The Funniest Parents Of Twitter On The Trouble With Mother’s Day – Scary Mommy

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The Funniest Parents Of Twitter On The Trouble With Mother’s Day

Most of us are reasonable. We aren’t wanting or expecting worship (full disclosure, I’m wanting and expecting at least a little worship) but a day without wiping asses or cutting someone else’s food or hauling the diaper bag would be really nice. Hopefully, that’s the kind of day we get.

But realistically? Things will disappoint us and shit will go wrong. That’s why it’s a relief that the funny parents of Twitter can keep us laughing through the strife. Our husbands and kids might make us roll our eyes, but these hilarious tweets about Mother’s Day can turn those frowns upside down. So can mimosas.

1. Gonna go with before 9 am.

We don’t get a whole day. Let’s just work through our rage about it now.

2. This is an honest assessment.

Once the husband and kids are over the novelty of serving Mommy breakfast and giving her some lovely flowers, things will quickly return to business as usual. 22 minutes might be a generous estimate, to be honest.

3. Low standards are key.

A poop without having to simultaneously refasten the hands on your daughter’s Monster High doll or referee a fight happening outside the bathroom door would be amazing. Truly.

4. Mostly worth it. Mostly.

Oh, you made me something out of wood and glue? I had bladder prolapse because of you! A fair trade, no doubt.

5. It’s probably smart.

Because this day is so fraught with emotion and expectation, any smart spouse will make himself scarce. But if he’s really smart, he’ll take the kids with him.

6. And no court would convict you.

My husband pulled this once when our daughter was a baby. Once.

7. Because it’s inevitable.

It’s going to happen. Might as well turn it into a drinking game.

8. Hashtag: humblebrag.

Because if we don’t tell Facebook our “kids” got us a spa gift certificate and a dozen roses, does it even count?

9. We’re gracious like that.

All diva-like whining aside, we are grateful for their efforts. However loud they may be.

10. The final insult.

In case your husband and kids didn’t make you feel under-appreciated enough.

11. Bottoms up.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Valerie Williams is a working mother with two school-aged children living in New York (not the cool part). She loves running, reading, snarking, and spending time with her family. Follow her on Twitter.