I yelled at my son

130 Comments

I just yelled at my son.

I yelled at him in a way meant to scare him, meant to shake him to the core.

I yelled at him in a way that I only recall being yelled at once– it was that unforgettable.

I yelled at him out of frustration and anger and pure desperation.

I yelled in a way that if I witnessed it as an outsider, I would be unable not to judge– what kind of mother yells at her offspring like that?

I yelled in a way that I never want to again.

Because, now, he is drifting to sleep and the thought of my voice echoing in his head is tearing me apart.

And I wonder what kind of mother I am, to yell like that at the child I love with all of my being.

Tonight, it wasn’t the one I want to be.

Comments

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  1. 1

    Jo says

    Go right in there and give him a kiss and hug and tell him you are sorry. It will heal both of you.

    We’ve all been there. Much love to you tonight.

    <3 Jo
    .-= Jo´s last blog ..Did you know that I am bilingual? =-.

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  2. 2

    Julie says

    :( We all do it at one point or another. I’m sorry you got that angry. No one makes me as angry as my kids do!
    .-= Julie´s last blog ..Construction Ahead! =-.

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  3. 3

    Lori says

    I’m so sorry. Kids just tear your heart out, don’t they? Well, coming from one with grown kids, I think in the scheme of things, they, by far, remember the good things and what a great mom you are and how much you love them and do things for them. In the scheme of things, they will know. So don’t beat yourself up. Okay, beat yourself up – but don’t. Because it’s okay in the end. :)
    .-= Lori´s last blog ..another one =-.

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    • 4

      Abby says

      I hope they remember the good. Lately I’ve been the scream queen. The guilt is terrible. I can tell it’s effecting my 5 year old. I am looking for a tool to use to help myself every time I get the urge to scream.

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  4. 5

    Maniacal Mom says

    Oh honey…it happens to the best of us. When we are exhausted, frustrated, at the end of our rope, it bubbles over and makes us lose our minds…behave in a way we would NEVER dream of behaving. So sorry you had to be in that moment. What matters in the end is that you are a kind, compassionate mom with integrity, treating your kids with dignity…one moment in time does not a mother make.
    Chin up!

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  5. 6

    thenextmartha says

    It happens to the best of us. He’ll remember the kisses, and hugs, and spongebob bandaids. Promise.
    .-= thenextmartha´s last blog ..BYOB (Bring Your Own Bowl) =-.

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  6. 8

    Jen says

    I’ve had those moments, times when your brain doesn’t allow you to come up with any other solution but to scream at them. It happens, and trust me, It hurts you and haunts you way more than it ever will your child. When they wake up in the morning, they’ll barely remember that it happened, yet you’ll be waiting for them to be all hurt and sad.

    My son pushes, and pushes, and pushes…to the point where I yell at him. Yes, I feel horrible for it too, like I should know how to deal with him better, like that’s going to be the one childhood memory that he keeps with him forever…Mommy Yelling.

    I hope you feel better soon, and don’t let it haunt you, you kiddo will be alright :)
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Uncle Ben’s Blog Tour =-.

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    • 9

      Jen says

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m a 1st grade teacher and have so much more patience with my students than with my own children. It makes me feel endlessly guilty and like an awful mother. I’ve often wondered if there is something wrong with me or something wrong with my child because I yell soooo often.

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  7. 10

    Sandi says

    Oh, I’m ashamed to say that I’ve been there. These children of mine have mapped my buttons and they seem to take particular glee in pushing them on days when I just can’t handle it.

    All I can say is that children are very resilient. And that tomorrow is a new day to do better. I’m so sorry!
    .-= Sandi´s last blog ..Couch to 5k — Week 1 Day 2 =-.

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  8. 11

    Mariano says

    It happens to all of us. There are some times that the pot boils over and you just can’t help but let the steam escape.

    I like the idea of going in and telling your child you’re sorry.

    With the love you show them every day and you exude in these blog posts, it is doubtless that you could ever do anything to permanently harm this child.

    Stay positive!

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  9. 12

    Hockeymandad says

    It happens to all of us as parents I think at some point. Always followed up with guilt for the good ones. A hug and kiss with an apology will be healing for all.
    .-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Day of Birthdays =-.

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