10 Questions Not To Ask a Large Family

It’s becoming more and more common, when we go out en masse. The comments come rolling in. Frankly, I’m more than a little sick of it. Sooner or later, I’m going to completely snap and get arrested one day in the produce section for assaulting someone by pummeling them with a cantaloupe. Or stuffing a banana in an orifice not normally used to such events. In the interest of staying out of jail, I offer the following:

1. We aren’t a side show. If we were, I’d have a heck of a lot more cash. So, staring, pointing,and loudly counting the number of people in my family? Wow, you can count to seven. Aren’t you clever. Yes, we have five children at home. How brilliant you are to notice. You didn’t even have to take your shoes off to count.

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2. “Trying to compete with the Duggars?” Oh. Hilarious. Cause I’ve never heard that one before. Reality is, I’m plotting to take over the world, and cloning isn’t my forte, so Ifigured I’d better grow my own minions.

3. “You need to learn to say no!” Uh, ‘scuse me? First of all, have you seen my husband? Why would I ever want to say no to him? Second, why are you assuming that it’s not me jumping his bones, and him trying to fend me off? Maybe I wait until he’s asleep, tie him down and have my wicked way with him. The idea that I’m suffering from an excess of his lust is bizarre.

4. “Don’t you know what causes that?” Yes, yes we do. And we’re really, REALLY good at it.

5.“Were they all planned?” Wow. Did you plan to be so incredibly, astoundingly rude? Or did it happen by accident? Honestly, this question really baffles me. How my reproductive choices have anything to do with anyone else other than my husband is beyond me. If I say no, then I’m too dumb to afford birth control, and if I say yes, I must be nuts.

6. “Are you really religious?” Of course, the only reason anyone would ever choose to have a large family is because they’re some sort of religious zealot. I also find that this question tends to be code for, “Are you one of those poor, downtrodden women that believe their only purpose in life is to serve their husband and reproduce?” Here’s a thought: folks can have a religious belief without being nuts. And some folks actually want a large family, regardless of being of any particular religion, or being of none at all. You know, because they like having children, being a parent. I know, I know, weirdos.

7. “Why did you keep them all?” Uh…they aren’t stray kittens. Wolf once answered this question with, “Well, we did eat a few…”

8. “How can you afford all of them?” Well, they take turns eating. Not feeding all of them every day helps. Plus, you can save a lot of money by giving them dog crates instead of beds, bedding, and all that other fancy nonsense.

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9. “I could never have so many kids!” Good. Please don’t.

10. “You are done, right?” Why, are you going to supply all my kids with college funds, and need to know how many accounts to set up? No? Then none of your business.

The one that completely enrages me, though, is, “You poor woman!” Excuse me? Yes, my home is chaotic, and cluttered, and loud. I’m not about to lie and say that everything is rainbows and glitter. But, I love my life. I love my husband, adore my Minions, wouldn’t change a thing.

Large families aren’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t for anyone.

Poor woman, my butt.

Related post: 6 Tips on Raising a Large Family

About the writer

Melissa lives in the frozen Tundra, aka 'Canada'. She spends her days being The Wife to Wolf, and That Weird Homeschooling Mom to Diva, Tazzie, Princess, Boo and Cubby. She's also alpha wench to Bazinga, the big, red, clueless dog.You can find her blogging at Not A Stepford Life, on Pinterest, Facebook  annnnnnd Twitter.

From Around the Web


Chantal 3 weeks ago

I know exactly how she feels I am a mother of 5 too lol I get odd looks stares ..questions ..this article really made me feel great 100% right on !!! Especially when we go the grocery store ..the looks I get because I buy in multiples ..and anyone that has 5 kids know that fruit snacks , etc doesn’t come in odd numbers so you have to buy more so each kid gets the same amount ..cause anyone no matter how many kids hear ” he/she had more than me ” .. great article :) #largefamiliesrules#

Jaison 4 weeks ago

We have three kids under 4, we often hear “you got yer hands full!” I’ve decided to just reply with “great observation” anymore

heyp 1 month ago

I don’t think you can be religious without being nuts. Belief in god is irrational. Some man in the sky created imperfect beings and yet expects perfection from them and will damn us for eternity just for the weaknesses he knew would exist but did not use his infinite powers to change…. and though he would send us to burn and choke and suffer… he loves us.

Large families are make me think of the woman in question like a dog that had a litter…. driven by animal instincts to reproduce. Environment be damned and so much for having enough time to dedicate to each child….she wanted 7 babiiiessss.

