How to Feel Old. Really Old. (I’m Sorry.)

121 Comments

Jeff and I have always been the young couple. We’ve been together since we were 18, were the first of our friends to get married and the first to (accidentally) start a family. “You’re just babies!” we’d hear quite often when people learned our ages, not realizing what a nice position that was to be in. Sometimes, we’d even add a few years to our ages to avoid those embarrassing conversations.

But then, suddenly, they stopped.

A few weeks ago, after letting the kids DJ our summer road trip and wearing out the Taylor Swift CD,  I had the horrifying epiphany that Lily is closer to 22 than I am. TWENTY TWO. Probably the most fun and carefree time of my life; one that doesn’t seems all that long ago… and my daughter is closer to it than I am? Well, fuck you, Taylor. Thanks a ton for the eye opener.

It’s been weeks and I still can’t stop focusing on that depressing fact. So, because I have to suffer, I figure you should too. Isn’t that what blogging is all about?

You may want to assume the fetal position now…

1. The Nirvana baby? He’s 21 now, and probably using his five minutes of fame as a pick up line. In a bar. Where he can legally drink.

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2. The Ross and Rachel kiss that made you irrationally happy? It happened 18 years ago. EIGHTEEN years ago.

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3. Songs from Pearl Jam and Soundgarden are played on classic rock stations.

4. “Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds?” Maybe you did. But did you know that little Jonathan Lipnicki from Jerry Maguire now looks like this?

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5. People born in the year 1997 can drive. Legally.

6. Blood Sugar Sex Magik came out 22 years ago. A baby conceived to it would now be 21. Possibly drinking with the Nirvana baby.

7. The Challenger exploded 27 years ago.

8. Kids you babysat for could be married, with kids of their own. (At least the ones I did are. Thud.)

9. Johnny Depp is 50.

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10. We’re, like, grown ups. 

I’m sorry.

Comments

  1. 4

    Ashli says

    I used to babysit the current miss maine… the youngest kid I started babysitting at 3 months when I was 16 is now in high school. I am definitely not keen on this whole getting older crap.

  2. 5

    stacey says

    Bitch.

    Okay, I’ll take it back. But that was really mean. Seriously…18 years ago for Ross and Rachel? I was just watching a re-run and felt like it went off the air just a couple years ago. Uuuuggghhh…all of a sudden I feel like I’m going on 42…oh…wait…dammit.

    • 6

      Kimberly says

      The worst part about that is, Jennifer Anniston is also in her 40s and plays a hot stripper in her latest movie.

      • 7

        stacey says

        I know. She looks amazing. I do too when I’m not wearing my fat suit…but after four kids it kind of turned into my mom uniform.

  3. 10

    Teresa says

    That damn song hit me the same way a few months ago…at 45, and having an 18 yr old daughter. See, all this time I was thinking I was still young because I adopted my kids as older children. Then one fine day after singing along like a fool to “22″, I did the math and by gosh, it turns out that I AM old enough to have an 18 year old. Dammit. Just to rub it in, the girl I was a nanny for when I was 22 just graduated…..from college. It really is just a down hill slide to the nursing home!

  4. 11

    monica says

    I fear i’m older than you so this is excessively depressing. especially #9??? is that right??? 21 jump street – where did you go???

  5. 12

    lynn @ Maven of Savin' says

    OK you just killed me!!!!! And seriously – HELLO Jonathan Lipnicki – BOOO YA! I do remember that kiss and everything else like it was yesterday. We can also still FEEL LIKE WE ARE 22… even though we are not.

    • 13

      Julie says

      Personally, I hate pop songs about age. “I’m 21 now, and I have all of this wisdom and . . .” No. You’re still basically a teenager. Get over yourself.

  6. 16

    Cindi says

    The kids that were in my second grade class the first year I started teaching are sophomores in college now. COLLEGE! What happened to those cute little seven year olds? oh…some of them can legally drink now, too.

  7. 18

    Loretta says

    My oldest son is one of those kids that falls into the #5 statistic. I’m pretty sure I just sprouted a few new grey hairs while reading this. Damn.

  8. 19

    WebSavvyMom says

    –>Good God that is depressing. I has to explain a life before ATM machines and check cards recently. Time to watch Reality Bites and define irony.
    Deb

  9. 20

    just JENNIFER says

    The Ross and Rachel kiss was 18 years ago? Wut?? And little Jonathan looks like THAT? Holy shitballs!

    Thanks, Jill. Thanks so much.

  10. 21

    Urban Flowerpot says

    Remember when there used to be real numbers on “how many served” at McDonald’s and they’d have to go up there and change them? …

  11. 23

    Gigi says

    REALLY?! Did you REALLY have to point out how old I am?! I think I hate you.

    Okay, I don’t, but STILL! Did you have to go there?

    ;-)

  12. 24

    Ally says

    I found myself rocking out the other day to Tupac California love and then saw the year ( damn you XM radio info) 95!!! And here I am 2 cars seats largely pregnant with #3 shaking it Cali in my minivan to a song that is 18 years old…

    • 25

      Julie M. says

      OMG! I LOVE the 90s channel on XM. my husband thinks its weird… You should try the Lithium channel, too.

      • 26

        Ally says

        I love Lithium…although learned the hard way that they don’t radio edit the songs…F-ing Green Day dropping an F bomb in front of the kids!

        • 27

          Jen says

          Ahh Green Day, can you fucking believe that Dookie is 19 years old? My nine year old still rolls his eyes at me when I still rock the flannel. :)

  13. 28

    Autumn says

    I remember watching that Ross and Rachel kiss for the first time like it was yesterday! And the kid I most frequently baby-sat for is heading back to Dartmouth for his sophomore year in a few weeks. However, as I was recently reminded by a similarly depressing Buzzfeed list, at least my daughter will get to grow up watching Cory and Topanga, too! She just won’t get to grow up WITH them, like I did. :P

  14. 29

    Stacey says

    #9 and #4 officially freaked me out. Crap. I’m old. Wanna know what makes me feel even older? My 14 year old. Gah!

  15. 30

    Janet says

    I knew I was old when the 2 boys I babysat were getting married and having babies :( next year is my 20th class reunion!! How depressing! Think I’m heading for the wine now….

  16. 31

    Kristi says

    LADY!! What are you DOING TO ME?!?

    This woman is still living under the “I’m in my 20′s” umbrella. :)

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