Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- Dear Judgy Mothers on My Website… - June 15, 2013
- 10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess - June 10, 2013
- Perfection (Or pretty close) - June 3, 2013
1. Children always fall asleep early for the sitter who gets paid by the hour to entertain them.
2. Bed wetting only occurs immediately after the sheets have been washed and similarly, pooping always occurs in a brand new diaper.
3. They inevitably rise earlier on the weekends than the weekdays. By hours.
4. The day you specially prepare their most favorite meal, they will suddenly hate that particular food.
5. Only once in their ballet outfit, car-seat or snowsuit will they suddenly have to pee so bad.
6. Dated hand-me-downs stay clean but expensive, special occasion outfits get trashed the first time they’re worn. And brand new tights never get more than one wearing.
7. Colds, flu’s and stomach bugs always occur over holidays or when vacations are planned.
8. The moment you grab the video camera to document a milestone or precious moment, they’ve moved on to other things.
9. Only after a bath, will they spit-up everywhere, finger paint with spaghetti or tattoo themselves with mud.
10. Just when you’re ready to kill them, they will suddenly become the sweetest little creatures on earth. Every damn time.
{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }
ya missed, when writting a post like this is when they will look at you with that beautiful face and smile the biggest of grins LOL
I can totally relate to more than half of these. The pooping as soon as I change the diaper completely frustrates me.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Puberty Revisited =-.
But that cute face….ohh the eyes! :-)
.-= Honey´s last blog ..A Blog Makeover! =-.
The night before family comes to visit they will plead stomachache, then get up in the middle of the night & vomit on the carpet in front of the bathroom.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Happy New Year! =-.
When they are not feeling well so they are with you in bed, they will stir in the middle of the night, turn to face you, and vomit right then.
.-= patois´s last blog ..The Weekly Wonderings #138 =-.
Oh, that’s the worst!!!
This put a smile on my face because I have never thought of all those at once. :-)
.-= Pres. Kathy´s last blog ..Preschool =-.
Seriously, some of life’s mysteries.
.-= T Rex Mom´s last blog ..The Experiment… =-.
I think you got them all. Couldn’t have said it better!
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Better life half gone than half lived. Or something less preachy and more inspiring. =-.
Your child’s worst temper tantrums occur in front of the people you’d most like to impress!
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Winter makes me look puffy. =-.
YES! Always, without fail.
I’m not thinking you missed anything. Especially the snowsuit one.
.-= debbie´s last blog ..My Reading Peculiarities =-.
When you tell people that your infant son doesn’t really spit up much, the next day he will spew THE BIGGEST amount of breast milk you have ever seen right onto your shirt as you’re walking out the door.
Or so I’m told.
Ahem.
.-= AllisonO´s last blog ..my dirty, cupcakey secret =-.
Not that you speak from experience or anything… ;)
I don’t know what you are talking about Jill. I have never experienced any one of these. (Believe me?)
.-= JenniferG´s last blog ..Frustration, Thy Name Is Diet =-.
Too funny! I can’t think of any more – but these ones are great!
.-= christy´s last blog ..Matt ROCKS! =-.
right on the money. Also…
Temper tantrums are at their worst in public.
Your children will say the cutest things, show off their smarts, and be completely charmimg as long as no one else is around. But when Grandma comes over, there is no way they are singing their ABC’s or recocgnizing shapes, or whatever else you were hoping to show Grandma they can do. Also, if they have ever heard a curse word spoken even once, this is when they will choose to repeat it.
.-= Dolli-mama´s last blog ..It’s 4 a.m. and I’m still awake =-.
So, so true. They never do their tricks when under pressure.
A perfect top 10! Especially punctuated with the pic at the end!
.-= Jane´s last blog ..But Pee Is Sterile. Right? =-.
Whatever YOU are eating for lunch, your kids will suddenly find irresistible and you will be forced to share.
.-= Kirsten´s last blog ..I feel small =-.
Yes! How annoying is that?!
LOL! and ALSO: only when you finally find a duplicate on ebay for their favorite lovey (because you live in fear that they will lose it) and you rejoice after a YEAR of searching and you pay $48 with shipping for the damn thing and you hide it in the closet, only then, only THAT VERY DAY, do they then decide that the favorite is not only not their favorite but also, excommunicated, banished from the bed, and that some other random piece of crap is their new fave. So now you have two of the ex-favorite. And you’re out 50 bucks. Not that that’s happened to me or anything. Ahem.
.-= momtrolfreak´s last blog ..I’m HUGE in Australia* (*"HUGE" = "virtually unknown except for this one cul-de-sac") =-.
I’m totally laughing because I have TOTALLY been there!!
So very true… but you won’t make me miss having a child in diapers.
