Dani Ryan
Latest posts by Dani Ryan (see all)
- Bad Parenting Advice - March 18, 2013
- The Five Stages of Parents’ Sex Life - January 24, 2013
There are people out there who claim their sex lives never changed after they had kids, and still others who say they started having sex more once their little ones were born.
I’m calling bullshit.
Now don’t get me wrong; I like a good roll between the sheets. But I’m hard pressed to believe anyone’s sex life remains unchanged or increases after kids enter the picture.
I just don’t see how that’s possible.
Unless you weren’t having much sex to begin with, of course. And if that’s the case, I am so very, very sorry…
Then again, if you weren’t having much sex before you had kids, you probably aren’t bitter like the rest of us at the drastic decline in “relations” that parenthood brings. Maybe that’s the trick – set the bar really low from the get-go so you always come out on top (so to speak).
Anyway, let’s stop ragging on the prudes and get down to the topic at hand, shall we?
Having kids kills your sex life.
Alright, so I’m no expert when it comes to relationships or sex, but it would seem there are 5 distinct phases couples go through in the bedroom.
1. Dating. Oh, how I loved this stage. You remember what it was like – every time you saw each other, it was all you could do to keep your paws off each other. I believe I spent the first 6 months of my relationship with my husband with JBF hair. What’s that, you ask? What’s JBF hair? Think about it: “Just Been…”
2. Living Together. This starts out really exciting – since almost every date you have leading up to the moment you move in together ends with sex, you naturally assume you will now be having sex every day.Bah-hahahaha!
3. The Pulling Of The Goalie. Also known as the “we’re trying” phase, this is a magical, magical time because, almost as soon as you ditch the birth control, you are magically transported back to the Dating Phase. It is glorious. For about a month. But the longer it takes your husband to knock you up, the more sex starts to feel like a (mostly fun) science experiment.
4. We’re Pregnant! When you enter this stage of your relationship, you will be on cloud nine. But then morning sickness will kick in, and let me tell you – nothing gets a guy in the mood more than hearing his partner yak several times a day. The good news is, you start to feel better by your second trimester. The bad news is, a lot of men aren’t overly interested in doing the deed once your belly starts to grow. Something about poking the baby (men like to flatter themselves, don’t they?).
5. We’re Never Having Sex Again Parents. Once you hit this phase, sex as you know it will never be the same again. Ever. You now have to schedule it around naps and bedtime, and when you do muster up the strength to do the deed, you have to pray like hell the baby doesn’t wake up . . . because the sound of crying or happy chattering is an instant mood killer.
Now, I’m sure there are more than just 5 phases in this whole cycle of love, but The Hubs and I aren’t there yet. My guess is that, once The Kid starts school a couple of years from now, this whole process will come full circle and The Hubs will start coming home for nooners again.
If I’m incorrect in this assumption, please do me a favor and keep that piece of information to yourself.
{ 103 comments… read them below or add one }
Ack! All this is sadly too, too true! And I’m with you, if it’s anything but nooners in the next phase, I don’t want to know.
Meredith recently posted..Score One for the Drug Store
Fingers crossed we get to go back to the Dating Phase when the kids are in school full time!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
“Something about poking the baby (men like to flatter themselves, don’t they?)”
LOL!
From what I understand, Stage 6 is when kids are in school and generally not home that much. And then the magic slowly starts to creep back in.
At least, I hope that’s true.
Sigh.
JD Bailey @ Honest Mom recently posted..7 things that make winter suck a little less
Fingers crossed, my friend!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
So funny and true!!!
I’m glad I made you laugh!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
I missed the step between moving in and getting pregnant. oops.
DAMNIT!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
The secret to getting your sex life back after babies is to have him get a vasectomy.
therobynnest recently posted..Rocket Ship finds a home.
We skipped the vasectomy part and now have baby #5 on the way!!! We won’t be skipping that step again!
Amen, sister! Nothing like being able to do the deed with reckless abandon, ovulation-be-damned!
BAHAHAHA!!! I imagine that helps!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
I never made it past 5 with my ex husband, but I can tell you if you have a relationship after a long stretch of singledom, you should always lock your door, even if your kids are actually almost adults who should know to knock.
