I don’t get it.

I have never gotten it and I will never get it.

It’s completely and utterly baffling to me.

Perhaps one of you can explain…

As mothers, we all play countless roles in a single day: Nurse, Chauffeur, Chef, Dentist, DJ, Fashion Director, Janitor, Launderer, Banker, Dietician, Personal Shopper, Photographer, Plumber, Caregiver, Maid, Cheerleader, Counselor, Storyteller, Teacher, Exterminator, Coach, Negotiator… The list is endless.

So, why is it so difficult to take three seconds, play secretary and fucking RSVP for a kid’s birthday party?

Someone, please tell me.

I just don’t get it.


The Scary Mommy Community is built on support. If your comment doesn't add to the conversation in a positive or constructive way, please rethink submitting it. Basically? Don't be a dick, please.

    • 2

      lara says

      completely agree. when that envelope comes home in the backpack – i take the 2 minutes to a) check the calendar and b) call the friggin rsvp number. 2 minutes. wth?! what REALLY gets my goat, is the kid that SHOWS UP without rsvp’ing (nor bearing a gift, smirk). that’s balls.

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      • 6

        Jennifer says

        Totally agree, but then I’m one of those bitches that if you don’t RSVP, I’ll be calling you until you answer your damn phone. You don’t want to RSVP then I’ll make you uncomfortable lmfao.

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        • 7

          Melissa says

          Me too! I will embarrass the sh*t out of anyone who doesn’t RSVP. I was a lunatic for my baby shower. People say it isn’t the duty of the guest of honor, but my friends were nice enough to throw me a beautiful shower. I wasn’t going to make then track down my ignorant family members too.

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  1. 8

    Karenelise Metz says

    because most mom’s nowadays are assholes. and secretly, they’re just annoyed that there’s a day out there to celebrate your child. when they’d much rather jack your day and talk about their children and how much better and awesome their birthday/years/lives are going to be compared to yours.

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  2. 9

    Julie says

    OH. MY. WORD. Here’s what gets me: When you DON’T RSVP and then you bring your ENTIRE FAMILY (complete w/ 4 children) to the party. That happened to me twice in the SAME party. *steam*

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    • 10

      Tracy says

      Julie – that happened to me this for my son’s birthday party this year! No RSVP at all (despite a couple reminders from me) and then they show up with two parents, two kids and THEIR GRANDPARENTS who were in town. I suspect they weren’t going to come, and then at the last minute decided they needed something to get their house guests out of their own home for a few hours. So pissed off.

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  3. 12

    CJ says

    Seriously, I understand!! I am having a 1st birthday party Saturday and STILL don’t know how many people to plan for. I sent invitations a month ago and even sent out a mass text message a week ago plainly asking people if they were or were not coming because I need to plan food and kids goody bags. I heard back from about 1/3 of them. People suck!!

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  4. 15

    Eve says

    I hear that! Funny thing is that the moms who don’t RSVP are also the moms who get all pissy when you don’t RSVP to their shit. I say, the Golden Rule applies here too biotch!

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  5. 16

    mamacrat says

    Swear to god there are people who don’t know what it means to “RSVP.” I got replies for my daughter’s 6th birthday that read, “I’m RSVPing for Helena’s birthday.” That was it. No, “We’ll be there with bells on.” No, “Unfortunately Margaret is unable to attend.”
    Yeah? Are you serious? What part of respondez don’t you get?

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  6. 17

    Amanda says

    Are you inside my head??? My son’s birthday party was last weekend, not only did one child not RSVP BUT the venue called us to tell us that his parents dropped him off 50 minutes early. WTH?!?! we weren’t even there yet!

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  7. 20

    Heather says

    My oldest son was invited to a birthday party right after school started. I found out the day of the party that I was the only person to RSVP for the party. They had no idea how many kids were coming, how many cupcakes to buy or anything. I was also the only parent who didn’t just dump off my kids and their present! I stayed to help out and so my youngest son could play b/c it was at our local park.

    It would just be nice if people didn’t ignore those 4 little letters on the invitation! Do they not know what they mean??

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  8. 21

    kimberly kay says

    A ‘friend’ honestly told me “I not going to RSVP to you just yet, we might have something we’d all rather do that day and not just the kids.” Selfish bitch. Glad she didn’t come with her unfortunate looking children anyhow.

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  9. 25

    SinnerElla says

    I don’t know, but when you figure it out, let me know. And it’s not just kid parties, either. We had the same problem with invitations we sent out for our vow renewal ceremony. I think people just have no concept of manners or etiquette anymore. Fuckers.

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  10. 26

    Mary says

    Unfortunately I think sometimes people are subconsciously (or consciously, which is worse) waiting to see if something “better” pops up in the meantime. Sometimes people suck. And they know that if the don’t rsvp and their kid just shows up anyway no one will say anything. I think people have largely forgotten that politeness and kindness are for demonstrating respect for those around you.

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  11. 28

    Stephanie says

    Maybe we shouldn’t tell people where the party is until the night before. That way only the people who RSVP can show up- no one else will know where to go!

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  12. 39

    Shauna says

    Shoot me now – but I always end up RSVP-ing at the last minute. I typically forget about kids parties until the last minute – makes for good gift giving. #justbeinghonest

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  13. 44

    SinnerElla says

    And if they don’t RSVP, I don’t feed them. I didn’t plan to feed them, so they can starve. And why do people show up to a kids’ party without a gift? WHO DOES THAT SHIT????

