Fifty Shades of Seriously?


It started a couple of months ago. “Have you heard of Fifty Shades of Grey yet?” my friend asked. Nope, I responded. Should I have? YES, she sighed dreamily. Buy it now. Trust me. But, I didn’t trust her, back on that rainy day in March. Nor did I trust the next 20 friends who echoed the same sentiment. Memories of flipping through Twilight and wondering what the big fuss was about danced in my head and I resisted. But that was hardly the last I heard about it.

Overnight it seemed, the female population was obsessed. Moms at school drop off were discussing bondage in between bake sale numbers and PTA events. My online friends had it on their Kindle’s. My real life friends were snatching up paperbacks. My cousins couldn’t get enough. It was the topic of conversation at dinners out with friends and over pedicures and even at a recent Bar Mitzvah.

Last week, I officially became the last female in the country to climb on board the Grey train. I read it in a few days, not because I was so smitten with the intelligent writing, but because I’m still twelve and merely skimmed the book for the juicy parts… and, juicy they are.

Frankly, I still don’t get what all the hype is all about. But, what I really want to know, is what’s next?  If Fifty Shades is gateway mommy porn, what’s in store for us after the books?

The manager of a Barnes and Noble where I spoke told me that he gets at least 50 calls a day about the book and has sold more of Fifty Shades than any other single book in the store’s history. (This following a report that he’d sold exactly two of my books. Thanks, dude.) Yesterday, I received a PR pitch from a sex store who informed me that a vibrator, anal beads and lubricant was “just what mom needs this year for Mother’s Day!”

Does anyone else find this the least bit bizarre?

I mean, I’m not complaining about it, but I do find the whole thing to be highly entertaining. Is this the beginning of some new sexual revolution where porn is no longer relegated to back rooms and seedy basement stores? Will sex swings soon line the playground for after hour fun? Will whips proudly hang on our Pottery Barn coat racks? Will Playgirl sit out at the nail salon along with People and US Weekly? Will women proudly display burns and bruises? It’s… kind of odd.

But, most importantly, if this is the direction that we’re headed, how to we go about cloning our husbands into Christian Grey? I mean, my imagination may be good, but it’s not that good.


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 4

    Tracy says

    I skimmed it too after my friend went totally off about how amazing the book is. But I still don’t get whether the female population is using this book as a porn-friendly coming out party or if they really are experiencing shock and awe that people engage in the sort of, ahem, um, exploits? that are described in the book.

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  2. 6

    Vanessa says

    I haven’t read it either. Partly because everybody raved about Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which I never did get past the first chapter. Partly because, I usually think sex scenes in romance novels are lame, so I’m guessing I’d probably be skimming through 90% of the book.

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    • 7

      Arnebya says

      Vanessa, I will admit that The Girl trilogy starts off slowly (very slowly). But I can also attest to it being worth it once it picks up. Even the second book is slow, and I think that’s by far the best. I would imagine it’s even harder to get through if you feel pressure from other people. Maybe that’s why I’m nitpicking and reading Grey so slowly.

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      • 8

        Rebecca says

        Yes, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is very slow at first. I remember it taking 2 or 3 tries to get into it, but then I couldn’t wait to read the following books. I haven’t read 50 shades of Grey, but I have read Scary Mommy’s book!

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  3. 10

    Christina says

    Oh the fantasy of a 27 year old male model-esque gazillionaire control-freak who wants to spank us and make us explode over and over again.

    You’re right, my imagination isn’t that good either.

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  4. 11

    Jessica, The Debt Princess says

    I read it when it was FanFiction and the names were Edward and Bella. It was poorly written then and it’s poorly written still. I think women just need an excuse to talk about taboo topics and this book was it. There are far better S&M books out there “The Story of O” for instance! But that’s just me.

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  5. 15

    Nat says

    Oh lord! I was thinking the same thing? I enjoyed the books. The writing is terrible but the juicy parts were really quite…well, juicy. But I was wondering the same thing. Is porn for women FINALLY going to be more acceptable as it is for men? Or is this just a fluke and are we still going to be donning black masks as we sneak into the local sex shop?

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    • 17

      Cassie says

      You really should to read the Hunger Games! It is the best series that I have ever read (including Harry Potter and Twilight). I’m a middle school reading teacher, so I have quite a bit of experience!

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  6. 19

    Kim at Let Me Start By Saying says

    I’m hoping that more women get the (metaphysical) balls to ask for what they want in bed now. Or at least for more orgasms. Or orgasms, period.
    Women have spent too long being too shy about enjoying themselves. I think the hysteria over 50SOG is getting a little silly, but I can’t begrudge its success because maybe reading a bit of Edward & Bella get into BDSM can oil (lube?) the wheels in the minds of women everywhere into action for asking for the action they want. Whatever that may be.

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  7. 21

    Lin says

    Leave it up to you to make me spit soda straight into my MIL’s face, you’re absolutely hilarious! I don’t really get the big hype though. So the book has a couple of very risque moments, so what? Honestly its not anything I haven’t already read on the web. *eye roll*

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  8. 23

    autw says

    I picked up the first book after my hubs heard about it on the radio. First book was ok, second book was better, third book was by far the best. In fact, I ordered the second and third book together, and read them both within two days. The sex scenes, and talk about BDSM are a little brow-raising at times, but hey, to each their own… (although, whenever I read the books, I kept a mental picture of Christian with dark hair…copper just isn’t sexy to me. (and I’m a redhead)

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  9. 24

    Marie says

    You aren’t the last. I’ve heard of it but have no intentions of reading it. This kind of stuff doesn’t turn me on. What does turn me on is my husband coming home after being away on a week-long business trip and telling me to go to bed, he’ll do the dishes, take out the trash, and put the 3 kids to bed by himself. Oh, and “Here’s a glass of wine. Go relax.” THAT’S sexy.

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    • 25

      Jacqui says

      That is totally hot! I just read it twice and then visualized it!! Haha I’m still trying to convince my husband that helping with housework is foreplay!

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    • 26

      cowgirlbetty says

      That’s porn I’d buy. I think you’ve got a hit idea on your hands. Perhaps get your Mr. Grey to also serve a home-cooked dinner, dressed only in cling-wrap, ala “The Feminine Mystique”. Ooooooooh yaaaaaa . . . I’m feeling moist just thinking about it.

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      • 27

        Misty Stacy says

        Um…yes please!! My husband knows that he is going to get laid if he vaccuums lol I love a man in an apron…other clothing is optional but definately the apron lol

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  10. 28

    Kate in Ohio says

    I am reading it right now. It is quite enlightening and making me rethink some things, and wonder if I need to broaden my horizons. Not sure I am going to rush to tell my friends and neighbors that I am reading it though.

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