Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
1. Super glue has no place in a house with young children.
.
2. Neither do Sharpie’s.
.
3. There is no such thing as allowing your kid to play with your phone “just once.”
.
4. Don’t use Google to diagnose illnesses. Ever.
.
5. Dollar store toys cost far more than a dollar in frustration, anguish and regret.
.
6. The terrible twos are bullshit. The terribleness lasts through at least age four. Or, forever.
.
7. Always carry wipes, long after diaper wearing has ended.
.
8. Resist purchasing character Bandaids, unless you’re prepared to buy a box a week.
.
9. You can never have too many Goldfish. The crackers, not the live ones.
.
10. Don’t buy bunk beds, unless you have absolutely no choice.
.
11. Keep track of who gave what at birthday parties.
.
12. Never stock batteries in your house, or you will be forced to make obnoxiously loud toys work once again.
.
13. Buy Mr. Clean Erasers in bulk.
.
14. Backup all photos. Better yet, print them.
.
15. Look in the oven before you turn it on.
.
16. There is no point in making beds.
.
17. Accept the fact that you will turn into your mother.
.
18. Always check pockets before washing clothes.
.
19. There is no such thing as “running” into Target with children.
.
20. Take more video.
.
21. Daily baths are overrated.
.
22. Find young babysitters and groom them. The less attractive, the better.
.
23. Always have ample one dollar bills on hand for lost teeth and bribery.
.
24. Carry plenty of emergency snacks in the car.
.
25. Keep expensive cosmetics out of arm’s reach. Arm’s reach, on a stool and tippy toes.
.
26. The four year old check-up is brutal.
.
27. Look before you sit down to pee.
.
28. Train your children to clean up all Lego’s before bed, knowing that nothing is more painful than stepping on a Lego with a bare foot at midnight.
.
29. Save “no” for when it really matters.
.
30. Over-apply sunscreen.
.
31. Practice caution when approaching that stray raisin on the floor. It’s probably not a raisin.
.
32. Never pay full price for kids clothes. They always go on sale and the expensive ones inevitably get ruined first.
.
33. There’s a reason why people surprise their kids with trips to Disney: Their anticipation may kill you.
.
34. Don’t take their word for it when children say they don’t need to pee before leaving the house.
.
35. Lock your bedroom door.
.
36. And, your bathroom one.
.
37. Never open a can of soda handed to you by a child.
.
38. Walk away from temper tantrums. Or, record them for future enjoyment.
.
39. Upset as you may be, hair grows back.
.
40. But, not on Barbie dolls, so hide the scissors.
.
41. Never buy more than two pairs of shoes at once. Their feet will inevitably grow once you do.
.
42. No matter how hard they promise, kids will never walk that puppy as much as you hoped.
.
43. Give away the books you can’t stand reading.
.
44. No child went to college with a pacifier.
.
45. Don’t buy any toy that is meant to come apart, unless they can put it back together themselves.
.
46. Keep a well-hidden stock of lollipops.
.
47. Don’t allow Play-Doh on carpets. Or, indoors, for that matter.
.
48. TV won’t really turn their brains to mush.
.
49. A bathroom in a house with boys will never smell clean.
.
50. It doesn’t get easier..
{ 159 comments… read them below or add one }
I have learned many of these the hard way!
Especially the super glue one. I still have nightmare flashbacks of two of my boys superglue-ing themselves so they had a second skin of glue… and getting it all over our brand new couch.
Super glue removal tip: olive oil. ;)
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Fitting In
Ha! I learned the olive oil trick the hard way too!
Less attractive babysitters…check. Love this Jill. xoxo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..A Little Of This and That
Love-love-love-love-LOVE! (Thanks for the bunk bed advice, I guess the same would go for a loft bed, which we were considering.)
Nooooo, Don’t do the loft bed. Its impossible to make the bed or change the sheets easily. We got my daugheter one. It also ends the crawling into bed with her to snuggle and read a story.
I was never so happy as the day I gave it away.
This list contains far more valuable information than anything I got out of the What to Expect When You’re Expecting/The First Year/The Toddler Years.
And why don’t they have a What to Expect: The Teenage Years from Hell?
Kimberly recently posted..Hidden scraps of a long lost love
EXACTLY! No book could possibly prepare you for your precious children turning into demons from hell.
Awesome!!