My Half Assed Life recently posted..Cat Fights And Getting Catty
We’ll be buying a lock this weekend…
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
Nooners? Seriously? More like noners….
HA!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
I call horse shit, lol. I am a 25 year old mother of a 13 month old and my husband is of similar age and Active duty AF. Guess what? We have sex 8 times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. ;) Honest to god truth. Autumn goes off the play, flips us the bird while she’s off doing her business and we go off and do ours. She sleeps 14 hours a night, affording more rolls ;) Sorry if you all have clingy as hell kids. True, the first few months were intense on the mommy scale, but Autumn just loves to play pretend and has never been one to cling.
Awww…there really is nothing like a cocky mommy…..pun intended.
Hey man, carpe connubium. ;)
You are 25.
therobynnest recently posted..Rocket Ship finds a home.
Well, the article was about babies killing sex lives, not age wasn’t it? Autumn is in fact a baby >> My husband works 14 hour shifts, so we get the time together when we can. I suppose having that kind of fire lit under ones arse will motivate things. Especially with the looming threats of deployments.
Exactly. Wait until your 30s, my naive little friend.
Well I’m 23 and I kind of wish I was Ashley but, with two under two and a husband who works 45 hours a week and goes to school full time, it really doesn’t matter how young I am.
Noobs. As a veteran mom in a long term relationship with a teenagers and an older woman I find your lack of resourcefulness and creativity depressing. My man and I are both in the military. Our sex life is still great. If your guy doesn’t want to bonk you for being a human being such as being preggers and vomiting then maybe you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. The reason most sex lives die is not because of children, it’s because people let themselves go and they aren’t adventurous. People take things for granted until they are gone or don’t have them anymore. I wanted to back Ashley up because she makes some very valid points.
I would imagine that having teenagers is very different than having a two year old and a six month old. I don’t suppose you are still nursing the teens? I didn’t say anything to discredit Ashley. So I don’t see why you needed to be so mean. I know I’m a “noob”. I think having only been a mother 2 years is pretty much the definition of “noob”. I’m sure things will improve. My husband and I still love each other very much and we do find ways to make it work whenever possible.
I call horse shit.
My money is on Ashley being a guy whose wife is pregnant, and he posted this in desperate hopes that someone, anyone will respond to this post confirming they actually have his fantasy post-baby sex life, because the truth is too sad to face.
Or maybe there really are people who get this lucky, but you’d think they’d have the good graces not to rub it in.
Bless your heart! It’s so nice that you’re able too leave your 13 month old while you and your DH have coitus. Unfortunately some of us with “clingy as hell” children like playing with them. If your sex life is as phenomenal as you say, then there’s no need to be snippy. Otherwise, me thinks thou doth protest too much :)
You are a lucky woman, Ashley. ;)
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
You are a lucky woman, Ashley!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
Be careful there, Ashley. Being that full-of-yourself will displease the mommy gods, and your next kid might have colic.
How can you leave your child alone while she is awake?! I guess your child is not yet learning to walk and is an extremely sedentary baby with no inclination to move and no curiousity. Otherwise leaving her alone even for a minute long quickie will mean she has pulled some furniture down on herself or found some small object you didn’t notice and chokes on it, or she tries to walk and falls and busts her head. All of which my extremely active daughter would do in a heartbeat. Now she is also climbing everywhere and will probably end up nose diving off the kitchen table if we left her unattended. And after the baby stage, ie toddler stage, playpens don’t work. They just climb out of them and their cribs.
LOL You must have some very…interesting children. Autumn’s room is child proofed. Her toys, a toddler bed, and her blow up castle. “furniture” isn’t an issue. We have boundaries, Autumn isn’t a foolish or fool hardy child, and has learned the rules. she doesn’t even go in the kitchen without being in my arms, she asks to get up in my arms where the carpet meets the tile. Save your judgment for someone else, idiocy isn’t needed here. nor is pompous foolishness.
