Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, (Lily, Ben, and Evan) quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.
@scarymommy
NYT bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Fond of curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.
Got a kindle or nook? You could be reading my book in three, two, one... http://t.co/wSQIvse8zW - 2 hours ago
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
{ 85 comments… read them below or add one }
The MIL one was hilarious.
Seriously Sassy Mama recently posted..A Bag
Hilarious!!!
Oh dear God these all cut too close to the quick. Yikes.
I like to feel like our family CFO when I pay bills and file taxes. Sure good to know that my Masters in Finance is going to good use. Also? Newborns ARE ugly. When I look at newborn pictures of my kids they are unrecognizable. And in most of the pictures they are screaming. And I have this vaguely pained look on my face. Which explains why we have no newborn pictures hanging on our walls.
Alexis recently posted..Hello Teeth Goodbye Sleep!
Oh many, I’m right there with ya on the best friend thing! The little kid my 4 year old sons idolize is a super-punk! I wish I could banish him from their lives. I’ve tried to subtly convince them that he’s not their friend, because he does me things to them (constantly!) but they also defend his terrible behavior and say he is fun. Luckily they will be going to different kindergartens, but now I’m afraid of who will be their best friend there. UGH! It’s going to be a long life!
Amber recently posted..Perfection
LOVE these!!!!! You should make post cards!!!
Or greeting cards!
Pamela D Hart recently posted..A Puppy Update ~ From Berra
or email cards to send to people!
Regina recently posted..Treat yourself to Tupperware
That newborn one made me laugh…in a nervous, guilty sort of way.
Tanya Doyle recently posted..Blogging Ain’t Easy
LOVE, love, love these. Too perfect. If you put these on pinterest, watermark them.
Kiran (Masala Chica) recently posted..Namaste
The snowsuit one is definitely smart, not scary. We should all try that if we go skiing. Maybe that would be scary though. Didn’t some woman wear diapers for an extended trip to stalk some guy? Okay, nevermind about all of us, but for the kids. Oh yeah!
Kristin recently posted..No Socks, but Full Service
OMG the last one just killed me. Brilliant.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Freaky
Stop showing my stomach on your site! ha!
Love these!
m.
Mark recently posted.."I’m a Barbie Girl"!
The grocery store one is me all the way. And the one about not liking the friend? Yeah, that one. But I’ll add to it the friend’s mama.
Arnebya recently posted..Deviating from the Usual
Haha!! Awesome job with these Jill!
Nikki recently posted..Journey: Week Ten
These are AWESOME.
Maria @BOREDmommy recently posted..Stress Does Stuff To Your Awesomeness
You are too much :)
By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..Broken – Wordy Wordless Wednesday
LOL! I love the last one and I can relate much to the IBS thing! Not on Facebook though, but playing PSP!
The MIL on law killed me completly!
Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes recently posted..Bread pudding, better than vodka when things are shitty
Holy shit!!!! One of these is mine!!!!! But, I’m never telling which. :)
Love ‘em.
Congratulations! That’s like getting a Scary Mommy gold star!
Jessica recently posted..What Was I Thinking…
Oooohhhh…jelly!
Rebeccah recently posted..Trouble Don’t Know The Day
Uncle Rick definitely made me laugh. Thank god we pick our pizza up or we would have our own Uncle Rick.
Jessica recently posted..What Was I Thinking…
Oh, good god, these are great.
Note to self: Always use real names for phone contacts.
Bullgrit recently posted..Naked Texting
I love these!!!! The pictures, the writing, the confessions I love these!!
Seriously – postcards! Awesome idea. I’d buy em.
Trish recently posted..Veggie Appreciation Month: Getting Your Kids to Eat their Vegetables.
I love these; I just wish there was a world where women could share these things openly and not feel judged or ridiculed.
Susan recently posted..Top 10 Facebook Status Fails
There is. It’s here!
Gigi recently posted..The NEW, the IT, the TOTALLY MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW thing (that can’t be found ANYWHERE! Not in stores, not on television and not EVEN on the internet)! Get yours TODAY!
LOL! They are perfect! I hate my son’s bestie, too.
Hilarious! I think the coffee one is my favorite!
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..KETCHUP IS A VEGETABLE: AN INTERVIEW WITH ROBIN O’BRYANT
Brilliant! The supermarket one made me sooo jealous though. I want to do that!
TheCheekyKea recently posted..Those "Arrgh" Moments
This may be the best thing I’ve ever seen. The breastmilk one just made me choke on my Cheerwine.
