It’s Time (To End The Mommy Wars)

You have, by now, probably seen Time Magazine’s latest cover.

I posted it on my Facebook page and took a shower. When I came back, I read through the comments. Comments like this:

” I am offended by this cover because not all women can breast feed and formula is the only option”

“I’m thinking there are a lot of moms that feel guilty about not giving their baby’s breast milk from reading these posts and this silly picture.”

“Formula feeding IS harmful for babies. Breast is best.”

“Unbelievable. SOME of us did not have another choice. Let’s add one more load of guilt on women who constantly worry that their every decision is damaging their children.”

“So, I’m a bad mom because I work? Thought I liked you, Scary Mommy. Unfollowing now.”.

You know how it sucks to tell a joke and then have to explain the punchline? Um, yeah.

For the record, I am a working mom. I formula fed all of my kids and my boys are circumcised. If a cover like that were actually published, (which, given the fact that half of the people thought it was real, doesn’t seem all that far-fetched,) I would be the ultimate failure of a mother. I thought that was clear.

The original Time cover is absurd and does little other than pit mother against mother over the most personal of choices. No, even if I could, I would not breastfeed my almost four year old. Most mothers wouldn’t. But, that’s not the point. The point is that we should not allow a magazine to divide us like this. Time knew exactly the effect this cover would have on the nation and it succeeded beautifully. News shows are all over it, Twitter is abuzz and it’s the top story in every paper. Mothers verses mothers, once again. Well played, Time, this will surely be one of the best selling issues of the year.

So, how about instead of allowing this to ignite the Mommy Wars, we fight back? Let’s not divide ourselves. Let’s not criticize one another’s choices and let’s not allow ourselves to feel like failures. Haven’t we had enough? They can publish whatever stories and covers they want, but we don’t need to buy into it. We can win this one.

I think it’s Time.

About the writer


What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill Smokler’s stay-at-home days with her children, quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Welcome to Scary Mommy!


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Danielle 4 years ago

I feel that, bottom line, how a mother decides to feed her baby is her choice. As long as the child is being nourished, it is not for anyone else to comment on.

Alinka @ Baby Web 4 years ago

Looks like the “divide and conquer” strategy works every time. Good job Time! Love your satiric response Scary Mommy!

Rebecca Schorr 4 years ago


Learning about other parenting practices can expose us to all the options available. Civil discourse is key. How someone else decides to rear her children does not affect my kids. How I respond to someone else surely does. I want my kids to learn how to respect ideas and beliefs that differ from their own. And that’s something they are going to learn by watching me.

Lindsay 4 years ago

Couple things: My Mom, a great lady, gave me a quality piece of advice once and it is this: F*** ’em if they can’t take a joke. Yay Mom!

Secondly, I feel it’s only “mommy wars” if you allow yourself to be bothered by the opinions of others (who, let’s face it, sometimes don’t really know what they’re talking about). I don’t feel the need to justify myself to others regarding my parenting choices. I would NEVER be so arrogant as to assume my way is the only/best way. My way is just what works for me, and if it’s not working for me, I call up my girls and ask them what works for them. It doesn’t matter HOW you feed your kid, it matters THAT you feed your kid. That’s all that needs said on this topic.

It’s a shame that judging one another has become par for the course instead of celebrating our diversity – I bet we could learn a lot from each other. And in the end, you can’t change how people think/act/feel, you can only change your reaction to their thoughts/actions/feelings. And my reaction is f*** ’em. You’re damn right I’m mother enough, Time Magazine, and I’m woman enough to not spend my hard earned money on your stupid, inflammatory, attention grabbing magazine!

    The Anecdotal Baby 4 years ago

    Lindsay! I love it. Perfectly said.

Erica 4 years ago

What bothers me most about this cover is the smugness of the woman. Self-righteousness is one of the worst qualities a person can have and this woman appears to be swimming in it. Also, the kid looks completely terrified and confused.

To me this cover says, “I am and will always be a better mother than you, even if it’s at the expense of my child’s comfort.”

