Parenting: It Doesn’t Get Better

I read a post today that was directed towards new moms in the midst of sleepless nights and incessant diaper changing and sore nipples. In an effort to comfort these struggling moms, author Devon Corneal wrote that “Things will get easier. Things will get better… You just have to get through the first year.”

All the power to Devon; clearly she’s a glass half full kind of girl. My glass, however, is always half empty. And, full of backwash from my disgusting children.

It’s true: You won’t always be walking through life in a complete haze or sterilizing baby bottles for the rest of your life, but in my brief experience, parenting doesn’t get any easier. I look back on those days of schlepping around an infant carrier and complaining about spit-ups as the easiest I’ll ever have it. I’m sorry, new moms. Truly.

Your child will eventually sleep through the night. This may be true, but you will never get a full night’s sleep again. I’m constantly awoken by bad dreams and wet beds and dread the day I’ll inevitably stay awake waiting for my teenager to waltz through the door three seconds before curfew. Sleep will never be the same again.

You will not have to do three loads of laundry a day forever. Oh, how I wish this were the case for me. Sure, you won’t need to wash out baby puke and clean up after explosive diarrhea which seeped out of the diaper, but your kid will suddenly stink up his or her clothes. They’ll change 16 times a day. And trip on the grass. And play sports. And eat like a pig. The laundry doesn’t stop, and the clothes get a hell of a lot less cute to fold.

You’ll get rid of the infant seat altogether. How I celebrated that beautiful day… Until I attempted to transfer a sleeping toddler inside without keeping her in the same comfy position.

Your baby will stop staring vacantly at the ceiling and will smile at you. The smiles are indeed glories. But, then come the scowls and the frowns and the pouts. Vacancy is far preferable.

If you’re breastfeeding, you’ll be able to stop. … And your boobs will look like deflated tube socks.

You’ll learn what all the different cries mean. And, each and every one of them will cause you to go a little more insane.

The bags under your eyes and the poochy stomach will go away. They will? Clearly I’m doing something wrong.

Slowly but surely, the claustrophobic bubble of parenting that consumes you when your kids are infants will burst. And, once they start making friends of their own, you’ll wish for that bubble back.

So, no, I wouldn’t say that parenting gets easier. It gets different. It gets fun. It gets fulfilling. It gets amazing.

But, easier? In my dreams.

About the writer


What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill Smokler’s stay-at-home days with her children, quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Welcome to Scary Mommy!


Keisha 1 year ago


Jessica 1 year ago

You said it perfectly. It didn’t get easier, every stage is a new lesson for parents too. Unfortunately, since every child is different, no patent handbook will ever teach you the true ins and outs of being a good parent. And just because something worked for one child does not mean it will work for the other. Ah, the joys of doing something so hard and yet feeling absolutely fulfilled at the same time.

emily 2 years ago

Honestly, who needs this negative article- we should be supporting new mothers, not scaring them to death. I have two now – one 14 months and one 4 and you know what – IT DOES GET EASIER. I was riddled with anxiety when my kids came home from the hospital and I had to stay focused on one minute at a time or I would suffocate in feelings of claustrophobia and isolation.

Now my kids do sleep though the night. Sometime I wake up at 7:15am and think – I just slept the entire night! I can leave my kids with a baby sitter and not think twice about it. My husband and I go out all the time and have a blast! We even had my mom watch both kids and went to a wedding in California and Vermont – it was awesome.

You’ll stop having to watch them every second. You’ll get more comfortable in your own parenting skin. You’re going to be awesome!!!! This article is…I don’t even know why her point is.

Keep up the good work mama, you’re doing great!!

Sarah Wells 2 years ago


anon 3 years ago

If only I had read this before becoming pregnent.

Ellen 3 years ago

I have 8 month old twin girls and was just scouring the internet for reassurance that it does in fact get better (not easier, just better – there is a difference i think). Anyway, i found this. Ha.

I’ve read everyone of the responses and the common threads through the responses seem to be: teenagers are awful worrisome creatures. There is physical torment related to younger children and more mental anguish related to older ones. But, i think when new parents are asking if it gets ‘easier’ they are not talking about comparing babies to teenagers, we all know tweens/ teenagers are awful…we all were them at one point. I remember my teenage years and the horror i caused my parents vividly. When i think about this in relation to my own children i prefer to stick my head in the sand and not think about it, it is a while away.