Rebeccah recently posted..Trouble Don’t Know The Day
I think we are all really learning just what a fantastic graphic designer you were/are. Wowza.
ROFL! The cell phone thing totally happened to someone i know, except instead of the contact name it was the ring tone which was the offensive party!!!
tammy recently posted..Art Imitates Life?
Ok I’m curious! What was the ring tone and who was calling??
Life As Wife recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Walker
It was her husbands cell, and the ring tone was a very annoying duck quacking sound, “Quack, Quack, Quack”!!!! She said it was b/c he was always pecking at her…I still giggle when I think of it!!!!
tammy recently posted..Art Imitates Life?
I’m pretty sure I almost pee’d myself on that last one. Genius. And the grocery store one is so me. I go to SuperTarget despite slightly higher prices just b/c I know they have Starbucks inside. Dear, dear Target.
Sabrina recently posted..Blogging From A to Z
LOL!!! oh my these are great I love them. My favorites the MIL one and the breast milk one as creamer. They are priceless.
Thanks for sharing.
LOL!!! oh my these are great I love them. My favorites the MIL one and the breast milk one as creamer. They are priceless.
Thanks for sharing.
Shirley recently posted..The Balancing Act
I must say that I love every one of these, and I can honestly relate to them all, except the coffee creamer, but hey I have done other things to his coffee.
Your an asshole, have a crushed Zoloft!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..Blog Schedule It’s About Freaking TIME!
These are amazing! Thank you for letting us all know that we are not alone, and for giving us a place to voice our true thoughts without judgement.
Cassie recently posted..Babies Cause Addictions
OH MY GOSH! Laughing so hard : )
Life with Kaishon recently posted..It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass
Brilliant! These are just hilarious. My mom always tells me that breastmilk is delicious in coffee, tho. LOL!
But my favorites are the snowsuit and the reading four year old. Yep. Pretty much.
I know I already commented on this, but I just had to say how much I love the breast milk/coffee confession! I need to file it ways somewhere, for future reference.
Cassie recently posted..I’m Healthy
These are BRILLIANT!!!
Gigi recently posted..The NEW, the IT, the TOTALLY MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW thing (that can’t be found ANYWHERE! Not in stores, not on television and not EVEN on the internet)! Get yours TODAY!
That is some very funny stuff right there.
Missy recently posted..Surrendering the Stuff
I absolutely love the cell phone one! Too funny!
Christina Rodriguez | The Diva’s Home recently posted..Five Principles for Combining Fabrics
The newborn one hits really close to home. I have twins. One looked like a half drowned rat for the first three weeks. The other one came out looking like the Gerber baby. Thank God the first one got cute real quick.
Amanda recently posted..Sweet Tripper
lmfao
Tanya recently posted..We Love When People Visit Us!
WOW—these are some impressive confessions! I love how you add the images—it makes them even more powerful, funny, and even a little disturbing!
a Book for My Daughter recently posted..A Mother’s Rant Against the TV
Love these! (I think my hubby posed for one of the pics) I also wander aisles a wee bit longer than needed when shopping solo =) I just watch other parents deal with their kids and smile, then slowly walk away.
Lori recently posted..Current posts with reviews and Give aways:
I am these moms. I also judge them harshly.
I only tell my kids to not eat things off the ground when people are watching. Otherwise, have at it, jerks.
Sometimes I pretend like my infant was an asshole all day, look exasperated when my husband gets home and make him take her and the other children while I storm out and get something fantastic to eat…only because there’s nothing good to eat in my house and I don’t want to listen to my husband chew.
Oh Lexie! I do the same thing! When my husband comes home I get “stressed out” and go upstairs to take a “break” which entails actually watching what I want to on TV.
Cassie recently posted..Compensation
I despise my daughters “cousin” although she is my BFF’s only child. This little 11 yo monster is cruel and sneaking and unkind. She gets my daughter into trouble but as much as she annoys and irritates my BFF, said BFF is an ineffectual disciplinarian. The little witch is great with adults but I don’t even want her in my house.
My SS once texted me by accident and referred to me as his “bitchass stepmom”. I am proud and pleased to say that the little sh*thead ran off and got married. Now he’s in the armed forces and his lazy wife refuses to work and spends her days smoking weed with her loser (male) neighbor, and napping with her many pets. He fought me tooth and nail for 14 years, now it’s the school of hard knocks for him. *sigh*
HAHAHAA! I love that last one!! And also can relate to a couple of them. My MIL is a fucking bitch, and I hope she knows it. :)
Jessica recently posted..A Letter To My Boys
OMG Pull ups under the snow suit?! BEST IDEA EVER!!! How long can I pull that off for… 8? 9?