I’d like to add – don’t buy the toy your child LOVES so much at the store, he just had to walk around with it. As soon as he gets home with it, he’ll abandon it.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Notes To Self: The 3am Edition
I really needed the Sharpie one many years ago, glad to know I had a lot of it right though. They did forget to put away the razors, kids want to shave too.
Yup! That one too my youngest shaved a bald spot on top of his head the day before we were to leave on vac.. Thank goodness hes a boy so can you say buzz cut…lol
Just so everyone knows, rubbing alcohol will take Sharpie off skin. You might have to fight with them to get them to sit still long enough depending on how bad the Sharpie incident is but you can get it off.
Hahahaha, these are great and sooooo true! My kids are 7, 6, 4 and 1 and I know many of these all too well.
Next, post the 50 rules that come with school-age kids, like homework/teacher/classmate drama that happens EVERY DAY. This only carries us through year 5 or so, provided we survive.
I nodded my head at EVERY SINGLE ONE! :)
I’d also add, don’t mention a playdate/surprise/treat for after nap because there will be no nap.
Carolyn recently posted..Welcome to My World
Great list! I burst out laughing at “check the oven”. Haven’t had that yet.
Cindy recently posted..Stereo Cabinet Facelift
Lol with my boys it was check the oven, toaster, microwave, washer , dryer well hell ckeck everything … lol
Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh! I haven’t laugh this hard in a while!!!
I had to laugh at it because it’s true! I had to replace my oven after it caught on fire because my daughter had put plastic stuff in it!
Yes, yes, yes! All so very true!
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..DRIVING MISS CRAZY
I hate to ask this, but where are 41 – 48?
LOL. Hiding. They’re there now. :)
Obviously the kids hid them. ;-)
Yep to every one. You nailed it. Thanks :)
Great list. I was thinking of starting a website where parents can upload the video their child’s meltdowns and we can all vote on the best one. Epic Meltdown Of The Day will win a prize– maybe a spa day. Runner-up will get earplugs and Advil. Genius, right??
RachRiot recently posted..Doggie Style
Awesome idea — I’m in!
I would SO win this! lol Please do it!
Can I please add that a bathroom with a house full of girls doesn’t smell any better? Or get any cleaner?
Carolyn West recently posted..A New Twist – The Grilled BBQ Turkey Meatball Recipe #sfsmarties
Yes please do! My girls are gross!!
You had me at super glue ; )
Love this list!
Life with Kaishon recently posted..“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
I have learned so many of these the hard way, permanent markers, make up, Barbie hair and oh the smell of the bathroom with boys. Ugh.
Jessica recently posted..Tucked Away
Ahh… thank you for this! SO SO TRUE. The perfect list!
Loukia recently posted..The Wonder Years
Love this! Wish I always remembered to check their pockets before washing…. I will always have blue crayon in my dryer….
Always keep wipes, BUT do NOT store them in the back seat pocket where your kids sit for your YOUR ease of use. That also means they can reach them and you will open the door to get them out of the car to find a wipes explosion.
You nailed it!!!!!!
Oh yes, all of those are so true.
51. Always have a plastic bag in the car for when your child gets sick.
Better make that two plastic bags, one to put the clothes in and one to give to the child as a barf bag.
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Not how I thought my Saturday would begin
Been there, done that too many times to count. Should be in the top 10! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself!!
Jill – Enjoyed meeting you at BBC in Philly! Your book is next in the pile.
Valerie recently posted..Pirates Don’t Sing, Mom
now am encouraged by 1-49 discouraged by #50, it never gets easier?
wakathango recently posted..THEME CHANGES
How very true each statement is! Love It!! It doesnt get any easier but I enjoy every moment.. Thanks for the read
Love it. Is #51: When you’re tired of listening to whining, do your own wine-ing?
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted..What You Don’t Want Your Daughter To Say After Prom
No one mentioned anything about vaseline… BEWARE THE VASELINE!! LOL
Oh, the vaseline. Lock it in your bathroom with all the other stuff that’s out of reach. Or you’ll have a slicked up 2 year old right before you have to get in the car to go somewhere. DO NOT put the slicked up kid in the tub! Use that stash of wipes and enjoy their sweet, soft skin for a few days. :)
Oh jeez so true! I remember giving mine blue dawn baths,
Oh my DD got into the vaseline….no matter how many times i washed her hair it was greasy for over a week. This list is awesome. My best friend is about to have her first and I think she could learn from this list. She’s always saying to me ” Oh i would never let him act that way” or ” he would never get away with that”….she’s in for a surprise.
