“Me Time” Is Bullshit Once You’re a Mother

Before I had children, I used to go to the hairdressers. This was known as “getting a haircut.”

Now, I am a parent and  I still go to the hairdressers, but this is considered “me” time. It’s essentially the same thing, but now the act of hair shortening is supposed to be some sort of treat.

Well I’m sorry, but going to a hair salon and staring at my own miserable face for 45 minutes while I’m made to look presentable is not my idea of a treat.

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Having a bath is not “me” time either no matter how many candles and bubbles there are. A bath is just a way to wash your hair while sitting down. And while you’re in the bath, the children are still out there making noise and messes and smells while Daddy is in charge, so try not to relax too much.

Reading a magazine and drinking coffee is certainly no “me” time. Administering caffeine while finding out what Kim Kardashian’s butt has been up to is just the correct way to start the day. Oh and when I’m on the toilet and I close the door? That’s definitely not “me” time. I’m taking a dump.

As far as I’m concerned, “me” time is a massive crock of shit. Stop trying to make basic maintenance something special. I’m using the restroom, not spending a week at a yoga retreat.

A recent survey claimed that new mothers have on average just 17 minutes of “me” time a day.

“Me” time is not for moms. I’m speaking from personal experience here – as a mom the last person I want to spend 17 minutes with is myself. My life is boring; I don’t need time to reflect on that.

When you are young and free all your time is me time. That’s how life works. Everything is about you – this is because you are bright and happy and make dumb decisions in life which result in you having to climb out of a tiny bathroom window in the middle of a really bad date with a man who may or may not be joking about spending time in prison.

Things like this do not happen once you are a mom. (I hope.)

Once you’re a parent, someone else does all the stupid things while you make sensible decisions and worry about speech development and chicken pox.

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In Britain, we love reality shows like The Only Way Is Essex and Made In Chelsea which feature young, single people making terrible life decisions. (In terms of American shows, think The Real World or The Hills.)

The stars of these shows need “me” time to reflect on the many ways they have been wronged, told off, or generally “disrespected”. They can then use this time to arrange nights out where they can throw drinks in other people’s faces which is apparently the best way to regain respect should you ever find yourself being told off or disrespected.

I fear for these people when they have children.

Being a parent involves being told off and disrespected on an hourly basis. I have tried throwing drinks in my children’s faces, but it is simply a waste of pinot noir.

So, as far as I’m concerned, as a mom you can stick your “me” time where I stick my children’s art work – in the recycling bin.

About the writer

Kirsty Smith/ Eeh Bah Mum is a former TV Producer who writes about the funny side of family life. So far she has asked her readers Is My Son A Dick? (Yes, probably) and Should I Start Cooking Crystal Meth?(No, boiler suits are not a good look).  She has won awards for mommy blogging but has never even been nominated for any awards as an actual mom. Weird huh? Follow her blog at:  http://www.eehbahmum.com/.

From Around the Web


easterqueen 1 week ago

The author’s description of the haircut experience is very telling. She is not comfortable with herself and hot happy with her life. At the end of the piece I was left wonder what she DOES consider me-time, or if she thinks that me-time as a concept is null and void. Not clear.

Elise 1 week ago

Not sure the author understands the meaning or purpose of “me time” as a mother. FYI- it’s not using the bathroom alone. And I’m sad for her that she doesn’t enjoy her own company- a clear sign she’s in desperate need for some true “me time”.

Christina 2 months ago

As a mother of 2 boys (a 5 year old autistic son and a 1 year old ), anything can be me time. Trips to the bathroom alone are seldom. I am up at 0600 to drive the eldest to school and stay up until at least midnight to get the housework finished without stepping on tiny people. Hubby works 50 hour weeks. I haven’t had a haircut in 8 months. Beggars can’t be choosy. I may get a break when the baby goes to school. Maybe.

Susan 2 months ago

As a woman that works with moms on finding balance in motherhood, this article makes me laugh, feel sad and yet it makes a good. At some point we have accepted those “me time” terms. For my moms I define “me time” as something that is meaningful to you. I don’t think settling for the toilet is the answer but I also believe that if you really want it you will find a way.
I also don’t think it’s a girls night where all you do is talk about your kids and complain about your husband. Becoming a mom doesn’t mean solely playing the kid card about your own passions, hobbies and interest. I’d love see more moms sharing and inspiring whats meaningful to them and finding support to have it. Than head nods collusion and ummm hmmmms on what’s not working.

