Lexi Sweatpants
Latest posts by Lexi Sweatpants (see all)
- What Not To Say to a Parent of an Autistic Child - May 12, 2013
- I’m Jealous Of You - March 14, 2013
- Meant To Be - February 23, 2013
I see your posts. You talk about how hard it is to potty train your daughter that is younger than mine. Potty training isn’t even on our radar right now, to be truthful. That’s not going to happen for at least another year or so…if we’re lucky.
I’m jealous of you.
I see your statuses. How tired you are from running from one sport to the next, then on to birthday parties. My son can’t play team sports, he gets too overstimulated. He doesn’t get invited to birthday parties.
I’m jealous of you.
I see you at the store, you get away with people not looking twice at your kids- you don’t see that look of recognition- and sometimes of pain- as they notice your child’s extra chromosome. I see you in the malls, walking with your kids, not worried about what next sound is going to set them running in the opposite direction. I see you at my other son’s basketball games. Walking in from the parking lot to cheer for your child, as I sit with my son who is hiding in the back of my car. His autism fills the space between.
I’m so jealous of you.
You capture every milestone as they come naturally for your child. First steps. First words. I capture those, too. But they are after hours and hours of therapy, sleepless nights and drained bank accounts. You talk about goals kicked and awards won, I speak of services gained and lawsuits averted. You fought for your child’s place on team. I fight for my child’s place in the classroom.
I hate myself for being jealous of normal.
It’s not your fault you don’t have kids with special needs anymore than it’s my fault that I do. With my oldest, I loved meeting those milestones, even bragged about them a little. I didn’t get it. I had no frame of reference. I didn’t realize how great it was that he developed the right muscles in the right way to sit, crawl then walk. I didn’t get with my other typical developing child how great it was that speech set in without us having to painstakingly draw out language, bit by bit, sign by sign and sound by sound.
And I’m sure I don’t realize how lucky I am to have an autistic son who can talk, and a daughter with Down syndrome that is even as healthy as she is.
Jealousy is a worthless emotion. Even if it pushes you to do more or be more, you’re not doing it for the right reasons. I fight this jealousy. And, on days like today, I lose.
I’m jealous of you.
{ 103 comments… read them below or add one }
You are loved.
I’ve worked with (and loved) these kids. I’ve gotten one student with autism all the way through college and it was work. Every second of it. And yet I didn’t have to go home with her. I didn’t have to deal with “what next?” upon graduation. But heroic, loving, sleep deprived parents like you do it every day and I am in awe. You have the respect of so many of us who have had it so much easier.
My children were normal but my older daughter’s life was taken by a parolee when she was 22. Being a parent is painful. And so, so rewarding. I wouldn’t trade a day of her life, knowing what the end would be like. Celebrate every victory.
I’m so sorry that you lost your daughter. The families you help are lucky to have you,
I’d like to give you a hug, if that’s ok.
It’s ok to be jealous, too. We all are, at some point, jealous of someone else’s normal.
You are Mom and you are amazing.
My brother is autistic, and I know what it’s like to be envious of people and their version of “normal.” But you are an AMAZING mother and those other moms would crack if they had to deal with the challenges that you do on a daily basis. I know it’s small comfort, but your kids will love you forever even if it’s hard for them to show it. And somehow, I think that earning the love of a disabled child is worth a thousand times more than anything NORMAL.
LDiggitty recently posted..Friday’s dose of cuteness (7 weeks old!)
Its completely normal to be jelous. It’s natural to feel that way. You can take one day at a time and celebrate all the hard work you and your family is doing and gains the kids are making (even if it seems small relative to other’s milestones).