At the moment i am suffering teething, frustration at not being able to walk, screaming through not being able to communicate, nappy changes and constant feeds of milk and solids. My girls do sleep though. I know they may stop sleeping before anyone breaks a sweat trying to burst my bubble! It is gruelling relentless physical toil and although i love my girls dearly it is not abundantly fulfilling, there are no funny comments, no trips to the zoo etc. I am housebound most of the time.

A lot of the posts and the original article suggest that parenting gets more fulfilling. Surely it is this that makes parenting better and consequently easier? The highs compensate for at least buffer against the lows. If they don’t i would question the decision that many of you have made to go on to have more children. I’m guessing that you are not all stupid or mad, but that parenting did in fact get better at some point so that you could imagine having another, sometime 3+ in some cases.

If you ask a new mom whether she wants another she will wither in front of you. As they get older clearly having another is not such a terrifying thought.

Outlook probably has a lot to do with it as well, if you are a glass half empty kinda person, then that is what you will get.

I’m going to choose to be a glass half full kind person. I’m going to have to or i won’t make it!

mammamia 3 years ago

That’s so f’cking true…
First i was afraid my son would roll and fell from our bed;
Later i was worried he would fell down and break some bone while jumping on a sofa;
Then i was afraid he’d get into an accident on his way home from the school;
Then it was a time to worry if he got drunk, drugged or beaten in some disco;
Now i’m scared he’ll kill himself or somebody else while riding his 200 horsepowers monster…


Jasbir @jasbeeray 3 years ago

So it’s goodbye sleep once kids are in! Agreed 100%. Clothes! So true. I am washing more now that when they were little.

Momof2 3 years ago

I had a very hard time after my first was born, and everyone thought that the most appropriate thing to tell a sleep depraved mommy full of hormones was “it only gets harder.” Who the hell says that!
So far they were wrong. I can sleep. I can teach my kids the repercussions of their actions. We can play and talk and tell stories. I love being a mommy. Everyone is different but it did get easier for me and I love it.

Mimi 3 years ago

So why did you have kids? Why does anyone have kids? Were they all accidents, and you just don’t believe in abortion? Or were you actually dumb enough to think that parenting would be fun and easy, and only now at this late hour do you realize that you royally suck at it? I read down these comments, and it sounds like most of you probably make your children absolutely miserable. Do you want to see a blog where your kids talk about how they really feel about you? I bet it’s not much better than how you really feel about them, which brings me back to my earlier question: why does anyone have kids?

Kat 3 years ago

I hope I’m not crossing the line or misunderstanding what you wrote, but when people tell me things like this, I’m always looking at them with a slightly puzzled look. When was the last time that things changed in your life without you making an effort to change them? I don’t think kids are an exception. I think all of the things above are possible…if you’re willing to put the effort in them and prioritize them (well, you know, there are some exceptions like sloppy boobs but even that can be fixed with an operation….I’m NOT condoning it just saying it can ya know?)

Hels 3 years ago

It’s people like you that I dispise, why write such utter cods wallop
Yes being a parent is hard, but the best way to cope is build a strong bond and routine with your little one and make the most of the time you have

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    I agree. I think the author forgot that teaching her children to do laundry is one of the easiest things you can do in life…As someone posted above – you’re raising adults…

Danielle 3 years ago

I feel like parenting is easier to do once you get more than 3-4 hours of sleep at night….my daughter definitely had a rough start. Sleep deprivation is like nothing else.

Anna 3 years ago

I once gave a co-worker a baby card with a retro pic of the mother looking down lovingly at her baby and the caption “The first 40 years of parenting are the hardest”.

Ironically it is less a joke and more a statement of fact…new parents just don’t know that at the time.

I gotta say though, my 3 year old has just gotten easier and easier as time’s gone on. She was an absolute shit of a baby and a dream toddler – people used to constantly comment on what a freakily well behaved toddler she was. She continues to be a delight through her 3’s, I just hope that she doesn’t flick back to devil child any time soon!

jessica 3 years ago

Let me jus say u ladies have saved my life. i have a 2 yr old son & a 10 month old son. i never imagined being a mom would be this hard. i was layin in bed just about to give up on reading parenting articles & advice…until i came across this sight. i guess sometimes all u need is to kno that ur not alone & to have a sense of humor…u guys are hilarious lol. im so happy to have found this site. I will sleep better tonight:-)

Heather 4 years ago

I think I would almost trade the yelling and the fighting that my 11 & 6 year old does, for some good old fashioned diapers and bottles! (I think that’s why I’ve been having baby fever.) I just keep telling myself that would just add another kid to the horrific audible assault on my ears everyday.

