50 Ways Other People’s Kids Suck


 1. They give your kid the stomach bug before family vacations.

2. They use poor aim in your bathroom.

3. They teach the bad words that even you don’t use.

4. They inform your child that mittens, coats and scarves are stupid.

5. They guilt you into buying six boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

6. They are the reason your daughter only wants clothes from Justice.

7. Nine out of ten times, they are the cause behind ER visits.

8. They scream bloody murder when your dog tries to lick them.

9. They cough and sneeze right in your child’s face.

10. You can’t manipulate them like you can your own.

11. They whine.

12. They teach your kid how to password protect electronics, but don’t share the actual password.

13. They make a mess in your playroom and don’t clean up.

14. They utter things like “at my house, I’m allowed to…”

15. They sing louder than your kid at school performances.

16. They dare your child to do things he never would have thought of on his own.

17. They break things and don’t fess up.

18. They make fun of your kid for something you love.

19. They have parties and don’t invite your baby.

20. They get carsick in your car.

21. They report back home that your house is messy.

22. They stay up all night during sleepovers.

23. They teach your kid about the birds and the bees.

24. They make fun of daughter for liking princesses or dolls.

25. They smell after playing outside.

26. They spill the beans on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.

27. They don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

28. They pick your kid last for their team.

29. They discover where you keep the permanent markers.

30. They talk with their mouths full of food.

31. They knock down Lego towers that took weeks to build.

32. They track mud in your house.

33. They tell your daughter that her knock off American Girl doll isn’t real.

34. They pick their noses and eat the findings.

35. They get straight A’s, throwing the class curve.

36. They don’t like your cooking.

37. They laugh when your child mouths off to you.

38. They have birthday parties your children are expected to attend.

39. They stick stickers on your car windows.

40. They play hairdresser with your daughter’s hair.

41. They sell over-priced lemonade that you have to buy on your street corner.

42. They roll their eyes at you.

43. Their poop smells horrible.

44. They tell your kid that he or she dresses weird.

45. They come to your house famished.

46. They infect your child with hand, foot and mouth disease.

47. They give your kid a reason to say “so and so’s mother let’s her…”

48. They whisper secrets.

49. They pass on lice.

50. They aren’t nearly as irresistible, adorable and entertaining as your kid.

About the writer


In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)


The Older Sibling 3 months ago

26. They spill the beans on the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. – I already know this but it pisses me off that there are some kids on this website who don’t know that…..You just ruined it for them BUTTTTTTTT I love this post. 10/10 Best thing ever. :)

uptowngirl 7 months ago

Love your website and sense of humor! How about the most noisy child on the block that comes over and you almost immediately want him to leave. See, they live in a house and can jump, yell, talk as loud as humanly possible, also do all of the above while playing with already noisy enough X-box games, while you live in apt. where the bottom and side tenants will bang on your floor or walls at the slightest noise that’s louder than usual. You tell them this truth and ask them to please tone it down, but they just never seem to get the point. This type of other persons kid drive me knucking futz!

MrsL 10 months ago

Yes to pretty much all of these!
DH and I are so tired of other people’s kids that we avoid hanging out with parents unless they have sitters. I’m awesome with kids and I do like them but something happens when other parents catch on to this: I wind up doing their jobs.
When I was in my teens people would show up at my house with their kids in tow and would guilt me into cancelling plans because their kids were “just so excited to play with me”. This was code for “I was too lazy/cheap/disorganized to get the girl down the street to babysit even though she’s always up for it and I’m not paying you either”. I learned to run to the window whenever a car pulled up and to sneak out the back door if there were little people or I’d be stuck watching Fern Gully five times in a row.
I thought things would get better in my twenties when I was in university. Nope! I’d come home for Christmas and have to spend family dinners locked away in playrooms and eating at the kids table while my younger cousins got included with the adults. One aunt was shocked to hear that I was twenty five because she “just thought of me as one of the kids”. She was thirty two and I’d been working and living on my own since she had known me.
And now that I’m married with two step kids and in my thirties the husband and I have learned to just not make plans with our parent friends unless they have gotten sitters. Why? We were good friends with two other couples who both had kids and, since the step kids aren’t here full time, we were constantly being asked to look after their kids. There was a baby at my stagette and there would have been a toddler too if I hadn’t said something. We would go to their places and suddenly I’d be responsible for airplane rides, stories, and bedtimes while the parents did nothing. And when they came to our place? The husband and I would have to be on constant watch to keep the kids out of the cat litter/art supplies/everything dangerous while these people relaxed and were oblivious to the mayhem. Oh and we’d be cooking too and would have to clean up because their kids just empty their bowls onto the floor when they’re done eating. Awesome.
Huh. That was a bit of a rant. Anyhow other people passing their kids off on us has made us decide that my two step kids are enough and that we won’t be reversing the husbands vasectomy. I might not be a “real mom” but I’ve damn near raised enough other people’s kids to be ok with that.

