50 Ways Other People’s Kids Suck

188 Comments

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 1. They give your kid the stomach bug before family vacations.

2. They use poor aim in your bathroom.

3. They teach the bad words that even you don’t use.

4. They inform your child that mittens, coats and scarves are stupid.

5. They guilt you into buying six boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

6. They are the reason your daughter only wants clothes from Justice.

7. Nine out of ten times, they are the cause behind ER visits.

8. They scream bloody murder when your dog tries to lick them.

9. They cough and sneeze right in your child’s face.

10. You can’t manipulate them like you can your own.

11. They whine.

12. They teach your kid how to password protect electronics, but don’t share the actual password.

13. They make a mess in your playroom and don’t clean up.

14. They utter things like “at my house, I’m allowed to…”

15. They sing louder than your kid at school performances.

16. They dare your child to do things he never would have thought of on his own.

17. They break things and don’t fess up.

18. They make fun of your kid for something you love.

19. They have parties and don’t invite your baby.

20. They get carsick in your car.

21. They report back home that your house is messy.

22. They stay up all night during sleepovers.

23. They teach your kid about the birds and the bees.

24. They make fun of daughter for liking princesses or dolls.

25. They smell after playing outside.

26. They spill the beans on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.

27. They don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

28. They pick your kid last for their team.

29. They discover where you keep the permanent markers.

30. They talk with their mouths full of food.

31. They knock down Lego towers that took weeks to build.

32. They track mud in your house.

33. They tell your daughter that her knock off American Girl doll isn’t real.

34. They pick their noses and eat the findings.

35. They get straight A’s, throwing the class curve.

36. They don’t like your cooking.

37. They laugh when your child mouths off to you.

38. They have birthday parties your children are expected to attend.

39. They stick stickers on your car windows.

40. They play hairdresser with your daughter’s hair.

41. They sell over-priced lemonade that you have to buy on your street corner.

42. They roll their eyes at you.

43. Their poop smells horrible.

44. They tell your kid that he or she dresses weird.

45. They come to your house famished.

46. They infect your child with hand, foot and mouth disease.

47. They give your kid a reason to say “so and so’s mother let’s her…”

48. They whisper secrets.

49. They pass on lice.

50. They aren’t nearly as irresistible, adorable and entertaining as your kid.

Comments

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  1. 2

    My Half Assed Life says

    I’ve never been a fan of other peoples kids. Except for lately I’ve become a fan of step-kids. Being a step-mom is like being the super cool Aunt. And yes, other people’s kids have way stinkier poo.

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  2. 3

    Jenny says

    I was smiling until I got to #34, where I recognized my own child as one of the “other people’s kids.” (Then I was laughing.) And #43! Yes! I have more than once found myself wondering as I flip on the bathroom fan 5 minutes post-child-exodus, “What on earth does this kid’s family EAT?” One of my daughter’s friends teaches her every little dirty playground song that ever was made — they all include “butt” or words that rhyme with bad words, which almost but never come to fruition in the next line. She also tried to tell her this week that “fairies” are “devils from H-E-double-hockey-sticks.” Yeah, they really do suck.

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  3. 8

    MILF Runner says

    What a bunch of little fuckers. *sigh* This is partly why I am not the fun, playdate mom. And partly why I had a few kids of my own. Sadly, neither plan has really panned out as I had hoped. Still find myself besieged by annoying little grubbers that are not my own :(

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  4. 11

    Nicole says

    I always feel so bad…. I don’t like other people’s children very much. I mean, I can recognize a nice or cute kid when I see one, and I can appreciate that child for what makes them special. But I’m not just dying to spend some quality time with someone else’s child. The weirdest part, though, is that despite all this, other people’s kids seem to like me. I just don’t get it. I probably never will.

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  5. 12

    Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog says

    We are just getting to the age of “friends” and starting to see these things, and it’s SOOO frustrating! Let me just say if anyone else’s kid throws up in my car, they’ll either have to clean it up themselves or their parent is going to have to come do it – ahhh barf gross!

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    • 13

      Scary Mommy says

      Lily totally barfed in someone else’s car after a birthday party camp/trampoline party last year. I was out of town and COMPLETELY mortified when Jeff told me that the mom refused his help to clean it and he didn’t fight her. If I could have, I would have bought her a new minivan.

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      • 15

        Kristen Mae says

        OMG!!! If my kid barfed in someone else’s car and they insisted they didn’t need my help to clean it up, I think I would sooner clock them over the head with a frying pan and clamber over their limp body to do it myself than allow them to do it without my help! Oh please God don’t let that ever happen to me…

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    • 16

      Donna says

      my goddaughter threw up in her mom’s date’s car (they decided to go on a date and letting their kids come along to see how everyone got along) and she ended up throwing up in his car, he wouldn’t let them clean it up either. My goddaughter was CONVINCED that her mom’s date didn’t like her anymore because of it, sweetheart :(

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  6. 17

    Jacquie says

    My 7 yr old was taught about lesbians by a friend then asked every female for weeks after if they were one including our neighbour who was the following conversation was a little awkward. As a toddler she taught my post natal group friends the bugger song, just the word bugger to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star voice of an angel.

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  7. 26

    Mom Off Meth says

    I’m raising some #3’s. Sorry. I work on it.

    Wait until Justice turns into Holister and there is a teenage boy in a bathing suit greeting you at the door. You have to “keep your eyes up here” or you are a perv. You will be a perv however you walk by. It’s horrible.

    I am very choosy about the friends that come around. I find many other people’s kids annoying. We keep it real around here.

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  8. 28

    Ellen says

    No one mentioned how true #4 is. Not only do they tell your kids that coats, hats, and mittens aren’t cool, by sixth grade they compound it by telling your kids that bike helmets and LONG PANTS aren’t cool. Sigh.

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  9. 29

    Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

    Awesome list, Jill. Regarding #15, however, I think I’d be more worried that another kid sang quieter than my kid. Yeah, I passed on my lack-of-singing-voice to my kids. Sigh.

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  10. 31

    Alison says

    Oh dear god, I think my boys may be those kids who get other kids into trouble. And I’m going to be THAT mortified mother, spending the rest of my life apologizing to other parents.

    (I am trying to model good behavior, promise. *slurps more coffee* *runs off to grab chalk out of the baby’s hands before he eats it*)

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  11. 32

    Erika says

    #1 happened to us right as Christmas break started – only it was strep throat and croup at the same time. Kids go back to school tomorrow and they’re finally better – now I’m getting sick!

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    • 33

      TheHeadacheslayer says

      Ugh Erika feel better!!

      Yeah we came home from my mom’s house (where we spent Xmas Eve/Xmas Day) and all 4 of us got sick. So instead of the lovely 2 week vacation I’d been dreaming of, we’ve all been sick in bed :P The kids were finally well enough to go ice skating and go to the movies but I’m pissed. My mom is “blaming” me and my house for all of us being sick–ever heard of INCUBATION PERIODS??? The kids were at her house 2 days prior with my nephew and other little kids.

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    • 36

      zumpie says

      Yes, how dare other parents choose to spend their $$$ on their children they way they want to! And how dare those children be happy about it!

      Really simple remedy—-have a conversation about life being about choices/you can’t have everything, etc. Many, many kids at my daughter’s school have I-Phones—she doesn’t, but she has nicer clothes and more of them. Oh—and she DID get to go to WDW for Xmas this year (even got out of school a week early for the trip!).

      While we’ll still get occasional I-phone whining, overall she gets it and is fine with it. Same way someone else will be better at something, get better grades, etc. Or as we like to call it, “life”.

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