A Life Without Children


Call me a bad mom. Judge me if you will because, yes, I can imagine life without children. I can imagine life without my four year old daughter. There I said it. Hunt me down and throw stones.

When my difficult-to-console, high-needs baby was about 8 months old, I was talking to my boss and I asked him if he and his wife had planned to have twins and then a third child shortly thereafter, or if it was totally unexpected. He said it was unexpected but that he wouldn’t have it ANY other way.

“You wouldn’t?” I asked him. I looked at him strangely. Somehow I couldn’t fathom that. He couldn’t imagine his life without three children under the age of six? Was he on drugs? He looked back at me equally as strangely knowing that my intonation had suggested that somehow I could imagine life any differently.

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It was as if I had somehow turned into an alien or grown horns or divulged that I belonged to some strange cult.

“Well, I can.” I stated matter of factly. “I can very clearly and very vividly imagine my life the way it used to be and, YES, I can imagine having that back.”

Being the respectful guy that he is, he let my clearly uncaring, crazy, selfish expressions of anti-motherhood go. We would agree to disagree and would get back to work.

As the years passed, I noticed a common theme. People who had unexpectedly had children suddenly couldn’t imagine NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND their life without this wonderful, bouncing, loving, ball of joy who never cried and was the epitome of the perfect baby. I could only imagine two scenarios for this clearly delusional state: one, they were so sleep deprived they didn’t know what they were talking about or, two, their husbands were doing all of the nighttime parenting and they were eating bonbons and watching soap operas while their babies were at daycare.

Because I could image my life FOR WHOLE MINUTES AT A TIME without my baby. If I allowed myself to, I could imagine my pre-baby life very vividly. I remember watching reality television for long periods of time, sometimes nightly, uninterrupted. I remember going to the refrigerator and pulling out food and making myself a nice meal that I could eat on the couch, uninterrupted. I could imagine, very clearly, those wonderful evenings when I would call up a friend last minute and we would go dancing. I would get home late, have a snack, and go to bed. If I tried, even for a second, I could remember the blissful full night’s sleep that I had, in my own bed (without an infant peeing and pooping and throwing up on my clean sheets), and how I slept through the night without waking up, not even once. Oh, to have those days back again.

But it doesn’t stop there. I could also remember, if I gave myself permission to do so, the lovely runs that I would take with my dog for the three mile loop by my house – without having to arrange for a sitter and without the guilt of leaving my screaming child behind – or the bike rides that I would take on that same path, my hair blowing in the wind, my mind free, my body happy. If left unattended, I would even being to imagine my previous life as better than it actually was.

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Do I love my baby? Of course. Would I ever let any harm come to her? Of course not. I’d throw myself in front of a moving anything to prevent a hair on her head from being hurt. I’d given my life to her for the past three years, after all. I’d given up my sleep, some of my health, the majority of my free time, and quite a bit of the best parts of the food on my plate (that’s always been a tough one). But I have done so willingly. I love my child more than anything on this planet.

Yet, there is still the question that is raised when these parents say, “Oh, but I wouldn’t have it ANY other WAY….So then I ask myself, “Would I?” “Would I do it differently if I were given the option?” Would I go back in time and undo what had been done? Would I trade in this beautiful amazing, smart, creative, and extremely entertaining little bundle of joy who holds me as the most important being on the planet and vice versa?

When asked this question by myself or anyone else, I always pause. Because I CAN imagine the life I used to have. I can imagine the freedom and the joy and the lack of responsibility and the way that life was all about me. And honestly, it wasn’t that bad.

Related post: I Never Wanted Children

About the writer

Christina is a single, working at home mom, who writes on all things parenting. She blogs about her journey and Parenting with a Purpose at Single Mom on the Run.


Freedream 11 months ago

I totally understand, and I feel the same way the writer does! I never wanted kids, and ended up with two, both under 5. First for my hubby who wanted the experience and second was too late to abort safely (I didn’t even know I was preg till serving trimester). I love then dearly, I like their laughs and I make sure their well taken care of and have the best I can do. But I would definitely go back in time and never have children!

Brian 1 year ago

Thank you. What a down to earth post. Love it.

woman’s onesies 2 years ago

Admiring the time and effort you put into your site and
detailed information you offer. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a
while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material. Excellent read!

