The 10 Most Annoying People You’ll Meet When Pregnant

178 Comments
The 10 Most Annoying People You’ll Meet When You’re Pregnant Image via Shutterstock

For most of us who are or have been pregnant, it’s the only time in our lives when we feel a little like a celebrity. Passersby smile at us. Strangers want to hold the door. And if we really have to, we can cut in line for the bathroom. But just like famous folks have to put up with their share of difficulties (hello, Gwyneth Paltrow!), pregnant women have to put up with some common annoyances too. Ours come in the form of people. Here are the ten most annoying people we meet:

1. The Bean Spiller: A Bean Spiller prides herself on having superhero-like abilities to determine when someone in her midst is pregnant. And, she likes to show off this ability to everyone any chance she has. If you’re in the early stages of pregnancy and want to keep your pregnancy private, do not go out to dinner with a Bean Spiller. If you forgo wine, ask for your steak well-done, or even sneeze funny, a Bean Spiller’s going to demand to know if you’re pregnant. And she’s going to do it loudly.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


2. The Celebrity Who Shares Your Due Date: You’re never going to actually meet this person, but they’re still SO ANNOYING when you come into contact with them in the form of photos in magazines. She’s the movie star, rock star or supermodel who shares your due date. And because, as a culture, we now worship at the for-some-reason-never-swollen-feet of pregnant celebrities, you are going to see this famous person the whole damn time you’re pregnant. Then — as an added bonus — you’re going to see her in a bikini on a magazine cover talking about how she got her body back (it went somewhere?) two weeks after giving birth.

3. The It’s Fine-ers: The “It’s Fine-ers” want you to relax and just chill out. They don’t want you to worry about things like pasteurization, alcohol intake or anything at all when you’re pregnant. “Why aren’t you drinking? You can have beer! You can totally have a beer right now. I drank beer when I was pregnant and my baby’s just fine! And my mom did keg stands and smoked two packs a day during her entire pregnancy and look at me! I’m getting you a beer. I’m getting you two beers. One for you and one for the baby.” On the flip side are the friends who memorized every page of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Don’t plan to order a cup of coffee and a turkey sandwich around them unless you feel like getting lectured about caffeine and Listeria.

4. The Name Grabber: This is generally done by your least favorite friend before she is even pregnant. She will tell you the name she’s planning to bestow upon her yet-to-be-conceived daughter or son because she wants to make sure you don’t take her name. She will tell you what this name is every time she sees you. “Don’t name your baby Emma! That’s our name! Don’t take it! That’s mine! It’s mine!” Even if you weren’t planning to use that name, tell her that you’re going to use it and see what happens.

5. The Belly Rubber: You know this person. She or he just loves to rub a pregnant belly. Stranger? Acquaintance? Frenemy? They just can’t get enough of that big, stretched-out tummy! They want to fondle some of that overripe uterus! Here are the rules that need to be instituted: If you would not normally hug her when she wasn’t pregnant, then you should not ask to touch her belly when she’s with child. If you don’t know her name, don’t ask to feel her baby kick. If you didn’t, at the very least, wish her a perfunctory “Happy Birthday” on Facebook, keep your hands to your self.

6. The Gender Guesser: Just by looking at you, the Gender Guesser knows if you’re having a boy or a girl. You might not. But they do. They know it based on your appearance. They know it based on how you’re carrying. They know it based on how many zits you have on your face. Or how big your ass is. (Look at how big it is! You’re having a girl!) They can always tell. This is their gift. This is their specialty. They brag about it. And they’re right about fifty percent of the time.

7. Debbie Downer: It’s been about a decade since Rachel Dratch first played Debbie Downer on Saturday Night Live, but the name lives on for a reason. “Debbie Downer” perfectly describes the people who like to rain on our parades or, more accurately, tell us it’s going to rain on parade day. Debbie Downer can be downright scary to hang around when you’re pregnant. She knows some of the worst, most horrifying pregnancy, labor and delivery stories ever and wants to tell you all of them.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


8. The Personal Question Asker: How much weight have you gained? What do you weigh now? Was this an accident? How old are you? How long have you been trying for? How often did you have sex? Are you going to have an epidural? How old were you when you lost your virginity? How many times a day are you going to the bathroom? When was the last time you had sex? Do you plan to breast or bottle-feed? Were you breast or bottle-fed?