I love them all especially number 27. Unfortunately i learned that the hard way one very early morning lol but i should of known better with three boys :)
Oh, the Sharpies. Hell, pens in general! PlayDoh was banned from indoors in ’05. Still cussing about the bunk beds b/c I needed to know this absolute bullshit back in ’04 when we got them. And #21: overrated for them AND me.
Arnebya recently posted..Actually, Facebook, My 11-Year-Old Does NOT Need an Account
Great list!! LOVE IT!! But what happened to 41 – 48????? LOL…
Whoa! You NAILED it! I’m printing your list to refer to daily – sort like my daily devotional.
Lucy Ball recently posted..Desi Does Dallas
Yes. Yes. Yes. Fifty times, YES. Love it!
Kristen Mae recently posted..Diary of a Mad Woman: How Not to Be An Asshole When You Grow Up
I have never laughed so hard in my life I have learned all of these plus more being the mother of 4 children two of them being 18 month old twins this is great
I would add glitter and Moon Sand to the things that do not belong in a house with small children. Pretty sure Moon Sand was invented by the Devil, himself.
Shannon recently posted..Clutter, begone!
I regifted the moonsand i got to the nosey lady who always told me how to raise my kids!
My SIL once gave Play-Doh to my girls as a Christmas present… the next month, I was sure to return the favor for my nephew’s birthday gift! ;)
Shannon recently posted..Clutter, begone!
I’d like to string up the inventors of Moon Sand by they’re little piggy toes … still finding Moon Sand treats in my rug two years later!
Mary Nelligan recently posted..A Fierce & Passionate Life
Words to definitely live by!
I’d also add:
- examine you bed closely before sleeping in it
- don’t get freaked out when you wake up in the middle of the night and find your child staring down at you silently
- kids give you grey hair
- drinking in moderation does wonders
Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted..I am Florence fucking Nightingale, dammit! Fear me!
“don’t get freaked out when you wake up in the middle of the night and find your child staring down at you silently”
OMG how true and weird!
My 2 year old son did this to me the other night. He went to bed around 830, around 915 I went to the bathroom and my leg hit something. I turned on the light and it was him staring at me. I had a heart attack.
This entire list is so so true. I love it!
#51. Baby powder…to be kept up in the attic. Its baby crack, I swear. One moment out of the room and it looks like a lab exploded all over the room.
OMG! So true! My son is 12 and still scares the crap out of me in the middle of the night! LOL
This is an amazing list and I can absolutely relate to and agree with every point about things I have already encountered. Only now I am dreading that 4 year old check up.
Mel recently posted..Raise Your Voice
Did you know that a pool of ketchup in the carpet has the same “feel” to a boy as standing at the batters box and pawing at the ground like the pros do?? Which is what he told me as he stood there with his imaginary bat in his hand.
Thank you for this post. As usual you hit all the right points and use just the right words. I am hitting age 2 with my Little One and one on the way. My daughter thinks she runs the house right now, and I don’t know where it is coming from. I’m sorry…no, I do, but I don’t actually want to admit it. She is me in a little person. Defiance is her word of the month, and she has managed to push all my buttons in ways I didn’t expect until puberty.
Thank goodness I am not the only one with a 2 yo daughter with the attitude of a teenager. The other day after a time out, I asked her “why did mommy put you on time out” and her response was “I was just jumping on the couch” (eyes roll) “whatever”… I didnt even know she knew how to roll her eyes like that! Not to mention that she has taken up the role of mommy when I am not around. She has tried to put her older brother (4yo) on time out…
That’s hilarious. I knew I was in for it when she popped me on the mouth for telling her no and pointed her finger and said, “No, no, Mama”. I’m sure she would have sent me to my “chair” (timeout chair). She was sitting in her chair and I knelt down to explain to her what she had done wrong when she took advantage. All I could do was walk away because I couldn’t contain my laughing (of course, I held it long enough to be out of her sight). So just so you know us moms need to stick together. We are not alone in this journey for sure.
KraftyKwai recently posted..Don’t you know anything about me?