Jen 4 months ago

we have 6 kids so we are a party of 8. I try to nip it in the bud right away when they make a comment about all of our kids. I say with a great big smile,”yes, children are such a blessing!” I find that usually sets the tone and they pick up on the fact that I think kids are a good thing. I have indeed said “Yes and we enjoy it!” to those who asked,”you know what causes that don’t you?”. That is the problem with today’s society. Children are viewed as a burden instead of the blessing they are. Sad.

Stu 4 months ago

Whatever you need to say to say to justify more white people around, I guess.

Jeannie 4 months ago

I came from a family of 7. I am now married and yes…I had 5 children, one special needs. I wouldn’t change a thing. I wanted a big family. It’s a choice, and yes, you’re right. It’s no ones business but our own. The questions/remarks people make are ignorant, but I do my best to ignore them.

jerica 4 months ago

I am pregs with #6 and my other 5 are 7yrs. old and younger. When we’ve gotten comments at places my CHILDREN have told me how much they don’t like the things people say. My oldest even said, “I don’t like it when people look at us and tell you your hands are full. ” It of course provides good opportunities to teach our kiddos about the world but mommies and kids alike do not appreciate the ignorant commentary we receive from passer-byers…..I did stun a store clerk when shopping alone with my brood. They asked…”do you know what causes that?” (The age old line) I looked up with a puzzled face and said, “no actually I dont?” Not another word left their mouth….it was satisfying to say the least!

Joyce 4 months ago

I love this! I would love to have lots of kids, but at 45, I don’t see that as likely. Congrats on all the love and exciting “chaos” that you and yours are blessed enough to have in your lives! <3

Nancy C. 4 months ago

I had 5 kids of my own and have heard them all!!! Our twins are 3rd and 4th. They are identical. When they were younger I I would dress them alike, same shoes, socks, clothes, hairbows, and their hair even was styled the same. The most idiotic question we would get, after the stares and pointing, was, “Are they twins?” I could hardly contain my disdain. Many times I would say, ” Nope, they aren’t even related!”

T Haralson 5 months ago

Why do people say these things to the parents of large families? Because of a book called The Population Bomb by Paul R. Ehrlich published in 1968, which describes the disastrous effects that unchecked human overpopulation will have on the earth, and An Inconvenient Truth (2006, Al Gore/Davis Guggenheim) which describes the consequences of climate change caused by human activity. Considering the fact that many people see your contribution to human overpopulation as a threat to the very survival of their children and grandchildren, these comments are pretty benign. You obviously think it’s no one else’s business how many offspring you produce. However, lots of people think of the global ramifications of individual decisions and are trying to apply some social pressure on you to, for God’s sake, stop pushing the human species toward the famine, pestilence and disease that will come when the earth can no longer support all its human inhabitants.

Rayven 7 months ago

Love it! My sister has 5, all grown now & starting their own families. My hubby has 3 from a previous marriage & we have “Irish Twins” as some very rude people called my girls. They are 13 months apart. The hell people have given me got having 2 back to back is insane. 1) It’s not like we set out to do so. 2) After 6 very long heart wrenching years trying for our first, we felt more then blessed when we found out about #2. 3) You want to make rude comments? Which one of our bills are volunteering to pay for?

Casrekoli 8 months ago

I’m sorry but the question about how do you afford them is a valid question. If you and your spouse pay for them 100% by yourselves then the that’s that. But if you are getting government assistance then you are using other people’s money and it then becomes THEIR business. If you can’t afford to take care of your kids on your own then stop breeding! If you can, then by all means have as many children as your heart desires.

Shawn brown 8 months ago

Preach! Mom of ten here. I literally have heard every last statement here. They’re always so surprised to find me married…like the only way this nonsense could exist is by having lose morals.

Tanya 8 months ago

I’m the momma of five (ranging from 11-1). I hear it everytime we go out! I have snapped a few times at people….”You can stop counting there are FIVE and they all have the same Dad!”

Babs 10 months ago

My own favourite was “Have you found out what causes it yet?” (I know, most parents of large clans have heard this a lot, but I was first asked it when expecting #6. It made me laugh.) My second favourite, from my husband’s co-worker, also when we were expecting #6, was, “You’re crazy! I mean, congratulations!” My least favourite, as in, not favourite at all, was “Did you WANT this baby?” I was standing there pregnant (this was #4) in front of the woman who asked me, and her question shocked me. How dare she ask such a thing in the presence of my unborn child! YES, I DID WANT THIS CHILD AND I STILL DO. But if it’s a question of whether the pregnancy was a surprise or planned…well, ma’am, I wouldn’t tell YOU one way or another, because seriously that is none of your business.

echolynn 10 months ago

God bless you. Thank you for counting your blessings. Thank you for loving your children. Thank you for raising them to love life. <3

Andrea Logan 10 months ago

Love all these big family posts. We have 10 plus one angel. Yes all by the same parents, yes we are Catholic, and we’ve scratched some things that didn’t cause it off the list! So true, people just open their mouths and just don’t think. My kids range from 27 to 2 and love EACH and EVERY one!

