How To End A Friendship

Remember the good old days? The days when you could actually lose touch with the people you wanted to lose touch with? Sadly, those days are gone.

Once upon a time, you could leave a job and rest assured that if you never wanted to hear from those cubical mates again, you wouldn’t have to. Old neighbors would receive holiday cards for a few years until the communication fizzled out and expired friendships were allowed to simply fade away. It was a natural part of the cycle of life. Relationships come and go and that’s how it always was and is supposed to be.

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Until Facebook. Thanks a lot, Mark Zuckerberg.

A few months ago, I heard from an old acquaintance. She was the type of person who you know for a brief period of time and never hear from again. Except that she found me on Facebook and lived not too far away. Would I like to meet for lunch? I could barely remember who she was, but I accepted. What did I have to lose?

Turns out, a few precious hours of my life. Within minutes, I remembered exactly who she was and exactly why the relationship should have died a quick, painful death. Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to agree. Before the meal was over, I was somehow roped into a double date for the next weekend and invited to her kid’s birthday party. I’m really not even sure how that happened.

I rushed home and called Jeff. Normally, when I meet potential friends and we take that big step of a double date, I give him a speech about us needing more couple friends and to be on his very best behavior. No crude jokes. No inappropriate stories. No third glass of wine. This time, I did the opposite. We need to get out of this friendship now, I told him. You have my permission to be offensive. Be obnoxious. Do all of those things I would normally kick you under the table for. Be your worst self ever.

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And, he was. He told jokes that only belong at bachelor parties. He was loud and brash and didn’t think twice about inserting his unwanted opinion. He was horrible. It was perfect. We never heard from her again and the pending Facebook request was cancelled.

And that, my friends, is how you end an unnecessarily resurrected relationship.

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

From Around the Web


Issa 2 years ago

Screw etiquette. I’m not accepting anyone who I’m not willing to share info with. I’ve had to block one very persistent (and annoying) “friend.” I don’t want to hide her in my news feed.

1.If I couldn’t trust you to watch my baby sister or take care of my cats you are out of luck on friend requests.

2.We went to the same high-school and were not really friends then. Why should we be friends now?

This is, of course, different when family sends requests.

Nj P 2 years ago

Immature crap. All she had to do was just decline the invitation at the start. She wasted the time of the woman who was kind enough to make a gesture of friendship and then subjected her to boorish behavior. Time to put on the “big girl” panties and be authentic. It could start with a simple, “Thank you, but I’m not able to do that.” (Not able to accept the original invitation.) No further explanation needed, and can be said kindly.

Lu 3 years ago

And the best part about that story is that you can blame it on your husband! They can really come in handy sometimes. Way to go Jeff! Hahaha! Great post!

Shirley @save the shrink 3 years ago

I don’t know your reasons for ending the friendship but I’m uncomfortable with burning bridges. So there’s quite a lump at my throat while reading this. But then again, that is your call. It’s just awesome that your husband is a cool bean to back you up!

Danielle 3 years ago

What a team the two of your are!! Awesome.

TexasMommy2SAR 3 years ago

Huh, My husband acts like that on ALL our double dates…no wonder I can’t keep a friend. Truth is, my husband hates all my friends- and naturally- they hate him. He’s an ass.

Tiana 3 years ago

I seriously just laughed out loud and my boss looked over and asked me if I was feeling well. Apparently he thinks I’m a lunatic who likes to look at my computer screen laughing all day! Thanks SM!!

kelly 3 years ago

That was funny and great! thank you for all the “tips”

Tamie 3 years ago

I like it! I’ve reached out to people from my past. Some people have willing reconnected and some have not. It did take me a moment to realize why the latter didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Time doesn’t always change people, but sometimes it does. It was good that you tried, but better that you ended it.

Amy McCollum 3 years ago

{{{ GREATNESS!! }}} Thanks for the laugh!! (and the tip)

Jerry Smith 3 years ago

Is sounds like she had a good night; that said, couldn’t she after discovering the friendship should have died and quick and painful death, do just that at lunch?