outdoor gifts 12 months ago

I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this site.
I am hoping to see the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well.
In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own
website now 😉

Tsu 1 year ago

So I take it I wasn’t the only one thinking, “Shit, I better get my kid to start washing their hands and stop eating their boogers.” My daughters manners are impeccable when around people, but shes got some honing to do before I let other kids shitty parents look at her and allow their kids over to report that our house smells like pot smoke (which isn’t even ours… damn neighbours) and our tv isn’t that great…

Little shits.

B Hubbs 1 year ago

Sounds like the mom who had time to create this list of 50 complaints has too much time on her hands and should consider a second job!!

    MrsL 10 months ago

    Hit too close to home huh?

Erin C 2 years ago

I hope you all remember how you feel about “other people’s kids” when you send your perfect little angels to school and your child’s teacher has to teach a bunch of snotty nosed “other people’s kids”

    Shannon 2 years ago

    Ha! my mother is a 2nd grade teacher she would love this, especially in these times. She is so ready for retirement lol.

Pattie Crider 3 years ago

Printed this blog post out as an example of a great post in a unique format for my creative non-fiction class at YCP.

:-) Great list of 50!

christina 3 years ago

they manipulate your child just to watch her get in trouble.

they say mean things like you can’t play with us and single your child as the outsider.

they teach annoying things like tattle telling.

i’m sure there’s more but i just made myself to irritated to think!

    Shannon 2 years ago

    It’s the mean things that would get to me. I can take loud, goofy, stinky, and messy or even being a little different, but meanness and hurting them is another ball game. That’s where I will become unnerved as a parent. I am all about someones intentions & the way something was said. Guess I better get suited up for battle now. :-/

Jess 3 years ago

Haha thanks for the laugh!

Jackie 3 years ago

This is funny. Except I was the one trying to convince my kids that hats, mittens and scarves are stupid 😉 They get lost and make it take even longer to get 5 kids out the door.

Tammy 3 years ago

I loathe Justice. It makes me feel like someone stuck me in the middle of a really loud, annoying carnival, where a bunch of kids were fed too many snow cones and cotton candy. And then they threw up everywhere.

And I got charged to take it all home.

Jessica 3 years ago

This is so true. I always thing a playdate is a good idea, until it actually happens.

Kristen Brakeman 3 years ago

This list is hysterical.

In the last two weeks we had the Santa thing spoiled and the birds and the bees revealed – by yes, other people’s kids.

I really struggle liking other people’s kids. I realize that doesn’t reflect well on me.

Lu 3 years ago

Hilarious list! I’d like to add a couple: They tell your kid they have big ears and they throw up in your bathroom all over the counter!

Jack 3 years ago

Why do I get the feeling two or three trolls are responsible for a bunch of the comments. Hmm…

I like kids most of the time, but there are moments when you want to scream like when the 14 year-old down the street teaches your daughter that boys like hearing “I give good head.”

On behalf of the fathers of daughter allow me to put said 14 year old on notice- we don’t think it is funny and we have ways to influence your future.

Good times.

    zumpie 3 years ago

    My daughter’s only 12 and she’s independent enough to respond with “ew” (as would be the response of most tween/early teen girls). And walk away.

    Instead of getting all macho and chest puffing: A) explain to your daughter why you’d prefer she not associate with that kid anymore. B) have a discussion with your kid about these things. Works a LOT better.

      zumpie 3 years ago

      Yeaaaaahhhh…. nothing so dreadful as having open, honest communication with your children. Especially when you can get all neanderthall Tarzan-like.

      The fact that your high school/almost high school aged kid was “taught” this shows that the sheltered method isn’t exactly working. Most kids nowadays know about that sort of stuff by early middle school (if not before). Doesn’t mean they DO anything, just they know about it.

      When your daughter’s preggers next year because you “wanted her to stay innocent” (and in the process, didn’t inform her of anything), you’ll know why. And be the moron

        Jack 3 years ago


        Reading comprehension is important. I never said how old my daughter is but you made an assumption about her age based on a few lines of text.