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    • 45

      Janeen says

      I had people show up at my wedding without presents and yeah, most of them didn’t RSVP either. Granted I pulled the wedding off in 8 weeks time but still, I sent the invites fairly early for it. I think I got maybe two back. Makes me glad the invitations cost nothing when I got the tux rentals.

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    • 46

      Jennifer says

      The last 2 parties my daughter got invited to and went to it said NO GIFTS on the invite…. I just couldn’t do it…. Parents are paying all this one to entertain and feed my kid and the poor birthday child gets no gifts, wtf is up with that???

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  14. 47

    Jenn says

    This drives me INSANE!!! I was totally lucky enough to have the parents RSVP for my daiughter’s party last year, but then dealt with it at 2 other parties for her friends. WE were the only ones that showed up!!! No one else even called, sent a note in, nothing.. I felt SO bad for those 2 little girls. Both sets of parents were gracious enough to also invite her younger sister to the parties. I would NEVER dream of not telling someone that we were going to be there or not! I even made the 5 year old write out thank you notes!!! There WILL be manners in my home. There WILL be social graces. It might be a PITA, but just shut the hell up and DO IT!!! When I planned my mother’s surprise party, I left people messages to call me back, and if they didnt call back they didnt have the info on when/where the party was!! That worked out for that situation, but it does not for kids party RSVP. I would LOVE to put “if you dont call and tell me you are coming then dont effing show up!!” But that is RUDE… lol

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    • 48

      Arnebya says

      It does go both ways: not responding altogether and then showing up, or saying you’ll come and then don’t. I’d rather be overprepared w/food and games than underprepared, though. It’s just rude any way you look at it. And I’m w/you. We do the whole thank you card thing, we respond yay or nay and if we are unable to come, I say so as soon as I can. It’s nothing like kids waiting for their friends and no one showing up. My middle girl experienced that when she invited 8, all 8 RSVP’d yes, only 1 came. That shit blows. And I do not forget when you hurt my kid.

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    • 49

      lara says

      that happened to us last month, jenn. showed up on time, present in hand to my daughter’s friend’s home and left my ‘mommy card’ in case she needed anything and drove off. only to get a call 30 minutes later saying no one had shown and would we all like to go to dave and buster’s. i was MORTIFIED for that little girl. 5 kid’s rsvp’d yes and then didn’t bother to show. by the time i got back to the house – 2 girls had shown up, an HOUR late. i stayed just to be a celebrant for that poor little one. manners are DEFINITELY disappearing before our eyes. my kids have no choice – handwritten thank yous go out for anything given – within a day’s time!

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    • 50

      Sarah says

      That happened to my little girl last year. We had a few RSVP. The rest didn’t. Then the day of the party it snowed. 2 kids showed up and the rest of the RSVPers didn’t bother to call and say they weren’t coming. The manager of the establishment felt bad for us, so they only charged us for the amount of kids we had. It’s just rude.

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  15. 51

    Arnebya says

    No one cares/respects RSVPs anymore, Jill. People believe they’re doing you a FAVOR by responding. Some have even told me that if they didn’t decline that meant they were attending. Say what? You didn’t respond, so I DIDN’T FUCKING COUNT YOU. Would you show up to a wedding that you hadn’t RSVP’d to? Oh, I see. I shouldn’t put this party that I’ve planned on the same level as a wedding or other affair b/c it’s JUST a birthday party. My bad. I wasn’t thinking.
    And I should be cool that you bring your kids, late of course, and eat up all the pizza. But I’m a bitch b/c I keep harping on the fact that I DIDN’T FUCKING COUNT YOU SO I ORDERED/MADE LESS FOOD.

    But, my irritation is moot since this is my last year giving parties.

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    • 52

      JenniferW says

      I had plenty of people show up to my wedding who hadn’t RSVP’d. I couldn’t believe it! I had even sent self-addressed, stamped envelopes with a card and all they had to do was check a box and write their name! I even had some people show up uninvited. Luckily, people seemed to know that only the people whose names were on the inner envelope were invited and didn’t bring their kids. I would’ve completely lost it if they had!

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    • 53

      KLM says

      Oh, but yes, they’ll show up for a wedding they didn’t RSVP for AND they’ll bring a date/their visiting aunt&uncle, their not invited children AND they’ll make special dietary demands.

      (don’t get me wrong, kids at weddings aren’t a problem if the hosts are expecting them, have made accommodations food and beverage wise and the particular children are old/young enough to behave or behave with parental wrangling. My aunts outdoor afternoon family style wedding took into account that she was marrying the youngest sibling and there were a couple dozen nieces and nephews. Much more recently, my 36 year old nieces extremely formal evening wedding followed by fancy dinner and dancing did not include children in the invites. There was a collection of her own nieces and nephews aged 8-12 who had been alter boys, flower girls and jr bridesmaid. They were quite old enough to stay up for the special occasion. Even though for them it ended at 10 when my mom and aunt (their great aunts) took them home for a big cousin slumber party. Their younger siblings had been left with a par of babysitters for a little kid slumber party at one of their homes.

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