10 Times I Should Have STFU As A First-Time Mom

10 Times I Should Have STFU As A First-Time Mom

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Before you become a mom, you have this idea in your head of what it’s going to be like and the type of mom you’re going to be.

But every mom knows that all of those ideas go out the window when the nurse places your first baby in your arms. You realize it’s all about survival in the beginning. And after a while, you end up doing what works for you and your baby. The longer you’re a mom, the less you care about what other people think and the more you rely on your instincts and what works for your family.

That being said, when I was pregnant with my first child, I had a lot of great ideas about how I’d raise my kids and the type of mom I would be. As a first-time mom (FTM), I knew that my kids would be different, and I would be different. I would be the best mom, and my kids would only get the best.

But now that I’m a seasoned mom, I’d like to go back and tell FTM Holly to STFU!

Seriously, FTM Holly, you’re going to realize quickly that you have no idea what you’re doing! Things you thought would be important aren’t, and things you thought would be easy are going to break you. So get off your high horse. You aren’t special. And you’re going to make a million mistakes, just like all the other moms out there. Oh, and those moms out there who act perfect? They’re lying! They are just as lost as you are.

Here are 10 times I should have STFU as a FTM:

1. FTM Holly: I wish Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was more educational.

Seriously? Numbers, shapes, colors, friendship — that sounds super educational to me! Anything is better than the YouTube Kids videos you let your kids zone out to these days. “Brother finger, brother finger, where are you?” FTM Holly, someone should’ve given you the brother finger!

2. FTM Holly: I will never give my kids the phone or the iPad when we’re out at a restaurant.

We tried. We really did. We even stopped going out to eat for a long time. But some nights I just don’t want to cook. And I started to miss my favorite restaurants. But spending an hour trying to get two toddlers to sit, stay quiet, and eat their meal isn’t relaxing. If we’re going to a restaurant to spend money on food, I want to eat it in peace. I want to enjoy my food, rather than just shoveling it into my mouth in between pulling a toddler off the table, cleaning up milk that was poured all over the floor, and apologizing to the couple in the booth next to us who are giving us death stares while our kids act like wild monkeys. So now we plug those kids into the phones and let the screens babysit while we have an adult conversation and eat our food while it’s still hot.

3. FTM Holly: I will limit screen time to less than one hour a day.

You will feel guilty about this for so long. Just go ahead and get over it. Not gonna happen, Holly!

4. FTM Holly: I will plan out preschool homeschooling activities for my children during the summer.

Well, I actually did plan a few out last summer. And we ended up doing exactly zero of them…

5. FTM Holly: I will not let my kids eat in my car.

Hahahahahaha! Have you seen your minivan these days?! I’m pretty sure your Sienna didn’t come with orange carpet. That’s just a thin layer of crushed Goldfish.

6. FTM Holly: I will cloth diaper.

Sure you will. Except your baby is born a month early, spends a week in the NICU, has trouble breastfeeding, and you’re struggling with a low-milk-supply issue. Cloth diapering will be the last thing on your mind. Go ahead and buy stock in Pampers.

7. FTM Holly: I will exclusively breastfeed.

With a low milk supply, you can guess how that turned out for me. Nope. And that’s okay.

8. FTM Holly: I will only feed my kids organic, non-processed, fresh food.

And you do — for the first year. But you’ll regret it when your son turns his nose up at easy meals like frozen lasagna, canned soup, boxed mac and cheese, and SpaghettiOs. Go ahead and buy the Costco-sized bags of quinoa and kale, Holly.

9. FTM Holly: I will not let my house be taken over by my kid’s toys.

Your house now looks like a day care center.

10. FTM Holly: I will  not let my kids run around with runny noses.

This used to bother me so much before I was a mom. I just didn’t understand why any mom would let her kid run around with snot dripping down into their mouth. Gag! Well, now I know. Because for a while, your kid always has a runny nose. There aren’t enough tissues for that crap, and even if there were, I spend enough time wiping the kid’s other end!

What were some things that you thought would be super important as a FTM? Did you have to eat your words on anything you said you’d do?