I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google

Sash 2 years ago

My baby died. I would give anything to be exhausted looking after him. Anything .

Laura 2 years ago

Thank you so much for posting this. My husband and I aren’t at a point where we want kids (maybe at all) and every time we tried to talk to a friend or family member about it, they say they wouldn’t change a thing. I felt really guilty for not wanting kids. And like a crazy person! Thank you for being honest when no one else would!

Yes 3 years ago

This is good to hear, since I am coming to terms with the fact that I most likely won’t have kids. You always think about what your life would be or would have been like if you would have made different decisions, however it’s much harder to imagine life with kids if you haven’t had any! Because it depends on the kids, the situation, everything. It’s easier to imagine life before the kids, if you have had them. So in my case, it might be the best thing that will never happen to me, or perhaps it would be really tough. I think you always wonder if you have made the right decision, no matter what you choose to do. Thanks for this, everyone makes parenting out to be something amazing that you can’t live without. It’s great when you hear something honest from people who actually love their kids to death. Just for someone to say that their lives would have been great either way, it helps a lot and in the end, life is what you make it. We are all different and certainly a life does not have to be more or less ’empty’ depending on whether a person has kids or not. I do have all my freedom and time to do whatever I want. Sometimes I wish I was cleaning up poop and telling the same story and living a different life, but I suspect that is also a romantic view of it all. I have no idea what it’s like to have kids and I guess I will never know! Hugs

Nancy 3 years ago

What a bullshit piece from a attachment parenting enthusiast. You can’t have it both ways. Way to sell out and shamelessly advertise yourself.

Christina 3 years ago

You get it! Thank you! Yes, and seriously, a bike ride now is with a 30lber sitting on the back of the bike, throwing her weight around, begging to get off at the swing. Cute, adorable, fun, love it..all those things, yes! But there are times when it’d be great to have that daily “oh, I think I”ll have a cup of tea and then put on my running shoes; oh, no, maybe I’ll clean the garage first; ok, dog, let’s hit the trails.” It’s not the same. And that’s okay. But it’s good to put it out there, right? I loved the then; I love my baby…And I loved the then :)

MaryAnne 3 years ago

Yes, girl. It’s as if I wrote this post. Those days when I didn’t have to contemplate on whether or not I wanted to load up the jogging stroller AND the dog just so I could get my 3-mile run in. It was awesome when I could just fly out the door with my dog and it didn’t take me 20 minutes to get ready. Yes, I definitely definitely definitely think about how my life was before the hubby and the kids. And I definitely think about how it would be like right now without them. Totally normal. Good for you and very courageous to share this!!

MomChalant 3 years ago

I’m with you. I think all (or majority) of mothers can relate to this. It’s a natural feeling to imagine what your life used to be like. The dictionary doesn’t have the word reminisce for nothing. I think it’s a matter of how you look at the situation.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Thanks for your thoughts. I agree – I think it’s very natural. In addition, every family’s reality varies so the ways people experience these thoughts and feelings are likely very different as well and there is no right or wrong. However, society does tell us that it’s not so okay. That’s the take away point from my perspective.

Laurie 3 years ago

I wouldn’t change anything but I think about this ALL. THE. TIME. All that free time I had, how simple everything was. Yeah, I totally took that for granted.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Wow! Thanks for your fresh attitude!

Christina Robert 3 years ago

And I don't think there's any reason to say whether or not we WOULD do it differently. We can hold the both/and….Both loving our life as parents AND imagining our life without children.

L.A. Say 3 years ago

I definitely think that time away from your children is very normal. If you are around your kids all the time it makes you a little crazy and grumpy. So going out with other adults is normal, why do you think babysitting was invented?

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    Amen for babysitters, right?

Arnebya 3 years ago

I remember life before and I can imagine it if we’d never had children. For me, it’s mainly financial. It’s the stress of the cost of raising three people while also maintaining normal shit like a house and a car and, well, groceries. I can imagine the ease with which I could have a dinner out and not cry later about what bill I could have used that money on. Sure it sounds selfish, I feel guilty, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to lie and say it’s not the truth. It doesn’t detract from the love I have for the kids I purposely had.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    No, it doesn’t take away from the love or the caring or the nurturing that we give and have for our children. I think it’s part of being human to have these feelings and thoughts and that we need to let go of the guilt and the idea that wanting something for ourselves is somehow selfish. Being a mother doesn’t mean that our selves disappear when those babies enter the world.