KeAnne 4 years ago

I cannot believe people took your cover seriously. Really? Get a sense of humor! Loved it.

tracy@sellabitmum 4 years ago

Jill, how dare you tell jokes? I mean like what if we don’t all get it? I love you. Thatisall. xoxo

Kisha 4 years ago

Even my own mother called me me to talk about this times cover. Sheesh. Only patriarchy benefits when smart, loving, creative and capable women have to not only prove that they are mother enough but hat to go around defending their “brand” of parenting.

Give the mommy wars a break, there’s stuff I’d much rather be doing.

The Bearded Iris 4 years ago

Holy CRAP. I cannot BELIEVE there are people who took your (hilarious) mock cover seriously. People need to lighten the fuck up.

stylisticallystella 4 years ago

When we start to fight with one another, we should stop and remember the moment our husband, partner, mother, nurse wheeled us out of the hospital with a newborn snuggly wrapped in our arms. Who among us didn’t think “HOLY SHIT! They’re just going to let me leave with this little person? How do I know what I’m doing!!”

Sweety Darlin 4 years ago

WOW I had not seen the Time cover, which is absurd, and I didn’t see the post which is obviously a complete joke, but the responses you received are why women have such issues with each other. What happened to grains of salt? Why do we teach our kids tolerance, and not practice it ourselves.

I don’t agree with gay marriage either, but that too is a PERSONAL opinion. If you want that lifestyle that is your business I think it is wrong, but that also doesn’t make me wrong.

I am really tired of the fighting that occurs between women. Makes me want to go into the backyard and just duke it out like moms tell their fighting siblings. Maybe then we can get it out of our systems and go on about supporting each other. Differences is what makes us stronger!

Canergie Saunder 4 years ago

Oh man! I really love the cover photo. Mommy’s are really doing a great job and they deserve to be applauded for that. Thank you mommies.

Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife 4 years ago

Loved the mock cover! In the midst of all the ballyhoo, a little scary comic relief was just what we needed!

I thought about writing a post ’bout this “perfectl-timed” Time issue – let’s throw some gasoline on the mommy debate, who’s better, which way is better, blah, blah, blah – but I decided not to add another hit on the Google search result for Time and opted for the more traditional Mother’s Day post instead.

Happy Mother’s Day y’all – you are all AWESOME!

The Flying Chalupa 4 years ago

Loved your mock cover, Jill, and this post is why I read you. To cut to the heart of an issue with, um, well…heart. And generosity of spirit.

To be honest, I’m tired. I think most mothers are tired. Bone-tired. I mean, who the hell even has the energy to get their panties in a wad on this one? LET IT BE. LOVE IS LOVE.

Carrie 4 years ago

So here is my thought-through response to this post. Unfortunately, TIME managed to alienate both advocates and opponents of attachment parenting. Here’s my post in response to what TIME has posted:

cheesehead4ever 4 years ago

I guess my main question since I first saw the cover of Time magazine was, “If this woman has been breastfeeding this child for almost 4 years, and her oldest for the same length of time, why aren’t her boobs halfway down to her stomach?”

Dani 4 years ago

Why didn’t you use MY kid on the cover drinking poison? Damn it. Also, I thought I was the only person who wrote about this cover. Double damn it.

Ally 4 years ago

My thoughts exactly! My very first impression was that this cover (the real one) was done for one purpose only – to ignite controversy. And they succeeded brilliantly. Because so many people buy into the media shock hype and don’t stop to ask themselves what the big picture purpose is (ahem – it’s to sell magazines in case you still don’t get it). Either fight back (step 1: don’t buy it. step 2: don’t let it draw you into debate. step 3: tell Time their tactic is NOT okay). Or walk away, people. Walk away.

dtt 4 years ago

Everybody has the right to be the best parent and kind of parent they want to be. As long as they are not abusing their children. What is right for one may not be right for another. But the USA is built on the bill of rights. People need to reread them. We all have the rights to freedoms. But I will not buy a time magazine any time in the future, not because of this lady on the cover with her adorable child and her choice to breast feed for so long. But because by doing such a controversial photo of it is dividing us (women) again over something that is a personal choice. I say unite and boycot time warner.