Idiocy and pompous foolishness?! If you have another child you will probably realize that your first was exceptional. Because most very small children ARE foolish and foolhardy. It’s a feature of developing brains that they don’t understand consequences. Or maybe your daughter just hasn’t started that stage of testing her boundries yet. As someone said she is only 13 months. Lots of time for things to change. And one thing is for sure. With children just when you think you’ve finally gotten into the rythym of things. They switch it on you. No judgement.
A.who said she was awake? I stated the hours she sleeps.
B. Where in the nine hells do you leave your kid? Mine’s in a baby safe room, and while it not be always and forever we are fortunate to be together so often, this simply goes to discount the fact that children kill sex lives. -__- Age kills sex lives, fine, but that’s not what this post is about. Age decreases hormones, so that is a no brainer. Brand new babies? OK I get that, but some kids are independent. Autumn rather play in her castle than with me, or harassing the dog. But being afforded a few hours with my husband to kiss or snuggle or copulate? I hardly think that is placing my child in mortal risk, and anyone who thinks so aught to go face palm and walk away.
Well you just completely misunderstood everything I tried to say and instead got very defensive… again. But you have not discounted the theory that having children disrupts sex life. Instead you have shown there is always an exception to every rule. I am actually happy your sex life hasn’t been adversely affected. Enjoy it because it is good for the whole family’s happiness and well being.
You shouldn’t put your name and daughters name out there on a blog talking about how much sex you have. Maybe you should be a bit more discreet. Glad you are enjoying a healthy sex life.
Luckily, as babies, my kids slept really well. A tad awkward in the first year when the kids slept in the same room! Haha. Mommy confessional. But I do have to agree with the locked door thing…
having kids changes your life.. u become frustrated and get mad at your partner more!!!!
Totally have to agree! I’m there although my daughter is 4 and my son is 9. We live in a 1 story 2 bedroom house. We HAVE to wait til the chitlins go to bed or when they are gone.
We live in a condo. I get you, sista!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
1. Correct
2. Correct
3. Correct
4. Correct
5. Correct — and for the love of God, strength. There’s barely energy left with one toddler, I can’t imagine a bigger family. No no no. Sobbing.
We only have one too. How do the other people cope?!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
I’ve often wondered how the heck people GET more than one kid, seeing as you actually have to find time to do the deed in order to end up with more than one. Hmmm????
We ended up with 3 very close in age. When the first 2 were babies it was often quickies even if the kids were in the room. We figured they were occupied with their toys and even if they stole a peak they would have no idea what was going on. :) But that had to stop by the time the eldest was 3 ’cause he got curious then.
Now it’s either at night or on rare occasion we put a video on for them and lock the door. And more than twice a month is a lot. :)
Mercy recently posted..Move Progress Update
I guess I’m lucky I have a pragmatic husband. And one who worked early in the morning when I was pregnant. He didn’t bear witness to my morning sickness(which was puking in the morning and nausea through the afternoon) and the pregnant belly wasn’t a turn off to him. Perhaps he saw it as a sign of his virility?
But, yes, once your kids are school age, things do get easier. We took advantage of them both being in school. But now, we’re homeschooling, and they’re here at the house all.the.time. We’re back to having to be creative, and staying up extra late.
It could be worse, right?
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That’s it! We’re enrolling her in daycare tomorrow!
(Kidding. Kind of.)
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
Stage 6 is elusive – especially if you have kids that are spread out in age range (not planned). We have 5 boys – from 22 to 6. Our 11 yr old walked in on us while we were in a compromising position in the middle of the night. (Hopefully he was sleepwalking.) He whips open our bedroom door and says “Hi guys! What’s up?!” A sense of humor at this point is critical. And so is the lock.
OMG, that’s hysterical. Although probably not for you…
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
I was just interviewing a man for a book I’m ghostwriting, and I needed him to detail for me the events leading up to an important incident in the book. He very shyly said that he wasn’t sure his wife would appreciate him saying so but that they’d made love on the morning of said day. This happened the year after their youngest kiddo left for college, and I had trouble focusing for the rest of the interview because I kept thinking (a) he said “made love” and (b) he had wake-up sex when he was well past my age. There apparently is hope!
Jenny recently posted..A Turd in the Tub: The Magical Thinking of Kids
“Made love”?! Oh my!!!!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
Glad to hear it’s not just me I was starting to get a complex …lol this is too funny!