Angela 10 months ago

That is so funny!!! I have 7 kiddos myself, I wish I could have had at least one more. I have loved every crazy minute of our life. We now have 2 out of the house and I look forward to the day when they get married and start on their own families.

My oldest daughter is a clone of me and I love it when people think we are sisters now, my poor husband has had some dirty looks and comments when we go out in public and he is holding my hand (he inherited his father’s early grayish hair).

Lisa Payne 10 months ago

I am a nurse. Once when I only had 5 kids a doc asked me, you do know what causes that?” I stared him in the face and said,” yep we just like doing it too much!”
He said as he turned his head back toward his chart,”well, damn!”
I now have 10. I have gotten pretty flippant with my remarks.

Stephanie 10 months ago

I’m the oldest of five children and I now have six of my own. My mom had all of us with one man. I wasn’t so lucky in love. I would not change a thing. I love my family and I love being a mom. My children have a wonderful father who hasn’t sired all of them but acts like he did.

Peter 10 months ago

“Are you one of those poor, downtrodden women that believe their only purpose in life is to serve their husband and reproduce?” Here’s a thought: folks can have a religious belief without being nuts.”

Having a religious belief means to be crazy? I think you judge much religion in the background and are anti-Christian.

Kelly 1 year ago

I have 5 kids and get lots of comments, but I’m so glad they aren’t so rude like the ones you have heard. I get annoyed with the “your hands are full” comment, but I should be glad it isn’t worse. I agree with a lot of these comments about how we shouldn’t be judgmental if someone has a lot of kids, a little amount of kids or no kids. But I do enjoy the little old ladies who stop me every once in while that try to sympathize with me and tell me that had a lot of kids.

Martin Crook 1 year ago

I have 10 kids (none were an accident, in fact I had my sterilisation reversed so we could have the last 2. When I say ‘kids’ the oldest is 32). Yes, we have a telly. Yes, I know what’s’doing it. No my wife is not ‘poor’ – she persuaded me. I suppose I will have to work a long time to keep them.
We don’t have much money and the house is too small but I love them all so much and I wouldn’t change a thing; I consider myself to be the lucky one to have so many beautiful children and besides I’ll have lots of places to go and visit when I’m old.

Aerykah 1 year ago

I am the middle of 7 kids. My mom has heard a lot of these… including a rather rude remark about robbing the cradle when she (then 38) went to the store with two of my brothers who were 18 & newborn at the time.
I remember once when I was about 19, when I was watching 2 of my younger brothers (ages: 11 & 13), my oldest brothers kids (ages: 2, 8, & 9), and 2 cousins (ages: newborn & 2). I took them to the store with me and was kinda shocked by some of the remarks directed my way. When one person asked, “Are ALL those kids yours?!” I gave them a disgusted look & said, “Do I really look THAT old to you?” But I’ve gotten so used to the remarks now that I just get a kick out of going ahead & claiming them all as my kids. Or letting my sarcastic side show in a snide remark of my own. I mean, people are going to be stupid– there’s no point in getting your knickers in a twist about it.

Karleen 1 year ago

I love large families! I came from one, but having a smaller one myself, I’ve heard lots of rude and hurtful comments from “friends” with large families, like “it must be nice”, “I guess you have the perfect family now – 1 of each; I guess you’re going to stop now?, “I think people with small families are selfish”, and the list goes on. I don’t judge my friends with larger families, I think it’s great! I would like the same respect in return. They don’t know the reasons woman have 1, 2 or 3 children or no children; it could be choice, it could be health, fertility, etc. It’s really no one’s business. Just appreciate what you have and be kind to others!

nathan 1 year ago

As a father of 9, I get the ‘you know what cases that, don’t you?” all the time. I have started responding with a detailed description of sexual reproduction, aka ‘the talk’. Funny how they brought it up, and then they don’t actually want to talk about it.