Melissa 4 years ago

AMEN!!!!! xoxo

Sarah Eder 4 years ago

I love you, you rock and you are dead on! Thank you, I’m sharing your message as much as I can, time to get over the judgement and celebrate each other! xxx

Autherine 4 years ago

Most mother ARE great mothers, making great choices for our children! Believe it!

Morgan 4 years ago

While i’m all for whatever you feel is best for your child, (formula feeding,sleep training, I won’t say circumcision because I DO think that is a human rights issues). I don’t think it’s fare to be throwing out things like ” I would not breastfeed my almost four year old. Most mothers wouldn’t.” Unless you know it to be fact. The world is larger then what goes on in the United States and North America. Open up yours eyes please!

absence of alternatives 4 years ago

FWIW, I laughed when I saw the witty cover you created and felt grateful that you said what I thought when I saw the “real” Time cover: “What do they mean ‘Are you mom enough?’ Are you saying that this whole thing is somehow a competition?!” Sigh. I have refrained from commenting on this whole thing and was relieved when you and others did. So thank you! And… it always astounds me when people don’t get sarcasm esp. when it is so obvious…

The Mommy Psychologist 4 years ago

I think it’s hilarious that you had to explain this.

Chris @ CleverFather 4 years ago

I’ve always figured that breast IS better. But you know what? My wife had supply issues with both of our daughters so they were mainly given formula. Who cares?

Does the fact that someone chooses formula over nursing have any effect in my life what so ever? Nope! Feed your babies pepsi… doesn’t matter to me.

Do what works best for you!

CSmith 4 years ago

I’m sorry you had to explain your joke, I thought it was really funny;) I probably won’t read the Time article just because I think the cover is tacky. I don’t really care how anyone choses to feed their child but I don’t want to see anyone’s boobs hanging out. I do think it is terrible that some mothers are so insecure that they feel like they have to be better than someone. I breastfed 5 of my 7 babies, two of them past 2 years old, I would never use cloth diapers, I believe in co-sleeping and baby-wearing, I let my kids eat snack cakes for breakfast, I homeschool, I let several of my kids have a pacifier for a ridiculous length of time, I didn’t circumcise but did vaccinate. I’m a mixed up mess, I don’t think I should be judging anyone;)

Demoman 4 years ago

all i can think to say is… “SHARE”. sorry, im bad, send me to your room.

Jenn 4 years ago

If it helps any, I thought your mock cover was brilliant. And I thought it was pretty obvious that it was a joke too. Of course, I am viewing it from the point of view of someone who doesn’t take sides, so I have no personal feelings attached to those statements. But I imagine that, for the moms who have actually been attacked for how they’ve chosen to parent and feel like failures because of their inability to breastfeed or stay at home, those statements churn up a lot of hurt feelings. That doesn’t mean that you should apologize for your joke or present your views differently…in fact, I think that these ladies’ reactions reveal exactly how much women have been hurt by others’ criticism, and really…that proves your point! When we can’t even JOKE about motherhood without people taking it personally, it’s a sign that something is wrong with how we relate to each other as women in general.
As for your main point…I couldn’t agree with you more…let’s support each other. We’re ALL moms, and one type is not “better” than another. We all have struggles, and there’s so much that goes into raising a child–it’s a shame that women zero in on just a couple of visible factors like breastfeeding or staying at home and turn those into their whole argument for whether a woman is doing the right thing. So much goes on in a mother-child relationship that outsiders don’t see…we have no right to judge others based on just a couple of publicly visible choices. In fact, we really have no right to judge others at all. We’re all trying to do the best we can for our children. No one is taking the “easy road” here, whether they breastfeed, bottle feed, stay at home or work full time, it’s difficult ANY way you do it. We all struggle; we are all doing the best we can…which is why it’s so hurtful when others criticize. Kudos to you for pointing this out and speaking out to unite us!
I’m giving you a cyber high-five, girlfriend!