Christy 3 years ago

So funny! Thank God for husbands that love us enough go along with all the crap we get ourselves into!!

DT @ Dead Trees and Silver Screens 3 years ago

So funny! Can I do with my inlaws? No? Damn it!

the muskrat 3 years ago

This might be even better than my standby of shoving a banana in the tailpipe.

Holli Metz 3 years ago

Hilarious! Laughing my ass off!

Charisse 3 years ago

EEEK!!! Facebook has basically allowed our anonymity and friendship ending days to be numbered. Over. Zip.

I don’t always like it. I am with you. When someone finds me that I wish they hadn’t I cringe. Deeeeeep inside.

Thankfully, I live nowhere near anyone that I used to know, ever. *WHEW*

Jen @ Ginger Guide 3 years ago

Oh holy crap, I need to do this for high school “friends”. We weren’t friends in high school because you made my life a living hell, not sure why the hell I accepted your friend request on facebook, and no, I do not want to have a play date with our kids.

Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom 3 years ago

That’s a riot! My hubby would enjoy this. He hates having to go on those man playdates anyway. If it’s someone we don’t mind parting ways with eternally, what an opportunity to trot out the offensive behavior!

Linda Roy 3 years ago

I have got to use this! Brilliant! And my wise ass Hubby would enjoy the hell out of the opportunity to offend some people. He’d start with religion and end with politics and in the middle he’d just go for the jugular.

Office Crush 3 years ago

I don’t think either my husband or I could do this (we were raised repressed, obedient children), but that’s why we have rude, farting, nerf-bullet-shooting children.

Kristin Shaw 3 years ago

Jill, my husband is dreaming of the day I will give him that order. Brilliant.

Kristin Shaw 3 years ago

I nearly did that myself recently. A needy friend I’ve had for 12 years decided that she was going to beat me up via FB message and told me that she was hurt that I didn’t ask her more often for advice and that I didn’t need her more. Husband told me to cut her off – he doesn’t play. Sometimes it is better to cut the cord on a relationship that isn’t doing anyone any favors!

imperfectmomma 3 years ago

Ha! That is freaking genius! Why didn’t I ever think of that?

Christine @ Quasi Agitato 3 years ago

classic. can you vlog a re-enactment? in your spare time? you know, the time jeff saved you by ridding you of that time sucking bitch?

marni 3 years ago

this hit home! i never thought of the obnoxious husband strategy but hey, i guess you showed that it worked!

mouthymama 3 years ago

Just found your blog and read the first entry…I’m hooked. You are hilarious.

Sean Bianca 3 years ago

Here’s a tip, if one does not wish to have the mean girls and dorky High School Boys find them from long ago then do not put down where you went to High School or College info on Facebook!

Maricris @ SittingAround 3 years ago

This is hilarious! It reminds me of that movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

IASoupMama 3 years ago

Too funny! I’ve also found that integrating every possible opposite political opinion into an awkward situation like that works well, too. The other person thinks you’re looney (they’re probably right) and you get to exercise some good ol’ American judgemental-ism, which feels good in the right situation. Attack values! Attack candidates! Attack anything you want and everyone will leave you alone, very, very alone…

Heather 3 years ago

Well played!

Alexandra 3 years ago

Now that you’re published, and on NBC TODAY, and on the radio, and in newspapers, and magazines: they’re going to come out of the woodwork.

So, yeah, keep it up, Jeff.


Jack@TheJackB 3 years ago

Great googly moogly- this is the kind of order that every husband dreams about because we hate some of your friends just as much as you hate some of ours.

Corey Feldman 3 years ago

I have to say that is actually

Kristin @ What She Said 3 years ago

Or? You could just blog about her. 😉

Seriously, I recently vented about a frienemy on my blog in what I thought was the broadest way possible. I even made my husband read it. “Do you think she’ll pick up on the fact that I’m talking about her,” I asked. “Uh… YEAH,” he answered. “I don’t think so,” I replied. “I was very broad.” “Uh-huh,” he said. “We’ll see.”

Turns out, he was right, I wasn’t as broad as I thought, she picked up on the references, and She.Got.PISSED. We had it out and that was the end of a friendship that had honestly driven me bonkers for nearly two years.

