The Funny Parents Of Twitter Tell Us Why Coffee Is Crucial When You Have Kids – Scary Mommy

The Funny Parents Of Twitter Tell Us Why Coffee Is Crucial When You Have Kids

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Parenting and coffee: they’re inextricably linked. Sure, there are those who somehow survive without it (who hurt you?) but for most of us, dealing with kids is borderline impossible in its absence. They keep you up all night and then wake before it’s even light out. They tell you at 9:00 pm that they need three dozen cupcakes for a school function the next day. They exist. That’s reason enough to hook yourself up to a caffeine IV every morning.

We love our kids and want to be our best selves for them. Coffee gives us that extra boost so we can soldier on and hopefully, not have a complete breakdown before 9:00 am. The funny parents of Twitter understand the struggle and capture our feelings for java in these tweets about the love affair between parents and that caffeinated goodness.

1. Seems like a fair trade.

One kid should be worth like, a few week’s worth of coffees. At least.

2. Oh. That’s thoughtful.

It’s only the most important part of a parent’s day. Those few moments of precious silence. But by all means, kids. Fill us with guilt about wanting to be alone with our sacred mug.

3. We’ve all been there.

Desperate times, you guys. And to be honest, does the vessel that magic drink comes in even matter? I’d drink it from just about anything but a toilet plunger.

4. There’s rules, OK?

Tea, coffee, doesn’t make a difference. We need our time to go through all of Facebook, Buzzfeed, Instagram and Twitter with a hot beverage in hand. Then, the Bat signal. Then, words may come out of your mouth.

5. A little harsh, but it had to be said.

They flail around carelessly not realizing the irreparable harm they could cause. What if it spills and a refill isn’t readily available? All threats are reasonable here. No fellow parent will judge you.

6. Preach.

Keep reheating that sludge. Pretty soon, you can trade it for a much prettier container full of something even better. Hang in there!

7. They say the sweetest things.

We know coffee doesn’t make us smell fresh as daisies, but it’s a necessary sacrifice and if they knew what was good for them, they’d inhale that coffee breath and LIKE IT.

8. That’s a strong argument.

Does anything make you want to pop open a bottle of wine more than hearing your kids whine? But at 6:00 am, it kind of has to be coffee. Pity.

9. Life’s big questions.

We drank it before you were born. We guzzled it after. Mostly, to deal with things like people trying to chat us up while we pee.

10. Just keeping it real.

You could give some long, drawn-out explanation. But that would require a lot more coffee.

11. Put your game face on.

It’s the mom version of “liquid courage”.