Marla 4 years ago

Don’t feel alone! All that baby crap is just replaced with new crap! I still have dark circles, haven’t slept well in 17 years now, (my oldest is 17) you just have new worries. The laundry NEVER ends, and your husband stops helping. People start looking at you like a goddamn food dispenser (What’s for dinner? Me: What do you want? Them: Food. Me: “Suggestion” Them: EWwwwww! sigh. No one ever told us this, and we were too young/naive to look at our own moms and see the exhaustion. THrrppppp!!!! No. It doesn’t get better. It gets….different. Sigh. But worth it. Hang in there!!!

Kari 4 years ago

I agree with what several others have mentioned…it may get easier physically, but when they are teenagers, it’s often very hard emotionally and mentally. I guess it’s both easier and harder, if that makes sense.

Christina 4 years ago

I, too, have a toddler and a newborn, and the newborn is far easier. Needs are simple – new diaper, milk, sleep. The toddler has demands.

Jessica 4 years ago

I still look back on the days of being able to do nothing but change, feed and soothe (and watch daytime tv) with my surviving triplets as the best time ever. At the time I thought it was so hard but seriously? I was SITTING STILL and watching whatever I wanted. That has never happened again.

kathy 4 years ago

I have four darlings, 19,16,14 &11. You sleep even less when they go to college.

Jes 4 years ago

Parenting definitely gets less physical than the early years, but not easier. The emotional stuff makes me long for the easy fixes of changing a diaper or rocking them to sleep.

Autumn 4 years ago

I would say easier only on thepoint that they can start doing more for themselves, but then again it gets more difficult because now you have to teach them the proper way to clean up after themselves and sometime you end up doing all over again when they are not looking. The kids get bigger, the clothes get bigger, the mess gets bigger. I for one just shut the door to my kids rooms so I dont have to think or look at the mess.

aleisha 4 years ago

Oh yeah its a big lie that it gets easier! I love how each year has a tagline…terrible two’s, horrible three’s… well mine is just turning four and yes it is THE FUCKING FOURS!!

    Emma 4 years ago

    If that’s your outlook, no wonder you hate every part of it.

      Kerrie McLoughlin 4 years ago

      Emma, do you not see the mob of angry mothers churning around you for your judgmental comment? You’re at the wrong blog, honey. You want the cutesie one down the road.

        Emma 4 years ago

        Sorry, sweetheart, but I see no “mob of angry mothers,” whatever that moronic comment is supposed to mean. But you’re obviously one who believes in the herd mentality. Clearly I am at the wrong blog. I had hoped for intelligent discussion.

          Lizzi 3 years ago

          I’m w/you, Emma.

Kristen Mae 4 years ago

Holy God you people are scaring the living shit out of me…

Christine 4 years ago

OMG, you are so right! It does NOT get easier — personally I think it is harder as they get older. But always, it is fulfilling. I have a 17 year old, 13 year old and 5 year old (all girls!). The 5 year old is the easy one! The older ones . . . they are so much more complex than they used to be. They no longer have complete trust in everything I say and do . . .it’s the exact opposite (they may not say the words, but the looks they give me pretty much say “Mom, you have no clue”). And the teenage angst . . . yeesh! My oldest is the non-conformist. She doesn’t care about what is popular and following what all her peers are doing. This is a good thing, right? Not completely. It has made her an outcast among her peers and it has been heartbreaking at times trying to help her through it. My 13 year old is completely the opposite; she cares way too much what her peers say and do. She’s a redhead and has recently been treated to some verbal bullying from her “friends” about it (being a “ginger” and that gingers have no souls, etc., inspired by an episode of South Park) so now she’s convinced she has to change her hair color. WTF!? I told her not while she is living under my roof! And she’s only 13 . . . sigh. I almost wish they would always be 5 years old. At that age, their needs are so much more basic. Just love them, pay attention to them (play with them, listen when they talk), and they’re as happy as can be!

Kim 4 years ago

Easier….still waiting. My children are 24, 22, 19, 17. Who ever says it gets easier is clearly lying. As children get older you have to deal with failing classes, drinking, drugs, speeding, breaking the law and if anyone thinks they’re children won’t be like this think again. 99% of all teenagers push the limits. I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE TO HAVE MY BABIES BACK!!!

Melodie Harper 4 years ago

Your right on there! My oldest is 21 and youngest is 5, gulp*, what was I thinking? My stomach looks like a butt still and I dont think its going anywhere anytime soon! My 21 yr old was laid back and never got into trouble, its my 5 yr old thats going to be a run for my $ Im positive of t probably because I cant run far anymore! Damn the luck…hat!

