Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
No matter how wonderful of a day I’ve had with the kids, how many hours we’ve spent outside at the playground or digging for worms in the yard or reading endless books or baking cupcakes or or playing with play-doh or brainstorming on how to cure cancer or achieve world peace, there is a point every day where I feel like a total and utter failure of a mother.
It’s called five o’clock and it blows.
Without fail, everyday around five o’clock, I can be found banging my head against the wall and moaning, “why me?” I get on Twitter or Facebook to whine about my out of control offspring. I question just what I have done to deserve such raging lunatics as children. I’ve been known to lock myself in the bathroom and it’s a marvel I’m not completely certifiably insane. Everyday, I wonder what I have done wrong and who the hell these creatures are.
Like magic, my previously well- behaved, sweet and kind children will suddenly transform into wild animals. They’ll decide to “play boxing” and punch and push each other, ignoring my warnings of upcoming I-told-you-so’s. They’ll do laps around the first floor, feed their dinners to the dog and talk back to me. They’ll climb on furniture, pretending to be superhero’s and scream at the top of their lungs. They’ll push my every button and relish in doing so.
And, then, just when I can’t possibly take anymore, they will tire out and become my children again. The human children who listen and cuddle and behave and don’t sport horns and fangs. This transformation will, of course, occur just in time for Jeff to waltz through the door and wonder why I look like hell as the children happily run to him. Just in time for me to kiss them good night and crawl into bed, knowing it will all happen again tomorrow.
At five o’clock.
{ 97 comments… read them below or add one }
Gives new meaning to the song, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
myevil3yearold recently posted..The return of the Blonde Bombshell
Oh my gosh! I was 1st! *Happy dance*
myevil3yearold recently posted..The return of the Blonde Bombshell
: ) Five o’clock does that to so many children.
I can’t really relate though because my kid is FREAKING PERFECT every day at 5 o’clock. He wants to do his homework, he wants to clean his room and most of all, he wants to eat whatever crap I made for dinner : ) Seriously.
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Wherever you go- no matter what the weather- always bring your own sunshine Anthony J DAngelo
Can he write a book? Or hold conferences for kids? Or, at least get on the phone with mine? Please?
kaishon needs to start vlogging! srsly.
Exurban Cowgirl recently posted..Alone Together
I just read this to Kaish, you know, as he is still LAYING IN FREAKING BED and we need to leave in 3 minutes, and he wants to make sure everyone knows he does NOT eat the crappy suppers I make. : ) He is a nut.
Life with Kaishon recently posted..Wherever you go- no matter what the weather- always bring your own sunshine Anthony J DAngelo
ha! guess it was too early for me to appreciate irony : ) look forward to checking out your blog
Exurban Cowgirl recently posted..Alone Together
I posted this on FB last night: “There are many nights when I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have my kids. Tonight is NOT one of those nights.”
My bad time usually happens around 7 PM. EVERY DAY.
Yes, we are the 7 o’clock failures. Just as I am patting myself on the back, my son kicks off. About nothing. I would take 5 over 7 any day, gives Jill”s kids a window to go back to normal. Mine always makes me look bad in front of Daddy.
Stasha recently posted..Take care
i remember this with my boy. It happened every night about dinner time. don’t miss those days at all!
Melinda recently posted..Without them you’d have nothing to celebrate
So, they grow out of it? WHEN?!
25, I’ve heard.
Yes yes! And then you get to babysit grandkids, fill them with sugar and return them at the end of the day. Circle of life baby! Hang in there!
LOL. That made me laugh!
it happens here too. All the time. I hate how one hour (or so) can ruin a perfectly good day and I think it’s why I look forward to bedtime so much.
you’re lucky…mine are like that all the time….well maybe not *all* the time… the witching hour is universal!
Exurban Cowgirl recently posted..Alone Together
O.M.G. I *just* said these words to my husband minutes ago. The witching hour. I swear, hobgobblins come invade their bodies from 4:30-6:30 every night. :)
Tiffany recently posted..Mar 29- NoCoTots Gigglessubmit your funny pictures and video!
