The 10 Fights You’ll Most Likely Have With Other Moms

348 Comments

women-fighting

When I was a new mom, I found out pretty quickly that there were two things about the experience that I really disliked; other children and their parents. Of course, that all changed as I started to make more and more friends, and realized that the problem wasn’t moms, it was assholes, and just made a point not to make friends with assholes.

Still, even if you aren’t friends with assholes, they will still come and find you, wherever you are. The fact is, you can be the nicest person in the world, but someone will always manage to rub you the wrong way. Of course it’s important to pick your battles, or else you’ll end up a lonely husk of rage, but there are times you don’t want to be spineless either. At some point or another, most people will end up fighting with other moms about the following:

1. Who gets to discipline whose child. I am that annoying woman who walks around at birthday parties, giving people permission to yell at my kid if they need to. I want them to know I don’t feel weird about it. Some people do feel weird about it, and they will tear your fucking throat out if you tell their kid to knock something off.

I once told an older kid to stop pushing toddlers off of the monkey bars when they started to climb up. The mom flipped out on me, all “WHAT DID YOU SAY??” That experience hasn’t soured me, though. I love saying “no” and if your kid’s a dick I will tell them “no”, too.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

2. Snacks. Oh my god, snacks. This is a minefield. A delicious, delicious minefield. Listen to me: You are being judged on the snacks you serve your child at the playground. It is either too sugary or too crunchy-granola. Hide it in your purse and let your kid dip their head in there every once in a while instead. Do not ever give other people’s kids snacks unless you are hoping to get into fisticuffs.

3. What counts as age-appropriate. I never knew this was even an issue until I had a playdate at my house when my daughter was four. She was obsessed with SpongeBob SquarePants and was watching the show when the other kid came in. I promptly turned it off, but halfway through the playdate the mother said she “couldn’t just keep my mouth shut anymore!” and actually started to cry because she felt so bad that my daughter was being subjected to SpongeBob.

4. Stroller real estate. Stroller parking, stroller rolling, being in the direct path of someone’s massive Escalade-type stroller. You might be surprised how pissed people get if you are in the way of their stroller, take their parking “spot” or don’t move all of your shit out of the 5-foot horizontal corridor of space they need to maneuver through the library/Starbucks/playground.

5. Sharing. Most parents want their kid to learn how to share. And then your kid meets the kid whose parents hate sharing, and you’re fucked. They’ll be in the sandbox together and you’ll tell your child to share the red bucket and then the dad will say to you, “how would you like it if you had to give all of your things to someone else??” And then suddenly it’s a fight about Obamacare.

6. Something related to school or preschool. If you think playground annoyances end when your kid gets to school or preschool you are wrong. So very, sadly wrong. Welcome to the world of fights about attendance, who is gifted and talented and who should be responsible for volunteering at the berjillion parties your kid’s class will have. Hint: It’s you.

7. Multi-level marketing gigs (Think Pampered Chef and Mary Kay). Obviously.

8. What kind of a job you’re doing (spoiler: not a good one). Back in the day, I would get into fights with older moms about this very thing. There was always something I was doing that wasn’t quite right, probably because I was an idiot, unlike them. You would think that a group of women who face criticism based on their age would not turn around and criticize people based on their age. You are wrong.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

9. Carseats. Car seats were not the bastion of bicker-fuel they were when I was a new mom. Now, you will get in fights about everything from head supports to proper Y-strap formation and it will make you wonder if you need a hobby, and also if that hobby should be carseats.

10. “I could NEVER [insert thing you’re doing here]” I could NEVER send my kid to daycare. I could NEVER give my child Lunchables. I would NEVER put SpongeBob on T.V. Honestly, who cares what you would never do? Gratz on never doing it. But why do you care what other people do? Short of hauling off and backhanding a toddler for spilling their own juice, it’s none of your business.

Related post: The 10 Most Annoying Moms You’ll Meet

This post first appeared on Mommyish. Read more here

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 2

    says

    Um nope, never cared enough about what others do to their own kids… as far as disciplining my kids, why not? I want my kids to know it’s not ok to be a dick at all times, or at any moment any adult will correct them… not just when mom and dad are around. You see my kids acting a fool, grab that ear and drag then over to me, yell at them, don’t turn your head and let them know it’s ok to act like that just because I didn’t see it!

    Show Replies
    • 6

      Kylie says

      Actually a huge deal. The only one I do say something about. Always nicely though. Car accidents are the number 1 killer of kids/babies. If properly restrained they have less than 1% chance of death. I’m not the kind of person who likes confrontation at all, but I can’t walk away from that. If anyone wants to learn more watch Joel’s story on YouTube or check out the Facebook group car seats for the littles.

