It seems like there’s an app for everything these days. Need to determine a paint color from nothing but a flower petal? Done! Find the best Indian restaurant in a three mile radius with reservations for tonght? You got it! Track your dreams, food intake and footsteps? Easy-peasy.
But, how about the apps you really need? The ones that would make parenting a pleasure? It’s about time someone came up with these…
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The sibling instigator investigator would come in very handy at my house. Often I have two little munchins come running to me both crying and mad at each other, and I have no idea what to do. lol.
OMG I love these! You should make magnets, I’d hang one or two of them up!
Love these!! I want!!!!
The only other one I need is the “Why is the baby awake at 12am?” app. You managed the awesome Scary Mommy app, so I’m sure this one isn’t far away? ;)
Oh, totally. Expect these to be on the market shortly.
I need one that’s just a voice that yells “I HAD THE BABY 6 MONTHS AGO” so I can use it when people look at my stomach and ask “oh when are you due?”
Ohhhh! That’s an awesome one! Or, “don’t ask, not soon enough” for the still pregnant people.
I have a five month old and I work as a server. I only have 5 pounds of baby weight left. I CONSTANTLY get asked when I’m due!!! I even had a lady tell I’m just saving the fat for the next baby. We need this app!!!
LOVE these!
How about a “Placate the screaming toddler” app? Sometimes the Nom Nom song just doesn’t cut it.
Oh, good one. The Tantrum Diverter.
: ) How funny are these. I will go and buy your app this second, if I can figure out how : ) I have never bought one yet. There are like six million games on the phone from Kaish and Gary and not one app for me. I NEED your app!
So cute! And true! I love it!
These are hilarious! It would also be great to have the “Mommy needs a glass of wine” app!
These are hilarious!! What about…mommy I gotta go to the bathroom..this one can have a timer (kinda like the puke one) that states the amount of time you have to get to the bathroom before she/he goes in their pants in the middle of a store…just sayin ;)
and then it would also tell you where the closest potty is when you’re out and about. (But I think there actually already is an app for that)
LOL. Love that.
FUNNY! Love it! :)
Those are so funny. Love the idea someone suggested for turning them into magnets.
I really would like that dinner app….
How much is it? Need. Now.
I have nothing witty to say because I’m in awe of your graphic work. I know, I know you designed your logo and site, but this sort of thing still impresses me.
I need to use that hundred thousand dollar education somehow, right?
Thanks for the laughs, these are awesome!
Hilarious!
Hahaha! Brilliant, just brilliant.
LOL – those are great! I could use the newborn decoder to tell me if my baby is teething. For the past 2 months, every time my 9-month-old has been in a bad mood, I tell someone “Oh, I think she’s teething”. Alas, STILL no teeth!
They have one! http://www.crytranslator.com/ It’s like 10 bucks and totally marketed towards newbie dads. ;-)
Ha! I would pay .99 for each one of these.
I am new to apple. I justbgot an iPad this weekend and I am up way past my bedtime exploring apps. I didn’t see any of these ;-). Sure could use a few of them!
hahaha – very funny post!
Could you please develop them? I need a good reason to buy an Iphone…
I love these! I have learned that if a kid says he wants to vomit or even makes the vomit face, he means now! I have a 2 year old who is still learning his words so I would love an app that tells me exactly what he wants before he gets frustrated and whacks me.
Love it!
How about the how long off falling asleep indicator so I know when I can break out the chocolate?
Ohhhh, that’s a good one. So important. Also, one to gage if they will wake up when moved sleeping in the car or if they can be safely transferred. I hate when you think you can move them and they wake up.
This is brilliant! You are so creative. :-)
I hope some if these really come to be. I would love them.
Really, the only app I would ABSOLUTELY pay a zillion dollars for is one that mutes my kids.
Wouldn’t a Kiddie Mute Button app be pretty awesome?
I would pay a zillion dollars for that in a heartbeat.
Hahahaha so so so awesome! Mine would be the “whine blocker” turns whining into polite conversation.
I totally need that app. My five-year-old whines to no end these days. I’d love to hear that translator.
I want them all!
LOVE the vomit indicator. “Act now!” LOL!
I swear every time I come up with an idea for a society post you beat me to it. I need to be quicker on getting them submitted.
Jill! I want them ALL!!!!!!!
Tanya – I so need a whine blocker OMG I need that app
How about the “I can see why you’re screaming like a banshee and here’s the solution” app
or the “Mum I really want to go to school this morning and here’s the homework I did without you even telling me” app
Your’s are fab…. how do you do those graphics? ;-)
Ha! Great. But I’ve said this on Twitter before but I’m putting it out here, too, for those of us who have to deal with exes — we need an app that changes the voice on calls from certain people to something funny and deflating or silly — munchkins, helium, bad accents, Peanuts adults wah wahs or movie characters, etc. Seriously, we need this!!! Anyone? Anyone? Does it already exist? I want credit, damnit.
One of the groups on The Apprentice did this a couple of weeks ago over here in the UK (do you have the Apprentice in the States?) – it was a kind of voice changer thing.
I SOOOO need the Insta Sitter and the Insta Fold!
I would download every single one of those apps and use them daily!
OMG YES PLEASE!!! Insta-Fold and Meltdown Calculator are SO needed here. Especially at the rips age of 5 years old. We cry about EVERYTHING!!!!