I love that #1 is about superglue, and #2 is sharpies…I have three small boys, need I say more! Also, I am the one that has, as a child, accidently superglued her mouth shut at age 3, not kidding. I am very careful where I put the superglue. And the sharpies stay hidden because when our oldest was almost 3 on the Thurs. before Easter Sun. he decided to “tattoo” his face like the Maoris we’d seen on tv the day before, while I foolishly thought it would be fine if I didn’t put up the baby gate on the kitchen door and left him to watch tv while I nursed his brother in the bedroom down the hall!!! I scrubbed and scrubbed and only got it partway off, and then it was red too! As a side note, there is nothing about putting your microwave where little hands can’t reach it-very important!
You would be surprised at the amount of damage that can be done in a short time by a microwave and little children!
Amen on 5. Oops too late on 10. As usual, full of wisdom.
I totally agree with this list! I am my mother, after the last child is born, you’re usually too tired to follow through with everything. Sure, I had expectations but I rather let her sit in front o the tv for hours… And you know she’s pretty smart. Thx Dora the Explorer and thxBubble Guppies
MangoChutney recently posted..A Blog Dare
This is awsome! For me, I would have to add dont allow your child to pick out his/her own clothes. It can be 100 degrees out side and my son (4yo) will still insist on wearing his long sleve Mickey Mouse sweater, cargo pants and snow boots… I finally had to hide the boots in the basement. Any my daughter (2yo) will take HOURS decideing between three outfits she picked out… If I dont get them dressed while destracted by Little Einstines, then we dont leave the house on time.
You had me at Sharpie. And bunk beds…
Ali recently posted..WTF Wednesday – The "No Longer Cool as a Cucumber" Edition
I have to admit. I was having a bad (No going crazy and can feel the grays growing) Morning, until I read this! It’s so true and funny .Made me realize that no matter how many times I bleach the bathroom, I have a BOY, and your right it will never smell freshly clean!
As a SINGLE mother raising 5 kids…my favorite rule is the Saving “NO” till it really matters! Life is much better when your sharing in others ideas. Let them be childish as long as possible. I agree, especially after losing my son 8 months ago. If I would have said no to most everything he thought was a good idea I wouldn’t have such wonderfully funny memories!
Legos are the best toys to play with and the most painful to step on- damn straight.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers
Use the DVR unless you want your kids to find out about more crappy toys that will fall apart in five minutes and cost a small fortune!
Yes on the wipes…those things are for life!
Great post, as usual :)
Practical Parenting recently posted..Obsessive Momming
After 3 kids – I just mastered this one – don’t give the baby/toddler in the high chair a BOWL of food. That makes flinging easier. Dump it directly on the tray so they have to grab handfuls to throw – they’ll still throw, but they throw less.
Evin Cooper recently posted..#Eclos Beauty Giveaway Winner!!
Too funny and true. I am a safety nut and bunk beds scare me, but they are so fun when you are a kid
ROTFLMBO! Because it’s true! And mine are 15 & 20—BOYS!
Spot on! I would add:
Never expect him to be healthy when you go on vacation.
Never expect him to believe the words, “Don’t touch the pan, it’s hot.”
The one time you don’t have a juice box on you, he’ll be dying of thirst.
Kim at notmymomsblog recently posted..Mom’s Guest Post #3: The Birdhouse
Oh my hell! This list is true – every last one of them! Where was this list when mine was born lo these many years ago?
Gigi recently posted..You Decide 2012
Sooo true. I was nodding the whole time!
Jessica recently posted..Dear Neighbor,
Brilliant…I couldn’t have said it better myself :) So true, and sadly, I have learned so many of those the hard way.
Heidi Bryan recently posted..Parenting differences…
Agree about the lollipops (or at least until around age 6, when the magical effect is no longer), definitely agree about making beds (ours generally get made “for company”). Beyond that, eh:
Truth be told, I was the one all excited about our WDW trip—even my then 6 year old daughter was begging me to stop babbling. And I’ve only gotten worse with successive visits.
Clothes are our “thing” and it’s American Girl city here and their sales are generally very infrequent and minimal. But everything else is super bargain time, plus AG clothes last forever.
When my daughter was 9 I finally found a set of bunkbeds that matched the rest of her vintage French Provincial furniture. She loves them and I love them. We both like them for sleepovers, but I also love how the not used bunk holds all her stuffed animals, etc, organizng her little room effectively.
