How to Explain Gays to Your Child

Because of certain social conflicts, it has suddenly come to your attention that child rearing requires more than feedings, punishments, and money. Children need development, they need guidance, and by God, they need shelter from gay people until you, the parent, have figured out how to explain our existence.

How can you expect the television to babysit your kid nowadays if the evil media keeps airing homosexuals in lip lock? What are you supposed to do when your innocent child is exposed to two men holding hands? How are you going to explain men marrying each other? Since your day is exhausted from fighting the entire world so as to protect your delicate, innocent child, I am here to help.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

I am not a parent (as a matter of fact, I would make a terrible parent because of my general repulsion of children), but I am a gay. This alone authorizes me to provide advice on how to address “you people” to your kid. If you do not agree, may I remind you of the countless media clips of angry mothers yelling, “How am I supposed to explain this to my kids?!” So, don’t be so offended when I say that most of you seem kind of clueless. But it’s okay. I’m not here to judge you on anything more than your appearance.

If you are a parent that is already prepared to speak maturely and honestly with your child about homosexuals, then you can take a break. The rest of you, keep reading…

First of all, if you have the slightest amount of tact, the best response is no response. A reaction is what your child will question, and knowing you, you’ll fuck it up by responding with wildly inaccurate and graphic information on what you believe two men do in the bedroom (or sometimes the bathroom, or maybe outside from time to time because I feel adventurous, but only once in a hot tub because that was very uncomfortable). Kids don’t care about sex or affection, so why traumatize them by bringing it to their attention? If you know your children get bent out of shape over “cooties”, how do you think they’ll respond when you make up stories about what us gays put in our asshole? Displaying disgust towards gay men only accomplishes one of two things. It will either increase the likelihood of your impressionable child one day being prosecuted for a hate crime, or it will result in your closeted gay son growing up to hate himself.

But why pretend to accept the homosexual lifestyle? You believe it is wrong, and you want your spawn to believe it is wrong, too, so that they can carry the legacy of your bigotry to the next generation. This is your right, but if you cared about your child’s future, you would teach them how to respect others that are different from them. In case you haven’t noticed, we gays are everywhere, and most of us are pretty annoyed with having your point of view intruding into our peaceful lives.

If you want your child to succeed, it is good to remember that people of the future do not move up the corporate ladder by addressing their gay boss as “faggot” or win over clients who just so happen to be gay by threatening violence unless they renounce their sin.

So here it is; The secret to effectively talking to your child about gays: Love. It’s that simple.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

If you have already talked to your children about love, all you have to say is, “They’re in love.” If your kid asks, “How can two men be in love,” then someone already tainted them with a negative perception of gay men. You will have to be a parent and let them know that whoever told them that two men can’t be in love is wrong. That’s it. You’re the parent; your child should listen to you. It isn’t hard to talk to your kids about love, is it?

It should go without saying that raising a loving child will make your life as a parent much easier than raising a hateful heathen. So be careful what you say around them and think about your child’s future, because we’re here, we’re pretty queer, so you may as well get used to it because we’re everywhere and not going anywhere.

Related post: The 5 People You Meet as a Gay Dad

About the writer

Cary Vaughn is a blogger and humor writer for The Reluctant Cat Owner's Journal, Lefty Pop, and Humor Outcasts. He lives in Memphis, TN with five cats and an animal-loving partner of 9-years. When he's not writing, you are likely to find him performing on one of many Memphis stages.He is not a parent, but  he has a mother that would be a wonderful example to other parents. You can find him at


The Raving Pleb 1 year ago

Teehehehe, I love this. Thanks for posting, it reminds me of something I once saw on Facebook (no idea of the original author so serious apologies for not crediting – please don’t sue me!!!):

“I’ve been forced to explain homosexuality to my kids (aged 3 and 4) because their uncle is gay. This incredibly difficult and traumatic experience went as follows:
Child: Why does Uncle Bob go everywhere with Pete?
Me: Because they’re in love, just like Mummy and Daddy are.
Child: Oh. Can I have a biscuit?
We’re all scarred for life. Scarred, I tell you.”

