How to Ruin The Last Day of a Disney Vacation

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kids-at-disney-world

1. Don’t ever agree to the first outfit mom chooses; that’s why she brings extras — she wants to see you wear all of them! Peruse the suitcase at will and don’t bother to clean up after yourself. Mom lives for that crap.

2. Don’t eat breakfast. It’s a waste to eat the junk they already have in the hotel room. Wait until you leave the room for the day and ask for something obscure. Be adventurous and creative in your request.

3. If the bus to Downtown Disney is 45 minutes late, wait until you see it rounding the corner before mentioning that you have to pee. Mom always did want to be a runner. No better time than the present!

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4. Fight for your right to sit four rows away from your parents on the bus. It’s a time to make new friends, and they can’t monitor you as well from a distance. This works if you have a sibling who likes to choose her own seat as well…four rows up from yours. Divide and conquer, friends.

5. Do not, under any circumstance, get into that stroller willingly. It is a 100 lb restrictive torture device that your father lugs around for his own pleasure. Rage against it!

6. Eat only four bites of rice at lunch. The parents have carbolicious snacks in the bag for the plane that are way better than “lunch”. They keep the best stuff in there to appease you on the flight. Hold out for it.

7. When it’s time to head to the airport, keep reminding them that you want to stay. A tantrum is warranted; it shows the degree of commitment and love you have for the vacation. Melting completely to the ground is the ultimate thank you for a good time had.

8. Fun fact: Airports are incredibly fun to run through. Lure parents into a false sense of security by sticking close during check in. Encourage them to check the stroller. Once it’s gone, run. Be free! Everyone thinks its adorable. Especially security.

9. Voice your grievances while waiting to get through security, or right before boarding the aircraft. Anything that’s on your mind. Get it out now. In line. Melt into the floor in a fabulously theatrical performance. Scream “Let go! You’re not my parents!” when Dad attempts to carry you onto the gangway.

10. Once on board, establish your space. Don’t tolerate younger siblings and their baloney. Don’t share your toys. Don’t allow them to touch you or your things. Alert parents if this is a problem. Loudly and with gusto. Remember yesterday when you encouraged your sister to play on the metal bars at the Speedway ride and she fell and busted her face open? Now is a good time to open that wound back up. Literally.

11. Order apple juice to drink. When the stewardess brings you an amber beverage, stiff arm it. She clearly has no clue that apple juice is orange. She is an idiot and should be fired. Kick the seat in front of you until she corrects her mistake.

12. Drink as much as you can, so you can check out those awesome airplane bathrooms. It’s like peeing in a closet. Bucket list material.

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13. Ask Mom if she farted. Many times. Claim she did. Loudly.

14. High five siblings for any extra fun behavior. Dumping an entire Dr. Pepper in Mom’s lap is a high five and a fist bump. She gets to smell like Dr. Pepper, but she doesn’t absorb the calories. How grateful she shall be!

15. Approximately three minutes before landing, send the signal to siblings to check out. Fall asleep on Dad, and let sister fall asleep on mom. The juggling act that follows of parents attempting to gather belongings without waking us is priceless. The passengers and flight crew think its hilarious and precious, and Mom and Dad turn into ninja acrobats. Win. Stay asleep juuuust until you get to the car. Then cry the whole way home because you’re tired.

Bonus points: Pee the bed once at home.

Related post: Surviving Disney Land With a Toddler

Comments

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  1. 1

    says

    Took my kids when they were 2,3,4…. Now our kids are 3,4,5,5,6 (we’ve added). Let’s put it this way. Our condo is 3 miles from Disney, has a free shuttle, and no way are we going. We will be hanging by the pool and visiting Orlando Science Center. Not trying again until they are a few years older.

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    • 2

      says

      So what’s the optimal age for it, ladies? For us there would be transatlantic flights and all the fun that goes along with those as well. Girls are only two now so I had been thinking 2017 but maybe that’s still too soon…

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    • 4

      says

      Mine were almost-9 and 6 when we went. 6 was a *little* young still, but he was able to go on all the rides… Some of the rides are bigger, so it’s good to wait until they’re tall enough. The shows might be scary for very-young kids too. I’d say 6-7 is the lowest age I’d go with, but it really depends on your child and your family.

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    • 5

      says

      my daughter and nephew were 2.5 and 3.5 the first time we went and it was an awesome trip! seeing Disney magic in their eyes when they still don’t fully understand that there are people playing the characters is just magic and they were free to get in the park. Daughter at 6 wasn’t as cool she’d rather be in the pool but enjoyed it and never melted down. We would have just done less days in the park. this year we are going again son is 2 and daughter is 8. It really depends on the kids :)

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    • 9

      says

      I planned on trying again when my youngest is 6 :) but by then we might have more littles. I think kids need to be in strollers and free or 6-9. Of course a smaller family could get by younger. Primarily your child should be past needing a nap or you need to stay on site and head back to the room for a break. I think 9 is when price goes up. So my frugal mom says 8 is a good age ;)

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    • 10

      says

      My kids were 1.5 and 3.5 when we went to Disneyland and it was awesome they both had such a blast they didn’t have time for a meltdown my son fell asleep in the stroller and we kept going. The only “problem” they had was waiting in lines but honestly who doesn’t and they weren’t screaming or whining jus antsy pantsy

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    • 13

      says

      I will also say my kids are foster and typically walk through my doors with minimal manners and/or life skills. So if you see me frazzled at Disney, it’s because I’m frantically trying to keep kids from running off, picking their nose, having a meltdown, missing their biological families, and demanding everything in sight. So my ideal age ( when they should understand safety concerns ) is vastly different because my “family” is unique.