Christina Rodriguez 4 years ago

My kids are 14, 12, and 9. When exactly was it supposed to get easier? When I’m dead?

Colleen Brown 4 years ago

The elementary school years are easier, but it does go downhill again. Yes, you will sleep through the night again, when they are married, definitely not before. You will stop sterilizing baby bottles and trade it in for sports equipment. You trade in car seats for cleaning up all the clothes and junk that are thrown all over the place (no diaper bags anymore) in the car. The laundry only gets worse, the clothes get MUCH bigger and take up way more space in the washing machine, not to mention they will NEVER be put away unless you do it yourself. If you think potty training, bathroom cleaning is bad, just wait until they are teenage girls, that’s an all day affair! What I wouldn’t give to hear ONLY crying again. They turn into teenagers that backtalk and you will be the worst mother in the world and hated at least once a day by one of them. The word unfair becomes standard in every other sentence out of their mouths. Oh and did I mention, it gets much more expensive the older they get!! My advice for new moms, enjoy the first year!!

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    Why is it that when I was a child/teenager I could do my own laundry and put it away? Why did I never tell my mother I hated her? I think a lot of this is a discipline issue. I’m sorry, don’t mean to be rude, but I think you are part of the problem…

andrea 4 years ago

I’m 22, married and trying for children. I think all of us grown children require more from our mother than we did as kids. Calling my mom at all hours of the day and night asking for her opinion or what she thinks I should do with real issues. I love my mom but looking at what she goes through it scares the hell out of me to have my own

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    Andrea…wait – – please wait until you have children. You are still very young. You have plenty of time. Enjoy your youth…especially since you don’t sound remotely ready to have children at this time…

SunrunnerGal 4 years ago

And all the churchgoers said, “Amen.” I sometimes cry (to myself of course) for the girl who cried when her son was “little.” Now…he’s 14-years-old, and the bags under the eyes are worse and the tummy pooch is..poochier. And he loves to tell me about it. Ha!

Andi 4 years ago

I always tell people: I can’t wait until it’s more mentally difficult than physical. My preschooler is mostly physically exhausting. My grade-schooler is more mentally exhausting. I prefer mentally. My body’s not getting any younger though, that’s for sure!

an 4 years ago

This is ridiculous. I know this person has a right to vent and feel how they want, but I don’t want everyone who reads this to think, “Aha! So they ARE all lying!”

It DOES get better.

I did not want kids, I do not like other people’s kids. But when it’s your own… it really is different.

It was hard at first, catering to this useless little thing. Spending the majority of your time feeding and changing diapers (and not sleeping). But it got easier!! He is now much more capable. He plays and sings and runs and interacts with us and others. Oh, and he goes much longer without needing to be fed or changed. He feeds himself now. He sleeps through the night, and takes naps too. When he is thirsty, he asks for water. He no longer cries until your figure out what the problem is! Oh, and he is not even two yet. So the time until relief arrives is short! He has his moments, but overall he is a joy. A light in my life I did not know I was missing. Yes, he is messy. Yes, he occasionally throws tantrums. Yes, he requires a lot of attention. But what he GIVES way outshines those things. Yes, it gets easier. And better and better. :)

    Staci C 4 years ago

    I wouldn’t say it gets easier, just different. I have a 13 and 10 year old. Been done with diapers a long time, but I can be out car pooling on a Friday night until 11 for dances or movies. Have 4 girls sleeping in my house and spend a obnoxious amount of money on food in one week. Also, girls at this age are completely thoughtless and just plan mean…. I have a sign on the refrigerator in the garage saying keep out or ask, because the kids in the neighborhood just take juice and water whenever they are thirsty and hanging out with my kids. I have been to the ER with my son too many times to count on my fingers and he 10. I have too monitor the internet and email like a hawk. Then there is the homework and school projects. Easier no, different yes!

      Lizzi 3 years ago

      I’m a female, and I wasn’t thoughtless and mean as a 10 or 14 year old. My mother always says my brother, sister and I were easy kids to raise, and I think that is in large part because she was the boss. Not in a horrible, disciplinarian way, but in a way that made sense. Maybe you shouldn’t be driving everyone around and having 4 teenage girls sleeping over your house all the time…

      With all due respect, it sounds like you need to figure out who is the parent in your household. Set some boundaries. Your children will be nicer as a result…

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    Thanks, An. I agree.

    Being a parent is work 2 years ago

    Your child isn’t 2 yet? Madam you are naive.

