Female dragonflies fake their own deaths to get out of sex sometimes and we so relate
Chalk this one up to the most dramatic way any female has ever gotten out of sex in the history of getting out of sex. And we mean ever. Researchers from the University of Zurich in Switzerland observed a moorland hawker dragonfly doing something that women have been doing IRL since the beginning of time.
While researcher Rassim Khelifa was collecting larvae, he witnessed “a female crash-dive to the ground while being pursued by a male.” That’s right, folks. Apparently, the thought of torpedoing herself into the Earth seemed like a better option than having sex.
Listen, when you aren’t in the mood, you aren’t in the mood. And she was definitely not in the mood.
While being unwillingly pursued by male dragonflies, Khelifa witnessed the females would “drop out of the sky” and play dead until the males moved on, the New Scientist reports. The females would drop out of the sky rather than have sex. We’ll give you a minute to appreciate this in all it’s glory.
Khelifa said he was surprised by the females’ behavior and had never before witnessed this in the ten years he has been studying dragonflies. He noted the females would lie “completely still on their backs until the male flew away.” There was no indication if tiny, dragonfly sized vibrators were found in the dense vegetation nearby.
Look, we get it, Madame Dragonfly. You are tired, girl. You’ve been up since 6 a.m. getting lunches packed, putting a load of laundry in, emptying the dishwasher and getting the kids up and dressed. You finally get a goddamn moment of peace and quiet in the bathroom to sip your coffee and brush your hair and your husband walks in, locks the door, thinking he can get a quickie in before work. We feel you, sister. We’ve been known to nose dive into the tile, too.
We’ve all been there. But there is a silver lining male dragonflies of the world. At least you aren’t a praying mantis.
Khelifa noted that of 27 play-dead attempts, 21 of the female dragonflies were successful in getting rid of her male pursuer (the other six reportedly had to fake it.) New Scientist reported when they were successful, “[they’d] often act dramatically when [they’d] emerge.” As well they should. They just launched themselves at rapid speed toward the ground and played dead, avoiding unwanted male attention.
I smell an Academy Award in these ladies’ futures.