Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy
@scarymommy
Latest posts by Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy (see all)
- The Disney Reveal - May 14, 2013
- Met My Match At Disney… - May 13, 2013
- Sunday’s Baltimore Sun - May 11, 2013
It seems I’m not the only one whose child has ever presented her with a less than flattering portrait. I mean, seriously, it’s a wonder we mothers have any shred of self-confidence left at all with what these children put us through…
.
I drove my mommy straight to the insane asylum! What have you done today?
It’s bad enough that we feel like cattle when breastfeeding. Apparently, we look like them too.
.
Pssst… Your tits are hanging out of your shirt. And, they’re a tad lopsided.
.
No, mommy didn’t just preform a blow-job on daddy, silly. She’s just hurling into the toilet. Phew!
.
I guess if I looked like this, I’d be crying as well.
So what if they give me zits? I’ll eat muffins if I want to, dammit!
.
It’s a transvestite! It’s a cat! It’s MOM!
.
Of course mommy is angry. Daddy is sleeping in the corner. Again.
..
Caleb: You are a very wise young man. Can you lend mom a hand with the wine?
.
Hey, mommy: No offense, but it might be time for that bikini wax.
.
Shut up, sweetheart. You’re the reason mommy drinks in the first place.
.
.
It’s not a Toomah! You don’t need to look so scared of it!
.
.
See my Facebook page for more hilariousness. Better yet, post your own!
{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }
I just picked my daughter up at 2 am from the new Twilight movie and I’m crying from laughter in the middle of the night. The blow-job, puking one is hilarious. Too bad no ones awake for me to share this!
Mom Off Meth recently posted..Good show
I almost lost a mouthful of coffee – those are priceless!
Gigi recently posted..Lessons Learned (…or you know you are getting too old for this)
Hilarious! I shudder to think how my kids would draw me…
Lynn Kellan recently posted..At least I wasn’t naked when they saw me…
HA HA HA! OMG! Animated kid’s drawings… That could be a whole coffee table book! :)
Crystal recently posted..Best Mom Blogs for Holiday Craft and Decorating Ideas
I’m with Crystal; a book of these with snarky, hilarious captions? Perfect. (Also, my kid drew me as a tree with one arm).
Arnebya recently posted..Because
Awesome! I can’t wait til my boys can draw. I hope they’re kinder than those children up there :)
Alison recently posted..Sons And Daughters
Can’t…stop…laughing…
Kim at Let Me Start By Saying recently posted..Sometimes WTF? Just Doesn’t Cut It
Oh, dear lord. I laughed so hard I started coughing! Damned dry air! Oh god, this is HILARIOUS.
Stephanie recently posted..Blurb: Beautiful Books Made by You
seriously I have seen some bitches looking that ugly
OH MY! That was great. Puking in the toilet – SO PRICELESS!!! Oh, and tranny cat mom! LOVE!!!
I love the tranny cat mom! Hilarious! If there’s ever a time to be thankful that my boys don’t draw, it’s now!
Amanda recently posted..People Actually Read My Blog, or I’ve Got a Killer Friday Night Social Life
OMG I am crying from laughing so hard. I probably look like #5!! lol
Jenn recently posted..Happy Holidays Giveaway Hop – Win A European Bead Bracelet
Please never post things like this again. I try to read my blogs quietly at work & had to fake a coughing fit to cover my laughter. Jesus. H. Christ.
asheisele recently posted..Did you vote for me?
Those are SOOOO funny!
Kristin Wheeler (Mama Luvs Books) recently posted..Science Project: GE Lighting Experiment | GE Light Bulbs| Save Energy
This is hilarious! I can definitely relate. Just a bit of feedback that the word tranny is considered very insulting to trans people, and it bummed me out to see it in an otherwise hilarious blog post!
I had no idea! Crap.
I am a a trans and I don’t find this insulting at all! I think Jen is just trying to be too politically correct. Freaking hilarious!
Loved this! Too funny. And I agree about the coffee table book.
Book. Please. Mothers Day soon!!!
Still laughing. Moo-mom.
Scadenfreude. Love it. I now feel better about my own daughter’s drawings of me, even if she does draw them, as she says, “with no wrinkles even though you have lots.”
Thanks for a Friday laugh, Jill!
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted..How To Cheat on Home Reading
EPIC.