        She is 8.5 and I have no problem with her being treated as a little girl because she is one and she doesn’t need to know what “giving head” means.’

        I wouldn’t care if we used a term like “Fellatio” either because an 8.5 year-old doesn’t need to know.

        I don’t care if you approve of my parenting or not but I appreciate your ridiculous, misguided and misinformed commentary.

        Next time you might consider checking your facts before you choose to engage with someone.

          zumpie 3 years ago

          Maybe then you should keep a tighter reign on who she hangs out with (at 8 1/2 my kid certainly didn’t hang with 14 year olds). I think instead of threatening what’s clearly a really dumb 14 year old, just tell its parents.

          That said, I do agree that 8 1/2 is still very much a little kid. However, next time instead of hurling personal insults, maybe you should just give a fuller back story.

          Jack 3 years ago

          Do you begin most conversations by telling people what they should have done or how they could have done it?

          I’ll put money down that most people don’t respond positively to that.

          And I am not responsible for making sure that you don’t make foolish assumptions because you didn’t have the complete back story.

          But just to help you out again, the reason my daughter was around the 14 year-old is because she was playing with his 8 year-old sister at their home.

          Man, you took a story that had a tongue-in-cheek remark and ran with it.

          I never threatened the actual 14 year-old because I didn’t have to. His mother heard the conversation and responded.

          Anyway, it has been fun but I have to go find a tree to swing from now.

          zumpie 3 years ago

          Aaaaannnnd are you always this douchey? Oh right, not if someone’s fawning over what you wrote—you might actually get your books published if you had a thicker skin. Seriously, if Stephenie Myer could get her sparkly vampire fantasy printed….

          Meanwhile, I hope that kid’s mom got psychiatric care for him, cause that’s waaaay past smartass and into perv territory.

          Jack 3 years ago

          I know, I am the douche bag for pointing you are acting like an ass.

          The next time I visit Portland I’ll make a note to attend one of your etiquette classes so that I can learn how to have a thicker skin.

          BTW, how you can take one comment and decide a kid needs psychiatric help. Oh, wait, don’t tell me because I think I might have figured it out.

          Zumpie, you are just peachy. :)

          zumpie 3 years ago

          Mmmmmm, a 14 year old saying something like that to an 8 year old really IS pretty gross. Even my potty mouthed daughter would NEVER speak that way to a kid that much younger (and she’s only 12).

          Seriously, it goes waaaay past just “kids being kids” (which I’m normally the first one to brush away) and moves into something kinda disturbing.

          Also etiquette and thicker skin aren’t really the same thing (though admittedly two areas you might wish to improve upon :-).

          And may I say, you’re clearly a delightful individual, your own self.

    Thomas 3 years ago

    You need to nip that in the bud now before your daughter goes around telling boys she gives good head without knowing what she’s really saying. It may not be now, but unless you have I’m pretty sure this one will come back and bite you.
    I have a friend who’s daughter is in 7th grade. We were at my buddy’s place watching a Bears game. She was on the phone and told the 8th grade boy she was talking to that she gave good head. She said this in the same room with all of us sitting there. I promise you beer burns coming out your nose. My buddy comes off as the type who would kill his daughter if he ever found out she was having sex before marriage and even then she’s not allowed to get married until she’s 30, sex maybe when she’s in her 40s.
    After she was sent to her room and the other children were sent to the playroom so we adults could talk, we decided on a course. We had her invite him over, and sat all the children down. Eight kids from 9 to 13. We asked her if she knew what it meant, she told us no and that she had overhead two girls during lunch talking about it and how guys liked it. We asked if any of the kids knew what “head” was. My son, “Duh dad, head is what makes the difference between a good home made beer or root beer. You taught me that, I do listen.” When we asked if they knew what sex was, again my son answered, “It’s when a boy and a girl who really like each other kiss.”
    When we started to talk to them about all of it, it started off very awkward for all of us. It the end our children learned exactly what the various sexual acts are and what sex was. The results of what sex can cause, they learned about diseases. They found out what we as their parents thought about it and expected from them in regards to it. What we learned from our children was that they found every aspect of sex, except for kissing, to be very gross. We are all ok with them thinking sex is gross and hope it lasts for a long time.
    My buddy and his wife did have to deal with her boyfriends parents about us talking to him about sex. She made it clear to his mother, if she wanted him to be allowed to date their daughter he would know what was what. His father thanked us for having that awkward talk, that he didn’t know how to have with him.
    Two years ago my son’s mother called me and told me I should have a talk with him about the birds and bees. At the time he was 9 in a half. I went over the whole spiel about watch what you say and do because you can’t take it back once said or done. Hormones and all that good stuff. I asked him if he knew what sex was, and he said no. Then I asked him what other kids at school said it was, he told me they all said it was kissing. So I left it at that.
    Biggest mistake I could have made. Three months later his mother called me while I was at work and told me what he did. He was texting with a girl from school, and asked her how many boys she had sex with. She showed her father, who in turn called his mother. I could have killed him for it.
    About a month went by before I talked to him about it. I asked a friend to go fishing with us, just in case I came unglued. I asked him about it. He told me all the girls were having sex with boys and he didn’t want a girlfriend who had sex with a lot of boys. I didn’t have the conversation with his mother about him thinking sex was just kissing. To him, he was just asking her how many boys she had kissed. He was no longer grounded and his mother and I had to have a talk with him about how it was wrong to ask such a question. Which sounds worse when they both mean the same. How many boys have you kissed or how many boys have you had sex with?