Oh and turning into my mother would make me a pothead with multiple marriages. Though we do like similar vintage decorating ideas, books and hold similar political views. And we do clean and bargain shop in much the same manner.
This really may be the best post you’ve ever written. Brilliant. Loved every single one. Damn those legos.
Rebeccah recently posted..The Difference A Year Has Made
Too funny! Always take a roll call of the kids if the duct tape is missing…
You’re great Jill!
Tracy Larson recently posted..How to Feel Comfortable in a Bathing Suit
I’m scared of #49. I almost prefer the diaper stage as opposed to the pee-all-over-the-bathrooming that will no doubt occur once Baby Boy is potty-trained.
Jennifer recently posted..GNO: The White Girl’s Overbite, Part Deux
Hahah, these make so much sense and are completely true.
Mercy recently posted..Scarlett is Weaned
This was so funny and true. I loved every last item and ALL of the comments.
Awesome.
I agree with every single one of these.
Missy recently posted..Testimony Tuesday~ Sharing My Testimony a Little at a Time
these are great! and i just bought a new pack of wipes for the car yesterday…
anna see recently posted..Monday Musings and the Little Things
They should hand this out at the hospital!
Kate@zMOMbie recently posted..Sesame St. Themed Birthday Planning – Party Outfit Part One (Cookie Monster Applique Shirt)
Love it! I am sending this to my daughter and young friend both are new young mothers. Amazing the stress they have from bad advise! This is just so great!
I’d like to add to number six…Was always told it’s the terrible twos, trying threes & fucking fours!
At the end of the day the most important lesson is #50….and also I just read your bunk bed post, thanks for the tip!!!!
Ladygoogoogaga recently posted..It’s a Wrap
Love this, Jill.
And it doesn’t get easier:it just gets different.
xo
Alexandra recently posted..What The World Can Learn From The Quiet Ones
As usual, spot on Jill. I totally keep millions of pens and pencils and paints and sharpies in our house but I do have to say that the kids are really good about keeping it in the kitchen so they don’t lose their projects.
Love!
Brittany {Mommy Words} recently posted..Fund Your Summer Fun and Win a $100 eBay Gift Card
I’m sorry – did you mean never purchase character bandaids for your children? ‘Cause I could get on board with that. But for yourself??
Did you know they make Muppet bandaids?!
And you could buy and wear them.
And be happy.
Truly happy.
70% guaranteed.
Unless you hate the Muppets.
And then, well, I can’t help you.
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..4 Rules for Avoiding Death at the Drive-In
at the rate we were going, i thought about investing some money in band-aids…they’ll never go broke!!
When I had my son, my mom gave me two pieces of great advice that I have passed on to many new moms. 1. It doesn’t get better, it just gets different. 2. Never wish away a moment because they go so fast.
Sara Thompson recently posted..Poutine or the best bit of junky food you’ll ever meet
OMG OMG this is spot on!!
I attest to the toy with parts and I include Happy Nappers in this. Gave my girls one each for their birthday and I spent a good few hours everyday since putting the unicorn and lady bug into their houses then 2 minutes later having to unzip it and pull them out again.
Playdoh, shaking my head, is at one time a Godsent and the scourge of the earth!\
I don’t want to be my mother WUAHHHH!!! Already seeing signs of #17 though.
Great one
Gayletrini recently posted..This made me laugh
Yeah the “terrible twos” turn into the “horrible threes” and the “frustrating fours”. My daughter didn’t sort herself out til she was 5 lol
And if I had a dime for the number of Spongebob/Princess/Dora bandaids we went thru when she was a toddler, I’d be rich.
And the fracking Wiggles musical toys ALMOST drove me to drink. If I hear “Fruit Salad, Yummy, Yummy” one more time, I might go all the way crazy
#15 is the best! When I was a kid, I put a cat in the oven! Why I can’t say, but thank god my mom heard it meowing before she decided to cook anything!
I have a two year old girl, so this list is gonna come in handy! :)
OMG…so Scary Mommy has prophesied, so it has been done. Why didn’t I listen to the Sharpie advice? Why?? *hides Sharpie and super glue in mad frenzy* Oh – and sadly, it’s too late for me in terms of the loft bed. But save yourselves!!
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted..Siri: My New Robot BFF
All of these are SO TRUE! Of course I inevitably rush to pee occasionally and kick myself for fogetting to look first. I so know better!