And bm in the coffee? Classic.
Tanya recently posted..We Love When People Visit Us!
hahahah. I just had to send my best friend here for the last one!! Her husband gave her 3 months of nutrisystem for her birthday. AND she’s breastfeeding. She’s seriously considering the coffee one.
Holly at 300 Pounds Down recently posted..Whatcha Doin’ Wednesday: March 7th 2012
Yep, I can relate – unfortunately my daughter has a friend I’m not very fond of.
And pull-ups under a snowsuit? Brilliant idea.
Carolyn recently posted..Other Things I Wish I’d Known
LOFL.
I don’t know know which one is my favorite. Perhaps facebook stalking your ex, because that’s something I never do. No, not ever.
Marta recently posted..To My Son on His Fifth Birthday
These are great! I totally relate to spending time in the bathroom. It’s the only place where I can have 5 minutes of “me” time. I pretend I can’t hear the kids banging on the door. Takes a few minutes but they eventually give up and move on. Oh how I love the bathroom. Oh and newborns are ugly. I can never tell the gender so I always ask how old is the “baby” or what is the “babies” name so I don’t say girl when its a boy!
So I just spit my wine all over the screen when I read the MIL post! AWESOME!
Paging Dr Mommy recently posted..One Year Old Birthday Boy
I think I need to have a post on my blog about mother in laws! I could talk for days!!!
Zoo animals disguised as children recently posted..Scene 1, Act 1
Apparently I am a fucking saint.
Virginia Llorca recently posted..Over the Pipe
I love the pictures put to the confessions.
Love the IBS. The bathroom is my new bedroom/office/retreat. Think it’s time for a new toilet.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..A Mother’s Take on Kony 2012
The MIL one had me laughing out loud. Some I could totally relate to (people were shocked when I said my second child was pretty ugly when he was a newborn… but he was). Others had me laughing and made my hairs stand up at the same time.
Nuts about food recently posted..Roasted lemon and red onion chutney
Breastmilk to cream the coffee. Seriously passive aggressive. Fabulous.
Ok, this is hysterical. I love the honesty! As others have said, this really would make a great postcard or card. :)
Tricia recently posted..It’s over!
OMG LOVE the breastmilk one LOL
All of these are awesome….the cell phone one especially.
My confessions are so EMO and never very funny. I will work on that in the future. lol
Headacheslayer recently posted..30 posts–30 days! Coming soon in April!
Fantastic! These are like postsecret.com, only much better. The MIL one was hilarious!
Heather recently posted..Nuk Fairy II
Love these!! All of them!
oh i’ve had teh grocery store saturday night.
and the drug store saturday night.
they both rocked.
Anna recently posted..Three New York Bands Making Great Kids Music
LMAO. These are so great!!! Made me laugh out loud. Just what I needed!!!
These are FABULOUS!!!!!!!
These are fantastic, especially the mil one! But, why the hell would anyone wanna waste that hard-earned, valuable breastmilk on their husband?!
Good question!
Cassie recently posted..Compensation
Hi there! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to give it a look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Charmaine recently posted..joanns coupons
These photos and all their notable glory remind us all that we must band together to make our lives a little less stressful. Therefore we should all designate a certain time and place that we have coffee, tea, adult beverages, and girl chat.
Mine will be Sunday mornings around 7:00 AM CST for coffee chat and skype with my BFF in SC! We need this time!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..Fashion Friday – Dress for the Occasion!
Can’t speak for other men but the breastmilk thing wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. If that is your way of trying to “get” him well, don’t know that it works the way you think it does.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..Do You Have An Accent?
Oh, I do LOVE these confessions! I honestly feel like a better Mom after reading a few, but then I remember my own hideous parenting tidbits and promptly correct myself. Anyhow, these particular confessions should be made into ecards!
These are hysterical !
Max recently posted..Soho Concept
“My husband thinks I suffer from IBS.
Truth is, i hide out in the bathroom so i can stalk my ex on Facebook ”
This is about me -)))
I read all these and loved them, wondering, how do i get them posted to my facebook.
Most of them applied to me at one point the past few weeks Love em!
Regina recently posted..Treat yourself to Tupperware
Love this. Love it!
Thank God I’m not the only one who thinks that newborns are seriously the most unappealing creatures…
Ameena recently posted..burns
Well, now I know where to go when I need to feel better about myself as a parent. Thank you, ScaryMommy. I have found my tribe.