Margaret 1 year ago

You tell them!!! I fully agree that it’s both none of their business and rude of them to ask. I am at the other end of the spectrum and have been unable to have children, and the invasive questions can be quite painful. I admire you for standing up to these people, and I am glad that you appreciate the joy of your family. Personally, I don’t think five children is a lot. You have my support.

M Murphy 1 year ago

Wow. I’m sure this was meant to be entertaining, and at the very least, educational. Unfortunately, every sentence is dripping with sarcasm which was distracting, unnecessary, and kind-of repulsive.

Instead of meeting the unwelcome comments with anger, try communicating with people. You’re right, the comments that people make to you are rude. But, that doesn’t make it okay to be rude, too. Rise above it and be a great example for your children.

Best wishes to you and your family. You have been blessed to have so many children to love!

JIm 1 year ago

We are an large adoptive family that is multi-racial While leaving a restaurant an older gentleman looked at me and said “You must have been at it all the time!” His wife was aghast at the comment. I simply replied, “Yes, but it was paperwork!”

Raekiko 1 year ago

I have 2 DSD’s 11 & 12 who live with us full-time and DH and I have DD3 together. People always comment on our “large” family and “poor dad” or “when are you giving him a son?” That last one in and of itself is hilarious bc biologically speaking I can only make girls lol. This article was spot on and tickled me, everyone should mind their manners and learn when to speak up and when to shut up.

Wendy 1 year ago

I’m a mom to 4 and My favorite question is “you know what causes that?”my reply is Yes! And apparently we are better at it than you!!!

unmowngrass 1 year ago

I have to confess, I do wonder why the “were they all planned?” question is such a hot-button issue? I mean from a friend, not a stranger. Don’t we all want friends who know our hearts, who know our motivations? Who know ~us~? People who’s skin we are welcome to get under, and who are welcome to get under ours in return? People with whom we exchange more significant conversation than “how was work?” or “what have the kids been up to lately?”

But… that has to start somewhere, no? If not, what am I missing, here? I’m genuinely curious.

Deborah Morris 1 year ago

I only had 4 kids, so I guess I don’t qualify for a really big family, but number 5 got to me. My daughter also has 4 kids and none of hers were actually “planned”. But it doesn’t mean she couldn’t afford birth control. She was actually on birth control when she got pregnant with number 2 and number 3. And she had the Norplant when she got pregnant with number 4. She was just extremely fertile, or else the birth control just wasn’t strong enough for her. Her first one was also not planned, but she wasn’t on any birth control with that one. That one was caused by her poor judgement at a party. Someone spiked her drink, she got drunk and someone basically raped her, since she wasn’t able to even really remember what happened. She was still in high school. But her first three kids were born within three years of each other, and even birth control didn’t help. I planned 2 of my 4. The first one was an accident, but I eloped with my boyfriend and got pregnant on the honeymoon. My last one was also unplanned, but she was born 14 months after my third one, and I was still breastfeeding when I got pregnant with her, and didn’t think I was supposed to be able to get pregnant while breastfeeding. I guess I should have known better, but I was still young, and didn’t.

Jennifer 1 year ago

We have 4 & the 2 questions/statements that make me want to crawl up one side & down the other are …”Are they all yours?” To which I just want to answer, no we’re collecting blonde haired, blue eyed kids & we’re really great collectors & “well I guess you REALLY wanted a little girl!” Usually said by some moron in a Walmart line up in front of my beautiful boys as if they are somehow inferior & we only had them to get a girl! Love your list :-) Glad to know we’re not the only ones surrounded by insensitive people.

emily 1 year ago

I actually love question #5 because we only “planned” to have one of our five….and it was #4 bahahahaha!!!!!! :)

Debbe Carson 1 year ago

Ha! Amen, Sister!
We have six – five boys and a girl. AND three of them are autistic. And we LOVE. OUR. LIFE. Our big, happy, noisy, homeschooling, squabbling,15-passenger-van-ing, trampoline-jumping, outing-hauling, river-fording, canning, chicken-raising, fridge emptying, laundry-overflowing LIFE. When people make comments like “WHAT?? SIX KIDS?” I tell them, “Yup – and two dogs, three rabbits, two lovebirds, four parakeets, two doves, a hamster and a hedgehog…oh, and a garter snake but he escaped and we think he’s living in the van.” And then we all rush off cackling while they stand there trying to pick their chin up off the floor. Oldest Son is now away at college most of the year, and if someone says, “Wow. Five. Are they all yours?” My youngest gets all huffy and tells them, “Yeah, and this isn’t all of us either!”

