10 Things To Pack in Your Hospital Bag

218 Comments

10 Things To Pack in Your Hospital Bag

I am done having babies.

(I think.)

I will (probably) never again feel the familiar wave of nausea roll over me and see the bright blue lines appear on a positive pregnancy test.

I will (most likely) not be found shopping for bottles or pacifiers or infant car seats to be used by my own precious offspring.

And, I’m (pretty) confident that I will never again make a hospital checklist.

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So, as a former member of the expectant-mother-club, I consider it my duty to impart my knowledge onto the new breed of yet-to-be mothers. Here’s what I wish I’d taken to the hospital, but wasn’t smart enough to…

1.  Shampoo, conditioner and body wash. The first shower you take after you give birth will be the best shower of your life and the hospital products suck.

2. A roll of good quality toilet paper or wipes. That first pee after giving birth is brutal. Hospital grade toilet paper feels like sandpaper and you don’t need that rubbing against your bruised lady parts. Trust me.

3. Makeup. I know, I know. You just pushed a human being out of your vagina — who cares how you look in pictures with your newborn? You will. For the rest of your life.

4. Cellphone (obviously,) but don’t forget the charger. Between taking pictures, tweeting, Facebooking, calling, texting and e-mailing, you’ll blow through that battery in no time.

5.  An extra bag. You’ll be sent home with diapers, wipes, formula, and more. It’s like a new mother’s Halloween! Make sure you can schlep all of your loot or you’ll be kicking yourself the next week at Babies”R”Us. That crap is expensive.

6. Preparation H. It will be your new best friend.

7.  Food. You’re going to be starving and hospital food is revolting. Stock your fridge with all the stuff you haven’t been able to eat in 9 months. And, make sure to lock it from your husband. He’s eaten enough.

8.  Extra strength maxi pads. The ones at the hospital haven’t changed in a century. Seriously, they practically have belts. A box of extra strength Always will be one of the best investments you make.

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9. Maternity yoga pants. It’s total bullshit, but you will leave the hospital looking as pregnant as you went in. It’s tragic, but true.

10. A Blindfold. (For yourself.) Girlfriend, you are going to look like hell. Best not to see it.

Comments

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  1. 1

    RubberDucky says

    Comfy full butt panties to go with those maxi pads. Nothing is worse then too tight (or worse!) not tight enough panties when you’ve basically pushed a watermelon from your lady bits… You expect it to hurt, but you really have no idea. And comfy slippers…

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  2. 5

    Steph says

    Granny panties to go along with the pads. Those meshies are awful. AWFUL. The grannies will hold that massive pad in place. A dark color is best….just because.

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  3. 6

    Erin Margolin says

    dude, you totally left out Tucks pads for your poor ass. what about earplugs for those noisy maternity wards (given that you are bad mommy like me and send baby to nursery)? eye mask.

    oh, and a giant ole bottle of Prozac. but maybe that’s just me.

    ;-)
    xo

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  4. 10

    Sheri Morgan says

    Totally agree on the granny panties, but bring ones you don’t care about in case of a leak! Also bring shower shoes so you can truly enjoy that first shower! Bring food to the hospital too, in case you’re left waiting for ages before they bring yours (and its usually gross when they do!)

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  5. 13

    Theda says

    Slippers or extra big socks. My feet swelled up like balloons after giving birth, and I couldn’t fit into my shoes. Not even a little bit.

    Speaking of swelling up, either have an extra large bra handy, or find out if the hospital has a bra department. My breast swelled up too…several bra sizes (from a DDD to an H).

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    • 15

      PlurLiffey says

      I wish some one had told me this when i had my first son at 17 I went broke fast now ill be having my 2nd in September and will be taking the nurse home if she doesnt resist.

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  6. 18

    Carrie with Children says

    A good pillow because hospital pillows are *the* absolute worst. I bought a brand, new pillow for home a few weeks before my due date and just took my “old” pillow to the hospital with me and then “forgot” it there when I left.

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