Thanks!
Dani Ryan recently posted..5 reasons I drag my ass to the gym at 5:00 am
Ashley, you have one child. That one child is 13 months old and probably can’t get out of the crib yet. Wait. (Plus I’m really jealous that she sleeps so much! That’s awesome!)
She’s a very unique child, i had a very very high risk pregnancy, and an even worse case of colic with her (first 5 months were…not cool) but now she wants little to do with us- and she sleeps in her big girl bed behind her baby gate- then she moves and plays in her own room. She doesn’t -want- to play with us, she wants to play in her castle and with the kitty. lol. We lucked out big time, but being a military family, given every moment is precious, we do -make- a way to be together.
Sadly, this rings a bell. Guys don’t understand why they don’t get it, after children. They think we are bionic women who can do it all. Good for those who can, but my body can only take so much. The kids are in school (3rd grade and preschool), but my husband works insane hours (literally ALL day). The weekend is my vacation time away from the kids (well, sort of) and his time to relax or spend time with the remote. I don’t blame him, but there’s never a good time for the deed with our two little ones. Our older child is a night owl, and it’s like pulling teeth to get our toddler in bed at a decent hour. By the time the charade is complete, this mama is ready to crash. See where I am going with this? NO time = NO nookie. Hell, if we didn’t have the kids and he worked a M-F 9-5 job, we would still be having dating sex. Life happens. We’re working on it, though…slowly.
I think that this is so not true. I am 36 and My hubby and I have 6 children. and still find the time to be intimate at least 4 times a week. baby wakes up but when they go back to sleep….. its a good time. first thing in the morning when the kids are yet to get up…. its a good time. there are locks on doors and they will be just fine while you are “getting dressed if they should happen to wake up. my husband had no problem with my baby belly and even now that we are done having kids he is still Fine with the aftermath of having 6 kids in 10 years.
There is a first thing in the morning before the kids are up? My baby has basically put my alarm clock out of a job.
Ha! Totally. I’m not even sure if we have a working alarm clock in the house. I’d have to be allowed to sleep past 5am to care.
You’re a lucky woman, Rochelle!
Dani Ryan recently posted..8 Cliques Of Gyms Everywhere
Actually my hubby thinks pregnant women are super sexy. #6 kicks in after the baby starts to sleep through the night and your schedule starts to normalize. You don’t have to wait all the way for school.
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Wow, I feel so sorry for the moms on here!
sex should NOT be a thing of the past once kids are in the picture. I still get it at least ONCE a day, if not more. My son sleeps all night long, and he has play dates which makes it that much easier for me and my boyfriend to have our alone time..
I used to think that sex would be a thing of the past, but hell, I also thought I would never have any children either! Get back under those sheets moms!
Im sorry but in all honesty, our relationship wasn’t like this at all. I married a man 10 years older than me with three teenagers we have full custody. We didn’t do the whole honeymoon dating phase. We started out friends having crazy wild sex all the time and 4 years later we are still friends having hot sex with each other. We had sex the whole way thru my pregnancy, we couldnt get enough of each other. i had a planned csection and we started having sex again 4 days after the baby was born at my request. Our baby is 8 months old now. We make time fo each other but we are still spontaneous. We are lucky, and we realize this. We don’t take it for granted. We are each other’s best friend. We are a great match. I am a career woman and my husband is a pro athlete, but our lives didn’t really change after the baby. We just function on a little less sleep sometimes.
Sex 4 days after a C-section? Not smart. I had 3 and couldn’t even consider sex for 2 or 3 months afterwards. It was that painful. How did you not damage your incision that was obviously not healed?
