I yelled at my son

123 Comments

I just yelled at my son.

I yelled at him in a way meant to scare him, meant to shake him to the core.

I yelled at him in a way that I only recall being yelled at once– it was that unforgettable.

I yelled at him out of frustration and anger and pure desperation.

I yelled in a way that if I witnessed it as an outsider, I would be unable not to judge– what kind of mother yells at her offspring like that?

I yelled in a way that I never want to again.

Because, now, he is drifting to sleep and the thought of my voice echoing in his head is tearing me apart.

And I wonder what kind of mother I am, to yell like that at the child I love with all of my being.

Tonight, it wasn’t the one I want to be.

Comments

  1. 1

    Jo says

    Go right in there and give him a kiss and hug and tell him you are sorry. It will heal both of you.

    We’ve all been there. Much love to you tonight.

    <3 Jo
    .-= Jo´s last blog ..Did you know that I am bilingual? =-.

  2. 2

    Julie says

    :( We all do it at one point or another. I’m sorry you got that angry. No one makes me as angry as my kids do!
    .-= Julie´s last blog ..Construction Ahead! =-.

  3. 3

    Lori says

    I’m so sorry. Kids just tear your heart out, don’t they? Well, coming from one with grown kids, I think in the scheme of things, they, by far, remember the good things and what a great mom you are and how much you love them and do things for them. In the scheme of things, they will know. So don’t beat yourself up. Okay, beat yourself up – but don’t. Because it’s okay in the end. :)
    .-= Lori´s last blog ..another one =-.

  4. 4

    Maniacal Mom says

    Oh honey…it happens to the best of us. When we are exhausted, frustrated, at the end of our rope, it bubbles over and makes us lose our minds…behave in a way we would NEVER dream of behaving. So sorry you had to be in that moment. What matters in the end is that you are a kind, compassionate mom with integrity, treating your kids with dignity…one moment in time does not a mother make.
    Chin up!

  5. 5

    thenextmartha says

    It happens to the best of us. He’ll remember the kisses, and hugs, and spongebob bandaids. Promise.
    .-= thenextmartha´s last blog ..BYOB (Bring Your Own Bowl) =-.

  6. 6

    Dino Momma says

    It’s so comforting to see that I’m not the only one who feels that way when I yell at my daughter.
    *hugs*

  7. 7

    Jen says

    I’ve had those moments, times when your brain doesn’t allow you to come up with any other solution but to scream at them. It happens, and trust me, It hurts you and haunts you way more than it ever will your child. When they wake up in the morning, they’ll barely remember that it happened, yet you’ll be waiting for them to be all hurt and sad.

    My son pushes, and pushes, and pushes…to the point where I yell at him. Yes, I feel horrible for it too, like I should know how to deal with him better, like that’s going to be the one childhood memory that he keeps with him forever…Mommy Yelling.

    I hope you feel better soon, and don’t let it haunt you, you kiddo will be alright :)
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Uncle Ben’s Blog Tour =-.

    • 8

      Jen says

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m a 1st grade teacher and have so much more patience with my students than with my own children. It makes me feel endlessly guilty and like an awful mother. I’ve often wondered if there is something wrong with me or something wrong with my child because I yell soooo often.

  8. 9

    Sandi says

    Oh, I’m ashamed to say that I’ve been there. These children of mine have mapped my buttons and they seem to take particular glee in pushing them on days when I just can’t handle it.

    All I can say is that children are very resilient. And that tomorrow is a new day to do better. I’m so sorry!
    .-= Sandi´s last blog ..Couch to 5k — Week 1 Day 2 =-.

  9. 10

    Mariano says

    It happens to all of us. There are some times that the pot boils over and you just can’t help but let the steam escape.

    I like the idea of going in and telling your child you’re sorry.

    With the love you show them every day and you exude in these blog posts, it is doubtless that you could ever do anything to permanently harm this child.

    Stay positive!

  10. 11

    Hockeymandad says

    It happens to all of us as parents I think at some point. Always followed up with guilt for the good ones. A hug and kiss with an apology will be healing for all.
    .-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Day of Birthdays =-.

  11. 12

    Jo says

    Thanks Mariano. I have a rule for my kids that you should always say you are sorry if you hurt someone, even if you don’t meant to do it. I think that when they see that the grownups do it too then it’s only fair! Plus we are a pretty soft-hearted bunch and hearing “I’m sorry” always makes us feel better and gives us a chance to talk about what caused the problem. Even when they were smaller it at least made ME feel better. ;)

    Jo
    .-= Jo´s last blog ..Did you know that I am bilingual? =-.

  12. 13

    Life with Kaishon says

    Oh, Jill. It made me sad to know you had this terrible experience tonight. I do it too often. And I creep out of his room after he is fast asleep with tears on my cheeks. I lay in my bed and cry and ask God why on earth I am so miserable when being his Mommy is the greatest joy in my life. And I have no idea why I do it.

    Know this though, he will forgive! And hopefully he won’t do the behavior any more. You are a good Mom. Great actually. I know you love all three of them so mightily.

    Tomorrow will be a better day.
    .-= Life with Kaishon´s last blog ..And so Summer begins =-.

  13. 14

    Aimee @ Ain't Yo Mama's Blog says

    It’s inevitable for all parents. We will momentarily become the parent we vowed never to be. But as long as we apologize and admit fault, then hug and kiss our little one until the hurt goes away, it’s going to be just fine for them. We will hold onto our moments of temporary insanity far longer than they ever will.

    -Aimee
    .-= Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..Surprise! =-.

  14. 15

    Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation says

    I have been so right there with you. Kids really do bring out the best and worst in us sometimes. Just know that you are NOT alone in doing this.
    *HUGS*
    .-= Rachel @ Mommy Needs a Vacation´s last blog ..Morning Nap: You are in a TIMEOUT!!! =-.

  15. 16

    nic @mybottlesup says

    oh mama…. oh oh oh mama…. you’re ok. your sweet babies are ok. things will be ok. but damn, days like that just suck, and i’m sorry.

    xoxo.

  16. 17

    pomomama says

    Welcome to the real world, where parents try as hard as they can and can only do their very best at the time.
    It happens.
    Just be glad that he registers in your emotions more than someone who you wouldn’t bother to yell at.
    Welcome to be being a mummy (and don’t beat yourself up about it, sheesh! – it puts pressure on the rest of us).
    .-= pomomama´s last blog ..friday forte: little words and short sentences =-.

  17. 18

    Jennifer says

    We all do it. I know that doesn’t make it right or make you feel better, but at least it lets you know that you aren’t alone. I agree with the previous commenter, tell him you are sorry. it will you both feel better.
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Kids… Can’t live with them, can’t shut them up =-.

  18. 19

    Sarah says

    I’ve been there a few times. I always say that my kids know how to push the buttons I never knew I had.
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..My 1st Time =-.

  19. 20

    Kim @ Beautiful Wreck says

    We all make mistakes. We all do things we regret. Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness from your child and move on from it. In the sum of our moments, these are not the ones that define us as parents. Please don’t let it.
    .-= Kim @ Beautiful Wreck´s last blog ..Dear Kim: I answer questions on sex, adoption, parenting, and homeschooling =-.

  20. 21

    Alex @ LateEnough says

    All I can say is that he will be okay. You may remember your mom yelling at you like that but probably because it was so unlike your mom. Your son will see that too.

    And sometimes our kids need to see us apologize. So they know that they can, too.

    I hope that you find some peace tonight.
    .-= Alex @ LateEnough´s last blog ..I Ask: Are There Monkey Balls All Over My Neighborhood? =-.

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