I See You Over There

I see you there, shaking your head in silent judgment as my son argues with me in public.

I see you there, making a face and rolling your eyes when my son doesn’t behave the way society expects him to behave in public places.

I see you there, telling your son not to play with, or talk to, my son because you think he’s a bad kid, a disrespectful kid, a problem kid.

My son doesn’t notice you. He’s too busy to be concerned by what other people think of him, but I notice you. I see the judgment on your face.

Do you think that I can’t see you? Do you think that somehow I love my child less than you love yours because God made him special? Do you think that somehow you and your child are better than me and my child because you don’t have the same issues that we do?

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Do you know how hard it is for me to remain silent when I see you judging my child? Do you know how badly I want to call you out in front of everyone here and say “I see you! I see you judging us!”, but unlike my son, I am hesitant to make a scene. More importantly, he hasn’t noticed you yet and I’d prefer he never does. I’d prefer he never realize that some people judge him and find him lacking in some way. He is perfectly happy with who he is, he’s perfectly content in his own skin, he doesn’t think he has any issues at all. I’d prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible.

Every person on this planet has some kind of issue. Perfection is an illusion. It just may be that your flaw is judging other people.

There are a lot of things about my child that you don’t see. You don’t know that he loves me with his whole heart, without reservation and without hesitation. You don’t see that he is fiercely protective of the people he loves and he would be deeply upset to know that you had upset me with your actions. You don’t see that he is an amazing student, and gets fantastic grades at school.  You don’t see that sometimes he frustrates me beyond belief, but he is my child and I love him just as fiercely as he loves me.  You don’t see that he is funny. That his unique perspective, and view of life, combined with the fact that he has no hesitation to point out anything he notices often makes me laugh until I have tears rolling down my face.  You don’t see that he feels things deeper than most people, that includes both joy and hurt.

No, you don’t see any of that because you don’t care. All you care about is that he is talking a little too loudly for your taste. That he is distracted by a piece of fuzz on his shirt when he should be listening. That he is emotional at times, and gets upset easily.

Because of these things you’ve decided he’s a bad kid, that he’s unintelligent, and that he’s not worthy of your time or attention.

Guess what? You are not worthy of mine, either.

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He is honest, he is authentic, and he doesn’t judge other people. He has empathy, he has compassion, and he cares about others. He is always working to be the best that he can be, and he doesn’t waste his time looking down at other people. He’s enjoying his life and he is enjoying everything that crosses his path.

Don’t you wish you could say the same?

Related post: Looking for a Land of Empathy and Wonder 

About the writer


Angela is a social media and online community professional who has always dreamed of being a writer. Blogging combines two of her passions, social media and writing! She blogs about anything that strikes her fancy and is always thrilled (and a little surprised!) when someone lets her know they enjoy reading her work. You can find her on her blog www.writermomblog.comGoogle+,FacebookTwitter, and Pinterest.


Lynnde 3 months ago

Jennycakes – have you thought at all that perhaps the child has Autism or Asburgers or some other invisible issues that keeps him from behaving as society would deem fitting bevause there doesn’t look like anything is wrong with him? I do. I have a son with Asburgers (an autism spectrum disorder) and this is almost exactly him to a tee. So I suggest you read up, look between the lines and pay attention to what the author actualky wrote and shut the f up because I have no qualms about calling you out in public.

Jennycakes 3 months ago

This is the worst blog article I’ve read on Scarymommy. Are you really trying to justify your sons bad behavior in public this way? Awful.