Liz Knapp 4 years ago

Maybe if you don’t want to divide mothers you should not use phrases like “most mothers wouldn’t”

Jane Quick 4 years ago

I saw a very interesting documentary the other night about US media and how it portrays women, among other things it talked about how the media (run mainly by men) pits women against each other to further their own misogynistic agenda. Go to for more information on the doco and the movement.

Denise 4 years ago

I was surprised people didn’t realize yours was a joke but I guess with just outrageous real stuff like this out there, it probably could have been real.

erika 4 years ago

I JUST wrote a post about this very thing:

Well said- love the cover you made1 :-)

Cat 4 years ago

Yes! I have been both a working and stay at home mom and both types are STILL MOMS!!! We rock. Let’s stick together.

Diane Anderson 4 years ago

I love it! I love how you managed to turn this botched issue into something creative enough to get women thinking. Out of 6 children I was only able to BF one. Three of them I worked and three of them I am a SAHM. Who cares what you do anymore? It’s either a personal decision or one made out necessity. In the end, your children are healthy and have their parents to love them. Isn’t that what really counts?

Missy 4 years ago

BRAVO!!! I wish more mothers would stop pitting themselves against each other. We all are free to make our own choices that works best for our family.

Janalyn 4 years ago

I agree with you that we shouldn’t tear each other down over this, but I do think our emotional response to this issue could be better directed in trying to make the US a more mother-friendly place, whether that mom is breastfeeding a toddler or not.

Jeni Kramer 4 years ago

The thing that kills me about this whole debate is that there are so many children out there that are neglected, abused or otherwise deprived of the love and nurturing they deserve. Why on earth are we turning on mothers who are going to great lengths to give their children what they believe to be the highest standard of care? Does the notion of nursing a four year old seem a bit odd to me? Sure. But if you’re busting your ass (boobs?) trying to do what you feel is right for your child – more power to you, mama! Breastfeed that lil’ nipper until he’s 30. As long as everyone is safe and happy, who the hell cares?

Stacie 4 years ago

I’m not a mom yet, that’s still a few years away, but I started following this blog after reading an article in the Baltimore Sun. I decided to share this post on my facebook page just to see if/how people would react. Thanks, as always, for the insight and the laugh.

Hope 4 years ago

I completly agree with the point you are making. I think the cover of TIME is disgusting and I have not read the article so I do not know what it says. Personlly, yes I do think it is a mothers choice to BF & for how long. BUT, at a certain age I think getting the milk from the breast is more for mom than child. If you are that amazing of a mom to continue to give your child BM after they grow teeth, you are stronger than me. I think what the issue that needs to be discussed is not the benefits of BM but the psycological damage that is created when BF your child after a certain age. I mean come on 4? Ive even seen a woman on TV that was defending BFing her 6 & 8 yr old sons. There is a fine line between being a nurturing mother & a creepy one when it comes to this. If you want to give your child breast milk at 4,5,6 ect…Pump & Cup!!!!

Kristen Mae 4 years ago

Love this. I saw your fake ‘Time’ cover floating about Facebook and thought it was real! (It was too tiny for me to see the awesome satirical print) – I thought ‘Time’ was publishing two at once trying to juxtapose both sides of the debate! Ha!

Sunshine 4 years ago

This is quite an interesting post. I think your idea is great and I find it actually amusing. Being a mother is really not an easy job and I think it is really time to end the mommy wars. Breastfeeding is a very big case today in being a mom. What could be a good thing that a mom can do if she is incapable of doing this? Anyway, thanks for sharing this article by the way!

Cassie 4 years ago

First of all, I’m shocked that people truly thought that the cover you created was real. Don’t they know you at all!?! Second, I wrote a blog about this cover too. There are two types of parents: ones that second guess every decision they make, and ones that think that they do everything right. Why can’t we all share in these feelings a bit. There are times to learn and there are times to be confident in your choices. If we all followed this philosophy, we could help/support one another instead of tearing each other down!

GunDiva 4 years ago


Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) 4 years ago

Amen, Jill. It’s a ploy to sell magazines, that’s what it is. Sensationalism. And we’re best to stand tall together and weather the storm. And perhaps tell them off for divisive journalism.