Joy Christi 1 year ago

This is so beautifully written. It is just that simple, “Love is love.” And also the comments from the person shocked by your repulsion of children is hilarious. We shouldn’t judge you for who you chose to love, or be repulsed by. My children are disgusting. But they love my gay friends, so they save themselves there. I post over and over how my youngins (now 2 & 4) have NO idea that people hate other people for how they look, or pray or love or anything else. They hate everyone equally, until someone takes the time to get down to their level and talk to them. Then they love them. It’s that simple. For them, for us, for everyone. TALK to people, are they nice to you? Then you should like them. You don’t need to know anything else to be decent toward another human.

    Cary Vaughn 1 year ago

    I found the readers shocked by my repulsion of children hilarious as well. This piece was inspired when Michael Sam kissed his boyfriend on television. There was such an uproar and so much media attention. What soon followed in my world were the parents (oddly enough, mostly women) that were literally interviewed on television arguing how disrespectful it was to air two men kissing because, “how am I supposed to explain this to my children.” So yes, I was pretty angry when I wrote this. Angry at how often I and others like me are treated so poorly. How a teenager can get beaten and kicked out of his house for coming out (it sadly happens much more often than I believe readers of this website realize). Angry that so many still think it’s okay to go out of their way to call me a “f-gg-t” without repercussion. This is the world in which I live. But I digress.
    I’ve been around children all my life. I’ve even watched parents raise their children (handling and caring for children is not mutually exclusive to a parent). And where I am from, it is sad that I have also witnessed children being indoctrinated by their parents belief that gay people are evil or destroying our country.
    Anyway. Thanks. I appreciate you and your sense of humor.

horseyb 1 year ago

I don’t agree that if my kids wonder ‘how two men can be in love’, that someone has put that in their head. The reality is, it’s a lot less common for anyone to see gay couples together.

My philosophy on gay…ness?…is that if you aren’t hurting anyone, and your not hitting on myself or my husband, why should I care who you love? And if you ate hurting someone, or hitting on me or my husband, then I don’t care what your orientation. You’re going to have Hell to pay.

That being said, my kids are likely to eventually notice two men or two women holding hands, etc. And when that happens, I’m sure they’ll be surprised. Not shocked. Not grossed out. Just surprised. Because it’s something that is better explained once it’s been seen. And by pushing the fact onto my kids before they notice or care…aren’t I then calling attention to what should be a total non-issue?

So while I will do everything I can to raise my sons to believe that love is love, and it doesn’t matter who its between, please have some tolerance for my six year old when he says a little too loudly “MEN CAN KISS EACH OTHER!?!?” In the middle of the mall on Black Friday. Especially when I shrug and say, “sure. Why not?”

Danielle 1 year ago

I found the snark factor of this article to be rather sad and obnoxious. How can an author expect to disseminate a loving understanding of a personal choice while admitting a repulsion toward the “spawn” of his target audience? For me, the condescending tone, throughout the entire article, killed the message for me. In any case, by design, my offspring accept and are loving to ALL nice people regardless of their race, color, or who they choose for their life partner.

Marie Gordon 1 year ago

I guess some topics aren’t ready for snark and sarcasm yet. This is probably one of them–let’s face it, gay marriage is not yet legal across the US which means many of us are still subject to hatred and bigotry.
The best part of the article however is the answer to your child “they are in love”. Really just that simple.

Suzie 1 year ago

Why am I taking child rearing advice from someone who says they have a general repulsion of children and would be a terrible parent? It’s like taking advice from a mechanic who’s never worked on a car.

Jennifer Ann Krieger 1 year ago

When my 5 year old asked me what GAY meant, I simply told him and his 3 year old sister it was a word that meant that a boy was in love with a boy or a girl was in love with a girl, who were old enough to be in love and get married. I have talked to them in the past about their friends who had divorced parents, single parents and deceased parents, as well as adopted children and step-parents/second marriages how families are all about love. So it was just an extension of that concept in their minds.

Jamie Corser 1 year ago

Love this, thanks for sharing.

Angie Fairson-Goins 1 year ago

This article is very disrespectful towards parents- he is speaking to them as though they are complete idiots. If there was a point to be made it was lost in his condescending tone… especially when addressing a topic such as love.