Oh. My. God. The puking one is hysterical.
My 9yo can finally draw, so what does he do? He takes up caricature. So now every drawing of me looks like a trashy superhero.
Sarah at Julia’s Child recently posted..Homemade Cranberry Sauce: The Easiest Dish Ever
This is awesome! Searching my blog b/c I know there’s a classic one on there somewhere!
anna see recently posted..If the Shoe Box Fits…
Simply amazing. Did an actual spit-take at #4.
Jeni Kramer recently posted..Don’t Cry for Me, Ikea
I am doubled over laughing at these! I had tears running down my face by the time I made it to the transvestite cat mom and had to close the computer until I composed myself. Freaking priceless!
OMG Loved this. Glad I put down my cup of coffee first! The portraits are the best. Seriously. I love the one where Mommy is angry and Daddy is sleeping. LOL.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Friday Round-up: Gifts and Gratitude
Shivering & snuffling on the couch (damn kids gave me a cold, again), sipping Bengal Spice tea to sooth my scratchy throat…
FYI, hot Bengal Spice tea doesn’t feel so great shooting out one’s drippy nose.
But thanks for the much-needed giggles!
Lollie ~ The Fortuitous Housewife recently posted..Weeksworld Weekly Eats #3
OMG! I so needed this today! Thank you thank you thank you!
The Sadder But Wiser Girl recently posted..Day 3 Of The Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge: Favorite Childhood Memories
The best post ever!!
So at what age can I expect the artistic flattery to begin?
Kelly recently posted..Post Children Date Night, Not Such a Panty Dropper
Apparently at 4. My daughter drew me with about a dozen toes on each foot and as many fingers on each hand. And now I get the corkscrew hair that my mom hated so much when I drew her!
Can.barely.breathe. Love these!!!!!
HAHAHA Oh my gosh!!! The artwork, the comments, the interpretation…spewing coffee!
Holly from 300 Pounds Down recently posted..The Enemy never takes a Vacation
Hilarious! I so needed this laugh today! Thank you!
Motherhood on the Rocks recently posted..SALUTING MY VETERAN WITH A DELICIOUS PAIRING FROM SAM’S CLUB AND STARBUCKS
OMG, these kill me! HILARIOUS!
Best laugh I had all day. Mine is 13, shudder to think how she’d draw me. Whatever visage she conjured up, it’d probably be captioned “Ratchet”. LOL
Love how the kids all know how mommy likes her wine. Mine do too! My post prized drawing if of our family and I’m doing all this work, meanwhile Daddy is “playing on the computer.” So accurate!
Kristen Brakeman recently posted..10 Ways To Annoy Your Teen
I just sat down and looked at these and was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. My husband asked what I was laughing at and I couldn’t talk. He said, you know, I probably won’t think it’s funny. Too bad – - I’ll read them again in a while and laugh all over again. Thanks for the rush.
Magnificent! We haven’t really got to the stage where my daughter’s drawings are actually very different depending on who she is drawing (barring the odd beard for a male and crown for a queen/princess/king) but I look forward to it.
thank you! This made my day
This is your best post! Ever!
Shefali recently posted..This Time Last Year
I should ask my kids to draw me now and see what they come up with.
Mercy recently posted..Having Trouble Getting Your Overtired Toddler to Bed? Try These Tips
I cracked up at this. At six or so, my sister made a cookbook for my mother and spelled waffle as “wfl.” She also once signed her birthday card to my mother, Maureen O’Hara. But compared to these, that’s nothing!
June O’Hara recently posted..It Could Never Happen To Me
Thanks for posting this…I haven’t truly lol’d in a while – and you got me twice! Love the psst and wax comments!
I am dying in tears laughing.
Thanks for making me pee my pants (which isn’t hard these days since I pee when a walk these days! Damn Kids!) Your comments made those hilarious pictures even more hilarious! Love the site!
Okay, THANK YOU for explaining that penis one. I never would have got that she was supposed to be puking in the toilet. These are hilarious. Now I’m sad my boys never draw pictures of me.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..Time Flies . . .For Real
This is the funniest post I have seen in a long time!
Nuts about food recently posted..Griessbrei (German semolina pudding) and recipe for pomegranate syrup
I feel so much better looking through these and seeing the documented images of lopsided breasts, facial hair gone awry and copious amounts of wine.