There is a land called Passive Aggressiva, and I am their Queen.

Mary 3 years ago

Hilarious! My husband and I had dinner Sunday night with some people we hadn’t seen in years. The husband was a boor – completely rude, patronizing and macho-man gross. Now I’m thinking – perhaps they were trying to tell us something???? Well, I’m on to them! I’m gonna call them right now and invite them over for dinner! Thanks for the heads up!

bree 3 years ago

LMAO. My husband will be thrilled with this new idea!

Sweety Darlin 3 years ago

WOW! This is why I am all super secret agent man on the interwebz. I was myself ONCE and the people that came out of the woodwork looking for me and wanting me to send them crap for their dumb games made me want to just run into oncoming traffic.

Therefore I am all super secret agent man now. I only make contact with people that I actually like, and if they fall out of favor they get blocked so they can’t stalk me!

Of course I am offensive usually just being myself. I even manage to offend people when I am trying to be good, so there are not a lot of unwanted invites in my world.

Shauna @ Balancing Bites 3 years ago

This is great. I will have to remember this one. My husband would definitely do this too.

Flodo 3 years ago

Over the past decade, I’ve gotten very good at decluttering friends that I deemed no longer worth keeping (like the toxic ones). Even though, I Facebook, Twitter, and email – when I’m done with a person, I just don’t communicate with them anymore. They eventually take the hint. I’ve never had to explain myself to them. They get it. Warning: some take longer than others. Decluttering friends that are no longer worth keeping (like the toxic ones) is as good if not better than decluttering your garage or basement. Try it. You really do feel cleansed.

dumb{squared} 3 years ago

You should meet with Zuckerberg and the rest of the Facebook team and offer this as a new Facebook option.

Also, should you ever find yourself in this situation again. pull out a box of wine from a bag and ask “Who want’s to shotgun this sucker or should I be the first?”

Manisha 3 years ago

Wait. No 3rd glass of wine. Oops! I sure hope I didn’t make a fool of myself on our last outing with another couple!

Marie 3 years ago

That is brilliant! The roles would have been reversed with my husband & I. I would be the one telling the inappropriate jokes, stories and the like. My husband would have died a thousand deaths of embarrassment but in the end would have been happy I severed the “potential friendship”.

Lala Mama 3 years ago

That was awesome – your hubby is super-cool!

@StayAtHomeMaven 4 years ago

I know I’m coming the party late, but I couldn’t pass up a title like this one (featured in your most popular posts). That is a high calibre husband you have there. Genius move on your part and excellent execution on his. I tip my hat.

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

I meant “guts” for…grrr…sticking keys!!!!!!

Jessica Brown 4 years ago

Oh, Jill, that is so awesome. You know, my husband’s name is Jason…we’re another J and J couple, and my husband could have taken Jeff’s place at that dinner table admirably, based on what you described. Priceless blue bachelor party jokes included. My husband would’ve told the one about how his best man hired a stripper to give Jason a lap dance, and how the stripper’s stilettos left some VERY odd bruises on the tops of his thighs that were rather evident on our honeymoon. Everyone on the cruise ship asking, “Wow, what happened to your thighs?” And he’d have to choose: tell the truth and make a pina colada come shooting out of their nose, or make something up about running into corners. A lot. Sigh. Glad your man rescued you from the horrible potential “friend,” mine would’ve done the same. Isn’t that one reason we love them, because they do the things we need done but don’t have the guys for–squishing spiders, fending off robbers, and scaring away stalker former acquaintances. 😉

tracey – justanothermommy 4 years ago

You are truly brilliant. And your husband is a saint!

Claudia 4 years ago

Jill, this is hilarious! I can just see Jeff coming through in the clutch in this way. I look forward to hearing some of those successful jokes – hopefully this fall. Congratulations on your book deal! xox Clauida

Jennifer Ford 4 years ago

ahahahhhahaha Best response, ever.