Niki Fox 2 months ago

While I agree going to the bathroom generally is not “me time”, a lot of these things for me are. They were before kids. A basic trim on my hair maybe not but a full cut and color is. Taking a bath for me is also since I pretty much always taking showers. I think anytime you have alone to sit and just relax is considered me time. With or without kids.

Nicola 2 months ago

I’m confused at this article. I thought she was saying it’s unfair for mums to have to count going to the loo, having a bath or having your hair cut as ‘me’ time , these things shouldn’t be me tine they should just be things we can do. Me time should be getting to read a book, partake in a hobby, go for a massage, actual nice things rather than basic maintenance. So is she saying throw the term ‘me time’ for going to the loo in the bin? If so I agree, loo, shower, brushing teeth are not me time, but they could be if clever about it. Confusing message.

Em 2 months ago

What do you do all day that you have time to be “bored”? I stopped being bored after I had kids. There is always something to do & no time to be idle. You sound like you have low self-esteem and are bitter about your choice to reproduce. Seek therapy.

Nicole 2 months ago

Super unhappy post! Yikes!

Jeremy 5 months ago

You shouldn’t have had children if you weren’t prepared for the time commitment. I’m sure you could work as a team with your spouse to work “me” time for you both. Guess that’s not an option though.

mumof4 5 months ago

My husband used to be pissed at me that what i asked for for my birthday and mothers day was to have him take all the kids away so that i could have the house to myself….until we had number 4. Now he understands ♡♡♡

Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages 6 months ago

Ha! Well said and bravo.

Kristen 7 months ago

Maybe I’m just lucky but my husband and I are 50/50…i have plenty of alone time and we are both amazing with our child. I do believe if you really want “me” time you can find a way to make it happen…just maybe not as much as you’d like 😉

    Jeremy 5 months ago

    Well said!

Rachael 7 months ago

‘Where I stick my children’s art work – in the recycling bin.’


Jeanne Kupsh 7 months ago

Well, your name fits. You are very scary….as a mother! Do you not realize that your children will someday grow up and read your words about them? Scary and sad……

Angi 7 months ago

Oh, I can’t count how many times I have said this to my husband. We share articles about how new moms want to reclaim their lives by scheduling some “me time.” We both work from home and homeschool our children. We’ve never considered a bathroom break as “me time” even though it’s when we complete most of our leisure reading.

Catriona 7 months ago

I freaking love you, that is all!

marisa 7 months ago

I’m 27 and don’t have kids. Not going to have kids either. I have a lot of me time with the exception of doing things for my dog and spending time with the boyfriend, which I like doing. Kids would totally kill my freedom and I’m not OK with that hahaha i hear a lot of parents, especially moms, say these things that you posted in your article. I understand the choice to have kids. Not knocking it, but it’s not for everyone.

Marg 7 months ago

i must be a terrible parent, I have travelled overseas multiple times (think 9 times) without my children. I have three daughters now they are 19, 17, 10… My first trip the youngest 2 were 3 & 5… I have passed on my love of travel to my children and the oldest are now planning their 2nd overseas holiday (without their mum ;))

Isobel 7 months ago

My children have left home and, as a solo middle aged woman, I’m back to ‘me’ time. Damn, it’s hard. Not that I don’t have anything to do with my daughters any more – far from it. I still worry about them, still have broken sleep because of them, still have to shell out cash from time to time. But, reclaiming the part of my life that is totally self-indulgent, and where decisions have no consequences for anyone other than myself, remains a challenge. Ho hum.

Oh, and please, can we stop using the word ‘mom’? Sorry, just the grumpy old woman giving vent……

Kara 7 months ago

My me time is the hour I go grocery shopping each week.

Rudey 7 months ago

Ha! This is great! I totally guilty of calling the am coffee time, the bath after the kids go to bed, and the run on the track while they are at tennis lessons “me time.”

Katie Greenough 7 months ago

I also disagree with this article. I’ve found that I’m much more patient and present with my toddler if I can find a few minutes of quiet time per day. Or some time to do the “grown up” things that need to be done, preferably without a toddler’s interference (pay bills, wash dishes, do laundry, plan vacation). Lower frustration levels once chores are done = happier mum and happier baby. Part of my adjustment to parenthood has been accepting that I have to lower my expectations of how much alone time I will get, but making the most of the few minutes I do.

Heather Sparacino Crane 7 months ago

Me time is beyond important and any therapist will tell you so!

