2014-THANKSgiving

December Babies Suck: A Call For National Abstinence Month

214 Comments

A tad of TMI here, but only one of my children was actually planned. We are blessed with being extremely fertile and in retrospect, it’s a miracle that I didn’t end up barefoot and pregnant my freshman year of college. It seems like all I need to do is think about a baby and poof, nine months later, I have one in my arms.

Crap!! STOP THINKING ABOUT BABIES, Jill!

Anyway…

We didn’t bother ourselves with little details such as proper birth control, birth-dates and child-spacing. Why would one in the throes of passion? But had I, I certainly would not have chosen the month of March to conceive my babies. In fact, from now on, I shall be instituting a National Abstinence Month during March and beg you to join me. Why? Do the math. March conception equals December baby and December babies just plain suck.

I’m sorry if you are a December baby, it’s nothing personal, but you suck. You know it. And you have my deepest sympathies.

Much as parents may try not to do the whole combined gift thing, it’s pretty inevitable. There are only so many new toys a kid can handle and it’s just too much to give an abundance of presents a few days or weeks apart. Plus, it’s so freaking expensive– who can afford all that crap? Kids end up spoiled enough with the holidays alone- adding a birthday to the mix is just too much. And, much as we try and make the day all special and exciting, it ends up part of the holiday season blur.

And it’s not only the parents of the child– it’s other people as well. It sucks to have to schlep children in the freezing cold to birthday parties. Everyone is snotty and exhausted and too burnt-out to feel much like celebrating. There are no decent options for party locations since it’s too cold to be outside and the mere thought of having a dozen stuffy kids rolling around on plastic blow up toys is hardly appealing.

December babies suck.

So this March, and every March to come, let’s remember what we’ve learned and save future generations birthdays filled with grief and disappointment and forgotten recognition.

Tonight? Just don’t do it.

For the children.

Comments

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    • 2

      Aubrey says

      I have the same birthday! I never look forward to it, ever. After years of saying I will make sure I never have a baby around Christmas, I so conveniently had my son a week after my bday (Jan 4). Poor kid.

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    • 3

      Notahelicoptermom! says

      December 30th. It SUCKS. Literally, I am the ONLY one who remembers my birthday. Then when I mention it to anyone I would like to celebrate with, I hear “Why don’t we do it on New Year’s Eve? It will be like the whole world is celebrating with you!” No, dumbass, it won’t. It will be like you didn’t want to bother spending money on me as an individual or going out two nights in a row. Yes, I am resentful. Please consider abstinence from December babies, it really sucks to have the day which caused your whole existence be wholly disregarded because it is an inconvenience to all the people who you thought loved you. Thanks!

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  1. 5

    Hope Cantarilho says

    I have a december baby myself and two of sibilings are december babies, as is my father and yes my dog as well and I am with you! It totally sucks, not only are we broke because of Christmas I have birthdays to buy for (not the dog of course) and it’s crazy! My December baby was not planned and according to my doctor should have arrived on 1/5/10 and not 12/13/10. Anyway if I didn’t have my tubes tied, I would totally be abstaining for the entire month of Marcy too!

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  2. 6

    Amy Bliss says

    I’m a December baby. However, my mom was divorced twice and I got Birthday and Christmas separately because I had to visit various family members multiple times for both.

    *ahem* I was really spoiled. Going gambling with my ex-step dad on Friday, Birthday on next Tuesday with my mom and my girlfriend. Birthday with my oldest son on the following Sunday as well as Christmas at my ex-step dad’s and then actual Christmas. Plus mailed gifts from those I won’t see this year.

    Right then. “Broken homes” can rock for December babies in the gifts sense. Not so much for the being able to relax during the month at all. :)

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  3. 8

    Anna says

    April should be on that list too. My birthday is Jan 7. By that time no one has any money left. My husband gets made at me because he always forgets rapping paper and I won’t except Birthday gifts in Christmas Paper.

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  4. 9

    Amanda says

    My son’s birthday is December 20. Trying to have a birthday party is pure hell. Actually, my kids’ birthdays are September, October, November, December, so we’re piss poor by December anyway.

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  5. 10

    me says

    Going through infertility, I took whatever was given to me–a day after Xmas baby.

    So my feelings on a Dec. baby sucking are highly mixed.

    But if/when we do it again, we’re going to the clinic and schedule that summer baby.

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  6. 11

    Stacey says

    My daughter’s birthday is the 27th and yes, it does suck. I can’t wait until she’s old enough to want to celebrate her birthday in July or something. It also doesn’t help that my son’s birthday is in November. We have two months out of the year where we accrue so much credit card debt it is crazy.

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  7. 12

    scbelle10 says

    This is so true!! My daughter’s birthday is next week and every year all I can think is “seriously?! I couldn’t have waited at least one more month??” It also appears that I can tell you when a big blizzard will blow through. It inevitably happens on the day we pick for her party. We’ve had more celebrations without family than with because the weather was too awful to travel in.
    You have got my vote! Anyone considering conception in march only needs to talk to someone with a December birthday or the parent of someone with a December birthday to see how awful it will turn out.

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  8. 13

    Monika says

    I actually thought about using condoms in the march when we were trying to conceive my 2nd child and certainly didn’t aim for my fertile days but low and behold after 17 months of not conceiving that was my lucky month!! Bugger!

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  9. 14

    Almostpoetic says

    My son is December 20. He hasn’t really hated it yet but we have his bday party in July just so he can get some freakin’ outdoorsy gifts!

    Love the song, “My birthday’s near Christmas and it sucks! Combination gift worth twenty bucks!”

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  10. 16

    lceel says

    Alternatively, you could always declare March as National Oral Sex Month. I mean, unless I have that anatomy thing all wrong, you can’t get pregnant that way. Right?

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  11. 25

    Kallay says

    As a mom about to give birth to twins, all I can say is, Amen. One kid with a birthday in December sucks, but two? Yes, I see a Christmas in July Birthday party in their futures. *sigh*

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  12. 27

    The Domestic Goddess says

    As a mother of two December babies, both due on the same day, I heartily approve your message. Also? My husband sleeps on the couch for the while month of December.

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  13. 28

    Lisa @All That and a Box of Rocks says

    This seriously made me chuckle. Today is my youngest child’s birthday. My unplanned bonus baby. lol

    I gave birth to six babies and only two were planned. To top that off, we have 4 birthdays in a 6 week span (Oct-Dec), and my husband’s is next week!

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  14. 31

    SJ says

    Maybe it’s to do with your national weather? It’s pretty cold around September time and a lot of my family including myself and my son are born in June and July. My boyfriend is Australian and he’s born in November – it gets pretty cold in Australia around February/March time.

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