Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, (Lily, Ben, and Evan) quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.
@scarymommy
NYT bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Fond of curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.
Just stood in line behind someone at Target whose grand total was nine dollars. How is that even possible? - 1 day ago
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
1. Put your house on the market.
2. Lovingly let him sleep in until 10:00am on a Sunday.
3. Awake him and tell him you need just a half hour of sleep before you go house-hunting. You are so tired.
4. Call him from the bedroom, impersonating a real estate agent who has highly motivated buyers who need to see the house in 20 minutes.
5. Slip into a deep, blissful slumber.
{Damn Caller-ID. I was so close.}
{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }
That is hilarious!
Love your house, mess and all. Makes me want to paint my walls white.
Brilliant!
Next time, dial *67 before dialing the phone number to block the caller ID :D
.-= Becca´s last blog ..Iridescent Glass Skulls- Earrings for your ears =-.
Crap! You have no idea how badly I wish I knew this last Sunday. And now he’ll be on to me. Crap.
That is freakin’ awesome!! I have to try adapting that for my own devious purposes.
And, thanks Becca for the blocking info…
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..SkyWatch Friday ~ season 4, edition 19 =-.
Hilarious! Damn technology… :)
.-= Cyndi´s last blog ..Our Biggest Delusion =-.
Seriously, technology sucks sometimes. Remember the good old days when you could pick up and actual phone book and prank call? Sigh.
I have a husband that will actually “clean the house”. Unfortunately his idea of clean and my idea of clean aren’t really on the same plane. While he may vacuum, unnoticed are the dust bunnies under the side tables. While he may clean up the dinner dishes, they never seem to make it into the empty dishwasher right next to the sink. Just what is this selective blindness? I had to teach a male client yesterday this rule: “Never leave a room empty handed”. I have never had to teach this to a woman! End of rant.
.-= Liz Jenkins´s last blog ..Vendors, Books & Bagels at the DC Organizing Conference =-.
That is funny….Usually I bribe my husband with a batch of fresh homemade cookies. It usually works. Most of them time. Well, some of the time. Actually, it never really works – but, it is always worth the try.
.-= HaB´s last blog ..Wordless/Wordful Wednesday: Digging =-.
Haha… you are sooo funny, Jill! (I love that toy chest, too – I soo need one of those!!) Anyway, that would never work in my relationship. My hubby would make me get up to clean… waahh… but I’m control-y that way, I’d hate him to put the toys back in the WRONG place, you know? Grrr.. that irritates me when the playdoh stuff goes in like, the lego bin, or the craft stuff goes with the trucks, or, you know… stuff like that… drives me nuts1
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..Time for a meme! =-.
Dang! And here was, hoping you had the secret. Maybe next time you could have a friend make the call…from a pay phone?
.-= amber´s last blog ..Who You Calling Talented? =-.
HA! You had me going there for a minute… thought your diabolical plan actually worked!
Too bad it didn’t.
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..I’m tired, so this post probably isn’t going to make much sense. =-.
LOL! Dang!
.-= Val´s last blog ..Random Friday thoughts… =-.
Devious and clever….I like it!
Dang girl! I really did think you were going to let me in on some BIG secret. Nuts!
Funny thing you tired to do. Great idea! LOL! So sorry it backfired on you.
.-= Cluttered Brain´s last blog ..Totally Positive Friday! =-.
You had me fooled. I thought your idea was brilliant!
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Before, During, and After =-.
LOL hilarious. I may have to try that.
I’m not sure my husband knows what “cleaning” is though.
He’s still under the impression that we have secret housework fairies that do all the work
.-= ggs_closet´s last blog ..WTH Wednesdays =-.
Sooo funny Jill. I love your home decor! So pretty!
.-= christy´s last blog ..The Foo’s Dance and Toy Party =-.
–>Nice try! I just plan a big party at my house so all unfinished projects are completed. Tomorrow is my son’s birthday party and my husband is busy, busy, busy. ;-)
http://www.WebSavyMom.com
.-= WebSavyMom´s last blog ..Flashback Friday (part 39) – The Day I Became A Mom =-.
HEHEHE! I love it!!!
I hate caller I.D. Especially when I am calling one of my daughters to bitch them out.
Your playroom eerily resembles mine…
You were SO close, girl!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Family Recipe: Russian Spice Tea =-.
Call one of your mommy friends, tell them to wait 20-30 minutes and call from their cell. We’ve all been there. We’d have your back. (And men generally don’t know your friends cell numbers…so he’d think it was legit.)
Hey, send me your number and I will impersonate a real estate agent next time. ;)
Very funny!!!
You are hilarious, lol
Where are ya moving??
.-= DCUrbanDad´s last blog ..Five questions with The Stiletto Mom =-.
Who the hell knows. Locally, though.
Is that your house or a Pottery Barn catalog? Even with toys everywhere, it’s super cute.
Love your tactic, sorry it didb’t work…. ; )
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..PSF – Prettier Picture =-.
So true! I had my house on the market not so long ago, and when someone called to visit, my husband started cleaning and tidying up to the point of obsession…
(I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and as a mother of two and working as freelancer I totally relate to so many of your everyday experiences. Thanks for all the smiles!)
Better luck next time!
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Bumped from the band =-.
So fuuny, as always! I would love a few more tips on how to get a husband to clean house. I have not found one that works yet.
Love your room, too! Even when it is a little messy.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Things Kids Say Thursday’s #10 =-.
that is an awesome plan. too bad it didn’t work.
.-= Jen @ buried with children´s last blog ..Just A Normal ‘Buried with Children’ Week =-.
Ok, so how does it work in reverse? Meaning how can I play said trick on the wife? Maybe use Robert Pattinson somehow?
.-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Management Training =-.
