The Multiple Personalities of a Tween Girl

654 Comments

The Multiple Personalities of a Tween Girl

I have a tween. A girl – the most savage of all tweenkind. My goal is to survive. Not win, just survive. When she turned 11 I thought, “I will be able to handle this. She’s only ONE little girl.” Now that she’s on the brink of 12, I realize she is not only one little girl. She is actually 7 multiple personalities ranging in age from 3 to 40…

1. The BFF Age: 35-40 This woman goes with me to get manicures, chats over lattes at Starbucks (always my treat), and goes out of her way to listen to my problems and help in any way possible. The BFF doesn’t come around very often but when she does you can hear the angels singing from above.

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2. The Sweetheart Age: 6 This is the sweetest, dearest little girl you will ever meet. She loves to snuggle and give kisses. She will climb up on the couch next to you on any given night just to tell you how much she loves you. She comes around even less than the BFF.

3. The Devil’s Twin Age: Unknown This evil twin usually lurks around my house during late afternoon hours. She looks exactly like the BFF or the Sweetheart but when you speak to her burning acid shoots out of her mouth and does not stop until you flee the room, screaming profanities. Occasionally she rears her ugly head early in the morning so beware.

4. The Einstein/Miss Independent Age: 11-20 This girl knows everything and can do everything herself. Everything. The easiest way to identify her is by her language. She only speaks two words, “I know.”

5. The Mature One Age: 18-22 This is a young woman who knows how to handle herself. She tackles every chore with maturity. She does things without being asked. She engages in conversation with adults in a way that makes you consider admitting you are her parent. Unfortunately, she does not come around very often.

6. The Baby Age: 3-5 Often confused with the Drama Queen, this child believes every single, itty, bitty, teeny, weeny injury is a near-death experience. She once asked to go to the emergency room because she bent her hair.

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7. The Drama Queen Age: 10-20 This girl is very similar to the Baby. However, she does not need to be injured to believe the world is ending. She only needs to be breathing. No clean jeans to wear? End of world. Can’t find her hairbrush? End of world. It’s Tuesday and she wants it to be Wednesday? End of world. Please note, the Drama Queen can instantly transform into the Devil’s Twin without any warning or notice.

That is everybody living in my daughter’s body. At least for today. I will be sure to let you know if anyone new moves in when she reaches the ripe old age of 12.

Lord help me.

Comments

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  1. 1

    Skye Diaz | motherhood, etc. says

    Oh lord, is this what I have to look forward with my TWO girls?!? yikes! They are under age of 3 right now, so I better enjoy these single digit years!

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    • 2

      corzac says

      Lol I have two girls both are teens if you think these are scary with a tween magnify these by atleast 5 and add a couple more like emo girl, bully to brothers and girl of destruction and reverse the maturity and you’ll have a teen.

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    • 3

      says

      I have three little girls. one in the tween stage and has been there a while and one almost there and one is still really little. I hate these stereotype posts. I get it they are ‘supposed” to be funny, but they do our daughters a disservice. I refuse to discount any of my daughters in such a way…

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      • 4

        Amy says

        I agree. I have an 11 year old and I would never speak these words over her. My tween is a kind, lovely and passionate girl who if she has a rough day, doesn’t need me to point out her shortcomings.

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          • 7

            Adrienne says

            100% agreed! These articles are just meant to bring a little humor into a rough period, and let us parents know that we’re not the only ones who are going through this stuff. Otherwise, it’s pretty lonely when you feel like you’re the only one living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!
            My daughter went through the same thing when she was 11 or 12. She’s 17 now, and I promise, they DO eventually go back to “normal!” I have 3 boys behind her, though, the oldest of whom is 13 and very moody right now. Not looking forward to living THAT particular chapter over again, but hey! What can ya do? :/

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      • 8

        melissa says

        oh my gosh I know what you mean! my parents said things like this to me when I was growing up. they will never understand the damage they did permanently by making me laugh at myself. How terrible my life turned out to have 3 beautiful crazy daughters who can laugh at themselves. I had (and again will have) a great career that I was able to put on hold to stay home with them. I married a fabulous man who also laughs (and makes me laugh) at my mistakes and shortcomings and reminds me that life is not all emotion wrapped up in my head. this is such a terrible article.

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        • 9

          mum2bee says

          Melissa, well said.
          Girls need to laugh at themselves. Reality checks are very necessary, and learning that some behavior is bad, but can be laughed at, and overcome. That’s what I think keeps people real.
          And laughing.

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        • 10

          Rae says

          This is observational humor targeted at parents of tweens. It’s not content that you would share with your kids. Come on. Nobody is offering advice on saying these things to kids.

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          • 11

            says

            Totally get it was written for parents; I do! But the question is why do parents feel the need to discount or poke fun of their children. My two tween girls are not perfect but they deserve better than this article. If tween girl wrote a post about how many personalities the moms had and they had to “put up with it” everyone would agree that was disrespectful…to each their own…

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        • 12

          Ronald Hunter says

          These things are why I just LOVE teaching this age group. 35 bodies in a class, and at least 75 different people to deal with. Fun! (If you love a challenge).