Elisa 4 years ago

Good on Jeff for playing along! I think my husband is too much of a goody-two-shoes to do that, and then being obnoxious falls entirely on my shoulders. But then again, it does come natural.

Marta 4 years ago

Hilarious. You should write a book titled that, we all know people we wish we didn’t!

AlexandraZ 4 years ago


Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Because I suck at saying no. Plus, she was REALLY pushy.

Aileen 4 years ago

OK, I recognize that this is a funny story…BUT it seems a bit passive-aggressive, and a bit cowardly. A man would never find himself getting pulled into a friendship he didn’t want… Why couldn’t you just say “no” to the double date? It seems like a lot of time and energy spent to end a friendship you didn’t even want…

amy 4 years ago

Hilarious! Your hubby is a saint!

Vicki 4 years ago

Good post.. hadn’t really thought about it but it is sort of hard to get lost today. Just found your site and adding it as a keeper!

Emily 4 years ago

Never would of thought of that. Very clever!

Stasha 4 years ago

Pimping out your husband. I like it. Jill may I just point out; seeing a pattern here. You need to stay away from Facebook for a bit. You were bitten a few too many times in the past few weeks.

mommy gem 4 years ago

Maybe I could use this trick to one of my super dooper bragger friend! You know the type of facebook friend who will post everything, her designer bags, her engagement ring, her photoshooped body in two-piece. Maybe I will invite her over and let my kids and hubby do the work. :)

Fine Life 4 years ago

Just so you know you’re not alone, I curse Mark Zuckerberg every other day. He has removed posts on my page that are critical of facebook. He stalks me! ;).

This plan of yours is so perfect, that I’m going to have to bogart it. Not like we can’t be really obnoxious around here, but we’ve never planned ahead. Next time, forethought!

Nina 4 years ago

Jill–so, so, so funny. And true. Actually, twitter has introduced some odd facebook requests too. My FB account is still a personal one so I’m not crazy about accepting those requests. And yet, it’s awkward to let the requests hang out there. I don’t have an FB on my blog, nor do I ever put a link to it on Twitter. Weird.

Carol 4 years ago

I absolutely loved this!

It came at a time when I was just talking to a friend how FB has changed “friendships”, and the meaning of.

Pam 4 years ago

Holy Beans! You need to lend your husband out to scare folks away.
I still get random messages from guys that had a crush on me how they still miss our close relationship from high school. Ewwww! Ewwww then and Ewwww now!

the mama bird diaries 4 years ago

Well done. Do you rent out your husband? This is why I like Twitter. No one really asks me to go to lunch.

Not a Perfect Mom 4 years ago

I accept and then hide them in my newsfeed

Kristi 4 years ago

Oh except if that was me and my husband you went out with, we would have gotten along fabulously. It sounds like our husbands have a lot in common. He can very rarely “be himself” around people we don’t know well. We have to make sure they don’t offend easily first. I remember this trick next time we want to get out of being friends with someone. :)

Tea 4 years ago

I’m pretty sure I’m my relationship’s Jeff, since Man is often giving me the “play nice” or “be yourself” cues.

Mommyfriend 4 years ago

You are a genius, and married to my husband it sounds like.

Nicole @MTDLBlog 4 years ago

My husband would be fabulous at this type of “assignment”. He knows how to take humor to the inappropriate leap-of-a-cliff level….of course, thats just his norm….so….. 😉

Not Winning Mom of the Year 4 years ago

Love it, you married quite a gem there. I was going to give you advice to burp and fart rudely at the table, but looks like your guy handled it beautifully.

Poppy 4 years ago

I just ran into someone yesterday who let me know they were going to find me on Facebook. Awesome. She already saw me so she knows I’ve gained weight, what the hell else does she need, confirmation that her kids are cuter? Duh. If she invites me to lunch, I’m calling your husband.

The Flying Chalupa 4 years ago

This is perhaps one of your best posts, Jill. Some relationship definitely deserve to fade away. Which makes me happy that I’m still not on Facebook. And that I really want to go on a double date with you and Jeff. F-to-the-U-to-the-N.

Corine 4 years ago

haha I LOVE it. I give my hubby the same speech when we’re going on a double date. Good Couple friends are hard to find.