Oh, how I can relate. My oldest daughter has severe ADHD, my middle child has Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Epilepsy and ADD. My youngest child is normal, but extremely co-dependent towards me, as well as high strung. I love my babies, I would walk through fire for them on any day. Sometimes though, when you are tired, when you have lost yet another person you thought was a friend because they didn’t understand your child didn’t mean to hit, she is naturally aggressive and your apology isn’t enough, sometimes when your first marriage falls apart because your husband can’t take the pressure of raising 3 complicated children, and says hell with it and leaves you alone to figure it all out, sometimes when even your own mother doesn’t understand your struggle….it gets lonely, and sad. And I completely understand how that jealousy can occur. I applaud this woman, for having the courage to say what sometimes we mothers of special needs children, simply dont have the courage to say.
very well said! I have chosen to adopt some fosterchildren that i had in my care with just those difficulties…life is difficult but so worth the difficulties when you get a hug, or hit a milestone…thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings
Me too.
Great post Lexi!!
You are raising a child with an extra chomosome of LOVE. You are beautiful. You are stronger than the rest of us.
We feel how we feel, useful or not.
I’m jealous, too. I hate it, but I am. Sometimes it’s way in the background, and sometimes it’s a little more like rage.
I hear ya’ … exhausted. Thank god the sun is starting to emerge. Keep plugging away – there’s always someone worse off than us. I’m celebrating the goofiest things these days :)
Beautiful, heartfelt post….
I hear you!! My 3 girls truly are all over the place. My oldest has autism. While she can verbalize some needs, speaking and understanding the English language is still extremely difficult for her. I am currently fighting to have her taught actual curriculum. My middle daughter is gifted and 2 grade levels above her age in all areas. Getting her to sit still is a struggle, as is calming her impetuous nature. My youngest has sensory integration disorder and food allergies. Some days I just want to resign from being an adult.
I am humbled by your post and hope I can hold it in my heart to remember how lucky I am. We all have burdens but some people have them heavier than others. I hope the universe throws you all the help and support you need. x
Amanda Martin recently posted..A Manic sort of Day: 2013 365 Challenge #72
Ditto to this. Love and light to your family.
Jessica Cobb (@DomesticPirate) recently posted..Reflection: When molehills become mountains and learning to be grateful.
Thank you for your honest words. I have that child who has, to date, met every milestone and after reading your post I realize how much I take it for granted. Thank you for giving me a swift kick in the rear – I needed it.
you are not taking it for granted, you are living normal, enjoying your children as they should be! Do not feel bad. No matter how someones life is, someone else has it worse, this is normal but it can not and should not stop us from living our life. your normal life is different than mine, because your children are different than mine…but someone else has it worse, am i taking mine for granted? Enjoy what you have, I struggle with my special children as you struggle with your special children too (in different ways), but all in all I enjoy what I have too, one terrific lil man (with adhd), one lil guy (with autism) and one too young to know…my babies, all terrific in their own way!!!! Just as yours are!
You are an amazing mom, I am jealous of your strength.
Your post made me cry. I have just gotten a preliminary diagnosis- a word- a little box- the first of several I’m sure- to put my daughter in. I so often find I am jealous and angry and resentful of the parents of her classmates. Then I am angry at myself for being angry at them, for not appreciating my older children enough, for not somehow being able to do everything for all my children even though I am only one person. Well, I’m sure you know, even better than I do. But thank you, for letting me know I am normal.
My heart goes out to you and all the moms of special needs children. Those children are so lucky to have you. We are here for you! xo
Don’t be jealous. That life of someone else that looks or seems so perfect…guess again. I am sending you hugs. Many hugs. You are amazing and your blog was beautiful.
I hear you, Lexi.
I want to hug you and tell you it’s gonna be okay – and it is, but that’s not what I really want to say. What I really want to say is that this. This is hard. And it’s okay to wish for different sometimes. When my oldest was first diagnosed, I tried to be strong. So, so strong. And positive. I was freakin’ Pollyanna! And one day my very best friend said to me what I’m going to say to you: sweetie, it’s okay to grieve the loss of what you thought you would have. Close your eyes. Grieve it, feel the jealousy and sadness. And when you are ready, open your eyes again and see your kid(s). All of them- they will be their very best selves because they have you for a mommy, and even when you get it wrong, you have such love for them that you get it right too. Be sad, be jealous, and then forgive yourself for that.
