Moms of Facebook, I need to level with you for a second. Most of you I love and admire. I steal your recipes and craft ideas. Your kids? They are so darn precious.
But there are a few of you moms who drive me crazy and need to STOP it. Right now.
1. The “I-Gave-Birth-So-I’m-An-Expert” Mom. It takes a lot to be a mom and you deserve credit for that. When you enter that hospital delivery unit (or baby pool in your living room) you are going to come out a different person. No doubt.
Motherhood doesn’t suddenly make scientists, lactation consultants, or doctors. Those are jobs that require actual credentials. I am NOT downplaying the Mom Role, so calm down. But giving birth doesn’t make you a fireman, either. Capeesh?
So stop it with all this expert nonsense. Unless you actually *are* one, in which case, please — carry on offering unsolicited advice.
2. The “Delivery-Was-A-Horror-Story” Mom. Oh my God, I do not need to hear about how your child grabbed your colon and pulled it into the world with him. 1. That’s not even possible and 2. I have a graphic imagination. We may not be able to talk eye-to-eye again.
3. The “Gerber-Baby-Contest” Mom. Okay, I’m not even mad. I understand that you genuinely believe Tommy or Tina is the cutest thing on the planet earth, EVER. I just want to gently remind you that maybe–just maybe every other mom on Facebook thinks the same thing about their kiddos. And that makes for a lot of contests and share-to-wins.
Reality check: We can’t all have babies on the front of processed food jars.
4. The “Johnny-Had-A-Poopoo” Mom. Your friends on Facebook love to see pictures of your child. They don’t love to hear about the struggles of poo poos or pee pees or diaper blow outs. And pictures on the training potty? NO. We know what’s going on in the red plastic bowl. Not cute. You may be reading this and thinking “But, I get 20 ‘likes’ on those status updates! People LOVE to know!”
I can promise you that for every “like” there are 5 eye-rolls. If this ratio does not bother you, post on, girlfriend. Post on.
5. The “Diagnose-My-Kids-Medical-Emergency” Mom. Uh-oh! Jessica fell off her bike and there is a bone sticking out of her leg! What do you do? Take a picture for instagram and Facebook, obviously. Because how else can you make sure your kid gets the proper care for such an ailment?
Look, mamas. None of us are perfect. I’ve been guilty of these offenses a few times, myself. But really…on a regular basis? This kinda stuff is just NUTS.
Think before you Facebook. Please.
Related post: The Six Mothers Every Mother Hates