Johanna 4 years ago

I hold Mark Zuckerberg fully responsible for the fact that I now have somewhat regular correspondance with the girl I played with when I was four and haven’t seen since. What do we have in common? NOTHING! It’s a zombie friendship, ie totally unnatural!

Glad you found such a great way to extricate yourself from yours :)

coconuts 4 years ago

I can get mine to act like an ass on cue. The angle part were still working on.

Julie 4 years ago

I. Love. It. and I totally have the husband that goes with this scenario! SCORE!

Angie 4 years ago

I’m going to file this one under “BRILLIANT”! And I love that your husband went all out for you :) I wonder how I can make this work with a few clients who are on the chopping block but limit the collateral damage…..

jo 4 years ago

This is exactly why I don’t do facebook – there are numerous people that I have no desire to be in contact with from way back when. Didn’t like them then why would I want to be friends with them now – if I even remembered who they were.

You were a brave woman to do a meet up and even braver to go into it with a straight face knowing full well how dh was going to behave.

Congrats on the both of you in getting out of that one.

OHN 4 years ago

Oh my gawd. This is nothing less than brilliant. I will be deploying my belching, raunchy husband the next time I want to breakup with a “friend”.

liz 4 years ago

This is awesome. I never would have had the guts to tell my husband to do that, but I’m a big believer that there are good reasons for some friendships to die.

I just stumbled this.

Marianne Trana 4 years ago


Diary of Secrets 4 years ago

Can I add exs too!

Kris 4 years ago

Eh, let her read it. That just means more insurance that she won’t be contacting you again. Unless she makes it her life’s mission to make you like her. In that case, good luck!

Tayarra 4 years ago

Oh my gosh! That was awesome! I have no ill feelings ignoring people’s requests on facebook. It’s quite shocking behavior coming from me! Love how you handled this! Too funny!

Katy 4 years ago

Now why did I never think about using my husband? Seven years in the Marines has given him a mouth & jokes that would make a frat guy blush.

Lotus Blu Mama 4 years ago

Classic, love this! And I’m sure your hubby was loving every single disgusting moment of his obnoxious behavior :)

Kay 4 years ago

You are my hero! I wish I was gutsy enough to try something like this.

tracy 4 years ago

Does this work with in-laws? Brilliant. So so funny! xo

Jack@TheJackB 4 years ago

Watch, you’ll find out that she is VP of Marketing for that company you hoped would sponsor the blog. 😉

dollimama 4 years ago

Oh man, that is great!

I give my husband the same speech, except I think I’m the one who usually turns people off…
Or the behavior of our children…
Friends are over rated! :)

Twinisms 4 years ago

Awesome. Finally, a task I can give the husband that will be followed through on 100% with no complaints!

Jennifer 4 years ago

Wow, I love your moxy!

My husband can easily offend, problem is, he’s so charming and friendly that he makes friends without even trying!

Mami of 2 4 years ago

That’s really funny!! I thought I was the only one that had to keep my honey in check like that. Love this

Kim 4 years ago


Christi 4 years ago

Oh how funny! I find that unwanted Facebook friendships are best left ignored. Just never respond to them and maybe they’ll think you have an unattended and forgotten FB account. And if you ever happen to run into them and they ask why you never responded? “oh, I NEVER check my FB account. I’m just too busy to keep up with it.” :-)

Diary of Secrets 4 years ago

Freakin’ GENIUS!!!

Ally 4 years ago

Another downside of facebook! I’m such a wimp, I’d have suffered through and been miserable at the next even and then I would have started making up excuses… Love the way you handled it!

Cassandra 4 years ago

LOL that is perfect. Another way is to tell them why you don’t want to be friends with them. I did that with the little sister of an ass hole I dated who then cheated on my with my new boyfriend. Uh, why would I want to be her friend again. Duh.

Mom on a Line 4 years ago

This is smart. It would have saved me the facebook guilt I blogged about a couple of days ago.

Kate Coveny Hood 4 years ago

That’s hilarious. I’ll have to remember this as I think Chris would be really good at scary unwanted friends away (I’m too much of a wimp).