JR 1 year ago

I don’t think it’s fair to say someone is a bigot if they don’t agree with homosexuality but the author sounds like a bigot for hating people who don’t support it. I don’t agree with it but I sure don’t hate or encourage hate against homosexuals or anyone else for that matter. My son will be taught to respect everyone regardless of their lifestyle but I’m sure not gonna tell him there is nothing wrong with it. He doesn’t get it now and won’t for awhile but when he asks I will tell him everyone is different and lots of people live differently. I have friends who are gay and they know how I feel. I’m not gonna lie to them about my beliefs. If they don’t want to be my friend-that’s there choice. The gay friends I do have respect my honesty and I respect them. Straight people are supposed to accept gays but what about us being accepted for who we are?! And by the way-why the hell is someone with no kids giving patenting advice?! Poor choice in author.

Maria Legault 1 year ago

I didn’t read it because you don’t need a manual to explain to your kids that people can love each other regardless of sexuality, colour and race.

Emma Jesko Willich 1 year ago

“I am not a parent (as a matter of fact, I would make a terrible parent because of my general repulsion of children), but I am a gay. This alone authorizes me to provide advice on how to address “you people” to your kid.” Unfortunately, his condescending tone and insult stating he is repulsed by the reader’s children puts him into a different group of “you people” – asshats. Unfortunately this message that everyone has the right to love doesn’t include everyone trying their best to be kind, which is the dual message I try to pass to my children.

Someone who doesn’t like children probably shouldn’t have a say in how other people raise theirs. I wouldn’t appreciate advice from someone who spoke to me that way. Not a great way to get people to see things from your point of view.

Jennifer Morales 1 year ago

How I explained to my son….sometimes a man and woman marry each other, sometimes a man and a man marry each other and sometimes a woman and a woman marry each other. That’s it. … problem solved! 😉

Lea Lindfors 1 year ago

You’re a d*ck. Saying you think someone’s sexual orientation is wrong and that you don’t support it is NOT accepting or understanding.

Liz 1 year ago

Well, okay. I opened this to get actual information but clearly I’m not the target audience. :/

Kasie Dailey 1 year ago

Wow, well I’m a white conservative Christian woman, and I don’t talk hatefully about gay people to my child, not will I ever, and most of the women I know who fall into my “stereotype” don’t talk hatefully about gays either. We watch modern family with our 10 year old daughter without any need to explain. I even support gay marriage (outside of the church of course- Christians can’t expect everyone else to live by our beliefs).
When my daughter gets older we might have more explaining to do, but it just depends on her questions. So to the writer of this blog: you are speaking to a small minority of people, and offending the majority. Maybe get out of your defensive martyred mindset and we can all move forward.

Natalie Mortimer 1 year ago

and seriously.. at the end of the day its hard enough trying to find true love without everyone else setting boundaries about who you should fall in lover with

Natalie Mortimer 1 year ago

easy as….. kids are the most accepting ppl around. my sister got ‘married’ (not legal in australia) to another woman. i told my kids that instead of wanting to kiss and live with a man she wants to kiss and live with a lady.. 2sec convo.. kids said ‘oh ok’ onto what cake is going to be there!!

Kay 1 year ago

I have never been clear on why “sexuality” has to be taught or discussed (other than with person you are HAVING sex with)…….how about if we just teach love and compassion and all the rest falls into place???????

Erin Proctor 1 year ago

Love it.

Jamie L Meredith 1 year ago

Why is this hard? I had this discussion with my kids and basically said, people love who they love. When it comes down to it, it’s that simple isn’t it?

Shantelle Lee 1 year ago

I fail to see the need to “explain gay couples” to my child. When two people love each other what is there to explain???

Lea Lindfors 1 year ago

You know what else is full of hate? A society where same sex couples don’t have equal rights, and where they are constantly told their relationships andssexual orientation is wrong.g and perverted and a sin. THAT’S hate. This article is not hateful. It is a response to hate.

Lea Lindfors 1 year ago

Wouldn’t you be frustrated if people were always questioning and belittling your relationship and sexual orientation?

Kimberly Pidgeon 1 year ago

People can quote the Bible until they are blue in the face. But I will never ever believe that being gay is a choice or a sin. The Bible has been interpreted and misinterpreted in so many ways over so many years. Who knows what to believe anymore????

Kimberly Pidgeon 1 year ago

Omg. This. Is. Awesome.


Enjoying this? Then like us on Facebook

Introducing Discover & SAVE: --
NEW Scary Mommy Holiday Program.
Tap to learn more. Click here to learn more.