I’m uncomfortable with what this says about me but I misread item #7 to say “whips” instead of “wipes”!
Johanna recently posted..An Embarrassment of Love
OMG, I love the bunk beds one! We have 5 kids and a 3-bedroom home, so not a lot of choice there … they are so dang dangerous! No broken bones yet :-)
OMG, I love the bunk beds one! We have 5 kids and a 3-bedroom home, so not a lot of choice there … they are so dang dangerous! No broken bones yet :-)
Kerrie McLoughlin recently posted..$50 Ebook Package Giveaway!
“Look in the oven before you turn it on” – love it! What’s your take on letting babies cry?
Alinka @ Baby Web recently posted..Hypnobirthing – Women Are Made To Have Babies
This is a great list! I love it!
J recently posted..Summer Bucket List
My co-worker and I may have super glued our fingers together today at work. So I found #1 to be extra amusing. Because we are adults and there were no children present, but both of us have crusty super glue fingers right now and are having trouble removing them.
I will never bring super glue into my house.
Marta recently posted..I Try.
I ve personally experienced the consequences of not following the third one when i found my cell phone drowned in laundry room wash tub as a result of my 2 yr old’s experiment…lol
So true, love it!
there is not a single one i disagree with
oh my god
i google every freaking thing and then get convinced i have a rare flesh eating fucking disease that cannot be cured.
Fabulous! And amen to character band-aids (Costco doesn’t carry enough of them to satisfy my daughter’s lust) and Barbie hair (daughter washed it and blow dried it – FYI-not a good look on Barbie or anyone else)! I didn’t know about/remember the 4 year old check-up – I have one next week. What am I in for?
Mary Nelligan recently posted..A Fierce & Passionate Life
Wait…why is the 4 year old check up brutal?!
I so agree with 49. I recently discovered they have a ‘pee bucket’. You know, next to the toilet just for fun. This might be contributing to the reason for the odor.
Elizabeth Newlin recently posted..Not Worrying About Things I Can’t Control
Nice list. I will remember some of these 50 parenting lessons. I enjoy reading all the 50 lists.
Christine Balch recently posted..Teeth Whitening Ideas For A Brighter Smile
That is lovely. Bright, funny and just lovely. Thanks!
cindafuckingrella recently posted..Feel-Good for When You Feel Bad
One lesson that I couldn’t find on the list: When kids are alone and quiet, it usually means they are doing something their not supposed to…. such as, spilling the soap, emptying the baby wipe container, or dumping their freshly folded clothes…
And I apologize if it is on the list… my tired eyes must have failed me.
Chris @ CleverFather recently posted..Facing Breast Cancer as a Husband and Father
Lol! 100% true! Love this :D
rina recently posted..Belated Birthday Note
So true! But damn it, sometimes I need a sharpie. And, yes, I pay the price.
Good Enough recently posted..Disney Cares about the Health of Your Kids (Yeah, Right!)
This was HILARIOUS I love it Thanks for sharing
Shirley@motivatedmommyoftwo recently posted..{Fitness Friday #6} Slim Secret 1
OH Hooray about the pacifier! My son is 20 months, and I’m trying to get him to give it up. He does great at his dad’s house, however, not so much with me! If he DOES NOT have it it in the car, Major, major meltdown, from him and from mommy. “But baby love, it’s only a two minute drive to daycare, you don’t need your binky.” If he could talk, “but I do. I do. I do need my binky! It’s a matter of life or death!” The screams! The cries! (And that’s just from me!) lol..
What about, “Never mention the word ‘outside’ unless you plan to go outside.” My husband and I had to come up with a code word because my son loves being outside so much, that he will cry at the door at the mention of it.
Cassie recently posted..Ready to Relax!
Oh My Gosh, Yes. Code word is brilliant. We have a similar problem in our household. My daughter loves being outside also. Thanks for the tip.
I have to break the husband of mentioning dessert before and during dinner because she said “Nun” (done) the second he mentions it and won’t eat her dinner because all she wants is the junk.
Amen!
Nuts about food recently posted..Asparagus stalk gazpacho
I hear you! Sharpies, bunk beds AND unknown mystery raisin like substances all happened in my house since MONDAY! And 4 yr olds are little a@#Holes. simple as that. Your blog keeps me sane. :)
Wait… Why is the 4 yr old check up brutal? We’re going for the twins’ next week!!! I’m scared.