Holly 4 years ago

News flash! Annoucing you are offended is basically telling the world you are incapable of controlling your emotions and so everyone else should do it for you. Or you can deal with it by making a funny as hell parody causing the witless to think it is real & humorless to just be themselves make comments that are funny in their own sad way.
What is this about a “Mommy War”? I must have been off not giving a fuck about anyone elses opinion of what I do with a smile on my face. I don’t see any proof of a draft, so they must be taking volunteers. Have fun with that one, I’m not interested. You do have my condolences on being manipulated into fighting, but maybe you’ll develope a backbone and not feel the need to defend your choices to every twit take questions them. Good luck!
And to those twits who feel the need to comment with the idea of telling people how they feel others need to raise their children, don’t cry when someone tells you to go swallow a knife. This is the realm of the Scary Mommies, the douchey busy-bodies blog is way down the road, just keep walking…

Shiftless Mommie 4 years ago

I’m not surprised people didn’t see your image was a joke. We become so brittle as a gender whenever breastfeeding is mentioned. I’m not sure whether it is the judgment level and corresponding defensiveness or that we have been told the stakes are so high, when they probably aren’t. Neither problem will be easier to solve.

For what it’s worth, I got the joke. Sucks to have to explain it though.

Elaine 4 years ago

I honestly cannot BELIEVE people did not know you were being sarcastic.

And I’m having a hard time believing that the boy on the cover of that magazine is only 3 (I read that is how old he is). His 4th birthday must be like the day after they took this picture. He’s taller than my 5 year old. But that’s really not the point is it? I’m just sayin’.

I agree with you COMPLETELY, let this bring us together, not divide us. We are all in the same boat, dammit!! Just trying to raise our kids!!!

    CSmith 4 years ago

    It must be all that healthy breastmilk, lol.

Patricia 4 years ago

Well said Shannon. I like the ” I breastfed my 4 kids until they were 4, am using clothes diapers, I homeschooled, but I am not judging.” Sure you’re not… Not directly.. Anyway, this cover is FABULOUS!!!!! Thanks!

Kay 4 years ago

well said. I actually did breastfeed both of my children until they were around 4 – frankly, there was no master granola crunchy plan involved, it just turned out that’s the way things went. I am also a stay at home mom for which I’ve taken a HUGE amount of criticism for….I used to HATE ‘mother’s groups’ because of the shocking amount of competition and criticism about individual choices. I’m raising my boys the best way I know how and I always assume that everyone else is doing their best too….can’t we PLEASE resurrect some semblance of a sisterhood?! The kids’ would be better off for it I swear!

Matt 4 years ago

Hi my wife was unable to breast feed our first son because her milk did not come in. This was 2 and a half years ago. The pressure that the hospital put on us to breast feed and not use a bottle or formula, had us up all hours, trying to feed my son a few precious drops of breast milk that we were able to pump. We had to provide formula also just to keep his weight from dropping more. To make a long story short one night when my wife was in tears and on her way to depression because she couldn’t provide enough breast milk and i was sitting in the living room just as upset about feeding my son through a 10cc seringe with a silicone tub attached to it. I snapped and grabbed a bottle filled it the deadly sustance known as “Baby Formula” and fed my son proper style for the first time in his young life against the recomendations of doctors. And guess what the unthinkable happened!!! HE SURVIVED!!!!! And not only that, us giving the finger to all the pressure being placed on parents and especially new moms. Our son started sleeping through the night and being happy durring the day instead of screaming constantly because he was hungry. Bottom line if you can breast feed awsome but if you are like many women who simply have no milk it is ok to feed your baby formula and not to mention it is probably less harmful than the emotional stress of always being hungry and the stress that my wife and i went through.

jmohojo 4 years ago

It’s what women do… they find a way, to compare and try to be better than other women. It’s nature, I think. Insecurity. It’s why I can’t look at Pinterest or read crafty mom blogs… the way some moms pretend to have 96 hours in a day to do 57 organic things is pretty stupid. I refuse to let them try to make me feel inferior or not good enough. Women compare jobs, husbands, children, and every single choice they make with other women in hopes of secretly feeling significant and superior. Just as they compare their outer beauty with other women and strive to look “hot” as long as possible. I think it’s all the same game they play. I say THEY but I probably do it too.