Hells to the yeah… the Witching Hour. My kid is a bouncing off the wall nutcase until it’s time for the tub. Then he’s a sweet angel for daddy! Argh!
My DH has worked the afternoon shift for the last 18 months and has not understood why school nights are so rough on me. He has been on day shift for the last 3 weeks and is finally getting a glimpse of the madness.
I think the sound of heads banging on walls echos across the county around that time of day. At our house it is quickly followed by the sound of wine being poured into a very large glass. Five seems to be the witching hour for both my son AND my husband. They morph into siblings and fight over the Wii or the television. I try to kick them outside to play and preserve my sanity–usually does not work.
Hence the wine…
Vinobaby recently posted..Mothers Day Marlarkey
I second the wine thing. It’s really the only antidote.
Craftwhack recently posted..Personified Creepies
I think we need to start some service that delivers meals to moms everywhere at 5pm. It’s that “I need to cook dinner, you all are crazy people, I’d rather give you hugs but I can’t” kind of hour. Where is that delivery service?
Love you.
tracy recently posted..Cheerios- Hula Hoops and Ladybug Picnics…
My kids must channel demons at about 4pm. They are nobody I know from then until about 7pm when it’s whiney Mcwhinesalot time. That I recognize.
SoberJulie recently posted..I suck at Wordless Wednesday
*Shudder* I know this all too well! Some call it the witching hour, others Happy Hour. Perhaps both? XO
Oh crap, is that what I have to look forward to? Gah.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..How @Twitter has RuinedMyLife
Totally relate except at my house it is 7:00. We call it the bewitching hour.
I would trade you 5pm. I REALLY would! The evil little energy sucking vampire comes out in my son at 6am and ends at 8am …. every day. We live upstairs… which of course to my son means I need to stomp. I need to run. I need to shout at the top of my lungs every morning so that I piss all my neighbors off. Oh, I also need to refuse to get dressed and manage to make a pigstye of my formerly clean room in .02 seconds flat. YaY for 5 yr olds! *snort*
Sadly, this phenomenon rings true in our house too. I pick the kids up at 5 and hear about what a great day they have had. This happens just as those horns begin to sprout and the pitchforks come out. By the time I’m buckling them into the car seat to leave, I’ve got a full on mutiny in the backseat.
Good times.
Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted..New Baby Manifesto
I had an older mom, probably close to my mother’s age, tell me once “that’s why in MY day we had a cocktail hour!” That’s how THEY all got through the witching hours!
Stefanie Cloutier recently posted..Happy Mothers Day- Grandma!
This usually happens around 6 in my house. Though after years of scientific research, (Listening to all my friends complain too) I’ve learned that the witching hour occurs in every household somewhere between 4-7 pm. Which is the reason cocktail hour was invented.
Our witching hour is 4 pm. Every. Stinking. Day!
Stephanie recently posted..Wine- Egg Foo Yung and the mess explained
Hahaha! This is so true for so many of us.
Nicole @MTDLBlog recently posted..Shenanigans
Only ONCE a day? I am so jealous.
I’ve found that as my kids get older there are two evil hours (they are actually more than an hour). One near dinner time, and one later, when the kids shouldn’t be up anyway. sigh. But remember, every day you are not on the six o’clock news is a success.
Roxanne recently posted..As a Group They Say- Just Say Yes!
LMAO! That is a good way to look at it!
Yup, my three do the same thing from 5-7 and my husband strolls throught the door at 8, just in time to read a story and put them to bed…nice
Yep – between 5-6pm is the witching hour here — and I mean that literally…..
Jennifer recently posted..Frugal Teacher Appreciation Picture Frame
Pretty sure that’s why “Happy Hour” is between 4 and 7pm. Cocktail anyone?
What she said. Judge me all you like, but I find that a medicinal glass of old vine Zinfandel, applied liberally at 5 pm, really helps me maintain my equilibrium at that hour. I also learned to withhold all screen time until precisely 5 (they need to finish their homework first anyway.) So now 5 pm is kind of nice around here – the kids get to turn on their one hour of TV, and I drink my nice glass of wine while I cook, and we’re all relaxed until 6, when I put dinner on the table and everyone hates it. Cheers!