Shannon Robinson 1 year ago

I have 5 kids ages 10-18 and my sister has 6 ages 12-21. When they were all little we would take them to the park to play and people would ask what daycare we were from!

Kathryn 1 year ago

I just don’t understand the hostility. People are just curious and not everyone phrases things eloquently. I had 4 kids in 4.5 years and I understood that having so many so quickly was going to make us a bit of a spectacle, especially since the older two are (very) identical twins. I got stupid questions, and while pregnant with #4 was asked if I knew how to do it “Monica Lewinsky style” (rude, I know, and this was 1999 so it was relevant) but it didn’t lead me to be a tyrant ready to knock someone out with produce. It is what it is – and my cheerful, friendly responses to even the rudest of comments taught my children how to be respectful and kind in public. I am now regularly told how polite and friendly my kids are, even to strangers. I modeled nice behavior, answered questions politely and understood that my lifestyle and reproductive choices were a little unusual and might garner some attention. I guess I am at the point in my life where I don’t see “mean” as funny, especially now that those kids are 18, 18, 16 and 13. The hazard of growing old I guess – it’s hard to get granny panties in a bunch.

leslie 1 year ago

We have 14 bio and 6 fosters. My favorite is don’t you have a television? Yes but we only get the adult channels! I am way beyond smiling and being pleasant every time I am asked. Our oldest is 34 and our babies are 6, so forgive me if my answers are snide occasionally. We are definitely NOT the Duggars. I didn’t have my kids to make a statement. I have this many because I got pregnant this many times. I love my monkeys and my husband and the insanity that a family our size entails. Yay large families, small families, blended families, and singles. If it works for you embrace it and remember tolerance is a two way street.

Renee 1 year ago

I have to say that I love the trying for an ugly one comment! That is hilarious and I just might steal it! We have eight. My hubby was a widower so we have eight kids 95% of the time. He had four, including triplets, I had three and we just had one together. Our kids ranged from 8 to 16 and now we add in a 7 month old. The pregnancy almost killed me and she was not at all planned, but God knows exactly what He is doing all the time! I am happy to pull up to the mall or the library in my church bus of a van and take all of the kids all over the place! He even took them into DC all by himself last summer as I was to ill to go. People constantly tell us we’re brave or crazy. It’s a little of both but it’s always an adventure! I’d much rather be busy than so bored I have to try and make other people miserable! I never would have planned to have such a large family but it works for us, it really does and it is no one’s business how many kids we have. We even had one woman tell us that we needed to have another one because the baby is going to basically be an only child. She has seven siblings! By the time they have all moved out the oldest ones will have made her an aunt and she will never really be alone! Besides that we are already planning on the spoiling that will commence when the rest move on! LOL

Tamara 1 year ago

After being a mother of 11, I fully appreciate this post. I can remember it taking two cars to go anywhere as a family, the looks we got when we walked into restaurants, and those comments. Now I use it as shock value for ice breakers and my experience in my work world. Having that many in a house hold is like running a small business except I also got to love them and nurture them along the way. I will never regret all my children, and the vast experience I gained, the adventure, and my love filled heart.

Rebecca Rich 1 year ago

I love this I am the oldest of 8 and yes we were all homeschooled.

Karyl 1 year ago

When I do see a large family, I often do wonder about the financial aspect. I have 3 kids, and would love to have more but would need to adopt in order to do so. I know that getting asked the same things over and over gets very annoying, I only have 3 and I have heard a lot of these, but the financial thing intrigues me, mostly to see if maybe we could adopt a fourth, or even possibly a sibling group in the future. I would love to have more but am unsure if it would be financially feasible to do so. Just so that you know that not everyone who asks some of these questions are judging you in some horrible way.

    Kelly 1 year ago

    I have 5 kids and am a stay-at-home mom. My husband does have a good job and gets regular raises and such, but we do try to be good with our money. Our kids often have hand me downs, I shop on clearance racks and sometimes at thrift stores. When they do music lessons and things like that we try to find good teachers that don’t cost a ton of money. I try to make as much food from scratch as possible, which is healthier too. With my 4th kid we need a parent lead rotating preschool group. I paid for preschool for my 1st 3. My 4th kid actually leaned her letters and such better in these groups. We do a lot of traveling. Which can be difficult because places aren’t set up for our size family. When we went to Disney we only went one day there and one day at some of the other parks. We didn’t stay at the Disney Resort, but found a great cheap town house to stay at and packed our own food for the day. My kids had a blast. My point is that there are ways to give your children great learning experiences in a less expensive way. There are a lot of things we think we need, but we don’t.

jim 1 year ago

As the oldest of 7 I have always felt sorry for people in small families.