Anna 3 years ago

I’m not going to judge or throw stones, I had the four pregnancies to get used to the idea that life as I knew it was over. I used the time to come to terms with going from being an active duty Marine who was physically at my peak to having a softer Mom body. What I can’t wrap my head around is being a single Mom. Having had a taste of it when my husband would deploy for the better part of a year for many years, I can’t imagine choosing to parent without someone to tag in and give me a chance to pee without an audience.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    There came a decision point of whether it would be parenthood as a single mother or probably never being a parent at all. I chose to be a parent. The single part was part of the package.

    Maura 3 years ago


    Many women don’t “choose” to be a single mom. Sometimes they start out coupled, and the relationship doesn’t work out. Other times, nature brings us surprises we didn’t expect and the fallout is that the other person chooses not to participate.

Kimberly 3 years ago

Thank you Christina, thank you so much :)

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    You’re welcome…Big smile!

Maja 3 years ago

You know, what would really kick ass…if we could just press a pause button on our family life and be our old kidless self for a week or so and then go back to our life as it is…no guilt, no harm done 😉

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    That’d be interesting!

Sarah 3 years ago

I am afraid, my children were long awaited for blessings from God. If I am away from them for more than 30 minutes I start to miss them terribly. I am not looking forward to the day when they have their own children and leave me. This time of motherhood has been the happiest time of my whole life.
I guess we are all different in that way.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago


Denise 3 years ago

Sure I can imagine it, but give it back? Nah. But what you need is a tag a long bike to take that kid on long bike rides!

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    The bike is a metaphor for freedom.

Victoria – WTPP 3 years ago

I’m one of those people that never imagined id want kids..yet when it happened I couldn’t imagine not having them! But I do understand where your coming from..as much as I love my son with my whole being there are times when I think back to the lay ins, alone time with my OH, watching tv shows back to back and miss them. But the rewards from parenting for me outweigh all that. Thankyou for writing this!!

Kerri@Elbow Deep in Someone Else’s Sh*t 3 years ago

It’s a feeling unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, knowing that I love my kids and don’t want a life without out them, but missing the life I had before I ever knew them. There was no way I could have completely understood how much children drain from you, and it’s a hard and permanent lesson to learn. I guess it’s just one more thing to add to the list of imperfections I occasionally feel guilty about.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    Release the guilt. It’s okay to love your former life and your children.

Grace | Yummy Baby Gifts LLC 3 years ago

Wow, brave woman! I think we all think of the “good old times” without kids and say how nice that was.. But yeah, can’t imagine going back to that now that we have grown to love and know our two little girls. Sure it was nice to have freedom of single life but that’s nothing compared to family life.

    Christina 3 years ago

    What does “family life” mean? For me that is me and my one child. I think that is a very different reality from two children and two adults. I have a family life but it is likely very different from the family life that you know.

      Grace | Yummy Baby Gifts LLC 3 years ago

      “family life” is what you make it… so for you, you and your child is definitely family too. I was not trying to say anything negative towards you or your family. I apologize if I offended you in anyway. I was just saying I wouldn’t trade my family life for the single life I had.

        Christina 3 years ago

        First of all, I’m not offended. I think that this essay is a discussion starter and this is a discussion. I think that they way you used the term “family life” in your original comment was in a general sense rather than “your family life..” if you see what I am saying. Family life isn’t always what you make of it, sometimes it is what you have because of life circumstances and I think it’s important to recognize that for some family life might be very satisfying because of the support of a partner or because of financial security, etc. For single mothers (not just myself), raising children without support or financial security can be a very different picture.

          Grace | Yummy Baby Gifts LLC 3 years ago

          hey, I hear you and I’ve always wondered how single parents do it. I’m sorry I made a general statement, I really meant I can’t imagine going back to a life without my girls.

Laura 3 years ago

My first child was a total oops! baby, although some years later I decided to have another, I have no idea why. But I had them both pretty young, and I have to admit that my grownup daughter is absolutely my best friend in the world — and I know she’d reciprocate — so I wouldn’t trade that for anything. But there were many, many times when I wished I could go back to it just being me again. These days, there are weekends when I just want to stay home and my husband seems allergic to it so that I send him off to do something by himself, and we’re both happier that way. Time alone is important, even if you have kids.