Dani 4 years ago

Does this chick know you have this blog? ‘Cause this post surely would be the nail in the coffin. Props to you for actually going on a double date. Dying to know why you didn’t like her in the first place :)

ChiMomWriter 4 years ago

I love this – and will refer to this important guide the next time I’m working on a “Facebook purge.”

Bipolar Vixen 4 years ago


HappyHomeMommy 4 years ago

LOL Love it!! Definitely the laugh I needed this morning!

Bipolar Vixen 4 years ago

LMFAO Nicely done!! I received one of those requests for someone my husband worked with a few years ago whom I never cared for. The man is a sexist pig with a wandering eye, even in front of his wife. The term “douchebag” is too kind to use. I let the request sit for 2 days, then clicked to say I didn’t know him.
As for the people who have been stationed here that we knew in other states, we are very careful about who knows our address and numbers. Some people are just better left in the past.

MamaBennie 4 years ago

Well, my husband is a crazy redneck with a lifted truck, and I am the bitchy lady with the piercings so only people we actually like talk to us haha. Score for me that I have no problem telling people they suck.

SammiSue 4 years ago

Mine is not obnoxious, he just tells stories that have no point and are only funny to him… There is no cure for that!

krista 4 years ago

LOVE THIS!! I was thinking the same thing the other day, how it used to be so nice that certain friendships would just fizzle and then you could just forget about one another. Not anymore!

Cindy S 4 years ago

That’s AWESOME! My husband would have loved every second of the chance to do that at some dinner I’d dragged him to. Hilarious.

Alison@Mama Wants This 4 years ago

Brilliant. I should probably employ this method for everything I want to get out of as a family. Thanks Jill for the great idea!

angelica 4 years ago

I heard the correct etiquette is to accept (which they see) and then delete (which they don’t see). You are welcome.

Amber 4 years ago

Perfection. I think I love, Jeff. :)

angelica 4 years ago

you should be like a facebook consultant or something….

Lori Stefanac (Lola) 4 years ago

LOVE this! I had a similar experience with a “new” friend who I met at the health club. We met for a GNO (Girl’s night out). I had never seen her “dressed” for a night out before and when I tell you? She looked like a Hootchie Mama to put it mildly! No, she looked like a full-on Whore. She told me she thought dressing “sexy” might get us “sponsors”. I asked if we were walking for Komen. She said “No, Silly! We can get men to buy us drinks!” The evening lasted for about 45 minutes and I had to get the hell out of there. We haven’t spoken since. However, I DO think of her… whenever I watch porn.

Natasha 4 years ago

I recently had someone to request to be my friend on FaceBook. I just denied them.

Eve 4 years ago

You have much knowledge, oh wise one.

Jennifer 4 years ago

WTG Jeff. I always give David the be on your best manner speech as well. I’ve never considered that it could work in the opposite direction for me.

Elena 4 years ago

I love that you were using your husband to get you out of the friendship – genius idea. Facebook does sometimes bring weirdos out of the woodwork!

Brittany at Mommy Words 4 years ago

Ross would love to do that for one night. I bet Jeff had fun huh? And hey – then you followed up with a hefty bit of we are not friends on the internet. Bravo my dear, she is gone.

Amanda 4 years ago

The funny part of this post is that in my marriage, we’re the opposite. My husband is the “proper” one, and I’m the one that when I can see things are going to drag on forever I end it. It’s our good cop, bad cop routine. I don’t mind being the bad cop.

Handi Mandi Face & Body Art 4 years ago

Omg, so perfect! Multifunctional solutions are the best. Smart thinking mama! :)

From Belgium 4 years ago

I bow before thy greatness.

Skinny Mom’s Kitchen 4 years ago

OMG that is freakin hilarious!!! I would have love to been a fly on the wall in that place..or at least the waitress!

myevil3yearold 4 years ago

I need to lose one that is single. I wonder if that would still work?

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 4 years ago

This might even get me more mileage with Husband then actually having sex with him! He’d enjoy it immensely!