Wanda Rogers 1 year ago

I am youngest of 11, 10 girls and one boy…I’ve heard all of them. My favorite is ‘ oh your poor brother’. Gag me! I always tell them that they had a bet with friends…whoever could get to 12 first got $100. You should see their faces!

Brenda Fussey Butch 1 year ago

When pregnant with my fourth and last child I was asked if it was planned by an otherwise very polite woman.

Amber Riffle 1 year ago

Amen from a happy mother of four!

karen 1 year ago

Love this im 1 of 8 myself and currently expecting number 9 people are so incredibly rude and think its ok to ask any question they like just because we have more than they deem normal drives me insane

Jennifer Joyner 1 year ago

I have 7 children, and I would always get- Are they all yours? – Any twins? -Do they all have the same daddy?
Wow! Sometimes that’s just all I can think is just wow!

Donna Petersen 1 year ago

Good on ya, totally agree with the sentiment, I only encountered some of those responses with my five.

Lisa Creson 1 year ago

I just said something very similar, Dawn, and I agree with you completely.

I think there’s a way to fitness getting your point across without being so defensively nasty. When I was in college, I also worked full time in a career. Some customers would ask really intrusive questions like,

1 what else do you do? (I’d answer that by saying things like…so other than being an MD, what other jobs do you do?)

2 – so how much do you make? (I’d answer by amusingly ask their salary. One woman even replied ‘don’t you think that’s a personal question? To which I replied ‘why yes, in fact, I do’)

It’s all about the way you can handle people and how to get your point across without being miserable about it. If I had 7 children and were asked some of these things, I’d jokingly respond ‘hey, tell me about YOUR sex life first!’ Most people would get the hint and then shut up about it.

Marlene 1 year ago

Im a mom of 5, I hear these comments almost daily! So comforting to hear Im not the only one that has to deal with these questions!!! Very well written, well said!!!!

Melanie Ceniceros Lambert 1 year ago

Forgot to mention how many of the people who say these claim to be prochoice..but really are pro population control.

Sanjeev Sukumaran 1 year ago

We too live in the great white north and we have six woderful boys. My wife writes a blog at http://www.livinglovingbreathingboys.com and we got a kick out of your post for sure I know she has similar post that might give you a chuckle or two.


Josie Yar 1 year ago

I would never say anything… but secretly I’m just jealous :)

Kshaw 1 year ago

I am mom to five, and have gotten many interesting comments (well, actually, every one on the list)
I once made an old man choke on his tongue when he asked me if I knew what caused that and I replied (with a super sweet innocent grin) “why yes I do! My daddy told me to find something I was good at and stick with it!” He went very pale and started to stutter. It was kinda epic.
My personal favorite is the question as to the paternal breakdown “all the same dad?” Um, not sure how it’s any of your business but yes, all the same guy. Which would be pretty evident if they actually took the time to look at my husband and then at my kids, since they are basically his mini me’s. And even if they weren’t all from the same donor, that’s kind of a (ok, EXTREMELY) rude question.
Power to the mamas, whether they be mother to one, or 20, for someone will always be asking stupid questions! Keep grinning and ignoring the stupid. Love on those babies!

Cassie Choi Paik 1 year ago

i’m preg with my 3rd and my MIL’s response was “why didn’t you use birth control!!!??”
i’ve always thought big families were the bomb and I might have gone for 4 if I started off younger but i’m too old so this will be our last. I envy the large families. I think the best present you can give your kids is not a new toy but a sibling for life. hat’s off to you all!

Schlitterbon 1 year ago

I’m the youngest of ten kids. I don’t need to hear comments about my parents sex life/frequency. My thoughts, one of the first things they tell you to do when having trouble getting pregnant is to have sex less often, save up the sperm. So to someone with these kinda comments I’d like to offer the theory, you come from a small family your parents must have been @ it non-stop. “Hey, they’re probably @ it right now, why not give them a call & see.” Great list!

Ellie J. 1 year ago

As the third oldest of 11 I got used to hearing it all. The worst though, was when I was about 18 and had some one say “Wow! Your parents must be really horny!” Um, excuse me, but that is not something I really want to think about, let alone talk about with a creepy stranger! =/

Brent Sollars Gould 1 year ago

On a positive note I love being from a large family. Believe me when I say you’re children would like the critical banter to stop too. Adults who criticize are raising children who do the same. My mother’s jaw might drop if she heard what peers would say in school and on the school bus when news broke another one was on the way. (They heard it from someone first, right) Let’s just say–we didn’t talk that way in my house.
Big families are entertaining and fun and our relationships are diverse. My two sisters are the youngest and luckily got to spend a lot of time with me after Id moved out. My husband has know my baby sister practically since she was born, she used to go on dates with us. The girls tell me that my three children are actually my second set of kids. Sometimes I get to have a maternal role and sometimes I get to be the big sister, but most of the time we are best friends. Eight out of nine still get together as often as possible (not always easy) and my siblings are some of my best friends. I love that.

