old enough to be his grandmother.
Last time I checked, age isn’t the qualifying factor in becoming a grandparent. To be a grandmother, you have to be the mother’s mother. And let me be clear, my mother will cage-match, sudden-death fight anyone attempting to pry her grandmother title away. She’s also super excited about this baby.
The proverb goes: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” The truth is, let’s just say a plus-40 mama doesn’t need your help figuring out her age, that she’s pregnant, or what those two things might add up to together. She’s probably thought long and hard about the realities of age and parenthood. She likely has a really interesting perspective she’d be willing to share if you’re willing to listen. If not, you at least might want to mention how well she’s working that “pregnancy glow.”