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      • 13

        April BF says

        I couldn’t agree more about unhelpful and inaccurate stereotypes of girls. I have a step daughter in her early twenties, and an 18 year-old daughter. In both cases, there were rough patches during their teen years. I won’t deny that they resemble the MPD descriptions, but here’s the thing: SO DOES MY SON! Actually, even more so than either girl! He is vain, fickle, and loving. Perhaps it is developmental, not gender- related.

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    • 15

      K.C DeWitt says

      Some would suggest that it is not so much multiple personalities but multiple disorders all seemingly having it’s own personality. Perhaps driven by worry. Mommy needs checked out first to make sure she is not the one with worry wart problems causing the daughter to mimic her. Makes a mother feel important enough she is saving her daughter by going viral. Even making it all up. MBPS is where mom makes her kid sick getting strokes by fooling doctors, in turn can be one of the multiple mental disorders, affecting someone here.

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    • 17

      Gay Pierre says

      Oh that was so funny. You nailed it. Unfortunately I have to warn you that from age 14-18 is no better. But by 18 they settle into 1, 2 & 5. So relief is on the way. Oh they go off to college to practice 3 & 7 on the rest of the world.

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  2. 20

    Robin says

    OMG! This is hilarious. I totally know what you mean as I have an 11 year old as well and my god, the similarities are uncanny. The best is the drama queen. Just yesterday the tweenager was sitting on the couch in her best “end of the world” voice: “I’m bored…. I’M boooooooooooored, BORED! So very bored. I think I may die…” Talk about drama! Thanks for this, I so needed a laugh and to know there are others out there like me who have their own piece of tweenhood :)

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      • 23

        Cricket says

        Abi, you DO have my prayers.. LOL.. you’re gonna need them. My daughter started at age 9. About 6 months later the PMS started… it is a true jekyl and hyde situation! We can pinpoint the day before it starts by the total personality change. Quick short blow up temper. She’ll be 12 in December. Good Luck.

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    • 24

      VT says

      If only I could get my 40 year old brother out of this stage……case in point…

      My parents want to plan a vacation to take us and our families to the beach. My brother remarked to each house my mother found something along the line of: “You’re killing me, I think I am going to die.” Really? You are 40 years old and your parents wants to pay for your vacation and take you to the beach. I’m sorry it doesn’t work out that the houses she found are not near a Margaritaville, but get over it and grow up!

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      • 27

        Janet says

        When my tween complains she’s bored, I give her something to do….the dishes, laundry, etc. Occasionally I make it something fun like we dance for 5 minutes; otherwise, she would stop sharing her boredom.

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  3. 29

    Cheryl @ Coffee with Cheryl says

    I have witnessed all of the above personalities in my 5yo niece! My sister is going to have her hands full, for sure. I’ve always wanted a girl, but am finished having children after 2 boys (I’m 39, and my youngest is 7mo). Having seen the drama my sister deals with, I’m more than happy to deal with the jumping off the furniture, boo boos and dirt that comes with boys!

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    • 30

      Evelyn says

      Cheryl ~ Totally agree with you. My daughter just turned 12 and I have 2 boys ages 5 and 6. I thought I wanted another girl and realized I was so lucky to end up with boys. I will take the punching, dirt, fighting and jumping off the furniture any day over having to deal with her mood swings. I have learned not to speak to her in the morning until she decides to say something. I just never know which personality in lurking in that pretty little head of hers.

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      • 31

        says

        Well, I have to say that my girl was easier. Yes, she had her moods, etc. BUT, at least I could talk with her. She is 33 now and she still gets her moods and sometimes I know gets mad at me for whatever injustice she percieves that I’ve done. Sometimes she goes a week without calling (she is out of state) and then when she does, we talk it over and she’s fine.
        However, I also had two boys and let me tell you, when each of them hit 13, all “hell” broke loose. I kept asking what did you do with my child?
        Boys aren’t known to talk about feelings, etc. and I found that to be very true. If they were upset with something, they would clam up and head out the door. Very different parenting boys!

        And then, I think of my poor mom – she had 5 girls and one boy. Can you imagine what it must have been like when all of us were at home? The poor woman didn’t have a prayer!!!!

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        • 32

          SW says

          totally agree. I have raised two boys (now 18 and 21) and they were just rough and tough until they hit 15 and then they straight lost their minds, both are still trying to find it. My daughter is 12 and she is the sweetest thing. She swears she won’t be the way her brothers have been, but I am bracing myself. Hopefully she will take pitty on me since I am not as young as I was when her brothers were teenagers.