The pic at the end is prefect.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Things that make you go hmmm… =-.
Oh my gosh, that little face!!!!
I totally hear you on sleeping early for the babysitter. It makes me so mad!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Shrink-My-Ass-Month: Spaghetti Frittata =-.
On the night your child throws up he/she will have consumed something with red or purple dye in it. Always.
Whatever I say about my children, they turn around and do the exact opposite in front of others. If I say they are angels, that’s the day they burn the neighbor’s house down. If I say they are brilliant, they turn around blow spit bubbles or forget how to say their own names. Etc.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..A song for Haiti =-.
you missed: children will always find those 4 or 5 rolls of newly bought postage stamps and place them ALL on the wall. (don’t have kids, but this happened with my baby sisters–a lot).
I love #9.
.-= dawn´s last blog ..dark-white chocolate pb cups =-.
yes, all of the above and please add…
paint their pants & the wall with a bowl of homemade chili
.-= Sara — The Football Wife´s last blog ..She Drops It Like It’s Hot… =-.
My oldest has a talent for #7. She’s missed several class holiday parties for being sick.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Does Article Distribution Through Content Crooner Work? =-.
They will only throw up after sheets are washed, new clothes are put on or they’ve just had a bath.
When they have to throw up it is ALWAYS on the mom and never on the dad.
Really, really good list.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Jodi and Jennifer on Sexting =-.
We train them to do that. ;)
.-= Jack´s last blog ..Haveil Havalim-The Year of Jack Edition =-.
In the past week I have experienced both #s 1 and 2.
And I’m pretty sure I smell #4. =/
.-= The Wifey´s last blog ..Dear Fellow Mommies, =-.
Hahahaha! I made a similar list of toddler peculiarities recently! I completely missed the waking up early on weekends on my list, soooo true. Thank you for the giggle, its nice to know motherhood is the same the world over.
.-= Christie´s last blog ..Celebrating My Gang of Mums =-.
You know it’s a good post when you think, I wish I had written that! Love these. Been there, am still there. My 5yo twins have a knack for massive spills on the odd day (or week) when I’ve washed the floor.
My twins do the same. Its like they tag team! lol
Those are great. I find that whenever I brag about a new trick that my baby is doing, when we next see the person I was bragging to, she either seems to have forgotten how to do it or is completely unwilling.
.-= Alecia, Hoobing Family Adventures´s last blog ..War and Peace Reading Plan =-.
You are spot on. And I am cracking up. Welcome to motherhood.
.-= Lolli´s last blog ..The Goldfish Guide to Raising Optimistic Kids =-.
If anyone ever questioned if you were a mom…..this list is proof. Only a mom would be able to list all the things you listed :)
“4. Pooping occurs only in in cleanest of diapers.”
SOOOOOOOOOO true! Alexa gives me her morning deposit almost as soon as I’ve changed her diaper from the night before. Doesn’t matter if I wait till AFTER she’s had breakfast to change her..she holds out :P
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Period…The End =-.
I love the crocked grin. xx
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..Sunday Rerun-No Good-byes =-.
All those reasons are exactly why I love my children. :-)
Once again, you have hit the nail on the head Jill!
ESPECIALLY #3 with the weekend sleeping habits and #8 with the video cameras
.-= Complicated Mama´s last blog ..Misheard lyrics? I Choose Shoes. =-.
I love that pic at the end! That boy is going to melt hearts in the not so distant future. I think that I have experienced just about everything on the list and probably a few more. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone :)
.-= Kat´s last blog ..Time for Reflection and Change =-.
So true! I have one more thing to add to your #9. It seems that whenever I give my (not yet potty trained) toddler a bath right after she is squeeky clean is when she decides to have a massive poop explosion. I know we have all been there!
Sorry thought of one more…
kids are sound asleep have been for hours…you and hubby decide to head on up the stairs to you know what…then all of the sudden with no warning you here “MOMMY!!!! WHERE ARE YOU? I UP!”. hahahahaha…I love this post!
.-= This Mama Works It!´s last blog ..7 Little Juicy Secrets About Me =-.
And this is just the Murphy’s Laws of Parenting for younger kids. Just wait until they are teenagers…you’ll have another list just about as exasperating as this one. Not that I’d know anything about that. :-)
.-= Michele´s last blog ..GIVEAWAY: 100 Custom Postcards from UPrinting =-.
just about one of the cutest little faces i’ve ever seen!
So hilariously true!
I included it in my Sunday Funnies round-up: http://tinyurl.com/y9mwgjb
.-= MamaB´s last blog ..My God… =-.
#2 – the 2nd part is SO true!
.-= S Club Mama´s last blog ..pants =-.