Scroogy recently posted..Lala & Loopsy, Will you please clean now?
Shots make it brutal. They have to do shots, and may have to give a drop or two of blood for lead screening if it’s required by your state. Have the post-visit bribes ready and you’ll do fine.
Great list! And oh so true!
Except #17, I did NOT turn into my mother…thank goodness!
I am like my father though! Which I can live with.
#47, I knew buying my puppies that I would be taking care of them…even when they EAT my HOUSE.
Pamela D Hart recently posted..Faux Paws
Love this and laughed all the way through it.
(Except where you make Sharpies and Legos plural with an apostrophe. The OCD in me says “teach your kids how to use apostrophes!!”)
hahahah
number 17 so true ;)
Brilliant, spot on list! Loved it! :)
Theatre Virgin recently posted..Review – Macbeth
#17 fer sure…
These are great, some made me laugh out loud. :) Oh and I’m half way through your book and loving it… Can you believe, I was gonna skim through the book while watching Sex in the city for the second time and ended up turning the tv off… I wanted to hear what you had to say instead :) hehe.
Nicole Martel recently posted..A boy and his dog.
Extra children’s underwear in your purse may make you feel like a perv but will one day be the most useful thing you have in there.
Katy McCaffrey recently posted..Innapropriate Touching
It’s so refreshing to know there’s other moms out there that see parenthood the way I do….and use “bad” word.
Totally love your blog! I loved it when I was pregnant and now I get it! I love it more now that my little one is finally here. She’s only 3 and a half months, but I already know you speak the truth! I will be printing this and carrying it with me always! :P
Rachael recently posted..Motherhood Is Not What I Expected
Another one: Make sure glue traps are up when spending the night at grandmas house… Couldn’t find my youngest son after bedtime. Turns out he crawled into the closet and fell asleep… with a glue trap stuck to his arm. From there the glue ended up all over his face and legs. Lesson learned. Best way to get it off? LOTION!
Chrissy recently posted..Cure for UTI’s? Can it be? A Cure all for just about anything???
Such a GREAT list. I love the pacifier thing. I never stressed about that. Only one of my four kids used one. It was the BEST. Also, I have three boys. My bathroom is nasty, almost always. We don’t make beds, and I don’t stress about it.
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Here it is…
NO SILLY PUTTY! Ruined a favorite skirt when I sat in a glob someone left on my rocking chair. (It also stained the rocking chair pad.) I have also banned stickers from the house. Occasionally, a few will sneak by, and then I’m quickly reminded to be more vigilant as they become stuck to my hardwood floors or furniture.
My husband doesn’t see the problem of bunk beds. I, however, freak out about them. When my stepkids were younger, they had bunk beds, and promptly fell out of them (or rather, were pushed). No thank you, don’t need more opportunities for head trauma in this house!
Lynn recently posted..Father’s Day: Sowing a Memory
This is a great list. I agree with everything especially the Lego. And I’ll add another – never buy a shag pile rug. Vomit, wee and spilled milk will NEVER come out!
No way on #11.
This 50 Things is a real gas, Meg. thasnks for some chuckles
While you should never use Google to diagnose illnesses, it is the very best tool for figuring out how to undo what your child has just done. Sharpie on wood? Make a paste of rubbing alcohol and baking soda, rub into marking until it magically vanishes. Nail polish on carpet? Put the polish remover away and get out the Windex.
No matter how much we want/need to be unique in all the world, the Internet proves to me daily, that there is almost no problem someone else hasn’t already had, figured out how to fix and posted the solution to online.
And we LOVED this list!
Thank you!
/Mother of a 19 month old boy
Love it! Don’t forget to check the bottom of socks for gum before placing in the dryer. I decided to stick the sock back on the melted gum so I could continue doing the laundry.
This was genius. I’m going to share on my FB page, despite the fact that I’m now having a massive anxiety attack that I haven’t backed up any photos — and probably never will. Zoinks!
Trish Sammer Johnston recently posted..You’re probably secretly gay
I can confirm with the no sharpies. I got what looks like a picture of an iguana in our bathroom.
april liewer recently posted..The Magic Ruffle
LOL! I am going to have to come back and check out those links. #27, even you your son isn’t home. Really? #49 – phooey.