Cricket 7 months ago

I loved this! I know how you feel. My son will be bawling and begging me to take him somewhere else to eat and someone will say to my face, “if that was my kid I would bust their ass and make them eat what i got them or not at all”. But I can’t and wont do that my son can’t eat just anything, most food hurts him, he’s seven as is the size of 4 or 5 year old. I can’t even tell at him because if he gets to upset his naturally constant diarrhea gets to the point where if he moves he accidentally poops himself. And since it’s illegal to punch these ppl in the face for making my kid feel even more different I usually end up saying something cruel because I don’t have a filter don’t have time to and don’t care honestly. The last lady to say this I replied, “if your fat ass is that desperate for a greasy heart attack you can go ahead of us, or you could just shut the hell up.” (This actually happened today)

Lara 11 months ago

I had an experience kind of like this. My son repeats phrases he hears as part of his autism (echolalia). We were at an amusement park, and I was feeling like super mommy because I didn’t get my autistic son the wristband so that he could cut the line, and he was doing very well waiting. But he was repeating things other people in line were saying, and I heard a little girl behind us say, “Mommy, that boy keeps copying me!” And the mother said, “yes, that’s very rude to do that.” and loud enough so that I was meant to hear it. So I turned around, and I said, “he’s not trying to be rude. He’s autistic, and this is part of how he processes language.” She said, “Oh no, we weren’t talking about HIM.” Yeah, right.

Melissa Sever 1 year ago

I love this article. I would love to send it to certain judgy people I know.

Denise Bowers 1 year ago

The staring I don’t mind, it’s the rude comments that get me going. I’m sorry, but kids sometimes have meltdowns and I do the best I can.

Annie Christenberry Lodge 1 year ago

I can’t stand to hear or see a mom get so frustrated with one of her own- that she humiliates her kid in public. Have. Some. Class!!

Sarah Holzer 1 year ago

I work in a daycare center of 50+ children. I know fits pretty well by now. I have 2 sons. My oldest, oh boy! He was the biggest one for throwing fits in public and of course it had to be while I was wearing my work shirts that state I work in a day care. So, always had the on lookers. I’ve never gotten embarrassed. I always told my child it was he who he was embarrassing not me. I would put him on time out right there on the floor in a store and explain to each adult who would walk by and look why he was sitting on the floor. Some would have a good laugh with me and tell him “be good and listen to your mom “. When I feel I’m being judged I will normally say “hi” or explain the situation. Or, if they are rude I will politely say, “would you like to handle this one? ” No child is perfect. That is why they are children. They are learning and testing their limits. My oldest was more reasonable out of public but likes to “put on a show” while in public. My youngest is the opposite. Stay strong Mom! Tough love! :)

Melissa Pesce 1 year ago

Love this!!!!!! So true

Crystal 1 year ago

I love this post, my friend! It is raw, honest, and in your face. I hope some people read it and take notice of the things NOT to do when in public and in a similar situation. Like I said, your kiddo is a gift. And adorable and awesome! To heck with small minds and big mouths.

Lydia 1 year ago

Thank you for this post. A thousand times, thank you! I have two kids with some issues that my husband and I are trying to work out as best we can. When I go out, I’m the mom with kids who decide to run up and down the grocery aisles and play tag around other shoppers. I try and I try to bring them down to earth, but no matter what I do, they fly. You know, I’m so busy trying to accomplish my errands without my kids breaking something or crashing into someone, that I’m now at the point of not even noticing what other people are doing, but I know they’re there. I know you’re there. I know you were tssk, tssking today as I took shopping cart-driving privilege away from my kids and the 9-y.o.’s response was to hit me multiple times as I kept walking away with the shopping cart, I just didn’t care what others thought anymore.

I don’t care that I’m Caucasian and that my kids are Asian and that it bugs your little mind that we aren’t a “matched” set.

When my son was younger and failed to recognize personal space boundaries with another kid, the parents of the other child responded politely to my explanation for his behavior, and now won’t let their son play with my son. I hurt for my son, and he is deeply puzzled why the other child somehow is always too busy to play with him.

I see other mom’s struggle with their kids’ misbehaviors when, in that rare instance, I’m out on my own and looking put-together, and I smile back and tell them “They’re fine. I understand.”

Oh, yes, those people who judge and glare are out there.


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