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    • 18

      says

      Well thank you! We just couldn’t afford $3000 flight tickets on top of the Disney trip. We all know that place is high! Lol I use to live in FL when i was a teen, so I know the trip like the back of my hand. We also drive straight through. 22 hrs on the road there and the same coming back. :) it was definitely an adventure!

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  2. 27

    says

    We got back last night. Drove from Md to Fl with four kids. Im happy to say not ONE complaint the whole ride down or back and noone complained about the crazy heat , rain or long lines. The only issue was my three yr old was overly picky with foods but thats nothing new with her. We even had to drive close to 2 hrs to and from disney every day/ night to get back to where we stayed . Wed leave at 7am to get there by 9 and would leave when the parks closed. We packed our meals and drinks ( much cheaper) and a change of clothes since it rained a lot but I was really happy with how things went…It really was a awesome vacation.

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  3. 29

    says

    I only took my daughter once, when she was 4, and she was perfectly fine — and remembers her visit. (She also went again with my mom when she was 7). Trick is to know your kid’s limits (endless park-hopping doesn’t work with little ones, and they, like the parents, could benefit from down time at the hotel pool or a rest in the room). I can’t see why anyone would subject infants and small toddlers to a Disney-fest, however (although usually there are older, better-behaved children involved).

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    • 30

      says

      I think the “Disney fest” is because it’s so ridiculously outrageously expensive that parents feel like they need to fit it all in to get some money’s worth! I totally agree with you though, and won’t even consider taking my kids until they are older (and we win the lottery)! ;)

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    • 31

      says

      Exactly, Bonnie. I know some people who are OBSESSED with Disney and go almost yearly, although I wonder how they CAN afford it (especially if you are talking about a family with three, four, or more kids…) It’s expensive, and honestly, there are so many other places I’d rather visit than just Disney World. (Which is why my daughter’s first few family vacations were beach ones, where we’d rent a house, go to the beach, the local amusement area, and just chill. And so much cheaper too…)

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  4. 33

    says

    lol Nice!

    Only way to do Disney is with a LOT of planning, and flexibility. We went a few years ago with my mil and sil, and 2 kids. It was actually not bad at all… My sil is a Disney veteran and knew all the tricks.

    The biggest things were-
    Before you go, get on eBay and stock up on the pins for trading. Trust me, your kids, if they’re old enough to notice them, WILL want the pins. EBay is much cheaper than the park venues, and you can get a better variety. We found 100 for $50 on there. Those we bought at the park ran around $10-15 for 7 pins and a lanyard. They’re hawked at every stand throughout the parks, and the workers wear lanyards around their necks with them for trading. The workers will, btw, trade with your kids. Other people usually will too, if you ask. The pins are very cool because they represent various attractions, characters, scenes, and so on. Sometimes you run across a vintage pin. There’s a world of Disney history in the pins, and they’re just a lot of fun.
    We learned a trick- keep the pins you want to trade on one side of your lanyard, and the ones you want to keep on the other. That way you can point out the “available” pins to potential trading partners.

    Second, splurge for the “character breakfast”. For the love of all that is holy, do not subject yourself to standing in line for 45 minutes (or hours) to get an autograph, when you can have a nice sit-down breakfast and meet Mickey and whoever else at your leisure. Best part of the trip, and we got great photos. Definitely worth it if your kid is determined to meet a character.

    Finally, use the heck out of the FastPass system. You can only get so many passes per day, so relegate them to the rides your kids “Absolutely Must Go On”, and take full advantage of the line-hopping they offer. Schedule your day around your fast-passes, and try not to make yourself too crazy. There’s SO much to see and do at each park, chances are you’ll never get to do everything, so plan ahead, make a schedule, and be flexible.

    We did 6 parks in 5 days, and saw all the major attractions. The kids never stood in line for more than about 20 minutes. They had a blast and still talk about it, 8 years later. It’s definitely a trip worth doing, but yeah, it’s expensive, so make it worth while. :)

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    • 34

      says

      That’s how we do Disney, as well. We stay on property and do the dining plan so that we can meet the characters during a meal and avoid those awful lines. Good idea with the pins, mine aren’t quite old enough to have gotten into that, but I’ll remember this for future reference. I think to really make it as stress-free as possible, and to enjoy it, it takes a lot of planning. Oh, and we go during the lowest crowd period (usually either January or Sept.) Going in 7 weeks!

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    • 35

      says

      I think the pins were one of the highlights of the trip. My kids are pretty outgoing, and love meeting new people. People were really friendly, and willing to talk about the pins. A lot of Disney regulars collect them just to trade.

      We honestly saved a small fortune on souvenirs because the kids were more excited about the pins than the overpriced stuffies. lol

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