    Kristen Mae 4 years ago

    Say it, sista! I was feeling EXACTLY what you describe – suffocated by pretentious bullcrap – so I started writing… and it ended up being a blog… (see link) I think you’ll be able to relate to the title post… :)

Jennifer 4 years ago

I thought your satirical take on the original Time cover was brilliant. As usual, there are plenty that do not have the intellectual capacity to appreciate anything that is a little bit left of center. Keep on rockin’, Jill.

Mommymiddleton 4 years ago

I haven’t read any other comments, so not sure if this has been brought up yet or not. What about the choice to use milk nurses? In the older days that was all they had to resort to. It was the only second option for mothers who could not provide their own. My grandmother had a milk nurse for my dad. I know for a fact there are milk nurses to this day, You just have to ask your hospital, or do some research online. There are orginizations of women who dedicate their time, and effort to provide healthy breast milk solely for this reason alone. It should be more of a trend these days, but who’s to blame but the good ol convenience of a grocery store. Hoping this can be the resort for every mother who can’t breast feed themselves in the future. :)

Christie Zukor 4 years ago

Great post. People are far too serious! Love your blog!

Megan 4 years ago

Amen! When I saw your version posted last night on Facebook I laughed my ass off, so much so that my husband came into the office to see what was going on. The woman who commented saying she thought she liked you? Did she really? That comment tells me she doesn’t get you. Her loss.

Time’s timing of this shouldn’t be missed either – right before Mother’s Day. Let’s divide all the moms and get them arguing right before they celebrate being moms. Geez. I’m curious about the article, but refuse to buy it. Maybe I’ll go to the bookstore, read the article and then reshelve the magazine.

Kelly W 4 years ago

My first thought was: damn, that’s the biggest toddler I’ve ever seen!

Seriously, when do we stop killing each other over “to bf or not to bf”?? We’ve only got one shot at this life…let’s not spend it on stupid crap like this!

Shannon 4 years ago

I’m reading a book right now called The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Undermines All Women. The book is fantastic and addresses not only the “mommy wars” but the way that media (i.e. Time magazine!), celebrities (“You can lose all your pregnancy weight in just SIX DAYS, like me!”), family and friends, etc. shape our views of motherhood. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in discovering the “root” causes of why we think the way we do (and changing the way we think!) as well as a generalized history of motherhood (attachment parenting is NOT a new trend…in fact, it is the oldest form of “parenting” that we know of).

The sad thing is how many people have commented, agreeing that we need to END the wars, and then proceeded to make judgment calls or stereotype an entire “group” of mothers who do things differently. They don’t even realize they are doing it!

onSAnity 4 years ago

love your take on it. will share (although it does annoy me that the photo will go on my timeline, was trying to avoid that)….

Jessica 4 years ago

Well said! I’ve always had the thinking that I’m going to do it my way! So what! On what all these baby magazines say…I can feed my baby solids as soon as I think he is ready! Breast feeding didn’t work that great for me…he’s as healthy as can be, so the formula must have worked just fine! If I ask for advice, then you can give it to me, otherwise I don’t what to hear about it!

Denise Malloy 4 years ago

We all have to make choices as mothers – what works best for you might not work for me. But we really should support one another’s decisions, not criticize. There is no one best way to parent – we all do the best we can. That should be good enough.

Michele 4 years ago

The thing that made me mad about the time cover is that the title says “Are you mom enough?” Does that mean that they think we that didn’t breast feed are not mom enough? That breast feeding moms are better? Rediculous!

Just Jennifer 4 years ago

People need to remember their senses of humor. You help us with that, for crying out loud! No one should have been offended by your fake cover. People need to think before they comment.

Kim 4 years ago

So stupid. If another day goes by and my kids haven’t mutinied and I haven’t eaten one of them then I call the day a success. I dont have time nor enough sleep to engage in mama drama. I get enough drama at home thanks.