Mercy recently posted..Move Progress Update
The last few weeks of my pregnancy I wanted sex so badly, but the baby had dropped, blocking my g-spot! we could still have sex and we did, but he had to finish me in other ways. I was dying to have an internal orgasm again. I can tell you it was totally my decision, my husband was prepared to wait, I had to talk him into it. Let me just say that we arent wild animals. My husband is a very gentle harlequin-romance novel style lover. Low and slow missionary style! Thats our favorite way. Although my water broke causing my surgery to be moved up a day, I had a planned c-section. My doc used a laser and I heal very fast. I don’t scar very much. He sent me home just 18 hrs after the surgery because of how well i was coming along. A week later I felt like I hadn’t even had surgery. I didn’t have all that lochia stuff either. I had stopped bleeding right after the doc sent me home. I was body building up until I got pregnant, and I wanted a c-section, so I think my mindset had a lot to do with how well and how fast I recovered. I had the best birth experience ever and I can’t wait to do it again!
As much as I want sex (when the mood actually strikes) I’m usually too effing tired at the end of the day to be sexy or for an energetic romp in the sack. DS is 3 so maybe in a couple more years things with change.
Sadly, so true…after 4 kids…(sigh)
Getting clinical, a lot of moms end up exhausted. Not simply “oh, I’m exhausted” exhausted but truly medically EXHAUSTED. This affects libido. So on top of all the mood killers, you’re probably dealing with less frequent moods. Lack of sex sucks. We have a lot of kids. We went for a long time with very little sex. I was truly medically EXHAUSTED. Now, I’m fixed :D In our case, it has come full circle.
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I think one of the key things here is having a husband who just won’t give up. If it was up to me, our sex life would have ended a long time ago. But, 4 kids later, he just won’t let me turn him down too many nights in a row. I’d like to think it’s because I still turn him on, but I think he’s just really horny and gets tired of taking care of it himself after a few days.
Bahahahaha!
Dani Ryan recently posted..8 Cliques Of Gyms Everywhere
Yes, all of this is true. I laughed at the last one, because that was me – praying the kids would stay asleep when hubby decided to jump me middle of the night.
Now the kids are older, but with hubby’s work hours, and my tiredness, it doesn’t happen very often. Most of the time I don’t feel like it.
Mercy recently posted..Move Progress Update
I have four and can tell you this is all true. So by the time they start leaving the house and you think you are free, menopause sets in. The good thing about menopause is you can’t get pregnant anymore but you lose your desire. No one warns you about this. Menopause sucks.
So ladies try and have date night as much as you can.
Oh man, sex just gets put on the back burner because I’m physically and mentally drained by days end. -__-Plus my bf gets so paranoid we’ll produce another baby XD Well, I guess that’s what can happen when you have sex! At least that’s what people keep telling me(lol). Age is starting to creep up on us making for some energy drops. Having a roommate slump around our house kinda kills extra time too. I’d love to have a nice romp in our front room like old times, but I’m sure that sight might blind the poor boy XD
How about the quickie in the closet,bathroom, garage,(The wherever the kids are not phase) which occurs between the time they cannot be left alone for a moment and they can ONLY be left alone for a moment. Our code for this was “Doing laundry”, as in “Where were you for the last 5 minutes?” “We were doing laundry”
The “quickie” is always wrecked by the kids pounding on the door trying to break in. So no matter how quick we try to be the kids always seem to wreck the mood. School can’t come fast enough :)
True very true!
You gotta love when the newborn ends up in your room next to the bed in her swing and then even better than that…your toddlers bed is in your room because there’s monsters in his room and ends up in your bed at any time of the nite. So romance slowly slips out your door…
What is this S-E-X you’re talking about???
Anna @ My Life and Kids recently posted..How to Make Fart Sounds
I’m happy to say, after 4 kids and soon 11 yrs of marriage, we have more “fun” together than ever!!! Of course we skipped the moving in together and were both virgins when we got married…I realize that is “old fashioned” and rare these days…but we feel so blessed!!’
So you’re calling bull-shit, doesn’t apply to everyone with kids, thankfully:)
Good for you, Kendra! ;)
Dani Ryan recently posted..8 Cliques Of Gyms Everywhere
“The Pulling of the Goalie” HA! Love that!
Stephanie recently posted..Pop-Up Potty Party
When I was pregnant, I got SO turned on so easy. I was always jumping his bones. Those pregnancy hormones turned me into a perv! I understand that lot of people’s sex lives change when they have kids, but ours never did. We didn’t even make it two weeks post partum before we had to roll in the sheets for chrissakes! That’s just us though. The guy is my soul mate and we’ve always had a ridiculously strong sexual connection.
