For all the pregnant women who hate it when strangers touch their belly without asking
The human fascination with baby bumps is — literally — a tale as old as time. For reasons only nature and psychologists can explain, strangers feel compelled to touch the bellies of pregnant women. Which is exactly why all pregnant women need this spray bottle stranger repellant.
OK, so maybe it’s not actually a real repellant, but if this doesn’t do the trick then who knows what will? Reddit user and Constantly Touched Pregnant Woman LadySilvie recently shared a homemade “gift” she received from her husband — and it’s fucking brilliant.
“A gift my husband made for me to use when strangers/family get too grabby towards my belly without asking first,” she captioned the photo.
“No Touchy.” DYING. The llama from Emperor’s New Groove just adds to the perfection of it.
What pregnant woman wouldn’t want to carry this in her purse? I can think of about a million uses for this spray bottle, and not just for those cringe-worthy moments when a stranger’s unwashed hands lunge sans permission for your sacred womb:
“Are you sure there’s only one in there? Heh heh!” *SQUIRT*
“My aunt always used to say boys carry high, girls carry low!” *SQUIRT*
“Are you sure you didn’t just have a big lunch?” *SQUIRT*
“When are you due? Oh wow, I would have guessed sooner!” *SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT*
Redditors — mostly those who have carried a child before — found this idea hilarious and relatable AF.
Personally, I am SO on board for this idea too. My skin literally shed itself in horror every time someone touched my infant with their greasy meat paws.
While it should be noted that most stranger inquiries of the touchy kind are well-intentioned, strangers just really need to not go touching anyone willy-nilly. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t grab a non-pregnant person in an area two inches above their underwear line, maybe don’t get all fondle-happy with a hormonal, swollen, exhausted woman who is growing a human being in her uterus.
At least not without asking. Nicely. Because a woman’s personal boundaries deserve respect at all times. If that doesn’t jive with you, well, then… *SQUIRT.*