2014-THANKSgiving

I’m losing my hair?!?

62 Comments

I’m not sure how the conversation started, exactly. I must have made some off handed remark referencing what I assumed was obvious. So obvious that it wasn’t nearly profound enough to even recall. But, for my husband, it was a moment he’ll never forget.
 
Are you saying I’m losing my hair???
 
I laughed, first sincerely and then nervously.
 
Um, yes…?
 
Wait. WHAT??? Do, people, like, know this?
 
I thought back to the time last week, when, at a crowded park and I needed to point him out, it was by easiest done by referencing the bald spot staring staring my friend and I back like a neon sign.
 
Well, it’s not something that people, like, talk about.
 
But, they can tell? His eyes were wide like saucers. Other people can tell that I’m losing it?
 
I think so, Jeff. It’s not really open for interpretation.
 
A full haired actor flashed on the TV screen.
 
So, I don’t have as much hair as him?
 
Um, no, my love.
 
Another full haired, six pack abed actor appears. What about him??
 
No, sweetheart. Not much of a resemblance.
 
But, it’s not like I’m BALDING, right? I just have some thinning. Like, ten percent.
 
OK. Sure. SNL was well into the second music act and the dog would be up in six hours. You’re right.
 
No??? I’m not?
 
He’s sitting up now.
 
What’s the ratio? What’s the ratio of hair to no hair?
 
I prop up the pillow and inspect him.
 
Hmmmmm…. 40/60?
 
Forty/Sixty? FORTY/SIXTY? Like less hair than more hair???
 
No. You’re wrong. His head is shaking violently.
 
It’s just that my hair starts further back on my forehead. It’s still there!
 
I point to the spot halfway back on my head where my hair would start if I were balding and if I had a severe receding hairline.
 
He’s not buying it.
 
I take his hand and finger measure the spots on our respective heads.
 
We’re staring at each other, hands on heads, the air uncomfortably heavy.
 
He stops arguing. I’ve finally gotten through to him.
 
Don’t you look in the mirror daily?
 
I ought to just drop it, but I’d really like to know how someone can be so clueless about something they see day after day after day.
 
No, he pouts. I don’t.
 
Well, you shave every day. Don’t you look at yourself then?
 
I look at my face. I’m not inspecting my hairline.
 
He looks eerily like Evan a few months ago when he dropped his half eaten ice cream cone and realized that, no, I wasn’t going back to spend five dollars on a new one. But, an Evan with 60% less hair, of course.
 
He needs some time to digest this one and we stop talking and just lie, face to face.
 
SNL is now over. Bedtime.
 
Why does your face smell funny, he wants to know, his eyes now closed.
 
I’m using a new wrinkle cream.
 
Why? You don’t have any wrinkles. Your face looks exactly the same as it did 17 years ago.
 
I know, I say. It’s preventative.
 
Obviously.

Comments

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  1. 1

    Rebeccah says

    You didn’t hear? Men are granted mystical mirrors, thus rendering them oblivious to receding hairlines, bulging guts and sun damage caused by refusing to wear sunscreen. It’s MAGIC and I want one.

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    • 2

      Heather says

      You got that right! At my baby shower, we played the ‘guess how big around Mommy is’ and some of my guests measured Baby Daddy, as his belly was comparable to mine in size and shape. He thought they were joking. That mirror is some serious shizz.

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  2. 8

    Amanda says

    My husband finally embraced the hair loss and started shaving before he could be accused of trying to grow out his hair for a comb-over. As a bonus though, he did start growing hair on his back!

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  3. 10

    Willilee says

    BWAH HA HA. DSD16 told me today that her friends said, “Your dad is so cool! He has a Mohawk!” DSD says to me, “What Mohawk? Can’t they tell he’s losing his hair?” He is a tad sensitive about it, but still super cute!

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  4. 14

    Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes says

    I’ve recently had the exquisite pleasure of pointing out to my husband that not only is he going grey, his hairline is receding too. His reaction was much the same.

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  5. 15

    Sarah says

    OH dear. Same thing happened with DH a few years ago, when his step-dad hadn’t seen him in a while, and commented (from an upper-floor balcony) that he was ‘outgrowing’ his hairline… DH apparently had NO idea.

    Whereas I keep tabs on every single hair on my body… except those rogue weird black hairs that spring up in my chin, apparently… those go under the radar for DAYS. Dude, TELL me about this shizz!

    FWIW I am also doing things ‘preventatively’… like stretchy pants. Preventative stretchy pants. Yes.

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  6. 17

    Kate says

    My husband is in the same boat, but I am afraid to tell him. His is a thinning spot on the crown of his head so he really can’t see it. His mother said something a few months ago and his reaction was not a good one. I do not want to deal with the fall out (no pun intended) when he finally realizes and then becomes obsessive about it. Lord help me when that day comes.

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  7. 18

    SoberJulie says

    Hubby has been shaving his head for years because of the increasing size of his reflective spot on the cranium. When I shaved my head for charity recently he took great pleasure in my discomfort. Now he’s ticked because my hair is growing in “ridiculously quickly” and I’m secretly loving it as I ignore my sagging nearing 40 skin

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  8. 19

    Crystal says

    HA HA HA! I NEVER want to have this conversation. “Hopefully” it will at least be delayed since my husband is 15 years younger than me. Hopefully. On the flip side, since having my daughter 9 months ago, I’ve been having incredible hair loss. I’m freaking myself! The doctor says “hopefully” it will subside soon. Let’s hope.

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  9. 20

    Guerrilla Mom says

    Oh my god – hilarious. I want to live in his world. Men and women are truly different creatures. We see flaws that aren’t even there, they blissfully don’t see them. I think we should all practice being a little more like them!

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  10. 22

    lceel says

    YOU have no wrinkles, Lovely Lady. And as for Himself, there IS an answer to that bald spot and thinning hair. Shave it all off. Go to Great Clips and tell the girl to “go to zero” and just take it all off. You will feel like a new man. Now, you may feel a bit intimidated, at first, and you may even try to hide your head under a hat, but you’ll soon find that Scary Mommy might be ALL OVER your head – because women seem to like the look. REAL men are bald. On purpose.

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  11. 24

    Stephanie says

    Eek! That’s rough. When I acquired my husband, he was already mostly bald. Luckily, we don’t have to have that conversation. And those Olay commercials have been getting to me. I’m thinking I should start, too…

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