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        • 33

          wkmtca says

          i have a 14 yr old boy. omg.. the attitude, the way he has NO TIME for anyone but the friends. he knows EVERYTHING.. i am hoping my ‘real’ son shows up again soon

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      • 34

        says

        BAD NEWS… I have an 11 year old boy and this is so close to what life is like in my house. So if you think you escaped with only one girl… sorry. The only major difference is the anger. All that testosterone and not knowing what to do with it is a roller coaster of fun. Oh the mood swings. He actually randomly bursts into tears… I think it’s those darn hormones, they ruin EVERYTHING. (Though, he does like how they are making him taller, broader and he’s getting a “mustache”)

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        • 36

          says

          I agree w/ AJ…I have a Tween son…12 years old and every morning I wait to see what personality emerged! We actually went to the pediatrician today for a physical so he can run track; my doc said he is in “full blown puberty”, tons of testosterone – hairy, taller, will tear up, some days i’m mom, few times a month I am “mommy” (he usually wants something on those days). But we need to find a support group for Moms of Tween Boys (MOTS) I have enjoyed reading the blog as well as the posts. The replies that are negative – need to chill or maybe laugh! No one is making fun of their children. If anything it appears that these are comments of moms that are very “tuned in”/ adore their child but just trying to get advice as we enter these unchartered areas of our lives!

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      • 37

        Jamie616 says

        I have an 11 year old girl and 3 boys ages 9,7,& 6. When I was younger I always wanted lots of girls. I am very happy to have my daughter, she can be very helpful and I love her to pieces. I am glad I had a girl, but, I am glad I had only 1 girl.

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    • 38

      Katrina says

      I’ve got 3 girls, ages 13, 9, and almost 4, and my smallest precious girl has a TWIN BROTHER!

      It’s not just the boys who bail off of furniture, take stuff apart, get boo boos, and collect dirt! ALL 3 of my girls have done it and still do!

      My girls seem to be tougher than he is, he THINKS he’s the BIG BROTHER to all 3, until one of them gets mad at him, and he becomes the DRAMA KING and “no one likes him”, “no one wants to be his friend”, “the sisters said he can’t come in their rooms anymore”, etc. this is normally because he’s trashed something in there, thrown stuff around the room, or decides that the dolls that may still reside there need “makeovers”!!!

      NEVER, NEVER, NEVER a dull moment around here! From 6am-9pm on any given day it sounds like a zoo, smells like a perfume manufacturing company, and I’ve got more clothes in this house than most stores carry on their racks(or so it seems!). My poor guy is outnumbered, but he holds his own when it comes to the stuff the sisters dish out!

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    • 39

      Krista says

      My seeing & reading this couldn’t have been more timely!! I have an 11–yr-old girl & she was telling me how lately she feels like she has multiple personalities. Like something is taking over her. Emotional for no real reason, angry rage, etc. I’ve had other terms for it (God Help Me), but good to know it’s not just my girl. And hoping to here that this will pass soon for both of our sakes!! I figure it is hormones? I will survive.

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      • 40

        kathy says

        The fact that your daughter is saying that she has different personalities could be a thyroid issue, or another hormonal imbalance that could be helped if she gets tested.

        My 9 year old daughter would fly off the handle at the drop of the hat at the most odd times (in the middle of the swimming pool). We had her thyroid tested and it was completely out of whack. (she was at a 12 then went to 18 when the max should be 4). She has been on synthroid for a year and it makes a huge difference for her. When her mood is off now, she lets me know that she is feeling ‘snappy’ and so we handle it better now. She is way less snappy now.

        Thyroid issues run in our family, so it is not uncommon. My daughters best friend also had thyroid issues. Yes, there are other symptoms for her hypothyroidism – stomach aches due to constipation, being tired, but her most obvious one is her mood. Plus our family is grumpy if we need to eat.

        As she goes through puberty, her thyroid will be working harder, so we will probably need to up her dosage for a while, but once she is through it, we will be able to reduce it again.

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      • 41

        mum2bee says

        Krista, People have emotions, and glad you recognize that that is normal.
        (fed up with everyone calling everything a disorder and ordering medicine…bleh).
        Glad she is smart enough to recognize in herself when she is behaving a certain way. It shows she’s growing into a responsible, and likely a kindhearted, empathetic, but also likely strong willed(good will) woman.

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  4. 47

    Anthony from CharismaticKid says

    Ha I’m gonna add your blog to my reader. This post was funnnnnny! I like how the evil one is age unknown. I know that feeling when 3 year olds act very evil and you don’t know WHO THEY ARE ANYMORE!

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    • 48

      Abi says

      Thank you for the comment. Did you add scarymommy.com or to your reader? I ask because I realized today that I had set up my feedburner address incorrectly. If you subscribed to mompaperscissors you may have to do it again. Sorry for the inconvenience. Thanks again for your kind words.

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  5. 51

    Michelle Saunderson says

    Oh this so describes my 12 year old girl. There is one more personality that should be added: “Daddy’s Little Girl”: Age 7-this personalilty is a testing ground for guy manipulation in the later years. You can see full use of doe eyes, enchanting smiles and doting in order to get out of chores, get him to buy her things and recruit him against her evil mom.

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  6. 60

    TheKitchenWitch says

    Oh Lordy. My first-born is only nine and I already recognize many of these alter-egos. They’re shape shifters, those adolescent girls. Laughed out loud at the ER visit for bent hair…

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