Emma 4 years ago

Jesus Christ, this is one of the most negative articles on parenting I’ve ever read. You make it sound like one, long, hellish nightmare. If you hate parenting that much, why in God’s name did you go on to have two more children? Why not teach your children to do laundry or pick up after themselves? No wonder it hasn’t gotten easier for you. If your outlook is this negative, if your children are “disgusting,” then yes, I imagine nothing is easy for you.

Oh, right. You wanted a book deal. Happiness doesn’t sell.

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    Emma, I couldn’t have put it better myself!!!

    Of course things are terrible for the author who doesn’t know that teaching children how to do laundry and pick up after themselves is what helps them to develop, grow, and become independent…\

    As I read the post, I kept wondering why the author has so many children…

Sarah 4 years ago

Im so glad I found this blog and read your book. I was told this fallacy when I my daughter was a new born now almost 3 years ago. And you are right, it does NOT get easier. I now cautiously tell new moms (who are hanging onto that idea), “well, it doesn’t get easier, the challenges and problems just change.”

…and my daughter isn’t even 3 yet. And my husband wants another. Lord help me…

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    Tell your husband you don’t want another, and stay firm. Our planet is already overpopulated.

    Both parents should totally – and absolutely – want and be ready to have a child.

Sheri 4 years ago

My experience is that it gets much, much easier. It might be because I only have one child. Having a newborn was a hellish nightmare, which is why Rachel is an only child. I could never, ever imagine going through that again. As she got older, she got more fun and she became less work at every stage. Now she’s 5 and a half and she’s amazing. She amuses herself for hours playing with her toys or drawing on the computer, she gets herself dressed and puts her dishes in the kitchen when she’s done eating and cleans up a lot of her own messes, too. I suspect it will get harder again in some ways when she becomes a moody pre-teen, but ages 4 and 5 have been simply glorious.

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    Thank you, Sheri. I agree! I think a lot of mothers forget what it’s like to wake up 3-4-5 times a night, every night, for months on end – – not knowing when you will finally be able to sleep again. It’s so much better to have an older child – – a fairly decent sleeper and someone you can communicate with…and someone that can do things independently.

    I think the mother that wrote this post, and a lot of mothers that are commenting here, need to show their children how to help a little…Doing the laundry isn’t rocket science. As a child I always helped, and it was fine. I never look back on that as a bad thing, I am grateful I learned how to care for myself.

    I too am only having 1 child. I feel that maybe more people should consider the benefits of that option. You can focus on the child, take great care of them, give them your full attention, and have more time for yourself so that you aren’t run ragged.

    I’m not sure why society makes people feel like they have to have more than one child. My husband was a onesie and he is wonderful…If more people had less children our planet would be in better shape, as would society…We need to give our full attention to our children, and that’s a lot easier to do when you have less kids to run after. Also, giving your full attention means teaching your child to be independent…

    As for the moms who can’t sleep when their teens go out…seriously, get some help. Relax. My parents slept like rocks when my siblings and I went out…You’re not going to change anything by staying up. Get some sleep. Enjoy your life. Stop complaining when you are the ones who’ve created your supposedly difficult situation.


Marybel Rodriguez 4 years ago

I totally agree. Easier never, different definitely. I have five kids 14, 9, 3, & 1 yr old twins and they each are difficult and loving in their own way. And even though at times I wish I could send them away I love them and cant imagine my life without them.

Ana Requierme 4 years ago

Agreed. It does not get easier, it becomes different. But OMG the nights of no sleep are something else though. The struggles of a mom with a newborn differ from the struggles of the same mom of a 5 year old.
Scary mommy, I love the humor by which you infuse into these observations. Well done.

Michele C. 4 years ago


jen 4 years ago

It really does get easier eventually. You just didn’t ask how long you’d have to wait for it to happen, and it seemed cruel to tell you “thirty years” right off the bat.

Jenny G 4 years ago

I read that too and laughed my ass off. At 14 months old my kid just keeps getting harder. More amazing sure, but please. He’s never going to sleep. He slept more as a newborn. The laundry grows, he points and screams now, his father taught him to kick a ball the other day so now he kicks balls at the piano all day long…

Like I said, he’s amazing, but easier???

I have vivid memories of the child I was nanny to for eleven years…this ain’t gonna get easier.

momX3 4 years ago

As a mother of a 16, 13, and 11 yo I’ve found that as soon as I think it is getting easier a bomb drops and everything changes.

Jenn Alex Brockman 4 years ago

I’d like to send my daughter to live with that author. She has autism and I still clean up messy pulups and she doesn’t sleep through the night, and her tantrums are actually physically dangerous for me because she’s nearly as big as I am at the tender age of 10.

Anastasia 4 years ago

Every word is true. I miss sleep so much.

