How to throw a baby shower, while parenting your own child


Throwing a baby shower is work enough, but when you’re a parent? Ain’t nobody got time for that. Here are some tips for how to throw a baby shower in the best way possible. Or at least survive it in one piece.

1. Wake up 2-3 hours early, as this will still not be enough time. It’s a certainty that someone will poop his pants right as you’re packing 11 bags of decorations into the car. Hopefully, it’s your child, because you’re wearing a dress.

2. Don’t go to a fabric store to “be inspired.” If you’re not one to whom “inspiration” comes organically, it’s not going to come to you while standing in the middle of the value fabric aisle with your 2-year-old alternating between screaming, “I neeee-duh get OUT!” and “NO!” to any and every costumer who touches a piece of merchandise.

3. Don’t over plan. If you want to be ahead of the game, putting a quiche crust in the oven while you are simultaneously applying makeup, changing a diaper, and juggling flame torches might cause you more hassle than it’s worth.

4.  Don’t attempt to prepare a menu item for the first time the day of the shower. I have to blowtorch 16 crème brulées individually?! F that.

5. Don’t worry about your gift presentation. During the two painstaking hours of gift opening, everyone will be too busy fantasizing about standing in line at the DMV to notice your birthday dinosaurs and wedding bells wrapping paper combo. But, don’t let your cherub manhandle the present prior to wrapping. Nothing says: “This gift is awesome” like a thick coating of your kid’s grimy fingerprints all over it.

6.  Don’t read Go the Fuck to Sleep out loud if you think it will offend the Grandmas-to-be. Actually, read it anyway, because then everyone will think you’re that sassy, progressive host. Just don’t leave it out for your kid to discover the day before. “Daddee- weeee-duh Tiger book!” Oh, Junior, I hate to break it to you, but this book is not about tigers…

7. Don’t underestimate the power of delegation. Force your own mother to make 36 bows from scratch, and then take full credit for how cute they are.

8. Have some idea of whom and how many guests to expect so you’re not constantly sneaking off to the powder room to load the Evite on your phone. And consider nametags, so you aren’t playing the all-too-familiar game of, “Oh, hey Chrissy…ty…teeene…” “How’s Gabe…riel…riella… How’s your daughter?”

9.  Laugh at others people’s dumb questions:

  • Guest to guest: – When are you due? – Oh, I’m not pregnant.
  • Grandma to guest: – Didn’t you just have a baby? – Um, no.
  • Idiot host to mother-to-be: – Is that all? Who’s that gift from again?

10. As for shower games: Don’t play any. Just. DON’T.


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  1. says

    Shower games can be fun… As long as everyone wants to play. Good prizes are a must. Gives people a reason to play. And the more awkward the better. Nothing funnier than watching 3 grown women race to drink apple juice from a bottle for a $5 Walmart card. Lol. And the dirty diaper game… Melted chocolate smeared in a diaper. Worth it just for the guests reactions. :)

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  2. says

    The last baby shower I went to, I was so frazzled from getting across town through traffic to drop my kids at my mom’s house,and then across town in yet another direction, that when I walked in (late) the first thing I asked the hostess was: “Do you have any booze?” She blinked in shock, so I said I was just joking. But I wasn’t. Not really.

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  3. says

    I like the idea of the apple juice. With this list it kind of sounds like you may be a little unorganized. #8 you always know with in a few how many are coming if you do it right.
    I realize you were just trying to be funny (I’m hoping anyway), but with any party you make your list of what needs to be done and work your list. Anyway that works for me.

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  4. says

    um, I think this is AWESOME. another tip: try to host the shower for the mom-to-be before said child is going to college. ;o) (just speaking from personal experience as the mom of four and “friend” to two awesome moms whose babies are now almost one?) #horriblefriend

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  5. Mia says

    We had a co-ed indoor/outdoor bbq party (baby shower), complete with beer. I mean really, in this day and age, men are also involved. I wanted it to be fun for the guests too. There is no requirement to have the sappy uber tea party type baby showers.

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    • says

      Ariana- I know. Sorry! Maybe it’s just my friends, but we’re kind of over games. You know what’s fun and good middle ground? A mad lib about the parents-to-be. Guests can choose to participate, it’s funny, and then there’s a keepsake from the baby bash.

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  6. says

    Well my advice for No.5 is it’s easy to get a cool gift when you shop at our baby gift online store! You won’t have to worry about presentation when we’ve already done it for you! Our baby gifts looks like food! We take onesies, socks, bibs, etc and hand-roll them into cupcakes, ice cream, lollipops, Bon bons and even Sushi! And as for no. 10, I already got five easy games for you on my blog! :) done and done! Lol

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  7. Jessica says

    “fantasizing about standing in line at the DMV” during gift opening is spot on!! Hillarious!! Let’s face it, everyone is happy for the guest of honor, but no one wants to sit there forever (unless there is booze, but there typically isn’t (enough)). I like when a few choice people volunteer to usher the gift opening along, factory line style…one preps and hands the gift (just start undoing the tape a smidge), one takes the gift away to an undisclosed area afterwards. Others help with quickly throwing out wrapping paper/trash. And of course one to write down everything….which by the way means it is just not necessary to keep the card with the box, so stop wasting time with that!

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