Jennifer Lyons Elsworth 7 months ago

My kids,are 17, 13 and 10. I’m just happy I can poop by myself.

Jackie Kay 7 months ago

This woman is clearly not a single mom. I really do consider a lot of moments me time and they are great. I like to be alone.

Beth Bauer 7 months ago

Grow a spine girls!

Lisa McCormack 7 months ago

Nothing wrong with needing time to recharge. I go to a 24-hour gym most evenings when my youngest is in bed and enjoy a 1 hour workout while listening to a podcast

I’m not super mom. I can’t spend 24/7 taking care of others without getting burned out.

Jes Karakashian 7 months ago

I went clothes shopping for my girls. For an hour. That was my me time last week.

Jennifer Sironen Brown 7 months ago

Not my favorite article, super super cynical. I love being able to go get my toes done, taking a long bath, watching a movie. Me time is what you make it. The small luxuries in life that were probably just tsken for granted prior to having kids. Most people like some down time (whatever you choose to call it), it’s re-energizing and necessary to get off the mommy train every now and then. Being an only child and now having three (soon to be four) children, so much craziness around me constantly is exhausting. Actually I’m sure it’s exhausting even for those with siblings. It’s a foreign world to me that I’m still learning. It’s definitely interesting! Getting off topic. Me time is what you make it, if you aren’t getting it then make a path for it! Everyone will benefit :)

Justyna Nowicka 7 months ago

Unfortunately the author sounds like a seriously miserable being that finds it hard to take pleasure from anything in her life. On top of this it sounds like she has very little respect for herself and her children so all in all, crap authority on the subject.

Michelle Strom 7 months ago

What a horrible perspective. Some may not need “me time”, but I would say the majority of moms do. And whether that is getting a hair cut (big treat for me) or a 15 minute solo walk around the block, it’s still “me time”. And it’s definitely a necessity for the sake of sanity.

Emily Sjomeling 7 months ago

Oh, new young moms are so cute. When you have a breakdown in 7 years it will be great for those kids who never learned to leave your side.

Julia 7 months ago

First thought: OMG, this is so negative.

Second thought: OMG, this is dead on and utterly hilarious.

Thanks for a good laugh!

Rosalie Stanfield 7 months ago

Gone with the wind!

Nichole Betournay 7 months ago

I called it me time before I had kids and still call it me time as a single mom with 4 kids who runs a day home. Soaking in the bath for an hour (or 3), going out for a girls night, even just watching a show by myself once my kids are in bed is my definition of relaxing and having time for myself. I am super hands on and my kids go virtually everywhere with me. I even participate in a family tae kwon do class because I love my kids and love spending time with them. Finding time for myself is wonderful and just because I have kids doesn’t make that time any less “mine”. Or any less important. Everyone needs some alone time to recharge, with or without being a parent.

Katie Griffiths 7 months ago

I have a 1,3 and 5 year old. I still get me time. We are lucky to have a tight knit family. And I certainly find enjoyment out of my hair appointments lol!

Katie Griffiths 7 months ago

Who here actually considers “taking a dump” as me time? Lol, I never went to the bathroom to pee etc and thought “yep, ive earned this, this is what me times allll about”

What the heck is she on about? Lol.

Carla Dadds 7 months ago

Ha,This is pretty funny.

Amber Szabo 7 months ago

My guys asleep, me… Not a chance. I’ll sleep when he’s 5 maybe.

Ana Woodley 7 months ago


Christina Williams 7 months ago

I have me time every weekend thanks to my mama:)

Angel Niederkohr 7 months ago

Totally agree about the hairdresser, bathroom and bath!

Eva Nicole Tabron 7 months ago

She’s right. These things are not “me time”. If getting your hair done is a treat vs necessary maintenance, then I guess I could see that as being “me time”. I hate getting my hair done. There is nothing relaxing about it to me. Now, spa treatments, pedicures, retail therapy, girls night out, etc…. these are enjoyable. I take “me time” whenever I feel I need it. When I have had enough, I get away. I have great kids and a greater hubby. This mom needs her space, and isn’t sorry for it. My mother always told me, take care of yourself first… you’re no good to anyone if you can’t be good to yourself. It’s not selfish, it is sensible. Now, if you’re not like me, more power to ya. I do what’s best for me, and time to do things I enjoy is important.

Gayle Foreman 7 months ago

True you give up a lot when you have kids but its all worth it

Nikki Massey Hall 7 months ago

This woman must be super mom?she belongs on Pinterest.