      Show Replies
      • 12

        Sarah says

        Here’s the thing you need to learn about mothers, who are already constantly worrying if they are doing the right thing or not raising their kids. If we want to know if our carseat is up to par or the right one (which my experience, with the new articles, it’s dependant on each child and vehicle. Which by the way, they don’t let you test drive carseats so you will automatically already fail at this. Right out of the gate!), we will ask you. GET OFF YOUR HIGH AND MIGHTY HORSE AND QUIT TELLING ME WHAT I’M DOING WRONG! I’m not telling you how to parent. Why? Because I could give a back door. I just want my kid to go play on the monkey bars and maybe scratch up a knee or two. Heck, aiming for a broken arm over here! At least I know my kid is getting a chance to be a kid.

        Show Replies
        • 13

          Kate says

          That’s actually not true about not being able to test drive (or at least test install) car seats. If you buy a seat at Babies R Us and when you get it out to your car you can’t install it then you can bring it back in for a return/exchange. There’s also a store in my area that has “floor models” of car seats that you can take out to your car and trained installation technicians to help you. Obviously not everyone is going to have access to something like that but I can’t imagine they’re the only place in the world that does that and Babies R Us is widely available in the US at least.

          Show Replies
      • 14

        Sarah says

        You think it’s bad that people don’t use the correct carseat? I’m sitting here in this country in Southeast Asia where everyone uses motorbikes to get places. I’ve seen moms with three children on the bike in regular (read: HEAVY) traffic, and a man with his wife (I’m assuming) on the back with a child that was probably breast feeding at the same time. And these aren’t rare occurrences and not poor people who can’t afford better, it’s just how it’s done here. Don’t judge others how they raise their kids, some people just do it differently.

        Show Replies
    • 15

      Michelle says

      You really want to piss a carseat mommy off? Mention the study done by the Freakonomics authors which shows that over age 2, a carseat makes no difference in accident results. Go ahead, google it, I dare you. :)

      Show Replies
      • 18

        SA says

        Exactly what I was thinking- as I learned in Freakonomics (and actually graduate- level econ..).. So those kids that died in car accidents.. Umm yeah- most of them would have died whether or not they were in a car seat.. Sorry..

        Show Replies
    • 21

      Susan says

      My son does Lunchables everyday as well, with fruit and a water. I would pack a veggie, but I know he is not going to eat, so I am not going to waste my time and money. He likes it, easy for this mama. Done. (And my 4 year old LOVES Spongebob as well)

      Show Replies
    • 22

      Diana says

      Haha! If I’m not buying them on a quick grocery trip, I’m cutting up bologna and cheese and throwing it on a plate with generic Ritz when we’ve run out of bread!

      Show Replies
      • 23

        Km says

        Your kids eat Ritz? Man oh man. When I got out on my own and later married it was Ritz all the way. Nary a bland, tasteless saltine to be found unless I was planning to eat canned tuna. Do you think my kids appreciate my going the extra mile for the good crackers?? Nah. They got them once at the salad bar and now it’s, “Can we have saltines? Pleasepleaseplease!!!”

        Show Replies
  2. 27

    Lovetoski says

    Well, I was mildly enjoying this, shaking my head up and down for several of these, until you got to part about ‘older moms’ being criticized for being ‘older moms’. What rock did you climb out from under, I’ve never been criticized for having infertility until I was 37. But thanks for throwing that in face this morning.

    Show Replies
    • 28

      Ashley says

      Pretty sure that’s not what she meant :) She was probably talking about mom’s whose children are mostly grown bagging on moms with young kids who are “doing everything wrong.”

      Show Replies
    • 29

      Tanya says

      Like Ashley said, don’t think she meant older moms with young kids, but moms with older kids who love to tell moms with younger kids what they are doing wrong. I had my first (and only) child a week before my 37th birthday because I struggled with infertility for 8 years, and I didn’t perceive anything offensive about what the author said.

      Show Replies
    • 31

      Should-be-working says

      I’m envious. I have been asked, multiple times: “Weren’t you afraid of the statistics at being an older mom?”; “Wouldn’t it have been better if you had had children earlier?”; and my all-time favorite, “I’ll bet you are really “grandma” and are raising your daughter’s child.” Yeah, not so much fun being an older mom sometimes.

      Show Replies
      • 32

        Sarah says

        It’s not so much fun being any type of mom, young, old, or the “sweet spot”. Someone always has unsolicited judgy advice. How about instead of bringing each other down, we go to another mom and say, “hey, would you like some help?” Good Lord I would give anything some days for someone to say that instead of pitying me for having 4 children. Heck, I might invite them back for wine. Every mom has time for wine. (unless your don’t drink, then we can do coffee)

        Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>