How to read my blog – Scary Mommy

How to read my blog

I don’t consider myself a writer. I’m a blogger, plain and simple. My blog isn’t written in some elegant, poetic prose- it’s written in my voice. For good or bad.

My husband has always made fun of me for singing my words. It’s not that I have a good voice — at all –– but I tend to use lots of intonation and really stress the words I deem important. I also talk with my hands. A lot. Plus, I am cursed with an incredibly expressive face. Any emotion that I feel is written all over me and I simply cannot mask it. I’m almost theatrical, without any of the intent or talent.

It’s a challenge to get my voice (and face and hands) across the computer screen, but I try.

I use italics. A lot.

When I’m writing a comment and am too lazy to use code, I *star* my words to emphasise a word the same way I would with italics. I assume everyone knows what the point of the stars are, but I often make the mistake of assuming people know what goes on in my head and they seldom do.

I write “GAH” frequently. I’m not exactly sure what the proper interpretation of this is, but I mean it as an annoyed gasp. Not a surprised “GASP!” (For I would have used “GASP!” for that,) but a frustrated one. Not to be confused with “Ugh” which is pure frustration or anger. In person, I would most definitely be shaking my head while “ugh-ing.” “Doh!” is like “whoops,” but with an imaginary head slap accompanying it.

When I would be sighing in real life, I write “sigh.” Sometimes, if it’s a big sigh, it even gets italicized or capitalized. “Whew” is an exhausted sigh.

“Woot” is another word I use. I have never, ever uttered the word “Woot” in my real life, but writing it seems totally natural. It is always followed by at least three exclamation points and is kind of like a “YAY!!” but with even more excitement. I imagine a high five accompanying it, if I ever gave high fives in real life.

And then there’s the”Yeah” verses “Yay” debate I often have with myself. I think of “Yay” as a supportive “good for you” word. If I was speaking it, I would be simultaneously clapping my hands and using a high pitched voice. “Yeah” is reserved for instances where I agree, but yes seems too formal. Envision me nodding.

“Wah!” is me whining. I’m sad, but I still have a sense of humor about it. If I write “Sob,” I mean that I am sobbing rather than implying that someone is a son of a bitch. In case there was any confusion.

I rarely LOL because it seems untrue– am I really laughing out loud? If I chuckle, it gets a “ha!” If I do actually giggle, it’s usually “hehe,” and a real laugh is HAHAHA! If someone is funny in a sarcastic way, I usually “snort.” Once in a great while, I do LMAO, but it’s rare. And usually alcohol induced.

“Oy” goes without saying. Right?

So, there you go, that’s me. I think it all makes perfect sense.