1. Children always fall asleep early for the sitter who gets paid by the hour to entertain them.
2. Bed wetting only occurs immediately after the sheets have been washed and similarly, pooping always occurs in a brand new diaper.
3. They inevitably rise earlier on the weekends than the weekdays. By hours.
4. The day you specially prepare their most favorite meal, they will suddenly hate that particular food.
5. Only once in their ballet outfit, car-seat or snowsuit will they suddenly have to pee so bad.
6. Dated hand-me-downs stay clean but expensive, special occasion outfits get trashed the first time they’re worn. And brand new tights never get more than one wearing.
7. Colds, flu’s and stomach bugs always occur over holidays or when vacations are planned.
8. The moment you grab the video camera to document a milestone or precious moment, they’ve moved on to other things.
9. Only after a bath, will they spit-up everywhere, finger paint with spaghetti or tattoo themselves with mud.
10. Just when you’re ready to kill them, they will suddenly become the sweetest little creatures on earth. Every damn time.