Student Mom 4 years ago

It’s exhausting. I love my little 4 year-old, but some days I think, “Don’t you ever stop talking???”
It’s a reflection of me, I know… but seriously!

Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom 4 years ago

Totally does NOT get easier. Different and harder in that there is much less control.

Spiritedmama1 4 years ago

I agree. It doesn’t get easier. I now realise that someday I too will have to wait for my son to come home at whatever hour. (I can’t believe we did this to our parents) About 3 weeks ago, OI noticed the sudden influx of grey hair on my head. Don’t get me wrong I like, almost love my grey, but how did it happen so quickly. Literally overnight. Parenting is hard. But I love my parenting job

Katrina 4 years ago

As the mom of nine, I totally agree with you! My most favorite ages are newborn to 3 years old. To narrow that down, age newborn to age 18 months is my most favorite of favorite ages. Babies are EASY. You aren’t running babies around to soccer games, Kung Fu lessons, play dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, school Monday – Friday, baseball practices and 3-hour games twice a week, boy scout and girl scout meetings, dentist and orthodontic appointments…. I mean, I could go on and on. And sleep? what IS that? I believe my last full, uninterrupted night of sleep back was on January 30, 1993…the eve of my first child’s birth. Seriously. I’m not even kidding. Since then I’ve been nursing on demand, changing midnight diapers, consoling children in the night after bad dreams, changing pee sheets, being waken up by a child standing next to my bed….freaky how they just stand there and stare until you notice them….and sometimes they say, “can I sleep in your bed?” and other times they say, “my tummy doesn’t feel so good –” and before you can jump out of the way, they vomit in your face. Nope, I don’t sleep. When one has a fever? I can’t sleep. I am constantly getting up in the night to check on the fever, to put a cool washcloth on their forehead, to worry. Even now…when my youngest is three year’s old and sleeping through the night, you’d think I’d sleep…but no. I wait until my 20 year old gets home from his evening out. I stay up to make sure the 16 year comes home before 11pm on a weekend. I don’t sleep. I can relate to your post a lot. It doesn’t get EASIER as they get older. It just changes. A lot. I really, really, really miss the baby years.

    Lizzi 3 years ago

    OMG, just go to sleep. Lighten up about your teenagers…Jeez.

The Mommy Psychologist 4 years ago

It’s like brain surgery. Brain surgery is never easy. You just get a bit better and more skilled at it. But you never call it easy. And then one day you enter the operating room and are presented with something completely foreign that you’ve never done before. You’re left feeling completely clueless and terrified all over again.

“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”

    Not Supermom 4 years ago

    And in cases like mine, the terrifying, never-seen-this-shit-before just waltzes in and takes over the place, and doesn’t.leave.ever.

    I’m pretty sure I’m completely clueless EVERY DAMN DAY.

    Pass the rum.

bluecottonmemory 4 years ago

I miss the pure adoration, the slurpy kisses, pure hearts. Then 11 comes – and the blues move in, then rebellion slides in – and depending on the coachability of the child – it either requires a tweek – or the truly most challenging, heart-wrenching, faith-application where it is only faith that gets you and your teen through, where you learn to pray, “Show me how you see him, God” – it definitely doesn’t get easier – unless your raising robots!
Nobody ever says, “I want a teen.” It’s always, “I want a baby.”
I’m a glass half-full kind of girl – but good parenting is the hardest, least-paid gig in town!

Kat 4 years ago

Great post! Very truthful. I have a 5 year old and a 5 month old and some days ( ok most days) the older one is way more work!

Shannon 4 years ago

I have four girls and everything you said is absolutely right on!

Pam 4 years ago

Hahahaha! This is great… I have a six week old. Better to set the bar low and perhaps be pleasantly surprised than be totally disappointed. Thanks for setting us new moms straight:)

Mary 4 years ago

Amen! Amazing and hard and happy and lonely and humbling and more = parenting. So much to learn, so much to accept, so much to enjoy. And quite happy to hear my “tube socks” aren’t alone in this world!

Mary (ateachablemom) recently posted What a Shame!

Danielle 4 years ago

I just had my second baby last December. What makes a baby seem easy? A 3 year old!! OMG babies are sooo much easier! They don’t scream no, throw themselves on the floor at Target, and they want to eat what you are offering. Give me a baby over the horrendous 3’s anyday ;).

Lottie Lockwood 4 years ago

Boobs like deflated tube socks….still laughing….