We’ve been married ten years, together twelve, and we still paw each other and sneak off to get busy every change we get. I also credit our privacy to the fact that we were firm from the beginning that our son would NEVER sleep in our bed. He’s eight now and has only slept in our bed maybe 5 times in eight years and only when he was sick. For bad dreams, we’d cuddle and comfort and then walk him back to his bed. So we’ve never had the misfortune of having to break him of sleeping with us. I was also lucky that for the first four years of his life we lived in Japan on a military base and we had a babysitter every weekends, so we’d get to go out and relax and then go home and get busy. When we moved back to the states we had to get more creative since we didn’t have the extra income to have a sitter all the time. There were lots of trysts in the car, the woods, the shower, the four wheeler etc. We got creative. Having a second to yourself when your kids are small is damn near impossible, but we made it happen. I suppose we’re just two extremely sexual beings…
Excuse me that should be the FIRST EIGHTEEN MONTHS of his life not four that we lived in Japan.
Excuse me that should be the FIRST EIGHTEEN MONTHS of his life not four
Our daughter was a very bad sleeper for the first 11 months, and at one point my husband suggested bringing her into our bed to help me get some sleep. I was adamant we not do that. SOOOOO glad I stuck to it! ;)
Dani Ryan recently posted..8 Cliques Of Gyms Everywhere
Stage 6:
You stop giving a shit about when the kids are asleep and away. They’re older 4-7 and know enough boundaries and rules of what not to do. So you and your husband start sneaking away to “Talk” upstairs in your room, doors locked for 20 minutes or so. Why? Because late at night we like to sleep, and with a SPED kid babysitters and times away just don’t exist. All is starting to roll again in happyland until your husband’s testosterone drops and you hit your sex peak as a woman in your mid-late 30′s. Then you’ll be begging for it and he just cannot because of hormonal issues. So it’s battery-operated city baby!
I think we more or less followed stages 1-5. Now we are comfortably in Stage 6, which is taking it when you can, and getting what you can whenever you can. Sometimes all we are up for is snuggling, sometimes it is a quickie, and sometimes it is a long evening of pleasure. Just make sure to close the door.
We have also learned that if we show affection outside the bedroom, we are more in the mood later when time and circumstance allows for more intimate activities. We make sure to hug and kiss alot – we may embarass our children (ages 5 and 9) but they get to see that love does not happen just in the bedroom. There are days we spend all day teasing eachother and working up an appetite, so that by the time we are alone, we feel like we have been having fore play all day. There are times I think what we have now is better than our pre-kids sex. We appreciate it more, we know eachother’s bodies more and we care more about making each encounter mean something, or at least mean whatever we want it to at that time – sometimes just a quickie, sometime a passionate encounter.
Not that we don’t miss the days of sexual freedom we had before, but now, at least we know we can’t get pregnant – I definately recommend a vesectomy if you know you are done having babies. Those days of doing it whereever and when ever will come back, but the tradeoff of having my children, who love us (and love spending time with us, not just spending time alone in their room with their toys) is worth a little less sex for a few years. All too soon, they will be off to their own lives.
Sounds just like my husband and I!! This is what love is about!! The friendship side of love!! Well done!
Reading this while in the waiting room at my obgyn for my 6 week postpartum appointment for baby #3. Sex certainly does change after having kids. Today I could careless if I ever did it again. I’m sure I’ll feel differently as soon as I get a full night’s sleep. Oh life, you are just soooo funny aren’t you!
I promise you it gets better! I made the fatal mistake of having my first Brazilian wax before my 6-week OBGYN check-up. It wasn’t pretty. I hope you got the thumbs up to get between the sheets again!
Dani Ryan recently posted..8 Cliques Of Gyms Everywhere
Oh it’s so sad because it’s so true. The transition from JBF hair to Mom hair is a frustrating one, BUT I’m holding out hope that we all will once again partake in afternoon delight much like during the dating phase. And if not, there’s an app for that?
I’m a big fan of the next stage…sex after divorce. You know what you want, he knows how to do it, AND he has a vasectomy. And you can be loud as shit when the kids are at their dad’s house.