Debbie Goeddertz Higginbotham 7 months ago

I started cutting our grass for “me time” when my kids were babies. Hey it works – the lawn mower drowns out everything.

Daniele Wiseman 7 months ago

There is not 2 seconds of me time. Until I fuck off to Maui.

Evelyn Mitchell 7 months ago

If I didn’t take care of me, it wasn’t pretty. I totally got my me time. And don’t care what any one has to say about it. Made me a better person. Children are 45yrs and 39yrs. Have two well rounded adults.

Jessica Peltier 7 months ago

How about just admitting to ourselves it’s OK that our lives don’t have to spend every waking moment with our children, they alter our lives not define. I love my son with every ounce of me there is but I took time for myself outside of basic daily routines of showers, going to the bathroom etc. Take a moment to read a book, go for a walk and tons of others things. I spent time with him and we have a very close relationship despite him being a teen. Just remember it’s quality time not quantity time. It’s OK to have”me” time.

Katy 7 months ago

And since I can’t keep my thoughts to myself – Anthony as a man (with or without kids) you have no understanding of being a mom so no need to put your foot in your mouth for no reason. Kim I too enjoy my kids but I sure miss not being responsible for keeping two other humans alive on a constant basis – seriously be honest wouldn’t you like ten minutes to only think about your existence? Even with husbands or babysitters or trustworthy people watching your kids you still worry and stress over them at that moment as well as if you have been and will continue to do what’s right all the time for them.
Dani no one told you to homeschool your kids. Kudos to you for making that choice. Just because someone doesn’t share in your duggar type outlook on raising children doesn’t mean they are hateful. All woman are different. Some revel in every thought and second being consumed with children, some like to have even three seconds away from their children. There is no shame in either, neither is bad just different. Don’t hate on a mom for not wanting to live as you do and for expressing her opinion on her blog – don’t read it if it’s so offensive to you. Go read the duggar blogs and feel at home.
Andrea I went through years of infertility and a divorce- I was just like you, thinking life would be perfect once I had kids or a husband but then I did and guess what it’s not. I love my kids so much and I love my husband but I still crave me time. I promise should you have children you will feel the same. You will realize how wrong you were and that perhaps you shouldn’t have judged another person without having any experience in what they are talking about. Trust me I have looked like a giant horses ass for saying moms who complain about pregnancy or kids should be grateful they are lucky enough to get those opportunities and then later when I was pregnant and had kids and had to face facts that I had no idea what I was talking about. Being a mom is hard stuff and there is no shame if you don’t enjoy every second and wish for every moment of your life to be consumed with those tiny humans. Just like you complain about you job – think of those that don’t have jobs…

Sarah Moore 7 months ago


Katy 7 months ago

my favorite is when my husband says you can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself. Um…maybe when you’re a man but last time I checked the kids didn’t politely wait for me to take a soak in the tub and actually blow dry my hair. Nope they are banging on the door – should I dare close it to begin with – and climbing up my legs in an attempt to just be held (because it’s not like I spend every second doing things one handed because someone needs to be held). I wish I could pee in silence or without my two year old trying to “help” me do it. Being a mom can really really suck – having a husband say idiotic things can be worse! I miss me time and bad decisions that don’t involve feeding my kids candy at breakfast just so they will shut up and let me slap my face in preparation for the shit storm that is about to commence. However, once my kids are quietly in bed I start to love them all over again and stock up for the next day.

Guerrina 7 months ago

Thank you! My perspective was I chose to have a child and my commitment focus changed from me to him. Occasionally I found time to go off by myself to do something just for me, but I did not feel it was a given or a right to have “me time.” That ended when I chose to be a parent. My child is now a wonderful 25 year old and I have plenty of time to have “me time”. Being a parent is a tough, selfless and sacrificial position that carries great responsibility over many years and also has the best payoff. I read often about “me time” and wonder what some people thought being a parent was going to be like!

Margaret 7 months ago

Thank you!! My husband acts like getting my hair cut is “me time.” OH, and getting my legs lasered (which hurts like an SOB) or my eyebrows waxed, so I don’t look like a hairy beast is definitely not me time!!! I just don’t want to shave my hairy legs so often!!!

Stacey Humble 7 months ago


Sandra Crowther Combs 7 months ago

Me time is a well stocked play pen and Sesame Street on the tv. Baby safe and mom can relax a minute.