Nancy Davis Kho recently posted..Mothers Day- Actions- Not Words
I lovingly call it the “witching hour.” I lose my shit as my husband walks thru the door and then everyone is on eggshells because of mean mommy. Every night, I go to bed and pray for patience and another chance to not screw them up.
mom-mom-mom recently posted..Family Secrets- How to Talk Like a Mobster and a Giveaway
I am glad I am not the only one that noticed the correlation between happy hour and crazy kid(s). Wine anyone?
How I can relate with your story and all the fantastic comments! My boy gets the crazies right after dinner and before getting ready for bed. This is, of course, right when hubby and I are both tired from a long day. Where do these children get all their end-of-day energy???
Amy T. recently posted..May 5- Baby Jogger City Elite Review A Premium All-Terrain Stroller
8:30 this morning we hit a bewitching hour, finally down for a nap though!
I often refer to the time between 4 and 7:30 as “Mama’s Hell”. It blows.
Dolli-Mama recently posted..ME! Challenge Week 18- Weekend off
My kids are a little older so their meltdown time is between 7:30 – 8:00 when I am desperate to get everyone fed, bathed, and in bed.
Oh Wait, maybe that is my meltdown time. I may have to re-evaluate the situation.
Making It Work Mom recently posted..MaybeJust Maybe
They get bored and restless at the same time everyday. Your kids have set a routine for themselves. You can try to change them or you can adjust yourself. I have found it easier to change myself. Once my munchkins turn wild and devilish, they get banished to the back yard while I stay inside. There’s a no coming in the house until mommy says you can rule. I’ve made it safe for them in the back yard and I’ve made sure I don’t pull out my hair. I hope you have a back yard.
Amanda recently posted..Tiny- New Kittens at Oma’s House
My son goes to bed at 5:45…..his freakout time is 1:30 a.m. so be glad you don’t live at my house! LOL
Eve recently posted..Writer’s Workshop- Where the Magic Happens Vlog
Why does your son go to bed at 5:45???
Because he’s 13 months. LOL
Eve recently posted..Writer’s Workshop- Where the Magic Happens Vlog
You said it! We refer to 5:00 as the witching hour. Ugh!
Victoria KP recently posted..RDC- Turning the Tables
No wonder I am always pissed off when my husband gets home at 5. I thought it was him. But the kids are crazy at 5, now that I think about it. There’s a pattern!
Thank you! It’s not me!!!!
Brandella recently posted..The Jesus Drawer
My witching hour starts the second the kids get in the car when I pick them up from school. Basically until 9pm when they go to sleep or if they are plugged into the computer or wii. Kinda makes me want to give up on setting screen time limits because it is nice to have those minutes of peace and productivity. ;)
zenaliciousmom recently posted..Life Under Construction
Oh my goodness! That totally describes my children. Except if Daddy’s not home, most nights they remain those terrors right up until bedtime, and sometimes even through then. I don’t know what it is, and I was just thinking to myself last night that I wanted to bash my head against a wall because of the little crazy people who don’t listen that invade my house for hours.
I was glad when my husband was home last night. We had pizza, and when I was going to go out to pick it up, he asked me if I was going to take the kids with me. I laughed. After their constant not listening? Knowing they would run around place until the pizza was ready and terrorize other customers? Not on your life. They stayed w/Daddy and I went by myself! (It was nice!)
If you have the space and the money (ours was $200, and a gift from my mother in law) I highly, highly, highly recommend a trampoline. Best investment ever.
FoxyKate recently posted..grey yoga pants- green deep-V- glasses
Thank goodness I am not the only one whose children become possessed at 5pm. The witching hour I presume….
The Dalai Mama recently posted..Sorry Kiddo- No Flowers For You
Oh, I hate that time of day. It’s like the wishing hour or something. Just so you know, this is why god invented tv.
Theresa recently posted..For Now…Red Writing Hood
I experience the 5:00 Failure feeling as well, but mostly just because I realize how little I actually got done that day! I look around at the messy house, the piles of laundry, the dishes in the sink and wonder what the hell I did all day. Oh yeah, now I remember. I read blogs. I wrote a blog. I played with my kids. Screw the laundry.