Don’t let anybody make you feel bad about thinking about what it would be like if….because there are so many things in life we’d all change, I suspect, if we had the chance. Not just the decision to have kids, but about a million other things. What if I hadn’t dropped out of college? What if I’d traveled more and lived overseas more? I can’t change what is now, but I sure can still imagine. And there’s nothing in the world wrong with that.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago


Jane Ord Foor 3 years ago

Just think how lost those little boys would be without you! I hope you can find some time to relax and rejuvenate this weekend.

kristi 3 years ago

I have 2 kids, one is 17 and one is 11. The 11 year old has autism and some days I wonder how it would be with only my older child. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son to pieces but sometimes it is super hard.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    Oh my goodness, yes. I have done research on families with children with autism and I can only imagine that youre feelings are magnified even more – big hugs to you. I will often look at my child and feel thankful that I have it as easy as I do, given that she doesn’t have any major developmental disorders. Having given birth at 41 the risk was much higher obviously.

Shelley @ThatGirlShelley 3 years ago

I have 3 under the age of 5 and while I remember my life before them, I would not go back. My new life, while not a spontaneous, is still pretty awesome, and noisy, and sleep deprived, and lovely.

    Christina Robert 3 years ago

    And I’ll bet you have a partner there helping you out, don’t you?! :)

      Shelley @ThatGirlShelley 3 years ago

      Yes Christina! My husband does help a lot and he helps to keep me from pulling out my hair.

        Christina Robert 3 years ago

        You’re very fortunate! I’ll bet it makes the world of difference at times.

          Shelley @ThatGirlShelley 3 years ago

          It does make a world of difference. I give props to woman who hold everything together on their own. They just do it and they deserve tons and tons of recognition. Children are a lot of work and require 24 hour supervision. To never have a break and to have no help and still be able to function is amazing.

Anastasia @ eco-babyz 3 years ago

I can imagine, sure, but I would never want that single life back. I choose to be happy with the here and now even though it isn’t perfect or easy. Children taught me the meaning of selflessness, something I only knew in theory BC. With my degree, skills, and determination I could have been a top Interior Designer at a Boston architectural firm. I would have hated it though. Children made me discover my entrepreneurial spirit that I didn’t know I had, that neither school nor college ever showed me. It’s not easy AT ALL to be with my kids all day and simultaneously run 3 small businesses, working 30+ hours while they sleep, without much hands-on support from my husband (he only supports me in theory). I still wouldn’t want my single, self-centered, carefree life back. Call me crazy, but I like it :)

Rachael McNaught 3 years ago

Would I love the same choices I had BC? Absolutely. That’s what i miss the most about life ‘before’.

Thanks for this… ((hugs))

    Christina 3 years ago

    Thank you. Hugs back.

Valerya Rose Baker 3 years ago

Honestly, I can't imagine my life without my kids. Maybe it's because I was in a transition and had no career when I got pregnant with my first, but I really just can't see my life going in a different direction. I had four kids in five years and even though life with a newborn is a little chaotic right now, I wouldn't change it. Things haven't always lined up with my ideal plan, but I feel that everything happens for a reason and that this is the way it is supposed to be for me.

    Christina 3 years ago

    I think it may have been much different for me if I had had my children younger and with the support of a partner. Having them at the peak of needing to devote time to my career and after a much longer period of independence and not having the support of a partner has made it a tougher road.

Heidi Star 3 years ago

Jane Mangino, well said. Joy, you are the center of the universe to those little guys and I have SO MUCH ADMIRATION for you. Sending you love, and hugs, and an extra large glass of wine.

Gary Runnalls 3 years ago

Kim, you are one of the Best Mom's and wife EVER! I am proud of you beyond words!

Rosamaría Spencer 3 years ago

I will not hunt you down I will not throw stones, what I would do is give you a hug, thank you for being brave and tell you I think I understand, I feel this way… I love my children but I don't think I should have had them, and I can remember a life without them, and I can see a life without them, I know it is selfish, but I will do my best to love them to teach them to hold them to protect them, even from myself.

Rosamaría Spencer 3 years ago

I will not hunt you down I will not throw stones, what I would do is give you a hug, thank you for being brave and tell you I think I understand, I feel this way… I love my children but I don't think I should have had them, and I can remember a life without them, and I can see a life without them, I know it is selfish, but I will do my best to love them to teach them to hold them to protect them, even from myself.