Rebecca Plowman 1 year ago

A-FREAKEN-MEN!!!!! Thank you for this! I may just share it daily for a year!!!

Cassandra Blair 1 year ago

I’m pregnant with #3 and have gotten alot of these. When i announced this pregnancy my own dad said, “geez again? You’re done after this one right?” People just need to shut up.

Jaimie 1 year ago

This kinda makes me sad because I’d ask these questions because I want a large family and honestly I really want to know about you and what your life is like.

    Kshaw 1 year ago

    I think the difference would be your inquisitive attitude, as an information gatherer. You would be asking because you are intrigued and want to know what it’s like. Usually when people ask the above questions, it’s because they are rude and snarky.
    I would whole heartedly listen to someone like you and be happy to answer your questions, because you’re not a douche

Sarah 1 year ago

I have 9 kids of my own. I’ve heard many of these comments. The one I’ve heard the most is “you sure have your hands full.” To which I say, ” I’d rather have them full than empty.”

Lisa 1 year ago

Yep. I have seven, and I’ve heard it all. People started asking us if we were done when I was pregnant with my twins (numbers 3 and 4). The truth is, about half of our kids were not planned, but every single one of them was wanted. My husband’s favorite response to people is, “Wait – what’s the correct number of kids to have again? I keep forgetting . . .” That usually shuts people up. I honestly don’t know why people get so judgmental about how many kids someone else has.

Tyler Kristin 1 year ago

I have 4kids. 3 boys and a girl. I wanted more until I found outi had cancer soi just cherish the time thati spend with all my kids. My sister is on her 4th girl lol. I think each their own until it chines to you questioning my family when you don’t even know us. Besides my kids get mistaken fire my brothers and sister. I’m 4feet10 inches. 88 pounds.

Christine Ginter Shanahan 1 year ago

How about…”Are they all yours?” And one of the most popular…”God Bless you” to which I reply “YES HE HAS!!!!”

Amanda 1 year ago

Haha, this had me laughing so hard! I am the eldest of 10, ages ranging between 27 to 12. And I have two of my own…. however my favorite question everyone asked… and I mean EVERYONE, was “are you mormon?” my family heard all of these and more…. I have learned though that people from small families simply could not fathom how my parents are still sane with all of the kids. :)
thanks for writing this, i enjoyed it!

Carol Peachey Mellis 1 year ago

Lol I love this Marie. 4 is my favorite. If I had a $1 for every time I was asked that……I’d be worth millions. However my answer to that question……”why yes I do……unemployment.”

Zac 1 year ago

Our 7th is due in Feb and we get a LOT of negative comments. Weird how so many people call it a woman’s “choice” if she wants to have several abortions, but it’s somehow weird if she wants to have several deliveries!

Rana 1 year ago

You missed one: “are you homeschooling them?”. I hear that one so very often. I am also a mom of five in BC.

    The Imp 1 year ago

    Actually, we *do* homeschool, LOL

Elizabeth 1 year ago

I’m #2 of 6…loved it growing up! But we’d get ask if we were all related and we would say yes even though it was a case of yours, mine, and ours….in our minds we were and are all siblings…

I have 4 of my own…2 girls are the oldest and we would get the “you going to try for a boy?” Statements and “oh your poor husband” the poor husband one I’d say “oh he’s fine…the cat is male” and get weird stares…when we had our oldest boy I’d get asked “you’re done now right? You got your boy….” Then our 2nd boy came along and we get “oh perfect! 2 girls and 2 boys you can definitely stop now” I have also been asked if they all have the same father or if they’re all mine….honestly, even if they didn’t have the same father (they do) what difference would it make? So what if they’re not all mine…(step/foster)
I have also been told by older ladies that they rarely see the “large families” and they miss it and are glad I’m going “against the norm” …but I’ve also had some say “better you then me!” To which I once responded “yep, I’m glad I have my kids instead of you having my kids…” The lady stared at me like I was insane…
I’ve also been told “I hope you’re not on welfare” and asked “how much the county pay per kid?” Quite frankly, IF I was on welfare due to something like loosing a job, or an accident preventing us from working…what difference would it make to you? I didn’t have my kids while on welfare simply for a bigger check…and no we are not on welfare but I tend to think that welfare is for people who NEED it due to having lost the ability to work for whatever given reason (injury…or simply lost their job and are trying to find another in this sucky economy)…and yes I know people play the system but I don’t simply cuz I have more the 2 kids….