It is so hard to break up with friends now…seriously!

SaucyB 4 years ago

oh that’s funny. way to go Jeff!

SaucyB recently posted… Make Me Laugh Monday

christy 4 years ago

You are freaking brilliant! And hysterical!

Lynn from For Love or Funny 4 years ago

Yep, Facebook has definitely changed the landscape of friendship! I kinda wish I was a fly on the wall when you went on your double date! :)

RachelJoy 4 years ago

So basically we leave it up to our husbands…haha. Wouldn’t it be easier to fake amnesia? At least it saves you the trouble of having to show face, coz’ you supposedly don’t remember having to show up!

MIL victim no more 4 years ago

This has worked with my In Laws! She refused to work with us on daughter’s diet safety needs until hubby got balls and threatened we won’t visit (dang). Such a b***h, i finally said hell with it i can play her game. Only comes to visit when I’m not here score. Love the post.

Glass Princess 4 years ago


Love Barnett 4 years ago

Hey what? No, I didn’t recently post that !

Love Barnett 4 years ago

IKR ? My husband would draw up like I asked him to assasinate someone if I asked him to do that… He’s one of those ‘what will people think’ types. Wait, why are we together again?….

Love Barnett 4 years ago

Brava ! Brava ! Thanks for the inspiration ! I have a few I’d like to disentangle myself from, but I didn’t want to be ‘the bad guy’. YAY !

Martha Ann 4 years ago

Too Funny! Very clever way to handle it.

sweet_archangel 4 years ago

Of this I approve. Great job *two thumbs up*

Non-Stop Mom 4 years ago

I am so going to have to remember this…..except that I don’t have a significant other to use as the pisser-offer. Damn. Another reason why I should start dating.

Jessica 4 years ago

That is hilarious. I’m going to remember this if I ever get roped into this situation.

Busymama 4 years ago

I have a bad habit of being nice to the wrong people. More than once my hubby has referred to a ‘friend’ of mine as “CrazyHorse” or “That WhackJob” LOL. I am positive however, that if I asked him to help me in a plan like yours, he’d be the sweetest date ever…LOL
I am like the only person I know who has less than 20 friends on facebook. I send anyone else to my blog pages… 😉

The Magic That Is Janis 4 years ago

Damn Gurl!! I like your style – good work.

Jenny 4 years ago

Thank you for making me smile! I wish that I could be so bold.

Craftwhack 4 years ago

That must have turned out to have been a really fun night for you both- at least one you won’t ever forget. I think I need to start acting out like that in general…..

Crystal 4 years ago

OMG how did I never think of that? I love my hubby but he can be an absolute ass if I don’t make him behave sometimes! I’ll have to give this one a try! Brilliant!

Christina Simon 4 years ago

So funny, I can’t stop laughing. I can picture you guys at the table with your horrified friend. Perfection.

Emily 4 years ago

Truly ingenious and awesome!

Jen 4 years ago


So that is what husbands are good for.

Melissa E. 4 years ago

Your post made me giggle. I wish I had the guts to do that!

OHmommy 4 years ago

Where can I Rent-A-Jeff?

Hope75 4 years ago

My husband and I have codes too. Neither of us like his best friend’s wife, so when she joins the three of us occasionally we choose a new “escape” word. The last one was “fruit cake.” Half-way through dinner, my husband began talking about that really great “fruit cake” he had for lunch.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

LOL.You might win. I don’t think he uttered the word “oozing.”

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Unfortunately, I think I did. Hopefully she was turned off enough never to visit.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Hmmmmm… we might have to do that. He really was inspired.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

Avoidance just wasn’t going to cut it, I needed to call in the big guns on this one.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

You expect me to sleep with that asshole? Pfft.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

I think it was his favorite night out ever.

Scary Mommy 4 years ago

The nail in the coffin. We’re DONE.

Nancy Davis Kho 4 years ago

Wow. You and I come from different families. My mom once told a hairdresser she was moving out of state rather than tell her she was no longer needing her cut n’ curl services. I probably would do the same thing before I’d involve my husband in the act…or I’d tell her my husband was agoraphobic. Actually I think I’d go there first.