    Kelley 3 years ago

    You have summarized my feelings exactly!! Youngest is 15 so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Thanks for the hug! I don’t think it’s selfish at all. You are caring for them and giving all you have I’m sure – in a very unselfish way. I think it’s normal to want some of ourselves back.

Mercy 3 years ago

I too at times will stop and imagine what a childless life would be like. When I was single and didn’t have kids, they were all I wanted. Now that I am married and have 3, I wish I had enjoyed my childless years more. I can imagine my life without them…but I don’t wish that I’d never had them.

    Christina 3 years ago

    I’m sure if I had it to do all over again, I would have made the same choice. But I chose single parenthood and it was a much harder choice than I realized I was making.

Kim DeBruhl Brunofski 3 years ago

Heck yeah I can IMAGINE it! I day dream of it often. Exactly what you describe. But, would I trade it all in for the "used to have"? Heck no! I've grown pretty fond of my kids :)

Christina Robert 3 years ago

This is my piece.

Single Mom On the Run 3 years ago

Thinking about life without kids…

Laura 3 years ago

My husband and I definitely talk about our DINK days and miss them sometimes….definitely the money ;). This is a brave post and I think it is normal to feel this way. My FIL talks about people without kids or life before kids as being empty. I completely disagree. We had a great life before kids. We love our life now, but it was a lot easier before……maybe people who plan their kids feel differently. We have a surprise baby.

Anya Laskin 3 years ago

Yes! I can totally sympathize there. I never imagined, before having kids, that I would value my freedom so much. My freedom to decide what to do with my time, my energy, my food, my money, my everything. And while I love my children very very much, I think about the "before" all the time, and yes, I miss it. There, I've said it.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Great, Anya – I think it should be more ok to say it!

Lisa Valentine-Chalko 3 years ago

Jane Mangino-Thank you and very well said!

    Christina 3 years ago

    Thanks and you’re welcome.

Single Mom On the Run 3 years ago

Post I wrote for Scary Mommy.

Mike Fogelsanger 3 years ago

with ya

Lauren 3 years ago

I have three boys – the youngest has autism. My husband, their father, has a laptop for a head. There is no family support, there are no babysitters. I spend my week working and ferrying them around, I spend my weekends cleaning up the detritus of four humans that are incapable of putting anything away after them. Can I imagine life without them? Hell yes.
I find that usually the people who don’t understand, the ones who say they love every single moment – presumably even the 2AM vomits and the shopping centre meltdowns – are the ones who have a lot of support and get regular time out from their children. There are the rare moments that make it worthwhile, that keep me slogging away – they are like water stands on a 500K marathon.
My mother once said to me if she had a her life over she wouldn’t have had children. I didn’t plan on having any – certainly at least not when I did – but fate had other plans. Now I’m a mother and I wouldn’t change that but if I had my life over I would make different decisions.

    Anna 3 years ago

    Lauren you nailed it when you said the ones who have lots of support are the ones who say they love every minute. My little ones are 2 and 5 and we moved to a new city just before I had #2. We didn’t know a soul. I would give anything to have a grandparent who could drop everything to come by on those tough days.

    Gloria 3 years ago

    I am a 24/7 single mom and have been since his daddy left before he was born. I live 3 hours from my family so I had NO support except for daycare providers while I worked a 45 hours a week job. Would I do it again? OH HELL YES!!! He was an unplanned baby born 2 days after I turned 40. It’s been pure hell at times but then again, his smile makes my heart melt and his hugs are like a little bit of heaven has wrapped itself around me. Can I imagine life without him? Yes. But I don’t think I’d enjoy it as much as I’m enjoying this.

Jane Mangino 3 years ago

I'm going to hit on this. for anyone who has ever had to care for someone with special needs or someone that is very sick, physical or mental it is a daily drain. You can love someone with all your heart and it's okay to say or feel exhausted, at your wits end, wanting some strand of normalcy. but you know, it won't happen. even a day off with a fill in on your daily struggles..you're back to it..pick up where you left off…never enough relief… and there are days like these…many and sometimes it is every day .. but every now and again a moment. a moment of "normalcy" or at least closer than usual..it's those moments…never enough but it's what keeps you going. may you have a moment soon. till then it's okay to say the truth. it's okay to be honest. it's okay, to be human.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Exactly. The physical and emotional drain of being a single parent is immense. And there’s not another person there at the end of the day with whom you can tag team or whom you can look at and say, “We made a good decision.”

