17 Easy Steps To Treat Yourself On National Bubble Bath Day – Scary Mommy

  |  

17 Easy Steps To Treat Yourself On National Bubble Bath Day

me time mom

shaunl / iStock

January 8 is National Bubble Bath Day! This is how moms across the country will be celebrating this very important holiday with a little “me time”:

Step 1: Announce to everyone in your home to leave you alone because you’re taking a bubble bath right now to celebrate.

Step 2: Spend 10 minutes pulling every plastic toy out of the bathtub.

Step 3: Notice that some of these toys are full of moldy water, bring them down to the kitchen, and put them by the sink to disinfect.

Step 4: Go back upstairs to find a kid pooping in the bathroom where the now-empty tub resides and evacuate, because OMG what the hell did that poor child eat?! 

Step 5: Get asked 1,200 questions by your toddler.

Step 6: Decide to throw in a load of laundry while the bathroom airs out.

Step 7: Go upstairs to the bathroom, look for bubble bath while spraying Febreze in bathroom. Don’t find it.

Step 8: Rummage around your room, hoping to find some dusty bottle of bubble bath your husband got you many Valentine’s Days ago.

Step 9: Go back into the bathroom and realize your son never flushed. Flush and light a candle (or 12).

Step 10: Open window.

Step 11: Smell smoke, run downstairs to see your tween burning a Pop-Tart in the toaster.

Step 12: Cook new Pop-Tart, forbid children from cooking, leaving the house, or doing anything dangerous for at least the next 30 minutes.

Step 13: Go into the bathroom, grab the bubble gum no tears kid’s foaming soap and use it to make bubbles, because dammit, you will take a bath today.

Step 14: Answer 75 more questions from the toddler who followed you upstairs.

Step 15: Banish all offspring from bathroom, strip down, get in tub.

Step 16: Get out 90 seconds later because doing the laundry used up most of the hot water and now you hear the kids fighting in the kitchen.

Step 17: Mark your calendar for January 8 next year, because oh, you have big plans to celebrate next time. Damn right you do!