Elizabeth Newlin 4 years ago

I so agree. My biggest problem with the ‘attachment parenters’ is their tendency to judge other mothers. Ladies, the war is not among us. We should all be teaming up. The war is clearly against our children and husbands. They’re the real problems. We should only be having strategy meetings over cocktails.

    Terri B 4 years ago

    It’s 5:00 somewhere and it’s Friday. Let’s get the party…um, I mean strategy session started!

Andie @ multiplemama 4 years ago

I’m going to keep this short because I think by participating we are buying into their frenzy. So I choose to ignore it. I won’t post tweet or comment on it at all. War over.

Terri B 4 years ago

You know, my friends and I never got into the mommy wars. Why does the media have to make it seem like it’s all that we women are capable of doing? I don’t sit around and ponder which of my friends nurse or bottle feed. Damn it! I have clothes in the dryer to fold, tea on the stove that’s about to boil over, a litter box to scoop, two kids arguing over who gets to ride the scooter next, dinner to start, homework to check, and a dog dying to go pee. Like I have time to worry about the whole breastfeeding debate! Do what you want. I don’t have time to worry about anyone else but me and what my family does!!

Paddy Bone 4 years ago

Thank you for articulating so beautifully what so many of us are thinking on the subject. Bravo, Lady!

Christina Rodriguez 4 years ago

You meant it as a joke. i thought it was funny because that is exactly the way the woman from WIC tried to make me feel when I was in the hospital after my third child. I called the nurse to come escort her out of the room and told her if she came back I would lay there and scream until she left. Some people choose whether or not they breastfeed and some don’t have that choice. Leave us ALL alone!

Motherhood on the Rocks 4 years ago

Amen, sister!

Kelly 4 years ago

Now, what would have been really eye-catching is if the headline read “Are you Dad Enough?”

I really am sick of all the breast vs bottle. Cloth vs disp…there are BIGGER issues in the world than this stupid debate.


Jennifer Zajac 4 years ago

Has anyone considered that the “mommy wars” are already raging and Time is just covering that fact, and in fact are not to BLAME for these so-called mommy wars. I think anyone calling it a mommy war just gives more fuel to the fire, which is actually a healthy and ongoing debate, that NEEDS to happen. Attachment parenting IS a reaction to the overmedicalized hospital birth and detachment parenting techniques that are for the most part the mainstream. Some people are not even aware of the existence of the AP movement, and the message needs to get out there so families actually do know about their options. If you were a hard-working mom who had to use formula and put your kids in daycare at an early age and then sleep-trained them, that is not necessarily your fault. You did what you had to do. In many instances, you did what your doctor told you to do. Why waste time feeling guilty about it? Maybe you didn’t know any better. When you know better, you do better, beginning at whatever point in your child’s life you figured it out. Positive discipline, a part of attachment parenting, can be applied to any child at any point in their lives. The sooner the better. In Norway, women are given up to two years of maternity leave to bond with their children. I’m not going to deny that I am really excited about all this debate about feminism and motherhood and how attachment parenting fits in. What if it actually led to something productive like longer parental leave closer to that of other countries where citizens get up to two years to bond with their little ones as opposed to six measly weeks here in the USA (yes I consider Germany or Norway’s systems to be more sophisticated).

    Sharyn 4 years ago

    You’re right, it wasn’t “[my] fault,” it was my *choice.* You obviously think your way is the right way or you wouldn’t do what you do. That’s great. But did you ever consider that your way is the right way for YOU and may not be the right way for everyone else?

    Jaci 4 years ago

    Jennifer, I agree with you that the “Mommy Wars” are more of a healthy debate than a huge problem. I absolutely agree that the best outcome of all this back biting and mothers shouting at each other online would be BETTER MATERNITY LEAVE.

    I don’t think that screaming, “Damn it, we’re all great no matter what we do!” is a real answer, and it certainly isn’t banding us together. To me, it comes across as more PC white noise.