***hugs***
You have the hardest job there is and though I’m sure you have support, I’m also sure it isn’t enough. Please never to give up trying to gain support. There are many who are willing to help. These people though are tired and busy and must be asked. I have my own struggles, but I still have some of myself to give. I am tired and busy, but I feel better when I can be of help to someone else. So often, we feel something that ranges from frustrated and annoyed to utterly hopeless because of our own burdens. Helping others can help to lift these burdens for a while, so know that in asking for help you give someone an opportunity to be released from their own burdens for a while. It is not selfish. Please ask for help – every day if necessary. And please remember that if people are looking at you and your children it is because they see life. They are reminded of the beauty and the struggle. They are reminded to be grateful and gracious. And if they don’t offer to help it is because they don’t know how. If they do offer help and it is not what you need, it is because they don’t know how to help. Please ask for what you need. Your job is the hardest job there is. (And forgive me if I am too preachy. I don’t know you, but I feel your pain and I only want it to ease some. I wish you all the best and make a promise to you that I will complain less about my own struggles and to be grateful for my good fortunes.)
Cookie’s Mom recently posted..Wordless(ish) Wednesday: WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T PANIC!
I tell myself that I’m not jealous, but envious. I don’t want to take away from anyone, but why can’t I have it to? Truth be told, I’m very lucky and yet I get jealous of ridiculously petty stuff. Beautifully written emotion. Thank you for sharing. Thanks, also, for the kick in my butt too.
My 9 year old daughter and 11 year old son are both high functioning autistic and my 12 year old son is Neuro- typical so I share your sentiments…..and your jealousy ….. Mommy hugs going out!
“Jealous of someone else’s normal” is beautifully said. This post is honest and wonderful.
Suburban Snapshots recently posted..Zen and the Art of Birthday Parties
I can so relate to this. I am jealous of normal, too… Feel all the emotions you mentioned. Hugs.
<3
Never hate your emotions. Let them be what they need to be, and then be done with them.
I am applauding your courage to write this post. Heart wrenching truth. Your honesty brings hope and mindfulness to others. Thank you for sharing such vulnerability with all of us.
Natalie Trust recently posted..Writing in the Dark
What a great post, also a mom of a special needs child.
I understand your plight. A friend posted about her daughter walking – a full year younger than Wyatt. Three weeks ago she was taking “tentative” steps, according to her parent. The post tonight exclaimed her mastery of this gross motor skill. But in my sigh of frustration, I also realize that “typical” parents will experience “typical” joy. But me? I don’t experience “typical” joy when Wyatt hits a milestone. No…I experience extraordinary joy. And for that, they should be jealous of me.
There is a book called ‘Chicken Soup for the Mothers Soul’ – it is a long time since I read it, but there was a chapter called ‘Welcome to Holland’ – it described how you coped with having a child with disabilities as opposed to our expectations when we planned a family – I loved the reasoning and have left my job of 30+ years to work with people with disabilities to give their families a little respite from the 24/7 demands of little people who need more – while I am fit and strong enough to do it but I grieve for the parents older than me who are full time caring for adult children.
I am envious of YOU! I strongly believe God, or the universe or whatever higher power, chooses only the strongest to raise children with such challenges. You were chosen. You are strong. You are special. Never forget that. xooxo
Very powerful words and emotions. I had to read it twice…..
You are a warrior of motherhood…..you go girl!!!! Big hugs to you. Those babies are lucky to have someone like you.
Reading your post has further humbled me. It’s easy to get jealous over miniscule things. Reading your post makes me realize how petty it all is and how ungrateful I’ve been. You are a wonderful person and a role model to us all.