    Christina 3 years ago

    And thank you.

sarah 3 years ago

wow…needed to read this tonight. I often think those things but then moments later my two year old puts me in a headlock and says “you are my best fwiend”…Ok you’re forgiven. It definetly depends on the moment and I think these years with the YOUNG kids is very very hard. My husband is deployed right now so Im single momming it and its HARD. Today was a super rough day. Im praying tomorrow is better..but yes. I have the same thoughts some days!!

Jamie 3 years ago

I always roll my eyes at those people who clearly made a mistake or an unplanned decision like your boss and then say, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way.” That’s just their way of trying to convince themselves that their mistake was a good one.

    Christina 3 years ago

    I think they planned on having children. Just not twins. And he is a very happy guy!

Joy Fogelsanger Sauter 3 years ago

I needed to read this today. I have two special needs kids and nothing, nothing in my life is normal. My husband is in a competitive architecture program and is never home and does very little housework, and I work full time. My children are 8 and 6 and my youngest is very disabled and needs A LOT of hands on care. I want my old life back as I am so, so very tried. Thank you, because this is how I feel right now, too.

    Mandy 3 years ago

    Just wanted to send you a big virtual hug! It sounds like you are having a tough go… Praying that a friend shows up at your door with a hug, a coffee and an ear to listen. Hang in there Mom! You are doing a great job.

      Christina 3 years ago

      Oh, Joy. You are welcome. Visit my facebook page “single mom on the run” You might like it. And you can always post to me if you want.

Callie 3 years ago

Oh God, yes. I could have written this. I love my kids but I have never and will never say, think, or feel that I can’t imagine what I would do or be without them. I can imagine it very well and do so often in my darker moments.

    Christina 3 years ago

    And maybe those aren’t “darker” moments, Callie. Perhaps they are just “moments.” Normal moments.

nicole 3 years ago


Tonia 3 years ago

Bravo to you! You have said the words that I have only ever said to my best friend. Can’t say them to anyone unless you want them to look at you like you’re a total loser. To admit that you would like your life just as much without kids does not mean you don’t love your children at all. I 100% believe that if I didn’t have kids, I would still be happy, just a different kid of happiness. Our first was a surprise and we decided to have another so he wouldn’t be alone. Some days I even question that decision. Others, it was the best decision in the world. So I suppose in the end, it all depends on what day you ask the question.

    nicole 3 years ago

    lol yep, on the days when I think about having a third child, I remember how nice it was with just one.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Definitely, Tonia – we all experience and process motherhood differently and there are days when I think “what in the heck was I thinking” and other days when it’s the best things in the world.

Breann 3 years ago

thank you thank you thank you for this post!
Knowing you had it good before tiny balls of fury entered your life screaming (especially if they’ve not stopped since) doesn’t make you a bad parent.
I feel that we live in a world that if you don’t say every second how blessed you are and how perfectly thrilled you are to be cleaning vomit and poop every day for the rest of forever… that the judgement brigade comes out of every look and cranny to point fingers.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Thank you and you’re welcome. That is exactly the point I was trying to get across. There is underlying hidden judgement if you’re not exuding satisfaction of having chosen a life with children.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Yes, Breann! Thank you back!

Peggy Gleeson Cohen 3 years ago

life without kids and hubby…I am living it…hubs died and the best kids ever grew up and have their lives miles away due to jobs, deployments, college. I am now alone…if that is what you want..then toss in the towel now. Because there is no getting it back. If I needed a run, baby in secured and I ran ran with my stroller. If I wanted a bike ride, trust me, I was the the laughing stock of my neighborhood in 1980 because my baby had a helmet on when riding with me. I would put dog on leash, baby in baby bike seat with a helmet and off we would all go. Life is good. Enjoy it while you can.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Yes, I do those things too. I’m sorry for your loss.