So damn true…. all of it…. mine are now 12 & 14 and it’s fraught, fun & fantastic but easier? Easier my arse…

Sarah 4 years ago

My sister-in-law has a saying…”Little kids = little problems, big kids = bigger problems.” Both of mine are in the early elementary years which I’ve heard described as The Honeymoon Years” and even though it is not easy, I kind of believe it. The issues we might deal with when they are 13+ make a two year old’s meltdown seem minor (though I know it didn’t feel that way at the time.)

a Book for My Daughter 4 years ago

So incredibly true—brilliant. You have completely summed up my feelings over the “challenges” of being a parent to older children. When I look at a picture of my daughter as an infant, I always think that about what I would give to just hold my daughter as a newborn/infant once more.

    Shannon 4 years ago

    I know the feeling and it makes me cry. I can’t bear the thought of my girls leaving home either. :(

Michelle 4 years ago

If only they can stay small. Physically it’s tough with a baby. When they turn into teenagers, you better be ready psychologically…there was a point where I thought my daughter was strategically trying to drive insane!
Thank goodnesss for College!!

firsttimemommy 4 years ago

LOL thanks for the solace Jill! I still can’t wait for the smiles. Darth Cuteness is my one and only so hopefully I can still get away with doing only one load of laundry a day… hopefully.

Bonnie Ferrell 4 years ago

Keeping it real lady! Love it:)

Jenny 4 years ago

Popped over from Shell’s and I have totally been missing out! You are right, parenting does not get easier. There are challenges at every age and the exhaustion is not as bad.

Roksi 4 years ago

Yeah…. I need total silence to fall asleep…

My husband snores and sleep talks. My baby snores, and sleep babbles. My 2 dogs… Yeah, they snore and sleep-bark-at-stuff.

I’m never going to get a decent nights sleep again, and I’m pretty sure I’m becoming delirious. Watching everyone, including a 4 month old, sleep peacefully whilst I go nuts is some weird cruel torture.

Laura 4 years ago

Yeah, statements about things eventually getting easier and better when you have kids are LIES! The only thing is that you beleive them until you get your own children and really get the chance to experience things like diapers, vomit, cheekyness, teenagers, etc. :)

Maegan 4 years ago

I dunno…It feels a bit easier to me. I go a week or two without being interrupted in my sleep by a kid! I’ve explained to them how to take care of a few little things…If you can’t sleep – stay in bed with a book or toy, eventually, you might fall asleep again. If the sun is up, but mom isn’t, then it’s not a school day – please go pee, brush your teeth, and eat cereal. At the very least, they’ve eaten the cereal (I make them eat healthy cereal during the week & save fruity pebbles or something sugary for weekends!). If mom still isn’t up – so what? Go play! My 8 yr old has a checklist so she can make her own lunch for the next school day. I am going to teach her to do her laundry soon, too! Even if she just washes a load of colored t-shirts…that’s one less load I have to do!

The little one is 4…but she follows big sis around like a puppy…so I never really have to worry about her. And big sis is too busy being bossy for them to really get in to much trouble. We don’t have a TV right now…but the older one knows how to turn on my lap top, plug it in, and hook up the external DVD player. All she has to do then, is wait for a play button! I know there will be times when it will not be this easy – but for now it is…and I am grateful!! :)

imperfectmomma 4 years ago

Cause really…this used to piss me off. People would say to me all the time, it gets easier. I would wait and wait, by the time Diva came; I gave up. When the heck does it get easier? I love my beautiful kids and enjoy my time with them- but it aint easy

The Mommy Psychologist 4 years ago

Parenting never got “easier” for me until I realized that it was never going to be easy. There was always going to be something. Motherhood is full of lies. Lies we tell ourselves and lies others tell us. This “getting easier” is a big one. So is the “time goes by so fast.” Not so in the first year. The first year was the slowest year of my life.

“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”

mom taxi julie 4 years ago

With one soon to leave the next I say treasure the times, even though they really suck sometimes.

Motherhood on the Rocks 4 years ago

I have to agree with you! Definitely not easier. Once they get mobile, you’ll also never sit again. And once they learn that your food is often tastier, you’ll never eat a whole meal again… oh the list goes on and on. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Phase Three of Life 4 years ago

Yes, yes, yes! And also, yes! I’m only 18 months deep, and already I can see this is all true.

sarah waldin 4 years ago

as usual – a million comments I dont have time to read but am sure I relate to and would agree to.
Another great post. you rock! thanks for being there. it helps a little bit every single day.
Sarah xx

Amy Bloom 4 years ago

Ok. But what does get better is our ability to handle it all, and our sense of humor? Right? Otherwise, I’m in trouble- we’re about to enter The Twos.