Thank you for your honesty. It’s impossible that you would never want something for your kids that might be easier for them, you wouldn’t be human. I am blessed to have two healthy kids. But I still have days that I compare them to other kids and think “I wish my boy would listen like that boy” or “I wish my daughter could read as well as that girl.” It would make it easier. But life is this messy puzzle that sometimes feels impossible to put together. Bless you and your beautifully perfect children. They are exactly who they were meant to be. And you are exactly the mom they were meant to have. Jealousy and all. You are perfect.
I’m a working mom of two, and it is hard. Our difficulties may differ, yet we both struggle.
I am sure there are many moms jealous of the strength you have, the love you show, and all your sacrifices for your children.
It’s too bad the emotion is jealousy. It almost feels inadequate. Almost not strong enough.
Thank you for giving me insight into your life.
Just had to share the thought, “you’re a badass” … I’m fairly new to your page. Thank you for being you, and writing how you write. It keeps me going. I’m a father of a 4 yr old boy w/ ASD. His mother hardly participates. If anything, she does for vanity and no true interest in the progress and well being of her son. E & I get the same looks, struggles, ect. So, my emotional battles are quite similar (however, technically different) … So, you’re a bad ass. And I feel I needed to share that with you.
Good for you to have the strength to voice what you feel. Ripples in the pond. A total stranger giving perspective and thought to my day. Thank you.
I love reading posts that make me think of things in a different light. Thank you for this sincere and beautifully raw post.
Awww…you deserve a medal. All parents with special-needs kids deserve a medal. Thanks for a great post.
Murphy Must Have Had Kids recently posted..Funny Places Toddlers Put Stuff
Lexi, thank you for sharing this. Thank you for opening your heart. Thank you from all mothers who feel this. And then feel bad for feeling that way. It’s just so honest!
Sally
Would I ever love to give you a hug right now…with my giant, fat, flabby arms…the kind of hug you can fall into…it would feel like being hugged by a whale…at least they are good for something. Your struggle, pain and emotions are palpable to me. You make me think twice and have me counting my blessings all over again. You make me want to be a better and much more patient Mom. Sending much love to you. Tomorrow is another day and the sun will shine again.
We have challenges too so my husband and I try to remember that we’re someone else’s best case scenario. It’s helpful somedays, totally useless others. But hopefully it will help you at some point when you need it. Your children are so fortunate to have you!
I hear you, and I feel you. I have an eighteen-year-old young man with severe autism. He is nonverbal (I like to say pre-verbal, imagining that any day now, he will say something soon), has behavioral issues (aggression and self-injury), and requires 24/7 care. I know where the jealousy comes from; I have felt it too. It is from seeing our children miss out on so many things, and from having them face their disabilities over and over again, often without reward or respite. Each time my other son faces a milestone- a graduation, college- I cry. Happiness for the one who is growing in leaps and bounds, and sadness for the other who will always need me to be there for him. So yes, I feel the jealousy too. But when I do, I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Sometimes, I sing; other times, I pray. It passes slowly, but it does. Then tomorrow, I do it all over again.
Hugs to you today! Thank you for writing so honestly and I send you blessings from the other side of the world.
Everyone has varying degrees of struggle and while we should all be thankful for what we do have, we all get envious of others who APPEAR to have it better. One of my favorite sayings is telling someone to stop crying because it could be worse is like telling someone to stop smiling because it could be better.
I do almost all of the things you listed- I didn’t realize I took them for granted until now. And what’s funny is…my son was born premature so I had to go through all of the NICU tramas and etc and I’ve always been jealous of moms who get to have a normal pregnancy, normal delivery, and take their babies home 3 days after birth. Not only jealous, but it angers me (although no one has done anything wrong, nor could I have prevented what happened with my son.) And here I am, not realizing what I have now. Thank you for opening my eyes. You are so awesome for doing what you do- stay strong mama!
Praying for you and your family. God will give to courage, hope, and strength for each moment of your day. Its okay to feel exactly how you do. Your children are blessed to have you!!
