2. Turtlenecks never go out of style.
3. Nobody really uses Tumblr or Snapchat.
4. I’m not hung over; I must have a virus.
5. There’s no age limit when it comes to wearing tube tops.
6. I have nothing in common with 50-year-olds.
7. My eyesight is fine. The font on this menu is just really funky.
8. I have plenty of time to save for college.
9. I can train for a half-marathon in six weeks.
10. This eye cream is totally working.
11. Is it me, or were there a lot of no-names at the Grammys this year?
12. I better have my license ready, they’re carding at the bar.
13. Of course I know who Chris Pine is… he’s that guy in that thing.
14. I love riding the Teacups at the fair.
15. My memory isn’t slipping; I just have a lot more to remember.
16. When did Victoria’s Secret lose touch with its customers? There’s nothing in this catalog for me.
17. My twenty-something colleagues think of me as the hip one.
18. I’m rocking these ripped skinny jeans. Who cranked up the heat in here?
19. I don’t miss my awkward twenties. What’s this AARP mailer doing in my mailbox?
20. Sure, I can do one more shot!
21. I’m lucky I can still eat whatever I want.
22. Nobody noticed that chin hair.
23. Let me show you how to do a cartwheel.
24. Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson should have been cast in 50 Shades of Grey.
© (L) Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty; (R) Ian Gavan/Getty
25. I won’t be tired tomorrow.
26. This is the sexiest of all the Lands’ End tankinis.
27. I’ll drop those extra two pounds over the weekend.
28. Just one more cup of coffee.
29. How did I spend all my free time before I had kids?
30. It’s not a mood swing, I’m just tired.
31. If it is a mood swing, it’s not because of hormones.
32. OK, it might be hormones but at least I’m not pre-menopausal.