7 Times I Will Definitely Flip You Off

7 Times I Will Definitely Flip You Off

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I enjoy flipping people off. It’s my favorite way to show you that IDGAF about whatever it is you have to say. I know women who give the finger or don’t smile while blowing sunshine up your butthole tend to be labeled as miserable, nasty, unhappy, or suffering from PMS, but this not the case. We are actually just letting you know we don’t have the energy to have a pissing contest with you. You aren’t worth our words, and you should shut it, especially during these situations:

1. Mansplaining

If I am talking and you interrupt me, talk over me, attempt to correct me, or try to tell me how I should feel or why I should feel that way in a condescending, patronizing manner, I won’t argue with you. My middle finger will be waved in front of your face and your mansplaining lips as you to try to mansplain to me why you aren’t mansplaining. Boy, bye.

2. Catcalling

It is unclear as to why men still do this. News flash: Women do not find this attractive, like, at all. Does “Hey baby, bring that fine ass over here, ” ever get you laid? Does it ever get you anything other than dirty a look or a middle finger? Because those are the only things you’re getting from me. Funny how men still believe this flatters women, maybe you need someone to mansplain to you why this doesn’t work in your favor. Back off.

3. Telling me to smile

Women smile when they feel like it, not everything deserves a happy face, especially someone telling you that you should smile. It is that simple. I have never had anyone tell me to smile, then I smiled and said,” Oh, yeah, right, I am suddenly overcome with joy and happiness because someone who doesn’t know me told me to smile. Now my life is great. Thanks!” When you tell a woman to smile you are saying, “I am uncomfortable, and you need to make me comfortable, so please smile so I can be comfortable.” Sorry, but that is not our job to make you feel comfortable. Tell me to smile, and you will get the one finger salute.

4. Telling me I should stop swearing

You telling me to stop swearing makes me want to break out all the fancy ways I know how to use the word “fuck.” I am a fuckaholic who doesn’t fuck around. Do I love to swear? Absofuckinglutely. See what you did there? Stop being a fuckbag and save your energy to tell people not to use words like “fat,” “ugly,” or “hate.” Give a fuck about that shit instead of crucifying the many ways women can utter profanities. We are good at it, and it would be a shame to waste such talent especially with a sexist pig in our presence.

5. Telling me to act like a lady

We all know you mean you would be more comfortable if I sat down, crossed my legs, and smiled while nodding my head, but I am going to sit, talk, and act like a true lady — however the fuck I want. You don’t have to like it. You just have to accept it. Women do whatever the hell we want in 2017, pal. Get used to it.

6. Asking me why I am wearing “that”

I don’t care if you are wearing stilettos and a leather mini-dress to a ballgame, rocking your favorite footy pajamas to the school play, or wearing a beanie when it is 90 degrees outside. I am going to assume you are wearing it because you love the way it makes you feel, and you probably don’t want to explain your outfit choice. Assume the same about me. What I put on my body doesn’t concern you, move along.

7. Giving me unsolicited parenting advice

We all ask for it when we need it. We Google, join Facebook groups, ask trusted friends, and get flooded with advice. As parents, if we aren’t asking, we don’t want what you are selling. You think my middle finger is rude? So is your passive-aggressive way of telling me I shouldn’t let my son grow out his hair or I am coddling my daughter too much. Mind your own business, please. I’ve got this.

So maybe my “fuck you” digit gets the message across — or maybe it doesn’t. The point is it makes me feel a whole lot better, and it lets you know that I’m not amused or flattered by your bullshit. I don’t use it to tell you my feelings are hurt or I can’t handle what you are saying. The one-finger salute is used in lieu of wasting my breath. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone, especially someone who thinks yelling lewd remarks or telling me how to act is socially acceptable. So don’t be afraid to use that middle finger, ladies. It’s empowering.