Powerful and beautifully written and real. I have three kids, two NT, one with a disability. There are days I am jealous of others, and then sometimes I get a reality check and realize that others could well be jealous of me. All in the perspective, but how you feel is how you feel!
Mama D recently posted..Jedi Time Tricks
honest and beautiful. Thanks for telling the truth.
I love your honesty. I can’t begin to imagine the struggles you go through every single day. I am so glad you are here as an open book for mothers who are going through the same thing. I hope you feel through this blog that you are not alone.
I must confess, however, that I am one of the “lookers”. Not because I am judging your child’s behavior, your reaction to them, or putting them into a category of “non-normal”.
I am jealous.
I work in the violent crimes division of a law enforcement agency and see the worst in human behavior. Although, I am sure just like all of us, your children are not always treated with the respect and kindness they deserve, I am jealous of your children’s innocence, happiness, and resiliency. The fact that although a sound can scare them and cause a “tantrum”, you can make it all better. I am jealous that they don’t know how cruel people and the world can be. I love that having a family, a mom who loves them, is enough. I wish all children (people in general) could find that contentment.
I get that there’s always going to be a “grass is greener” theory, but know that they are happy and think you’re a rockstar, super hero, and fixer-of-all-things-bad…I think we all can agree that that is better than a soccer trophy or dry pants.
I feel the same exact way, and used to feel guilty for that. Then, I had a conversation with my counselor and she told me to think about my feelings as ‘longing for’ instead of jealousy. I long to do things with my daughter that I see others doing with their kids, I long for an easier family life, I long for down time, and so much more. I no longer have guilt for feeling this way because who wouldn’t long for easier? It feels so much better to think of my feelings of jealously as longing for.
I think it’s ok to “lose” and be “jealous” of the normal. Of the things you planned on but will never get to do in the way you thought. My jealousy is people having babies and announcing pregnancies knowing i can never do it again. I’m not unhappy for them. I’m ecstatic for them, I’m not happy for me. However I’m thankful I have the children I do! You are not bad, or less. Your amazing and beautiful! And your children are beyond lucky to have you :)
Thank you! Thank you for writing this. My oldest son is Autistic and my youngest is not. It hurts to see people want to interact more with my youngest because to them he is “normal”. I too get so jealous of the people that can’t even begin to understand what having a special needs child is like. I wonder why me and not them. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Thank you for showing me that other moms like me feel that way too.
Reading this post with tears in my eyes, because just today I was dealing with a meltdown & having a little pity party for myself, mad about the whole situation and the unfairness of it all. I have two children, both are on the autsim spectrum. My daughter has ocd. They are funny, brilliant, and adorable. Until we run out of cheese. Or the bus is 5 min late. Then all hell breaks loose & I am the one who has to deal with it. Dad(exhusband) decided that being a parent to these two was more than he wanted to take on. Jealousy creeps up on me like a 5lb weight gain, and I find myself wanting to smack the lady next to me at the store. Not because she’s done anything wrong; its her perfect child sitting in the cart eating goldfish that makes me green. I wish it was her being stared at while her child screams his bloody head off. I wish my child wasn’t wrapped in the “grocery blanket” which is a large magenta fleece that we cover him with in the cart. He’s 9 & weighs abt 80lbs.People stare. I say let them, we need milk too & if you dont like it, then its your problem not mine.
Thank you for writing this. I do not have a autistic child, but it resonated with me regardless. I have triplets and am often jealous of moms for different and more shallow reasons. You writing is beautiful and poignant; thank you again.
Thank you for posting this.
I choked up reading this. Every child is a blessing; every healthy child is a gift. Thank you for helping me understand you better. {hugs}
Roshni recently posted..Be a sport!
I’m touched by this heartfelt post. (((hugs)))
Rachel recently posted..Mornings are Never the Same Again
Beautifully written.
What do you call the emotion you feel when parents of normal children openly doubt the existence of ADHD as a real condition even as its existence makes your life a constant challenge and sometime misery? Jealous doesn’t cut it then. Rage is closer.