Missy Homemaker 3 years ago

My husband and I have talked about whether we would have done kids all over again. I had 3 kids in under 5 years with my first husband. My husband has 2 kids with his first wife and we had a little surprise together. When money is short, again, and when there’s no food in the frig, again, and when someone has broken/destroyed/ ruined something that we can’t replace right away or at all, again…we can definitely imagine life without kids. We’ve said that we would have had dogs. And you know what? We both love our kids…more than anything.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Absolutely, Missy. It’s not so much would you swap your kids at the grocery dog for a big turkey as it is if one can imagine going back or if one ever longs for those days back. It is something that very few people ever talk about and if you show hesitance, there is immediate judgement.

Jasmine 3 years ago

It was brave of you to write this post and I hope you don’t get too much negative feedback. I think in part, trying to raise kids as a single parent does make it easier to long for your old life, especially when you bear the full responsibility and alone time is a pipe dream. I too started out as a single mom at 6 weeks pregnant, only to find out that I was having twins. All I can say is that amidst the blur of the first 18 months I grieved for my former, childless life. This parenting gig is a roller coaster of shit sometimes.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Griveving is a perfect word for it. And, yes, single motherhood adds a whole new layer onto the loss of freedom. I don’t know about other moms but the shock of parenting and the PPD that I experienced led me to a process of grieving, some of which include grieving my former life. Thank you for your comments.

Kiwi 3 years ago

Sometimes I wish we had waited a bit longer so we could have had more alone time, other days I’m glad we will have that alone time earlier in the later part of our lives. But there have been many a day where we’ve had the discussion of what our lives might be like with only us or even only 1 or 2 instead of 3 kids. I’d like to think that it is perfectly average to have these thoughts. Hope we’re right :)

    Christina 3 years ago

    Completely normal!

Robin 3 years ago

I completely understand where the writer is coming from. I had my son at the ripe old age of 39, so I have many, MANY years of freedom and independence to look back on and remember. I don’t forget for one minute what it used to be like to be able to waltz out of my cutely decorated city apartment in my fashionable clothes and do whatever I wanted, or sleep until 11 and have leisurely lattes in bed. But just because your boss (or whomever) “wouldn’t have it any other way,” doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend the same exact amount of time as you do, wistfully thinking back on those carefree days. I honestly don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. Nice post and great honesty. :)

    Annette 3 years ago

    I agree! Hubby and I often think back to when we were DINKs and had the freedom and money to run away for the weekend on a whim. We love our life with our kids, but it’s fun to look forward to being able to do that again someday.

    Christina 3 years ago

    Absolutely, Robin! I have often reflected on the fact that having my child at 41 made the transition that much harder because I had had so many years of singledom – good years that involved a lot of travel and a lot of activity. I’m glad there are others who have experienced the same thing.

Nichole 3 years ago

Thank u for writing my thoughts down, and letting me know I’m not alone in my thinking

    Christina 3 years ago

    You’re welcome. I’m glad this piece spoke to so many people and expressed what people thought but were afraid to say.

Kathryn Gregory 3 years ago

Sure I daydream about how my life could be without kids or a hubby. I'm quite certain I would be on a beach somewhere right now. Sure I miss the freedom I had before. But I would never trade what I have now in this tiny 2/1 house for all the gold in China. Or wherever there's gold. It's not here, I wouldn't work 50 hours a week waiting tables if there was. What is here is more love than I ever imagined when I did have "freedom". I imagine my life without kids, it would probably be great, but not as great as this.

    Christina 3 years ago

    I’m glad you have chosen the right path for you and that you’re so happy with your choices!

    Joan 2 years ago

    You dont need kids to have that love, mother teresa the Dalai Lama have lived and served meaningful liives full of love and devotion that would not have been possible by having kids and contribiting to the over population of the planet. My youngest has now moved out and I can quite hobestly say that your waiting tables may be worth it to you but you only have one life, fill it with freedom and adventure love, serving other more than just your family, and fullfillment by joining the childfree crowd. Knowing what i know now having gone through what you have if i had my tine over i can honestly say my life would have been so much fuller and richer without kuds and i could of spent the time more wisely and helped a lot more people with sekfless contribution.

Paige 3 years ago

I can too….we adopted. So we chose these crazy life by every sense of the word. The good does out weigh the bad most of the time. But tonight, while I listen to my 10yr DS say his best friend’s name who’s sitting within arm reach a million time in a hour, I remember quiet Saturday nights…..and miss them. 8 more years to college.


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