Kerrie McLoughlin 4 years ago

Deflated tube socks. Yep. That’s why I kept getting pregnant. I’m on #5 right now but am getting long in tooth AND boobs now, so I may just have to roll my boobs up into my bra like a windowshade and suck it up. Gets EASIER? Physically, maybe, but harder emotionally and in tons of other ways.

jen_schoeph 4 years ago

brilliant & spot on!

Sleeping Mom 4 years ago

I agree that just as one issue is done (Yay he slept through the night!), another thing pops up (He won’t stay in his toddler bed!). There’s a slew of things that I’ve had to deal with because of having a toddler that I never had to bother with when he was an infant. And I’m sure I can say the same once he’s older (Will he make friends at school? etc) that I don’t have to deal with now.

That said, I do still think that the newborn days are the worst, only because you have to get up so many times a night. Sleep deprivation seriously is no joke and I was not a happy mama until my kiddo was able to sleep through the night.

But yes, the never ending job of parenthood… maybe it gets better in some ways, and not so great in others.

MangoChutney 4 years ago

All that’s so true! at least when they were babies I had a schedule! I knew the times where I would sleep and I could kinda control the situation, but now…they control me..HELP!

Meg 4 years ago

Never easier… it becomes more of a game of chess that either way win or lose, you still have to fork over cash.

Corey Feldman 4 years ago

Somethings get easier, others harder. The best things in life are rarely easy. As my kids have moved from infants to 3 and 5 year olds, somethings are easier others aren’t. There is much I miss, and much I would miss if I would remind time. My personal thought is, if parenting older kids is somehow easier, your doing it wrong.

Elaine 4 years ago

You are always so right. And I’m not just saying that. 😉

It totally changes as you go along, the challenges of it all just become different. And when they are all in different stages? It’s even more so. Just MORE! Potty training! About to start Kindergarten! Attitude/sleepovers/homework! Oh my…

karen 4 years ago

I actually found the baby stage much easier. Older kids are a lot of work. Plus the stains on their clothes are much harder to get out.

Regina 4 years ago

You got that right! It’s clearly no fantasy that life will get easier. They start to talk and tell you how they don’t like the food you gave them and refuse to eat.

Oh and tell you they hate you because you don’t let them get their way!

But when they are sleeping, I like to look on them and see how beautiful they are.

Jessica 4 years ago

Oh so true. Right now my “parenting” is harder than I can remember it begin in a long time. How I wish for the days of balancing two babies on my lap, trying to feed them both as I mindlessly had daytime tv on. Even though I slept about an hour per week, I had no idea how simple that life was.

Odd Dad 4 years ago

I miss nap time.

TheCheekyKea 4 years ago

My husband has a saying, “Whoever said the twos were terrible, obviously killed their kids before they got any older”.

    Odd Dad 4 years ago

    Spot on.

Rachel 4 years ago

Best advice I ever received regarding parenting, “you are raising adults, not children.” it put a whole different spin on my role as a mother. I went from parenting children to equipping my sons to become men.

Mommy’s Minions (@MommysMinions) 4 years ago

I have 6-year old boy/girl twins. People ask me when they started sleeping through the night. I tell them, “I’ll let you know.” Lil’ Gal gets up and wanders about every two hours. If she doesn’t, there’s a good chance Lil’ Guy will have a nightmare.

People tell me, “Just wait until they’re teenagers.” I’m looking forward to it. Teenagers will let me sleep in on weekends… won’t they?

    TheCheekyKea 4 years ago

    Not if I’m remembering being a teenager correctly.

      Mommy’s Minions (@MommysMinions) 4 years ago

      I have less of an issue of them staying out late vs. being early risers. At this time. I may well rue my words.

    MangoChutney 4 years ago

    We can only hope..can we?:)

    Colleen Brown 4 years ago

    Sorry to burst your bubble….Mine are 19, 16, 13, 11 & 10. ENJOY 6-10 years old, those are pretty good, this is when they learn to fend for themselves a bit. But by the time they are teenagers you will be so used to being up early in the morning, that you will be exhausted waiting up for them until midnight and furious that they won’t wake up when you try to get them up. They miraculously become nocturnal creatures when they reach middle school, and it doesn’t end until…well, I’ll let you know when I see that day!

The Flying Chalupa 4 years ago

Now that my second one is 4 months old, I actually yearn for those first 3 portable months when he slept through everything (except at night of course).

And did you have to remind me about the deflated tube socks?

On that note, I’ve got to hit the sack in preparation for the midnight feeding. FUUUUUUUUCK…..


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