You are being the mother that most of us could not. I have been blessed with healthy children and I know I take that for granted more than I should. I can’t even begin to understand how it is to walk in your shoes, but I want you to know that you are an inspiration in your strength and the power of your words. God Bless you for that!
This is so true! My daughter has Rett syndrome; she can’t talk, walks just a tiny bit and lost her use of her hands (and wont be able to learn signing). I love her with all my hart but sometimes i get so jealous! When i hear about the cute mistakes kids make learning to speak and i realise that i only can talk with my daughter in my dreams. That it will cost years of training before she might be able to grab something with her hands without dropping it while others complain about things i would love to only experience once..! I’m trying not to feel those things but sometimes you just can’t block those feelings out.
Oh yes, been there and sometimes stay there for days. I also have an autistic child and bitter…sweet it can be. Sometimes though, how boring life can be when you can’t experience outside the box. Too bad for them. Hang in there.
My sister has cerebral palsy. Her twin brother is going to varsity this year. There is another brother in the mix and then myself – the eldest. There is a 9-year gap between the twins and myself.
I’m telling you all this because I can truly relate to what you are saying and more so to what you are feeling. It really got to me when moms of “normal” kids would try and shove their advice down my parents throat. Or when they tried to identify “what went wrong” to make my sister like that. Because, you and I both know, that by somehow finding a cause it can be taken away… Dumb f*cks!
I was jealous of girls who had a normal sister to bond with. Boy-twin misses his other half more than he can say out loud – it’s in his eyes.
I send you hugs, hugs, hugs and a solid “screw them” from far away (South Africa) to let you know that you are not alone in your pain and jealousy. It’s ok not be ok with it.
{{{Hugs}}}
Jealous of your strenght, proud of you character!
GOD BLESS YOU.
I get it, I am you! I feel worst thinking . . . I’m not suppose to be jealous. I’m human, I had dreams, I now have ifs.
I was at that point today where I really did not want to be jealous of the “pretty girls” in the mom’s group I’m a part of, since they’re married to guys who have jobs that pay enough so that they don’t have to work outside of home. I was secretly hoping that they’re actually up to their ears in credit card debt, and that the cute shoes they were wearing are from Marshalls, bought with money they don’t really have. I am on WIC and although we pay our bills every month, that’s pretty much all we do….sometimes there is NOTHING left over.
Being jealous is not fun, I agree. But sometimes, it just has to be done.
I love this and I have no idea who you are but I am in love you! I needed this post today!
Beautifully written.
Mercy recently posted..Weight Loss, part 2: How I am Getting Rid of the Weight
and would you believe it, but even on what feels like your worse days, there are those who are jealous of you. there are.
I don’t know from personal experience, but just from seeing, kids with disabilities look past all of the negativity in this horrid world and still see the beauty and innocence in everything. And for that, others will be jealous of you that your kids can still attain that. *hugs*
Momchalant recently posted..BABIES CHANGE LIVES
All I can add to all the wonderful thoughts above me is that the hardest thing, I think, is that not only do some people have to cope way beyond what they ever thought they could, do it lovingly and still maintain their own identity, but that they have to raise their kids with an already ingrained (and for me, almost constant) sense of guilt that you’re Not Doing Well Enough. You Should Be Doing More. Which makes me want to hide in my room (and does, sometimes). Other people reinforce that whether they mean to or not, most of the time. I wish parents could get a break. I wish moms and dads who take on this challenge every day could be honored, not criticized, be supported and not guilt-tripped even by their own families, be surrounded with love and support rather than having to do it alone and try to hide issues when out in public to try to spare your children ridicule or anything at all.
Or at least a gift certificate at Christmas would be nice. ;)
THANK YOU!!!
I love this. A few close friends of mine have children with similar disorders and I look up to them more than anymore else. You should know that there are many women out there (me included) that are jealous of mothers like you. We are jealous of your fierce devotion. We envy your grace. We covet your patience. We admire your selflessness. Thank you again for writing such a lovely post!