As an expectant father, I find your list to be nothing earth-shattering, but still very frightening. I stumbled upon this site trying to gain some level-headed insight into parenting (all I hear from many is how much it sucks, how much life will suck, and really anything else that would make it seem like Person X is trying to make me feel regretful). Thus far, my research (both online and in the analog world) has yielded the most accurate and uplifting results from moms. As an educator and endurance athlete, I value difficult challenges – they yield the best rewards. Raising a well-adjusted, adaptive, intelligent, kind adult should be difficult. I have no delusions about that, and keep an open mind and open heart. One question I have, though: I have friends who have a completely out-of-control two-year-old who spends the day (this is not an exaggeration) doing whatever he pleases, and does not seem to have any discipline. He seems to comprehend quite a bit of language, but conveniently dons the infant routine to get his way. This may be an apocalyptic tantrum, a smashing expensive electronics rampage, or both. The other day, he punched my pregnant wife in the stomach – the parents said nothing. However, when the kid started grabbing at my phone and attempting to order me what to put on it (game, video) and attempting to climb over my body/arm to grab at it, the dad said “he wants to see your phone.” Ha! I simply replied, “no.” To which the lad responded with a tantrum and ran into the kitchen demanding a snack, which he received. What kind of parenting style is this?
Raising a child requires discipline from the parent. And some parents just don’t have it. Leaving the child to run about as they please is the “Lazy Style” of parenting. Rather than exert some effort to discipline the child, they just give in to the child and end up creating a monster, who will later suffer in life. These parents have convinced themselves there is nothing wrong with thier child and all problems lie with you instead. “How dare you not show my precious child your phone! Now you got him upset! (That might require me as a parent to do something)”
I’m not sure how long ago this was posted, but I read something about “free-range” parenting the other day. Your question reminded me of that article. I whole-heartedly disagree with it but even with the best intentions *sometimes* you have to pick your battles with stubborn headed two years olds. I know I do. I would never let her disrespect someone like your friends child though.
I have heard this style of parenting referred to as some form of attachment parenting, which involves giving the children maximum exposure to parents. I disagree with this because neurosis should not be a basis for bonding. Both my wife and I work quite a bit, and are triathletes – so being ever-present, and 100% compliant with the whims of a child is not possible. I have found that, for some of our friends, moderation is paramount. These individuals have lifestyles similar to ours, and have happy children who are already demonstrating a capacity for self-discipline (we’re talking 1 1/2 to 5 years of age). The other friends I mentioned do nothing but sit at home and/or take the kids everywhere, and most of the time it seems they are barely hanging on to sanity. To me, this is a contradiction of our potential as dynamic adults. Ultimately, I see this so-called “attachment parenting” as an excuse for laziness.
Oh my! Thank-you, I really needed a chuckle today. My girls are now 15 and 17, sighs.. Great post, looking forward to reading more.
Your newest fan,
Kat
I blog frequently and I seriously thank you for your information.
This great article has truly peaked my interest. I will book mark your website and keep checking
for new information about once per week. I opted in for your RSS feed as well.
Nydia recently posted..Nydia
Hi there, I discovered your site by means of Google whilst looking for a related matter,
your website came up, it seems to be good.
I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hi there, simply changed into aware of your weblog thru Google, and located that it’s truly
informative. I’m gonna watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you happen to proceed this in future. Numerous other people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
Monica recently posted..Monica
Thanks for another wonderful article. Where else may just anyone get that type of information in such a perfect means of writing?
I have a presentation subsequent week, and I’m at the search for such information.
online casino recently posted..online casino
Must have taken you a while to put this list together but you have been on the money with all points – great stuff!
Dear Lord don’t leave out the feather pillows. Don’t care how soft they are, when the kids find out there are feathers in it, they will also find a way to make them come out so they can make “feather Angels” Im still haunted by feather a year later. Found one stuck in my shirt that I’m sure has been washed 1000 times sense. I have a 6,5 and 4 year old.
I cannot agree more on basically this entire list. I really wish more parents thought like you and lightened up a bit on their parenting skills.
Sam recently posted..So, What the Hell?
Thanks, I needed to laugh and remember. I think you covered all the bases and as a Grandmother and soon to be again. You forgot one. Silly putty,play dough’s sister. Oh, and keep it all away from one year old lab a shep’s. They will eat anything.