berry 1 year ago

Some peoplr cant feed their families, and youre over here complaining about some rude comments/looks people make. Maybe they are rude and inconsiderate, but 9 times out of 10 ,they aren’t purposely doing it. You cant control other people, only yourself. Im afraid bringin it to light will have no effect.

Sandra Crawford 1 year ago

Love this..

suzie 1 year ago

I am the youngest of 8 kids, I get those same questions a lot they are just directed at my parents instead.
And really, kids who grew up in larger families turn out nicer anyway. Just an observation from the other ones I have met.

Amy Seibert 1 year ago

I only have three kids and have gotten the question “Are you trying to keep up with the Duggars?” My answer was something along the lines of “Yes, because 3 = 19.”

Barbara Sollars 1 year ago

Yes I raised nine heard it all. One idiot called it child pollution. Never had a food stamp or hand out. My husband worked and I took care of the kids and volunteered at school. They didn’t have everything but they never lacked for love food shelter and a place their friends could come. I love my life. Can t imagine my life without either one of them

Heather Holter 1 year ago

Its nearly as bad when they say “keep having more” as if its thst simple. Also what if i don’t want to, and this guy who thinks it is, where will he be when they need braces or college money. What if i feel i have enough kids.

Lisa Gilligan 1 year ago

I get the comment that I must’ve started when I was 12. Should I look old and worn out simply because I have 5 kids?

Jennifer Winston 1 year ago

Awesome. .we have three and would have more if we could..and the same goes for people with no kids or 1 kid..I have friends with the latter situation and they are sick of ppl asking them “when are YOU guys gonna have kids?” Or, “Aren’t you gonna try for a girl/boy?” Or, “Johnny looks lonely, I think he needs a brother/sister. ” last time I checked, this would be a PERSONAL decision that the couple would make. People are so nosy/rude! We were just talking about this, right Katie Edmunds Monk? ! Lol

Whitney Hudspath 1 year ago

We have heard almost all of them. We just had #5 and bought a 2nd mini van so my answer to the “are you guys done” is well we did buy a second minivan and have another 5 seats available so I think we’ll keep going. Whit and Ben plus 10 will be our shows name…..lmbo!

Leah Masson 1 year ago

I get a lot of “are they all yours?” (They are close in age and all look alike….c’mon people!) or “you’re done now, right?” Oy.

Stephanie 1 year ago

I have 4 children. I get the, were they all planned, are you religious, why would you have so many, you’re done right!?! My favorite was “don’t you have a tv?” I love my kids and would have had more if I could have. Why is that so weird these days?

BuckeyeMamma 1 year ago

LOVE THIS!!! As a fellow mother of five, I feel your pain & applaud you! This is well written, entertaining, witty, & so true : )

Emily 1 year ago

One thing that I wish people would realize is that some people want to wait until they’re ready to have kids. My hubby and I have been together for 13 years, married for 2.5 and I’m 30. So, every time I go ANYWHERE people ask me when we’re going to have kids. It’s getting really old, We’ve had some financial issues and I wasn’t really ready until now to have kids. The other problem is that my Mom and Aunt had conception problems. I’m just afraid that they’ll keep asking after we start trying and it will make me more stressed and harder to get prego. People need to learn how to be more tactful!!

Carla Jones 1 year ago

Ok… most of these comments are rude and completely out of line. But to have someone in awe of your family or to say that they could never do it. I’m not big on talking to random strangers. But I’ve honestly at least thought that statement and it was completely a comment of awe and recognition of skills. The whole “good… don’t” is pretty rude. I get that most people’s remarks are snide and rude and almost intended as a put-down. That doesn’t mean everyone has that intent. And there’s no reason to be rude to everyone. If you’re THAT sensitive about it… maybe you’re the one with issues

Kara 1 year ago

I can’t believe any variation of “you’ve got your hands full” didn’t make the cut!

Janet Schwenke 1 year ago

Don’t forget the ever popular all with the same husband?” Or “are they all yours?”

Kim Macauley Kleinhans 1 year ago

I always say “but you look so sane”! With a smile. I would think its taken with a compliment.


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