After my first was born we went back to stage one. Frequency definitely increased. I think it was the hormones. We were very active while pregnant too. After my second was born, everything went down hill. The stress of two plus exhaustion – mood killer. I see both sides of the coin.
Denae @ New Mom Adventure recently posted..The Dust Clears
My husband and I bounced right back to stage 1 after DS10 was born, but stayed in stage 5 after DS3. I’m 15 wks pg with #3 and the last time we had relations was… oh about 15 wks ago. I think I could quite happily go the rest of my life without it, but that could be the 24 hour nausea talking.
You forgot the phase… I am locking the door so the kids can’t get in and I can get 2 minutes of action… which eventually turns into… this is too damn distracting since the kids are knocking on the door to the are you sure you can’t take less than 2 minutes since the kids learned how to unlock the door.
Entertaining post – Sex after kids…. bahahahahahaha!!!
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I’m glad you liked it!
Dani Ryan recently posted..8 Cliques Of Gyms Everywhere
I will never forget when my son was just old enough to jump in his little jumperoo contraption. Picture him at the foot of our wooden sleigh bed. For some reason we are doing it doggy styly facing him. He thought we were playing peek a boo and was smiling ear to ear. Thankfully he was to young to remember anything but now we keep all kids (even the 2 month old) out of the bedroom for the deed. With 5 ages 5 and under it can be interesting, but keeping it playful outside of the bedroom adds some fun build up for when the time is right. :)
Great article! But I gonna warn ya, as a mother of 3 teenagers, you do get a “dating phase” back when the kids get in school….but it gets worse again when they are teenagers. teenagers have horrible waking/sleeping hours, which makes it hard to find time for “couple time”, you can’t bank on them going to sleep at a certain hour. And then, teenagers know exactly what sex is, so even if you do close the door and try to do it, they know what you’re doing, and will yell things like “ew gross mom and dad!!!! I know what you’re doing” hahahaha I’m looking forward to the empty nest now!
Stage 6 is when they’re old enough to wake up, go get a bowl of cereal, & read a book or watch TV on their own. “Let mom & dad ‘sleep in’ on weekend mornings, kids!”. Stage 7 is when they know what’s really going on when you say “honey, let’s go take a ‘nap’”, and they’re disgusted enough to stay way far away.
We are thankfully entering the latter (kids aged 11 & 8).
See I think of it this way my husband and I are opportunist. Since the day we met everday we try to hit it ever time we get a chance. Been married for 7 years and have three kids 6,4,2. We are very active he is almost 30 I’m late 20s as well. Some weeks we get 8x others 3x but we are always up for getting it in no matter if its a nooner, midnight whatever. He’s in the army and I know that tom is never promised so we live everyday to its fullest we always have and I love that we are that kind of couple because we know too many that are nothing like that. Just remember if you both want it bad enough you’ll find the time you can sleep when your dead. Also our kids are never allowed to sleep in our bed they come in the mornings to snuggle but our room is our personal space and we have always agreed on that.
I completely disagree maybe because my child slept in her own room since the day she was born but mine and my husband’s sex life never slowed down when the baby was born. He even asked the doc if it was OK to have sex while pregnant and that was pretty amazing as well. Of course our daughter is four now but there was no scheduling of sex or lack of it. It was constant and alot of it. Just saying maybe it was just us.
Scared to death! 5 months pregnant and worried my love life with my husband is doomed once the baby is born. I never wanted kids, ever…
I’m 32, my hubs and I both work full time and we have a 2 and 5 year old. We have sex at least 3-5 times a week, sometimes several times a day on the weekends. Our kids go to bed @ 8pm since they were about 3 months old and sleep till about 6 or 7am, they have never slept in our bed and for the most part when we put them in their room for either play or sleep, they know better than to come out without permission. This is what works for our home. Everyone is different, but IMO, sex isn’t something that should be pushed to the back burner, it’s an important, vital part of a relationship and should be treated as such. Let the dishes in the sink, let the laundry pile up, skip soccer practice or dance class, whatever, but MAKE time to be intimate with your spouse.