I am not alone. Thank god.
Kiran@Masala Chica recently posted..The Supermom Myth
OMG. Dying at these! DYING! xo
Galit Breen recently posted..The Magic of Family Photos {& 100 Free Cards from Minted!}
Lol I absolutely love it. What horrendous (yet loving) renditions. My son’s drawings of me always make me look like a spider, but spiders are his favorite thing so I guess I should be flattered?
Marta recently posted..The Unexpected Gesture.
Hysterical!! Thanks, I needed that!
I guess we all have that gallery somewhere in the basement. Kinda makes me want to pull them all out. . . then again, maybe not. My middle-aged self-esteem couldn’t take it.
I just saw a picture of one of my exes there and almost died. It was pretty damn close to reality. You scoff and I assure you that she used to..
Jack recently posted..Sometimes Fathers Fail
This is so true and I have to always remind myself it’s not how he really sees you. He actually loves you and is showing it by drawing this horrific picture of you! lol.
Vanessa recently posted..The Holidays Kick Off at Universal CityWalk With Tree Lighting! #HolidayGiftGuide #Feature
Oh my GOSH, the penis, I mean toilet one!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Elaine recently posted..My Life in Numbers
I am with Elaine, I started laughing at the penis one, then couldn’t stop. My son came in to see what was so funny!
This is hilarious! I always like the hair I have when drawn by my six year old…
Tracy Larson recently posted..Is There Light at the End of the Diapers?
Very funny! The first hand written note I got from my son was “mean mommy” and he had to ask me how to spell it! Hahaha, he was unhappy with me because I wouldn’t let him do something.
Lu recently posted..The Biggest Star I Ever Encountered
those are so funny! i have a couple of those, too.
I love the one with the angry mom and the sleeping dad. If that’s not normal, I don’t know what is.
Cassie recently posted..Showered with Love
The blow-job was the funniest! Well done kid, well done.
Amy recently posted..Pulling up- November 18, 2012
Ha ha! The got wine one is priceless! Love it. I can’t wait to see what picture Ari draws of me!
Old School/New School Mom recently posted..Parenting Philosophy Judgement
Hahahaha.
Omg that was funny
Am sitting in bed with a rotten cold, feeling really sorry for myself, and this post just made me laugh so hard I actually feel a little better :-D soooo funny! Can’t wait til my son is old enough to draw me :-)
This is absolutely the funniest thing that I have read on a blog in along time, maybe ever. I almost spit my coffee out all over my lap top with the blowjob/puke drawing! This is one post that needs to go viral for all the world to see and appreciate!
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..I Learned It By Watching You
oh man, that’s hilarious! My boy always adds guns and bombs and blood to every picture…but I get flowers, too…..flowers with guns!! (Now he’s got his sister drawing flowers with bombs, too. /sigh)…atleast they always draw me with a smile ;)
Jill of PJgamers recently posted..Son Day, maybe?
Love this! Soooo funny! Would love to see more…
the pictures are pretty funny. but why are your captions so crude. little children drew these with the best intentions. and you put them up not to showcase their innocence but to make fun and criticize them.
Loved these! I have collected kids art over the years (was a teacher) and have always enjoyed their interpretations. When I was very young I made a card for my Mom that said; “Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you, but….the roses are wilted, the violets are dead, sugar is lumpy and so is your head”. I don’t remember getting sent to my room so guess my innocence was taken into consideration.
I love the “Got Wine” portrait! Classic.
Meg recently posted..Taltree Arboretum Holiday Glow in the Garden
I guess I am alone when I say these are really sad- Children don’t have a filter- what you see is what is true
The bikini wax comment is my fave. Hilarious! And now I’m terrified to see what my now-6mos-old comes up with in a few years. Hold me.
Liz recently posted..A Christmas Story
These are hilarious!
Becca C. recently posted..Garlic Green Beans
Dying reading these at work!!! People might think I am seizing or something! So great!!!
I saw the site on Steve Harvey just now!
These make me want to dig out some of my sons old drawings!
Hysterical! !!!, Mommy giving Dad a BJ, aka throwing up,had me rolling, had to share on FB..share the laughter.
Best laugh in a while… loved it
Lorettalikes recently posted..Dealing with rejection. Thanks but NO thanks.