Hahahahahaha so so funny. And yes, I would buy each and every one of these, too. I want one that acts as a temporary me, so I could walk away for a minute and take 10 deep breaths, then re-enter the realm of the child. Could you get on that? Huh? Please?
I’ll take one of each please! I so needed to read this post this afternoon!
Very clever! I love this post. :) I especially like the Sibling Instigator Indicator and the Truth or Lie apps. If only.. Haha. Wouldn’t think twice about purchasing these apps if ever. Thanks for the awesome post!
Oh I love them. Yes magnets would be great. I would buy them as gifts for sure!
I want the Insta Sitter and Insta Folger.. and basically anything Insta!
So stinking hilarious!
Too good! Where do you come up with this stuff?
Pls can we add 100 ways to trick your toddler into eating a meal
Also one that derects when your kid talks or cries at night & automatically plays a recording of your voice soothing them. Surely thats doable!
Very good! I like the Mommy Time. Maybe I need to start making alerts in my phone for that…
How about an “Automatic Toy Box Declutterer and Throw Away While Child Isn’t Looking” app?? Where can I buy that?
I would like an instafold.
Love the wipe estimator!! How about a Reverse Psychology Translator. It will translate both ways: One way will get them to do exactly what you want by requesting the exact opposite during their most oppositional times. The other way will turn all their “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO”‘s into exactly what WE want to hear: “Yes, of course Mommy, anything you want! You are always right.”
Fantastic! How great the world would be if women invented everything :)
I would have the wipe estimator and the stink-o-meter for sure. There should be another one for send to school or keep at home- a “fever-o-meter”. Also a “who’s turn is it?” to determine who stays home with the sick child, or gets up in the middle of the night, or accompanies to the bday party, etc.
a dont ask whats for dinner…. if you ask… you have to make it..
I don’t have kiddies, but I’d give an earlobe for the Insta-Fold. Why is the final step of the laundry the hardest part?
I love these!
Holy crap! I am in DIRE need of Instafold! I would weep with gratitude and send you chocolate weekly.
I didn’t read every single comment so I don’t know if someone already suggested something for whining….like a “whine-o-meter”. Maybe it could have set consequences for the level of the whine!
These are for real, right? I mean, I don’t have a smart phone yet, so the world of apps is closed to me – but if these are in any remote way for real, I’m chucking my huge old school Wallstreet phone (remember that huge cell phone in the movie Wallstreet?) out the window tomorrow.
awesome!!! Love the instigator one :)
oh, the insta fold…I wish…I have mountains of clean laundry on my dining room table and ottoman, and um, my bed, and the uh, couch, that need to be folded…
Instafolder! Genius!
Yep, I want/need the Instafolder and the Sibling Instigator Identifier ;)
The Sibling Instigator Defender is my fave, although these are all great (and necessary)! I would also love an app that puts the kids to bed. :)
Someone please develope the folding laundry app!! Or at least the “move it to the dryer before it smells and I have to re wash it three times” app
*Note to self: I really need a SMART phone.
These are awesome!!
Lmao! What about a whine translator?
Bahaha – isn’t it just grand when we can ACTUALLY use the skills we went to college for? I’m sure my profs would be SO proud to see my 7 artistic representations of “text vaginas”.
So, so proud.
The truth is told! Love them all!
These are the best! Very funny. Thanks for sharing.
Brilliant! Hop eyou dont mind but I’m sharing this with the world, will link you :)
LOL, mind? I’d love it!
Here is your link http://scaredmom.wordpress.com/2011/06/17/if-mother-invented-apps/
brilliant! get on that!
Hilarious! Wow, would my life be easier. I think I’d choose the insta-fold for today and the insta-sitter. I would also like a mother beautiful app that could magically get me ready in the morning. Most days I don’t even bother.
Is there one for totaling car before age 20?
love all of them.
Pam
I just love these! Did you make them up yourself? I am in awe!
These are great! Really like the one about instant happiness at sit down dinners. I’m about to give those up until my 3 year old becomes, like 12 or something. :)
omg…the pause button! If I had a nickel for every time I said I just needed 15 minutes on pause…
Yep! I could totally use all of those!
Excellent! Not only are they true, they are educational :)
LOL yeah I love these… How about a Halo App, click and your kids turn into angels..?
Then again I’d probably go mad with boredom if my kids turned into angels…
“I child proofed my house, but they still get in”
I’d like all of those. I’d also like a “Short Order Cook” app, since my toddler seems to want something different to eat every 5 mins.
Hilarious and so perfect!
Tanja Pajevic
Oh. My. GOD. I actually thought, for a teeny-tiny moment, that this was real, and I was in the middle of saying, “Honey, look at these cool…er. Never mind.” Bad Scary Mommy! Or, better yet, great Scary Mommy!!! I wish these were real. The “Sibling Instigator” and Butt-Wiping ones were priceless. Wonderful, wonderful job, so funny I laughed till I cried, and had my kids asking me if I was ok…Thanks for a great laugh.
I always wanted to create, “what ailment is it this time” app. Feels like everyday my kids have a new sickness. Seems as though someone beat me to it. A friend recommended downloading iTriage- now I’m able to figure out what my kids really do have! Ha
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