Mommy Gone Crazy

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I ran into an acquaintance at school the other day. Barely slowing down our respective paces in the hallway, she quickly noted, “the book’s coming out soon — excited!?”

“Yes!” I’m sure she expected to hear. “I’m super excited,” as we each made our way towards the parking lot. Of course I would be excited about my upcoming book release. What else would I possibly be feeling? It was the equivalent of asking “how are you” and anticipating a “fine” in response. Practically obligatory.

Unfortunately for this acquaintance, I’m a bit of an over-sharer. And also, a bit of a mess.

“Excited? Um, I wouldn’t say that’s the word, exactly” I began, dropping my bag onto the ground.

“Actually,” I sighed, I’m totally freaking out.”

“I mean, what if the book doesn’t sell? I put so much of myself into it, what if people don’t relate? What if nobody wants to help spread the word? What if the critics tear it apart? What if my publisher is disappointed with the sales? What if I make a fool of myself when I’m promoting it? What if I get stage fright at a reading?

I took a breath.

“I know, I know, it’s great to just have written a book and I should just appreciate that and enjoy the ride. Who cares if it doesn’t do well? I’ll survive, right? I know. But I can’t enjoy it. I don’t know why I can’t, but I can’t.”

I sighed and leaned against the wall for support.

“I am excited, I guess, but there are just so many other emotions, too. I’m just not used to this kind of pressure, you know? I’m not normally accountable like this and I don’t think it’s good for me. It’s scary. I mean—”

“Ah! Hold on a sec,” the acquaintance interrupted me as she fumbled for her completely silent phone.

“I think I heard this ring and it must be important. Oh, it is. Very important. Good luck!”

She bolted off without looking back, whispering to an imaginary friend about an imaginary emergency that took her away from a very real crazy person. I haven’t seen her since and I’m pretty sure she switched pre-schools just to avoid another potential run-in with me. Can’t say I blame her at all.

The moral of the story is: Don’t ask how I’m feeling about the book unless you really want to know the answer. And, you don’t. Trust me.

Comments

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  1. 3

    Tracy says

    I can see no reason why your book wouldn’t do well! And I’m an expert*.
    But totally get how you would feel so anxious about it. I freak out and start sweating when I have to talk to a cashier about not wanting a credit card for their store, so, you know…

    Wishing you the very best of luck with pre-sales and beyond!

    *in my own domain – which I am master of.

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  2. 5

    Jennifer says

    *breath* you will be aWeSome!
    btw, totally loved this scene, I do that to my acquaintances all the time. My philosophy is they opened the conversation…they must deal with the too much information that is about to come their way!! fake cell phone call…Ha what a whimp!

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  3. 7

    Alexis says

    well, at least you have an excuse! I over share every day at pick up- to everyone! teachers, other moms, and postal workers all get the full details of my life. And I don’t have a book coming out.

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  4. 11

    Vinobaby says

    It’s too early to stalk the pre-sale numbers. I’m not gonna bother to tell you to relax (like that’s gonna happen). Drink some wine. Sneak a zanax. Savor this time like a newborn with colic.

    I vote the book is going to do GREAT and will be the Mother’s Day gift to get & give. (And I’ve read it, so I am allowed to talk.) I loved it. And I’m buying some as gifts for everyone. Well, not for my MIL. She’d toss it down at the first ‘fuck.’ She’s a mutant who doesn’t understand how to laugh anyway.

    It’s all going to be okay. And until then, there’s wine. Cheers to you.

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  5. 13

    Lin says

    It’s perfectly normal to be this freaked out about it. Not that I’m saying I’ve been there, because I’ve never written a book but whatever. Also, I haven’t bought it yet, but I plan on it :)

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  6. 15

    Arnebya says

    Tequila solves everything, you know. Up at 3 a.m.? Have a friendly chat with Mr. Cuervo. Talking too much to people who didn’t know what they’d bargained for? Jose to the rescue (you should get a flask). Pre-sale number page won’t reload after you just looked at it 10 seconds ago? Jose loves you. He understands. But then, you’ll be crazy and drunk and scary is so much better.

    I think it will be just what mothers need, especially new mothers to know the TRUTH about what we all experience. My multiple orders will say so.

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  7. 17

    Helene says

    I’d be reacting the same exact way if it’s any consolation. Totally understandable.

    But no worries….you have a HUGE fan base and you are so relatable. I have a feeling many many women will be giving this book to their friends as a Mother’s Day gift (b/c most of our husbands suck at giving good gifts).

    Congratulations!!

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