Tammi 4 years ago

The war against breastfeeding not breastfeeding is ridiculous. I did try to breastfeed both of my kids. The first would not because the HOSPITAL gave her a bottle without talking to me & the second my milk dried up within 1 month on its own. My kids were given formula from the start. They are not less intelligent. My 8 year old is in 3rd grade doing 4th & 5th grade math & science. My 13 year old is so talented in music it is amazing (not just me saying so either). Neither of them were hurt by formula and would not be better off it they had only breast milk. They are rarely sick, active & healthy kids.
Stop making women feel like failures because they do not breastfeed their child until they are able to ask for it. It is not about the pain it causes, not about loosing weight after childbirth…it is about being a good mom. Even though I did not breastfeed either of my children does NOT mean I would not die for them in a heartbeat.

Helen Carroll 4 years ago

Before formula milk was developed in the 1930s (a derivative of evaporated milk), which went on to become something closer to what we know now in the 1950s, women who couldn’t feed their children for MEDICAL reasons (quite rare) employed a wet nurse (basically a woman who had recently given birth or was still breastfeeding). What do people think happened throughout history before this if they had problems feeding….? Women generally had no choice, they persevered or their child failed to thrive. Many mothers I know have either not bothered, said ”My boobs are for my husband” (a terrible reflection on today’s over sexualised society) or tried for a couple of days (not enough) and then gave up without a fight. The same mums say “I’d die for my kids!” but they won’t put up with a little pain in order to give their babies THE BEST start in life????

Not breastfeeding is now an acceptable choice for all women, though I did breastfeed my two children and am glad I did, they’re rarely ill and I lost my baby weight within 8 weeks of each child being born. RESULT! I think there needs to be more education and help for all women to try breastfeeding at least for the first couple of months!

    Danielle 4 years ago

    Thank you for demonstrating for everyone an example of “Judgmental Mommy” and her take on this topic.

Toni 4 years ago

Thank you Jill! and I totally get you! I agree-we need to stop the wedges that are being driven between women in all areas…whether it’s mothering, our size, our looks whatever…why do other women need to criticize ? When I sat crying on the bed because I had no milk and my newborn couldn’t latch on, my sister, who breast fed all four of her children took my son and told me to just give him a bottle..with formula. Period. She never criticized me, or berated me..because she loves me and accepts my choices..that’s what true unconditional love is about..and we should have it for all women, who are our sisters.

Vickie Saenz-Brown 4 years ago

Truth! So many bought into Time’s purpose of the cover. So very silly. We must stand together as mothers against those that try to divide.

I appreciated both of your posts on this subject.
Keep up the good work. People need to get a sense of humor and not take things so very personally.

Diana 4 years ago

OH PLEASE!!! Get over it!!! I thought it was funny, I also breastfed one of my children til he was 4 because it was like a whoopy blanket to him, not because I could or couldn’t….You live in a world where people are different…Your gonna see many different things living in the United States…if it really bothers you then maybe this country ain’t for you……

hannah francis 4 years ago

Damn mummy wars-frankly fed up of the media and women using them to divide and conquer.All the way through I have “failed”-c sections,only breastfeeding for a short time,going to work and my kids going to day care,my son not having a sibling until he was 7 blah blah blah;oh and now my friends are now starting to have kids (I had my first at 24);they’re all now parenting gurus raising uber children and judging how I raised my 2 who are now 15 and 8 !I am immensely happy that they have all found love and experiencing the joy of parenthood;but people whatever floats your boat-stop trying to tip mine over!

Practical Parenting 4 years ago

People have been so abuzz over the photo, which I totally get. But it’s the captions that are the worst part, in my opinion. No I wouldn’t breast feed a four year old either, but if I did practice attachment parenting and I did pose for such a picture, the words “why attachment parenting has some mother’s going to extremes” would piss me off. Also…the defiant looks on their faces? Most importantly, that poor kid has to live with that for the rest of his life! Holy crap! Sign him up for therapy now! We have to think about how our choices affect our kids long term.

Aubrey Anne 4 years ago

amen, Scary Mommy. A-M-E-N.


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