Thank you for writing this! We are all living the same Groundhog Day, aren’t we?
Julia’s Child recently posted..Meg Wolitzers Answer to the Little Black Dress
We have that over here too. I call it the witching hour. It occurs a bit earlier over here but it’s’ the same.damn.thing.
Jeneva recently posted..Spring Break!! Yeah!
Wow. We are too hard on ourselves. A whole day of manageable children, and the one “witching hour” we fall apart and feel like failures, when we actually ROCK the whole mom thing.
Somedays I would meet my husband at the door, fill him in on the location and current activities of each child, tell him dinner is on the stove, and I would leave; drive to the beach and sit on the sand or walk on the sand for a couple of hours before I could face going back home. Many times a box of tissue would give its life for my tears.
Bless you mom. It is worth it. My 3 raging maniacs grew up and have produced 7+1 beautiful grandchildren (who, by the way can do NO wrong… *snicker*) and I get the phone calls from the daughters crying about the horrible kids.
I remember those times. And am strenghtened by the memories.
Bless you mom!
What women need today is more husbands like yours. Or the courage to say “Have kids. I’m leaving.” We all feel the need to be superwomen. Did Wonder Woman have kids? Nope! Thats why she never popped out of her bustier. I know if I was trying to fly through the sky in one of those, my 5 year old would ensure the whole city got a peep show!
We are human, and that is good.
It helps to have a deep voice- much harder to ignore.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..A Jealous Man
It’s not a coincidence that happy hour starts at 5, is it?
Marinka recently posted..Life’s A Bitch!
I believe this is called the witching hour. But I agree with Marinka it is not a coincidence that happy hour also starts at the same time.
Jessica recently posted..Another Recap
I think we all feel like that, but don’t be so hard on yourself…. I too pray for a cage in our family room for the kids, and ear plugs for me.
Not Winning Mom of the Year recently posted..The Booty Shot
I call it the witching hour. Oh, yes. Everyone is tired and hungry and all hell breaks loose.
Lolli @ Better in Bulk recently posted..Miss Mary’s Legacy – PSF
We call the hours between about 4pm and 7pm the witching hours. I totally understand.
Emily recently posted..Slow Cooker Anyday- Polska Kielbasa Mac & Cheese
Huh, I thought it was just my kids. Glad I’m not alone!!
Are we on the same time zone? EVERY.SINGLE.DAY it happens just like that at our house! Almost to the t! I love when you said they act human again just about the time the husband gets home. That’s how it happens at our house leaving my husband to believe I have just gone insane without reason! I have tried to explain how much the witching hour sucks, but I don’t think he gets it at all!
Omg! I thought I was the only one!
Mine is 2:45. That is when I pick them up from school. They drive me crazy all the way home! grrrrrr
Mine lose their minds at 5 PM too. That is also the time I start cooking dinner. While I cook dinner I drink wine. Coincidence? I think not…
Twinisms recently posted..Death By Cupcake
Mine is 6pm…but I sooo understand this.
There’s a reason why they call it the Children’s Hour. I recommend a new family tradition of a five o’clock dance off – last one left standing wins. :)
Oh man 5 o’clock .. that awful 5 o’clock .. you’ll make it through :)
here too. my boss and I have an unwriten rule that we will not call each other during the witching hours (5pm-7pm)!
So excited I found this article as it made tnhgis much quicker!
You mean you don’t turn on the cartoons at EXACTLY 5pm every day?? It’s about the only time I’m grateful for kid TV.
Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac recently posted..Sorting
Dude, seriously. Especially on the “husband waltzes in just as they’ve gotten fine, but I look like I’ve been hit by a mack truck” part. I started calling it “unhappy” hour several years ago.
Save and store some energy for 5:00pm so that you can baffle the kids! They will have no idea what happened and will be in awe of their mother. They may even wonder if it is really you LOL And by all means, enjoy it like crazy because you’re going to wake up and they are going to be all grown up. Then the grandchildren will come over and totally destroy your whole house and then leave without cleaning it up. LMBO!
