I have read a lot of funny posts lately that liken finding new mom friends to picking up guys. There is the subtle flirting and flattery, the loose and casual attitudes about everything in conversation so not to seem uptight, and even the go-out-of-your-way-to-not-seem-judgy-by-describing-all-the-things-you-don’t-judge thing, which for dudes in a bar is roughly the equivalent of the I-swear-I’m-not-the-creepy-rapey-type.
Now that moms know how to pick up other moms, I am here to offer some advice on what NOT to do when you meet that one mom. You know her; she is totally your type. You both love to hate Target but go anyway. You both totally heart Angry Cat memes online. You both love that same coffee joint around the corner from that park that both of your kids play at. Hell, even your kids seem to play well together.
You get all excited to invite her to your weekly girls’ night out and then BOOM! She dumps you.
She’s just not that into you.
Yep. Just like in dating.
And just like in dating you’re supposed to be all cool with it and move on to the next round of mom crushes without a trace of grudge. You know, acting like you’re all taking the high road and stuff.
So, here’s the thing, if you’re really going to take the high road, here are some tips for being at the receiving end of a friend breakup:
1. You cannot Facebook stalk. OK, stalk is a bit of an overkill word here and so for the sake of clarity what I mean to say is that you should not check 23 times if your friend request has been accepted yet. Because it hasn’t. Why? Because, she’s just not that into you.
2. Do not casually bring up in convos with your mutual friend that she seems aloof/bitchy/busy/acting weird. And yeah, it’s a little strange to mention that she hasn’t been at that coffee joint for her afternoon java boost for a couple of weeks. You see, she’s just not that into you.
3. Please, for the love of your dignity, do not openly ignore her at pee-wee-whatever-ball games. Don’t be that drama mama. The woman has eyes, you know. She can see you standing 12 feet away and talking to every single person around her except her. Say it with me; she’s just not that into you.
4. You shouldn’t take it personally when you see her chumming it up with the new mom at the playground. Who knows, maybe they are meant for each other. Maybe you tried too hard. Maybe it turns out she’s kind of a bitch. Or maybe it is neither thing; maybe you two just weren’t a great match after all. Is it really so bad that a shitty friend is just not that into you?
She’s just not that into you. When I first heard those words I thought, what kind of a person just drops a friend like yesterday’s news? A person who isn’t much of a friend to begin with, that’s who. It is liberating to spin the humility of a failed friendship by putting the onus on…well…the owner of the problem.
She’s just not that into you because the bitch can’t see how marvelous you are.
Related post: The 10 Mom Friends Every Mom Needs