9. The Person Who Asks If You’re Sure You’re Not Having Twins: If there was a hall of fame for annoying pregnancy questions, “Are you sure those aren’t twins in there?” would have been the first inducted. What is it with this question? Why is it so popular? A variation on it is questioning someone’s due date. Both are code for telling a pregnant woman that she’s impossibly large. Both tend to be asked by older men who mean well and are just trying to be funny. (Ha ha.) Of course, there is one scenario where a pregnant woman doesn’t mind this question. There is one scenario where she may actually feel quite flattered when asked if she’s sure “those aren’t twins in there.” And that is when she’s pregnant with triplets.

10. The Uninformed: These are the folks you see in your first trimester if you’ve chosen to keep your pregnancy a secret. You look bad and feel even worse. Pregnancy hormones are treating your body like a prom after-party.  You’re swollen, nauseated and have the complexion of a Petri dish specimen. But you don’t want to tell people why. So you go to your college reunion and your best friend’s wedding, and the innocent people you run into at those events who haven’t done anything to actually annoy you? They’re the most annoying of all. 

Related post: You Are Going to be Fat, and Other Inevitabilities of Pregnancy 

Comments

The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

  1. 1

    Jm says

    The person I hate while pregnant is the one who keeps asking, “you haven’t had that baby yet?!” Why, no, thank you. I know I am large. And yes, I, too, feel like I’ve been pregnant forever. Quit reminding me of my hugeness and ability to be pregnant for what seems like forever!!!

    Show Replies
  2. 3

    says

    Oh these are GREAT!!! My grandmother insisted I was having twins. I love my grandma, but I swear if she kept it up I was gonna throat punch her. One I didn’t see listed was the Anti Baby Person, the asshole who likes to tell you how horrible having children is and how great their life is without them. Yeah, I got the pleasure of dealing with that one during my pregnancy.

    Show Replies
  3. 7

    Sabrina says

    These are so true! I have came across one from almost each category! I have a coworker who thinks she can ask me all sorts of personal questions, like what are you planning to do about daycare? When are you leaving/coming back to work? When is your doctors appointment?(she will ask these things infront of our guest at work). She is that one person who gets under my skin! She seen me drinking a coffee, she said “I hope there isn’t caffeine in that” that set me off! I just can’t wait for my little one to arrive so I don’t have to see that women for 6 weeks lol. I love your postings!

    Show Replies
  4. 8

    says

    How about the “I know more than your doctor” people who will go ballistic if they see you take a sip of coffee (or gasp, wine!) even though your OB said its perfectly fine. I think they’re far more annoying than the “It’s finers” and deserve their own category…

    Show Replies
    • 9

      Krysia says

      Omg I hate this one! My sister in law was totally that person my whole pregnancy! She questioned everything the doctors told me because of all the research SHE had done (ie. Internet surfing, not med school) and sent me link after link trying to persuade me to believe her and not my doctors. Even though my emergency c-section saved my life and my son’s life, she blames my doctors because “her research proves yah dee dah dee dah dah”.

      Show Replies
    • 10

      Krysia says

      Obviously my 100.9 fever was not caused by the stress the stress of trying to push my son out when he got stuck in the birth canal (my doctor’s assessment when my fever dropped right after delivery). No clearly the epidural caused it because she’s read that epidorals can cause fevers so I shouldn’t have had one. And despite the fact that the fetal heart monitor allowed the doctors to see that my son was tachycardia after getting stuck in the birth canal, it obviously is because I wasn’t allowed to try all the different positions she had researched that caused him to get stuck in the first place. It couldn’t possibly be that he got stuck because I’m only 5′ 4” and he was almost 9 pounds and has an over large head (in the 98th% according to his doctor). Next time, I clearly need to listen to her instead.

      Show Replies

Load More Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>