When they look so cute wearing pasta sauce like this, you just can’t remember what they did wrong. Well, most of the time.
.-= Teri´s last blog ..Queen For A Day =-.
We all have, once in our life, been toddlers. But it’s a mystery why we have behaved in such manners you have stated here. In particular, I don’t get it why my baby boy poop exactly after I changed him with new diaper. It truly is mystifying. :-)
Love this post, Jill. So totally true. As if being a mom wasn’t hard enough, we have to deal with all that crazy stuff that happens, like bed wetting the same day the sheets were changed, or a child puking on himself in a good outfit on the way to a wedding… SIGH SIGH SIGH!!
.-= Loukia´s last blog ..Two! =-.
Well, of course. How could it be any other way than this? How would we earn our stripes? With four children, I can attest that these laws are invariable and happen all the time with every single child. I just lock mine in the hall closet and retreat to my room with a glass of wine. OK, I’m lying. But doesn’t that sound tempting sometimes?
.-= Johanna ´s last blog ..Italian Fish Dinner – Dollar Store Style: Broiled Rockfish with Sundried Tomato Pesto, Served with Angel Hair Pasta in a Baby Clam Sauce =-.
Oh so true….
That face! How can you prevent people from biting the cheeks!!!????
.-= Severine´s last blog ..My little genius =-.
–>You are right on every single one! As soon as you brag to a friend about any one wonderful characteristic your child has the completely opposite thing will happen In Front of That Friend.
.-= WebSavvyMom´s last blog ..Another Night with Friends =-.
I firmly believe they are made cute just to offset the trouble & headaches they can cause. God, I love them though.
And the face on your little guy there is adorable.
.-= beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..No Babies Were Injured in the Making of this Photo =-.
They are made so cute so we won’t kill them and eat them.
I want one of those!!!
Oh Wait, I need to find the daddy first! lol
Cute pic!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..To the AFC Championship Game…LET’S GO JETS!!! =-.
Great post… and you are so right about the waking up. Sometimes, I keep the babe up longer at night just to see if she will sleep later… and it never works. Ever.
Hilarious. I love this one…
The day you specially prepare their most favorite meal, they will suddenly hate that particular food.
Soooo darn cute!!!! I think those rules are true, too. Makes for an interesting life!
.-= Bethany´s last blog ..Photos of the Day =-.
It’s like raaaiiiyaaiiin on your wedding day. It’s a freee ride when you already paid. It’s the good adviiiiiice thatcha just didn’t take, and who woulda thought it figures!?!!?
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..Emails With Baby: Futures So Bright…We All Need Shades =-.
This is SO true! and I think my oldest brings me to the point of no return and then says “I love you mommy” Awww…melts my heart!!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Fashion by Thomas =-.
I concur. So. VEry. True.
.-= angie´s last blog ..What I Love About Word Press Reason #2 =-.
Love the last one…so true!!
.-= Stephanie @ Geezees´s last blog ..Help for Haiti, donating .50 for each comment =-.
oh, SO true! (and loving the picture)
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Disney is Totally Magical. Unless You Go On The Rides. In Which Case It’s Completely Awful. At Least According to My 3 Year Old. =-.
Man, this list is spot on!
.-= Gibby´s last blog ..A Prince and 3 Princesses =-.
Just stopping by for a blog visit….great post…and very cute picture!
.-= Chrisy Bates´s last blog ..WooHoo! Chrisy’s Critters are "live"! =-.
You nailed it. Simply brilliant.
-Aimee
And, babies wake up later in the morning on the days husband have the morning shift.
Oh this is such a wonderful post! I have to agree 100% with everything that was listed here, especially #4. My youngest is a terrible eater. She would live on pasta alone, and she has from time to time for at least a week or two (my bad)!
Great insight as always. I am so glad I found your blog!
This is like “a day in the life.” I would say that now that my kids are getting older, I miss those cute food covered faces. But sadly – I still see plenty of them. Usually involving peanut butter. I should just get troughs and be done with it.
.-= Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Friday Fiction: A Much Needed Nap =-.
#10 is so true! Its like their fight or flight mechanism kicks over to flight!
You hit the head on the nail with this one. #7 made me laugh because I was just thinking last night about a puking incident my youngest had in a restaurant on vacation. Then I find your post today with #7 talking about kids getting sick before or during vacation. Hum… Thanks for a cool post.
These are so true. Especially #7, We just recently went to Disney for a week. And 3 of the 4 days down there, my youngest was sick. The first day it was puking like a fountain, she’d stop, I’d change her clothes, she’d start again. The days after that she’d puke twice in the morning and then be fine. It was after the first day that I learned I needed to keep a suitcase full of outfits just for her on hand lol
So true the last one. Love it.