Aw man you had bhe sucked in on the edge of my seat waiting to find out your trick! BBBOOOOOOO!!! I am just going to have to try the old “nag him as soon as he walks i the door” trick! oh and bTW LOVE your living room! so cute
.-= Jessica Jones´s last blog ..Interview with the Experts! =-.
Oh, man! I thought it was such a great plan! Too bad for the caller ID. Did he clean anything, though??
.-= Lolli´s last blog ..Give Me Your Best Shot – My Wolf =-.
And here I was hoping for a tip that I could actually use. This would never work for us.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Drab to Fab, Zip Up Hoodie =-.
Where have you been all of my life? I love this blog/your post/ you?!
http://www.thewannabewahm.com
.-= Sophia’s Mom´s last blog ..There’s Nothing Worse Than Hairy Legs! =-.
Brilliant! Of course, in my house, it would be the other way around. But that’s what I get for marrying a What About Bob kinda OCD freak.
.-= Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..Guest Post: Foodie Friday Special Edition — This Ain’t Yo Mama’s Turkey! =-.
So sorry your ruse didn’t work (but it WAS brilliant!). My hubby has been on a neat-freak kick lately – which sounds fabulous but it’s not. Because then he hides stuff and then swears he never touched it and then blames me for throwing it out!!! I’ve told him to quit touching my stuff.
That is some funny shit. I guess just asking was out of the question?
.-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Fuck Friday and the cellphone signal it rode in on =-.
Ha! Damn caller I.d. It’ll gitcha everytime. If that’s a picture of YOUR house above..I love it! Even messy it’s stylish and cute.
Mine just looks like wolves live here.
All the time :(
.-= franticmommys´s last blog ..Saraboo Travel Activity Bag Giveaway! =-.
There’s so much natural light in there I love it! Add that to the flyer:
“interior is flooded with streams of natural light…”
Now what are the directions I need to get YOUR husband to come clean MY house?
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Waffles And Apples And Pears OH MY! =-.
My husband would be coming upstairs to wake me up. I am not even sure he knows where the broom/sweaper/cleaning supplies are located. He once told me that if I don’t like I could get a cleaning lady. I told him we are in a recession. What was I thinking?
Ha! Nice try!
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..Nothing Much to See Here =-.
Promises of extra special sexual favors didn’t work?
.-= cristin´s last blog ..Travel Tip Thursday: Multicultural Workplace =-.
This is nothing short of spectacular.
.-= Jessica – This Is Worthwhile´s last blog ..When 100% might be too much =-.
Oh my gosh you have the same mess I do! That technology really gets in the way sometimes. I love the friend callin from a cell idea but like Lou Lou I would be ticked if he put things in the wrong place.
I do think this could work for him getting the kids out of the house though. Then you will have quiet time. Ahhh!
Oh and I love the look of the room too! So simple and pretty with the awesome red accents!
.-= Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..Sophia Fashionista: How to Wear Heels =-.
I laughed so hard.
You really are scary.
.-= Dee´s last blog ..Johnny Depp – Sexiest Man Alive Again =-.
Too bad it didn’t work, but really….you FORGOT caller ID?
.-= Frugal Vicki´s last blog ..Holiday Gift Guide-Piggy Paint Review & GIVEAWAY! =-.
such a cunning plan – EXCEPT for that evil caller id
.-= scrappysue´s last blog ..photostory friday: ace cafe, auntiegwen and other things we got wet seeing in london =-.
Hey you get an A for effort. It COULDA worked!
.-= When did I become My Mom´s last blog ..Flashback Friday – =-.
I don’t get it. The room looks pretty clean to me.
*67!!
Other than that, brilliant plan! It wouldn’t work for my husband, we rent. My trick is to tell him I’ve having our friends over for dinner.
.-= Angela´s last blog ..Cookies anyone? =-.
ahhh ha ha ha! nice try ;-)
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..I never do this =-.
Very clever ruse! Did you get in character and everything?
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..Sicko =-.
Nice. You need to perfect that plan!
.-= Marinka´s last blog ..Still a Wonderful Man =-.
OMG! ROFLMAO!!!!! Would you believe I thought it worked? I was thinking there’d be another picture with it all clean!
Justine :o )
.-= Justine´s last blog ..A Stroke of… Well, A Stroke. =-.
Definitely going to have to try that one, esp. since we do not have Caller ID. Thanks!! :o)
.-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..I Am Truly Blessed =-.
So you guys are moving? What up?
So close indeed… that sounded like it could have actually worked! Good thinking!
.-= Tonya´s last blog ..Frustration with bunk beds =-.
Foiled by technology again. *67 before you dial and it shows up as unknown. FYI.
Does this mean you’re looking again??
.-= Cara´s last blog ..Some Girls… =-.
happy sunday!wondering if you can find time to visit me..
That is awesome. I wish I could think of something so good! You were oh, so close, too.
Next time, you could have a friend do it?!!
It was a brilliant idea. There’s some code you can dial to block your number….next time!
Genius idea!! You need to dial *67 – then he can’t see the caller ID. :)
.-= Belle´s last blog ..Friday Flashback =-.
I have completely given up with this. My husband has no idea where any cleaning supply is even located in the house. I’m not even sure that he would know which end of the brush to stick in the toilet. It’s a good thing he’s so cute!
You are so clever. It borders on ridiculous : )
.-= Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..Oh to be a Senior! =-.
here’s how i do it: just don’t clean. after a few days, he’ll be disgusted. after a few more days, he’ll grudgingly wash a few dishes. keep it up, and eventually he’ll be picking up lincoln logs and vacuuming. the key is to not give in and clean anything. whenever he complains, use the “i’ll get to it honey” line. he can’t call you on it, since he says it all the time. (or at least mine does) MWAHAHA.