♥ Talia
http://rubytiaradiaries.blogspot.com
Talia Jacole recently posted..finding the positive.
Beautifully written.
Thank you for bringing these very real, and very true feelings to light.
Lex this is an amazing, amazing post. I don’t even know what to say other than I’m just proud to know you and call you a friend. Sending you so much love.
Jessica recently posted..Field of dreams
Wow. This is breath taking.
Galit Breen recently posted..How to Make Marshmallow Pops
You rock, sister! I’m so proud to call you friend…you are gifted and talented and so very special.
Flannery recently posted..Self Doubt
Brutally honest post. Thank you. You are, as the comments attest, not alone. We have to be able to embrace these emotions, have the freedom to voice thrm, because its only by sharing our raw honesty and receiving support that we can let go of those emotions that are not helpful.
What a potent post. Jealousy is fierce, but so is your honesty and your way with language. Thank you for being brave enough to write this.
My oldest has Down syndrome and there are some days that jealousy is not a strong enough word!!
I’m sobbing reading your beautifully expressed post and deeply humbled. Thank you so much for posting this and sharing your heart with all of us.
Whenever someone is courageous enough to admit he/she is jealous, I feel admiration and empathy for them. Thanks for writing such a powerful post, Lexi.
Lynn Kellan recently posted..Proof I’m living with a Martian
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can also empathize. I do not want to be jealous but sometimes it happens. Just know you have a whole community of parents who actually get it.
Beautiful post full of courage, grace and love. I want to hug you.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Bumpidoodle Giveaway – Win Belinda Bunny!
I was a teen mother at 19. When I later married, he was infertile. My middle kid with Ds is adopted. I now have a 2 year old as well. I have never been jealous for me, but I am for my youngest daughter. Jealous that she doesn’t have a “normal” big sister.
On a morning when I was feeling sorry for myself because my two year old is in the midst of a difficult mix of defiance, ear infections, and sleep problems, thanks so much for the reminder that I — and all of us — have so much to be thankful for. Your post was so moving, and anyone reading this — whose biggest problems with their kids is toddler crankiness or temper tantrums — can’t help to be moved by your bravery and love.
Jessica Smock recently posted..From Natural Disaster to the Mall: A Tale of Working Friendship
I’m jealous of you! You make it through days that I can’t even comprehend. I get frustrated and exhausted with my two healthy, “normal” boys. You are so much stronger than most mommies and your love for your kids is powerful. Your babies are perfect and you are amazing!
Cassie recently posted..Why I Won’t Write: What No One Tells You about Labor/Delivery
I love this post. As a special education teacher, I have seen pieces of the struggle you describe. As a mother of a 6 month old, I KNOW how lucky I am that the “hard parts” of raising my daughter aren’t made harder by addition of a disability area. Sometimes I feel a little guilty, but I try to just always be grateful and happy with exactly what I have, since there really is no other alternative. Thank you for posting this, to remind those who struggle they are not alone and those who have it “easy” (if there is such a thing) to be conscientious.
A Morning Grouch recently posted..Thanks for another great SxSW — see you next year!
I have a typical 10 month old daughter.
I have celebrated each and every milestone because I know how lucky we are to have her beautiful little self.
What you wrote about luck… About how it’s no more than luck which resulted in other people’s typical children than that which resulted in your children. I feel that same way.
Because before our beautiful little lady arrived we lost her perfect big brother just days after his birth. I wanted (still want?!?) to scream at the top of my lungs about the injustice of it all. When I would see smug mommies post about ridiculous, meaningless complaints (lack of sleep, teething, diaper explosions…) I want to reach through their computers and slap them. Because the truth is, bad fortune can happen to anyone… Nothing I did resulted in my sons death anymore than anyone else’s actions resulted in their babies living. To think otherwise… ugh. Jealous? Every friggin’ day I’m jealous of the life I should have had. But I’m so thankful I had the opportunity, you know?