Sarah Hargett 7 months ago

Normally I love her articles but this not at all. I need “me time” or whatever you’d like to call it simply to function! I’m a better mom, better wife when I can do something for ME!! My fav thing is getting a coffee and having a pedicure. I need time away from my kids cause I am more than a mom, I’m a wife and a friend and a woman!!! And to balance my life with some sanity and joy I need time away at times. I think everyone does or they’ll go mad! Haha. My husband totally understands and encourages my “me time”. I’m a stay at home mommy to almost three boys (5 & 2 and 7 months pregnant) and I’m a hands on, active mom who adores my boys BUT I still need time just for ME!!!!!
And yes PS I love getting my hair done!!! It’s like a getaway! Haha. And makes me look fantastic! Plus I’ve had the same hair lady for like 10 years and she amazing so love getting to have an adult, uninterrupted conversation with her!!! Haha.
So yeah taking time for ME is a must, for everyone around me! Haha. Happy wife, happy life so some say…and I quite agree! 😉

Beth Wilson 7 months ago

That’s why I stay up til 2am so I can finally get some me time

Christy Tran 7 months ago

I disagree. Me time is a must . Especially when you’re a mom.

Jessica Murawski Webster 7 months ago

Yea I cant go to the bathroom with out one of them sitting on the stool askin me if they can look when I’m done boys right

Andrea 7 months ago

I’d happily give up my ‘me’ time for the opportunity to have a family. I guess I’ll just have to stick to throwing my drinks in people’s faces (whatever that means??????) or making terrible single person decisions……

Danni 7 months ago

Sorry, but this article came off as pretty freaking hateful. I think the author could benefit from what she is criticizing as “me” time. I’m a homeschooling SAHM of 5 kiddos, ages 11 to two. I know that time to yourself to get your head on straight or do something for yourself is rare and hard to come by. Especially considering my husband is a Lineman & any time a major storm hits somewhere in the US, he’s likely going to be gone for weeks at a time. Also because of his job, we live 800 miles from our families.

But as a human being, taking that time for yourself…even it’s a few minutes after kiddos are asleep, is pretty important. And trust me, your kids will appreciate it to. You’ll be a hell of a lot more fun t o be be around. Maybe a little nicer, too. That doesn’t make you a bad mom, or selfish. It makes you human. It doesn’t do anyone any good to allow themselves to be completely consumed by every one else’s needs. We loose ourselves & whether we want to admit it or not, we are not as happy or the best parent we can be when that happens.

And guess what… I still manage to keep a clean house, laundry caught up, and dinner on the table at night.

    Guerrina 7 months ago

    I didn’t find her to come across as hateful. Yes, arranging time to do something just for oneself that you enjoy is important for sanity ‘ s sake. I never found a few minutes in the bathroom alone to be the time to renew and get my head on straight. I worked full time as a single parent (husband left when child was 4 months old) and ran a clean, well fed home always with clean clothes. I made arrangements to have a half or full day or evening to myself to treat myself as I could. My perspective is it’s not a given when you choose to be a parent.

Kim 7 months ago

I hate when people ask me what I do to have fun… Uh hello I hang with my kids… I actually enjoy my kids company… So me time is when all of us have a blast. I definitely don’t like being by myself, I have kids, when they decide to move out then I’ll have all the me time I want…

Stella Park 7 months ago

You know it girl! Me time is away time!!

Anthony Santana 7 months ago

Im not a mom (obviously) but “me time” is real. Every mother out there should have this time. Time 2 grow as an individual, time 2 recharge & get away from being Mommy

Isabel Martinez 7 months ago

Welcome to motherhood!

Dana Marie Cain 7 months ago

Great article.

Amanda Natitus 7 months ago

Its we time lol

Christine Marie 7 months ago

Wow – this was pretty negative! Maybe I missed the point. Becoming a parent involves sacrifice and shifting of values. I’m not unhappy and miserable. I enjoy “me time,” and yes that may involve coffee, going for a run, reading a magazine, getting a hair cut, etc.

Jeff Young 7 months ago

LOL – that was funny, and some truth in that for sure.

Jalin Leigh 7 months ago

How about crawling out the bathroom window when daddy’s in charge and making a run for it? Then you get the exercise and the me time. Word of advice, bring the house key so you can sneak back in.

Alissa Turner 7 months ago


Vanessa Lacey 7 months ago

Mommy needs time to herself, to be a better mommy. PERIOD

Rhiannon Reynolds 7 months ago

I recharge during nap time, and once a week, I take a bubble bath with a good book while the little one is sleeping.


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