I’m reading this at 5:30.
That’s all I’m going to say.
Jaci @ Ravings of a Mad Housewife recently posted..Elodies Birthday Cake
There is a “witching hour(s)” for every kid. And yes, they grow out of it and no, I can’t tell you when. One day you will realize that it’s gone – and that it’s possibly been gone for a while – and then you will smile. Until the next issue pops up – and, of course, it most certainly will eventually. Have a happy Mother’s Day! At least until 5:00 pm….
Gigi recently posted..Conversations Like This Are The Only Reason I Go To Work Every Day
that’s why five o’clock is Wine O’Clock…oh yes…
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..She Likes It From the Left
Mine change personalities when a friend is usually over. They push and shove each other, scream at the top of their lungs, run around in cirlces, wrestle, etc. As soon as my guest leaves, my sweet angels are back. They are definitely trying to show off and think they can take advantage because Mommy is talking to a friend. Some people probably think my kids are wild animals but they are really great kids…I promise. I totally feel your pain! I love someone’s post about happy hour being at 5:00. Makes sense!!!!
Ellie (Mommy Masters) recently posted..May Parenting Tip
Amen, sister!
S Club Mama recently posted..why being a stay-at-home mom doesnt suck
Ahh, a little something our pediatrician called the witching hour.
Kid Id recently posted..The Tiny TIM Complex- A Small But Significant Asterisk to Freuds Theory
I’ve been trying to think how to solve this particular problem. Benadryl? Perhaps, but I think you had an issue with this in the past, people taking you seriously and all.
Exhaustion? Since running them into the ground would only make the tiredness worse, I think not.
I think our best bet is to invest in mirrors placed randomly about the house, changing each day. Then, all we’d have to do is patch them up with a bit of legitimate pain relief once they wake up from their “falls”.
OMG…Matt woke up from his nap today like a complete alien…screaming, kicking, half-asleep insulting me (yes, he’s only 2.5). Two seconds before Husband opened the door, he started smiling and jumping around. I almost knocked him on his cute little ass!
Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 recently posted..Friday Night Leftovers
My crazy time is usually around noon. Right before naptime. Dishes from breakfast still in the sink, trying to make a lunch nobody will eat. My biggest Mommy meltdowns have happened over PB&J.
Kim Dee recently posted..But-WOW!
Ah, yes, the witching hour. Our little three year old will ask him Dad when he gets home, “Dad are you home for the witching hour.” They might throw themselves on the ground but it is me who feels like I want to do the same.
T Rex Mom recently posted..First Nature Walk of 2011
You describe it perfectly. 4-7pm I hate because I spend that whole time dreading and then fixing dinner. The standard perk of motherhood really should be a personal chef. I keep waiting for one to fall out of the sky.
Melinda recently posted..Foods From Around the Fridge An Epicurean Tale
From 5-7pm is the witching hour. I’m so glad it’s not just me. And in addition to dealing with out of control children, we have to MAKE DINNER. It makes me want to shoot myself.
Loved this.
Ha! Of course. Loving your Target updates!
I call it ‘cactus hour’! Thank gooodness I stopped at one!
I worked in a nursing home with Alzheimers patients and this happened everyday with them too. It was called Sundowning.
I KNOW its not what is happening to your kids but its not uncommon.
Debbie recently posted..IM BACK
It’s the universal witching hour. Carefully timed to coincide with dinner preparation. Joy.
Dana recently posted..A Tale of Two Trees
My eldest child sent this to me, because she’s heard the same story from me a million times! When my kids were young, I developed what came to be known as “Mommy Brain,” at precisely 5pm. At the appointed time, I could no longer hold one additional piece of information in my head. My brain was full! Sometimes, the reboot was a few quiet moments; sometimes it was a glass, or two, of wine. Every now and then, the only thing that worked for me embarrassed the hell out of my kids. I would put their favorite music on, and then dance like Elaine from Seinfeld. The kicker was that I was usually buckled up in the car, stopped at a red light. They felt shame, and I felt free. That is how the “Mommy Dance™*” was born!
*It’s not really trademarked, but it can’t be taught. It is a gift!