On the eve of the first day of my new job, I’ve already laid out my first day of work outfit, packed my first day of work lunch, set aside my favorite mug for the first day of work coffee, and cleaned out my car for the first day of work commute. I am so ready for this.
No, I’m not.
Being a stay-at-home mom has been my job for three and a half years. During this time, I found myself. I discovered some hidden talents, like that I tell some amazing bedtime stories and have a flair for organizing. I learned how to cook and I started writing again. I found that I can go for the long haul on half a tank. I started a blog. I learned to be comfortable in my own skin without wearing make-up and learned that I could actually go three days without a shower. I am good at making due with what I have.
But, now it’s time. I’m heading back to the big exciting and scary world of outside the home employment. I’ve done this before… I can do it again. Except this time, I have a better appreciation of both the pros and the cons of being a working mom…
• While at work, I will be called by my real name. I am not required to answer to mommy, mom, mama, or ma.
• My co-workers are responsible for their own lunches, tying their own shoes, and putting on their own coats.
• I will not have to wipe another person’s butt or nose for eight hours a day, five days a week.
• No one will bang on the door and cry while I’m in the bathroom.
• I can listen to my music while in the car twice a day.
• No cartoons.
• I can carry on an adult conversation without having to stop to yell at a kid for writing on the walls.
• I won’t have to share my computer so someone else can play Nick Jr. games.
• I’m not the boss.
• No farting, belching, or scratching while at work.
• Yoga pants and pajamas are not appropriate work attire.
• Hiding in the closet to eat a chocolate bar is frowned upon. (Maybe that should go into the pro column.)
• I’ll have to wear a bra consistently for at least 8 hours a day.
• No naps.
• A swish of coffee is no longer an acceptable form of mouthwash.
• No eating the leftovers off of co-workers’ plates.
• I cannot end an inter-office disagreement with “because I said so, that’s why!”
• Co-workers do not earn a “time-out” if they make me mad.
• I’ll have to leave the house on rainy days, extra cold days, and bloated days.
• I’ll miss the little buggers.
• I’m not the boss.
To my fellow employed moms: I am looking forward to joining the ranks of the exhausted, over-caffeinated, warriors of the professional world. Wish me luck!
To my fellow stay at home moms: Continue to hold down the fort and know that I respect the tremendous amount of work you do everyday. Wear your yoga pants with pride for me.