    My cousins walked around saying wacked things like that just to irritate their parents and get a rile out of other adults, hell we even did it. Straight A students,involved in community service, and very outgoing individuals. The boys are a little over a year apart, ones a freshmen in college and the other is a senior in high school, their sister just started 8th grade. At a family get together just after Labor Day, when my cousin was asked how college was, he said, “Nothing a good blow job from one of them fine ladies on campus couldn’t make better.” His little sister tore him a new asshole for saying that. Even after the boys had said it for years and we yelled at them for years about saying it, she didn’t know what it was. She learned what it was, from a girl she went to school with.
    This past football season my son told another kid, “Suck it bitch,” and then sacked the QB. They told their coach. It came out that one of the kids he said it to, told him to go suck a fat dick because the other team was losing. I died laughing, simply because I knew where he got it from. The refs and coaches on the other team did nothing about what the kid said to my son. I had my son benched for a quarter.
    Just because he said something, doesn’t mean he needs mental help of any type. Children will be children and do things just to show their parents that they are not as in control of them as they’d like to be.

Jeff Archer 3 years ago

Wait, the title to this article is all wrong. Aren;t these the reasons we love kids? Are we really so intolerant or inflexible or selfish? I know this is just for fun, but seriously, these are opportunities to learn, help, adapt, think, hug,and laugh.

zumpie 3 years ago

Ho hum, again with the Justice thing? While I do think their clothes are mite sparkly and bright (not to mention overpriced, which is why you wait for their inevitable promotions and sales, like ALL retail items), I’m really not seeing the “slutty” part. Plus your daughter will probably outgrow her affinity and move on to a different “look” (mine’s a beatnik, now).

That said, I do agree about the dolls and princesses are stupid, but your kid might have a moment of self-realization. To whit:

We first visited WDW when my daughter was 7. We bought her the very elaborate, special edition GOLD Disney Princess Aurora costume that she begged us for. I think I even eliminated something to ensure we were able to pack it.

Of course we also had made a lunch reservation at Cinderella’s Royal Table, cause, well, that would be us. That day, she flatly refused to wear her costume, cited it as babyish (though she was fine dragging her new My Disney Girl Doll and matching it, along with wearing various Disney character outfits), but still posed for pitures and had a good time.

Fast forward to our trip THIS year, where we lunched (for photos, convenience and dining credits) again at Cinderella’s Royal Table. My now aged 12 daughter, demanded to know why we hadn’t costumed HER when she was younger (she’s too sophisticated, now—and likes Alice better, anyway). After we told her what happened, she was unspeakably disappointed in herself. She also realized that it was other kids making her feel babyish about it that had influenced her.

I simply pointed out this was why she’s generally better off marching to her own drummer (which she honestly generally does). She agreed.

Nicole 3 years ago

I don’t like kids at all for all 50 reasons. That’s why I never had any. I think I was born without a biological clock because I don’t even gush over babies.

Ambertolina 3 years ago

What is with the whispering secrets in front of other people? And other kids’ parents just letting their little darlings get away with that? I was taught that whispering secrets in front of other people (usually ABOUT the person whom you’re whispering in front of, duh) was terribly rude when I was growing up. Why does no one know this anymore?


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