We do so much for our kids because we love them to bits. We dive under them at playgrounds, let them dress us like gaudy princess bunnies while we crouch in makeshift forts, and tell them all day long how smart, funny, handsome, insightful, beautiful and awesome they are.
And, then there are the times when we’re at our wit’s end and have things we want to say, but can’t do so directly. So we say something completely different to what we’re really thinking. Something exponentially kinder than what’s dancing at the tip of our tongues.
We Say: “We’ll see.” … We Mean: “Not likely, so quit asking.”
We Say: “No, we’re not there yet.” … We Mean: “Ask again and we’ll arrive with you tied to the roof racks.”
We Say: “Wanna play with my iPhone?” … We Mean: “If I give this to you, will you let me drink my coffee in peace?”
We Say: “Mm-hmm.” (With eye contact) … We Mean: “How long must I nod for you to go away?”
We Say: “Mm-hmm.” (Without eye contact) … We Mean: “I’m so not listening to you.”
We Say: “Wow, really?” … We Mean: “I have no friggin’ clue what you just said.”
We Say: “Are you sure about that?” … We Mean: “You are wrong or delusional. Rethink whatever you just said or did.”
We Say: (Silent, blatant ignoring) … We Mean: “I’m trying not to yell at you. For your own sake, stop speaking and walk away.”
We Say: “Go ask Mommy/Daddy.” … We Mean: “Go bother somebody else.”