MeditatingMom 4 years ago

This was SO funny. I would’ve never thought of using my husband as a secret weapon to get rid of an unwanted relationship. Is Jeff available for hire?

Beadzoid 4 years ago

Haha. So brilliant. Alas, if only I had an ‘other-half’ who was anything but devastatingly charming when required to play the disputable rogue. He and I are so overly polite (e.g. British) that it takes us at least 5 years to lose a friendship once we resolve to do so.

Gigi 4 years ago

HA! Perfect!

Now, if I could just get Hubby to act like an angel or an ass on cue I’d be golden.

Alexis 4 years ago

I almost feel like you are throwing down the gauntlet. I can lose that friend in 2 hours? Well I can lose that friend in 49 minutes?

Key strategies include (but not limited to):
– Uncomfortable Oversharing “Henry insists we have sex regularly although the co-sleeping makes me a little uncomfortable.”
– Medical Talk “It ooozes AND itches but I think it’s OK. Can you take a look at it?”
– Potty Talk “I didn’t poop for 2 weeks and was really worried but amazingly didn’t get hemorrhoids so it all worked out OK!”

And the clincher…

Life with Kaishon 4 years ago

Thank you for this tip : )

Anthony from CharismaticKid 4 years ago

Your husband = Your secret weapon

Stephanie 4 years ago

LOVE this!! Have to remember that trick, my Jeff would be perfect at something like this :)

Lisa 4 years ago

That is TOO funny! Genius!

Kid Id 4 years ago

I was seriously in wincing for you reading about the encounter but BRAVO for finding a way to end it. Beautifully executed! I just always use my kids as an excuse for why I can’t continue being involved with something.

vanillasugarblog 4 years ago

ummm is Jeff for hire?
would LOVE to borrow him.
promise to feed him too.

Distracted Daddy 4 years ago

Nice. I can imagine he enjoyed this. I know I would.

Hopefully during that awkward meeting, you never mentioned your blog that she might be reading right now…

edgyapronstrngs 4 years ago

I love your “go ahead and be the worst ‘you’ that you can possibly be, honey.”

And the fact that it worked is brilliant!

StephanieinSuburbia 4 years ago

Excellent! My husband and I have all sorts of great codes for when we want to get out of something. Luckily he gets a lot of work “emergencies.”

Dawn B 4 years ago

For some strange reason I thought you were going to say that she still wanted to be friends with you after that. haha You husband rocks.

Autherine@BoysRising 4 years ago

Omg! Is this true? See that I am not the only one who gives the “talk” before parties. You are brave; I would go the avoidance route.

Making It Work Mom 4 years ago

Maybe Jeff could give classes. I feel like my husband would freeze under pressure. Naturally he is totally obnoxious, but on command I feel like he would get stage fright. Kind of like that pee thing guys have.

h8myMIL 4 years ago

Hahahaha that is awesome!

nic @mybottlesup 4 years ago

Hope Jeff got some that night.

btchygirl2 4 years ago

had to read…you got my attention! this is sooooo frickin funny!and true..I have many I’d like to can

PattiH 4 years ago

He’s a keeper for sure!

Chelsie 4 years ago

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what one calls a well-earned victory. (And really, whose husband doesn’t want the chance to air his untamed, fratboy alter ego once in a while?) Awesome. Sauce.

Sara @The Football Wife 4 years ago

And now that you’ve posted about it, you’re *definitely* off the hook. Good work, Jill. Good work. 😉

Laura 4 years ago

I LOVE this!!! I used to mentally add people to a list in my head that some day I would never have to see them again -and yes, now those days are gone (although I wonder if people feel the same way about me.)

BalancingMama (Julie) 4 years ago

Ooh, I so want to do this! Maybe it’s time to invite my most annoying Facebook friend to a couples brunch? Mwahahaha…

Nicole 4 years ago

LOL such a good idea!

Kaycie Christine 4 years ago

That. Is. Hilarious.

I am definitely going to have to keep this in mind!! If only there were some way to do this with in-laws as well….


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