…and I’m rambling! All this to say I hear you. :)
I shared this with FB and Twitter. I think we are all entitled to our feelings in parenthood. I am raising four healthy and fairly typically developed, but sometimes quirky kids. I teach an inclusion class for child care providers and can only somewhat relate my personal knowledge of ADHD, however after subbing in special education rooms, my eyes are truly opened to the daily challenges and triumphs for children and families of special needs. We all support you or should!
Andrea Angileri recently posted..You Know You Have a Few Kids If..
Thank you for writing this. We just returned from our incredibly short spring break trip that was meant to be 3 days but turned into an over night due to my daughter’s fits- she’s on the spectrum. She looks perfectly “normal” for whatever that is. But when I tell people that she’s autistic, they don’t believe me at first. Then they see the outburst, the fits, the hitting, and the shouting and they eventually get it. The ride home was long. I questioned my ability to endure this and how my son would survive all this and have a
“normal” childhood when everything teeters on his sister’s ability to interact. The gene seems to come through my husband and I fight being angry with him. I love them all, but this is hard. Thank you for your honesty.
This post was what first introduced me to your blog, Lexi… Powerful words, and as a fellow special needs parent (one of my children has epilepsy, developmental disabilities and cystic fibrosis, and the others have medical issues as well) I understand. Thank you for your honesty both in this post and in so many others.
SnapInTime recently posted..Lunch Dates
Thank you for sharing this – you are amazing.
Om my… this could have written by me… I really don’t have anything to say to you, except: you are NOT alone!
XOXO
I have written this same post in my head over and over. I hate feeling jealous but I am. I know my child will never go to prom or college. I won’t get to dance at her wedding. I am angry and feel she was cheated. But she is a happy 12 year old who loves Justin Beiber and Disney World. She talks and hugs. She is alive and for that I rejoice.
Neurotypical kids parents can be very annoying with all the “problems” they have with their kids. I shudder when I hear them say “shut up” to thier child. I cherish every word my child utters even if it is inapropriate! I have a 8 1/2 almost 9 year old boy with severe Autism.. we get a lot of looks when he flippes out in public. I know how this Mom feels. Other people’s problems seem so silly. I do have a 5 year old girl whom also has Autism and she luckily has been doing very well. It is so awesome to experience communication with her (she is functioning at about a 3 1/2 year old level). She attends a typical private preschool with out an aide. At age 3 she had no language and tantrumed constantly when any demand was placed upon her. I am so proud of her and how far she’s come. I pray that my Son will someday be able to speak to me, and so grateful that my Daughter is able to.
I hate leaving trite comments on such amazing posts as this, but I am somewhat speechless other than to say how powerfully this piece hit me. Thank you so very much for sharing this perspective. I am filled anew with gratitude for normal and “regular” problems.
MILF Runner recently posted..The Saga Continues: Boston-bound Betty gets some tough news
Thank you. For having the guts to say it out loud. Because somedays I wonder what it would be like to have a life like that again. Where my problems were smaller and the future less cloudy.
Of course I wouldn’t trade my special needs kids for anything, but I wish life were easier for them and for us. And sometimes I just have to walk away from the conversations… like infant potty training (I’ve been training my 8 year old for 5 years and we’re not doing well)… or sleeping in or relaxing on holiday or family ski trips…
Glad I’m not the only one.
Christie recently posted..The Craving
WOW!!! Tears streaming now because what a beautiful piece of your soul that you have shared. We all have felt that stab of that worthless emotion for so many different reasons. Thank you for sharing this piece of your heart!
Heather recently posted..My Dog’s an A$$hole:
I agree – I hate the jealousy – I have a typical child and a child with Cerebral Palsy – so I know what I am missing – and I know what he is missing – the discovery and the learning – and I see other people and I am so jealous… I try my best to just hug my son and go on realizing its a miracle he’s alive – but then again some days I lose too…
Michelle recently posted..Embrace the Crazy