Jen
Latest posts by Jen (see all)
- Rules for Raising Sons - January 24, 2013
- Rules for Raising Daughters - January 9, 2013
1.Teach him to put the damn seat down on the toilet. Don’t drop it with a bang. Gently put it down. (After he’s taken a piece of TP and wiped his up his dribble.) Better yet, never teach him to stand to pee.
2. Let him play video games. This will help him get out his aggression without actually killing anyone. Plus, it teaches him good hand/eye coordination for someday when he’s “My son, the surgeon.”
3. Teach him to scratch and/or adjust his balls in private – and NEVER with a fork.
4. Teach him that relationships are important and he needs to be faithful and monogamous. Teach him that sometimes relationships suck and require work. They’re not always “fun” and there are times it will seem easier to cut and run than stay and do some hard work. Teach him that he signed up for this and unless his partner is beating the shit out of him (physically and/or emotionally) he needs to stay and figure it out. Remind him too that when he was in high school you taught him what a skank was so that when he’s pushing 50, fat and bald, he’ll know the 20 something skank making eyes at him is only hoping he has a wallet as fat as his belly and he should go home now to his loving wife.
5. Give him a baby name book and help him make a list starting now. Little girls everywhere are doing it and maybe it if we start our sons now we can avoid disaster names like Pilot Inspektor and Blue.
6. Teach your son it’s OK to cry, but only if he’s really hurt. Right now my 7 year old is so “in touch” with his sensitive side it’s all I can do not to call him “cry baby.” The boy cried today because he lost a Beyblades match! I really need to see blood if I’m going to see tears or I fear for his future.
7. Give him a box of Legos and take away the “instructions.” Let him build whatever he can come up with. Let him get creative and crazy. Encourage him to use every Lego piece he has so you won’t step on another one again in your bare feet.
8. Teach him what a skank is so he’ll never bring one home.
9. Teach him how to vacuum, dust and do the dishes. He will thank you someday, because we all know there is nothing hotter than a man doing housework!
10. Teach him to use a tissue. Every time you pull up to a red light what do you see? A grown man digging for gold…i.e., boogers. Obviously, his mother never taught him to use a tissue. Disgusting.
11. Teach your son to NEVER rub one out in public. He needs to keep his visits to his “wonderland” in his own bedroom.
12. Teach your son to never snap a girl’s bra strap. For one, it’s rude and disrespectful to the girls and for another, in this day and age it can be called sexual harassment and your son could be expelled or worse.
13. Teach your son to be funny. Even if he’s a dork, the funniest one is always king of the dorks. There’s nothing sexier than a man with a sense of humor. How else can you explain why these guys are heart throbs?
14. Let him to dance in a pink tutu. If he wants to wear a tutu and carry a sword let him. Either he’ll grow out of it or he’ll never struggle with his identity.
15. Don’t ever let him be the “Bachelor” or on any other dumb reality show. Those guys are always douche canoes.
{Have a daughter? There are rules for that, too!}
{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this post so much! #7 = so true!
Devan McGuinness recently posted..8 Phrases You Should Stop Being Afraid to Say to Your Kids
I love this! My son is 5 and I already have some of these started. He’s always cracking jokes and I have a feeling he’s going to be a class clown, he usually sits to go to the bathroom and knows to wipe up/flush/put the seat and lid down when he stands, and he helps with a lot of the chores especially since I’m a single mom and need the help.
If he ever ends up on The Bachelor, I’m smacking him.
LOVE LOVE LOVE #2 & #13!
thank god I am not the only one going through #6!!!!!
My 7 year old daughter can totally date your 7 year old son. I mean not this year or anything. But send him over in 10 years. With flowers.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover
One more thing…..teach him that it is a major brownie point winner to not be afraid to buy tampons,pads and condoms!!
My hubby bought me tampons once and he will never do it again. Why? Because every woman that saw him made such a big deal about it. Like ” oh my bf/husband would never do that, you are so great” which of course embarrassed him even more.
I like number 7 too, but I say do BOTH. Guys need to learn how to read instructions so that in the future they don’t end up divorced over a seemingly innocuous purchase of Ikea furniture. ;)
Agree SO much on the housework. My husband grew up with a maid and a nanny and never had to lift a finger, and it has been a TON of work ‘training’ him. Luckily he’s easy-going and likes to make me happy! (We’re married 10 years today!)
Kristen Mae recently posted..Footsie Under the Table and Epiphanies About Mankind
agree with almost everything except 4. “Let him play video games” – there is a lot of information out there, well documented, well researched about that horrid shit! also re 6. “Teach your son it’s OK to cry, but only if he’s really hurt” – not sure about that. i think it’s probably ok to cry about losing a bayblades match. it’s was probably the most important thing to him at that point. it’s always ok to cry. at least to your mom :)
With all due respect Tara, I say your wrong. My cousin grew up playing TONS of video games. Just about every game that came out in the 80′s and 90′s he played.
Now he makes a very high six figures a year working for Zynga.
i am sure not everyone goes out and kills people after playing violent video games… but there is a documented increase in aggression right after a session of playing… over time it’s speculated that kids who play a lot of videogames or are allowed to watch hours of tv everyday will quite possibily have higher levels of aggressive behaviour as adults… of course that could be more due to a disconnect with nature and other humans that the actual screen time itself… who knows really. having said that, have you considered that not everyone measures success in life in how many figures someone earns… unfortunately the concept of wealth in gross national happiness hasn’t caught on yet :)
Actually, the increase of aggression documented after people play video games is equivalent to the increase in aggression seen after someone plays a competitive game (like sports). It comes down to competition and not specific to video games. There are also little to no long term negative effects. The speculated increase in aggression over time is based on little to no evidence. Most of the negative effects that result from video games comes from excessive use (just like most things in life). You are half right about some people developing a social disconnect. Many games have a social aspect to them, such as MMOs which encourage interaction between gamers. The problem is that if you are stuck behind a computer/tv screen, then you are not exercising your ability to use and pick up on non-verbal communication. This can cause someone to become socially awkward in face to face situations. Again this only happens with excessive use, but it is important to note.
There is plenty of research supporting both sides of the issue.
Re: Video Games
I think it’s all about moderation and making sure the games are age appropriate, or at least appropriate for your child’s (I played a lot Aladdin and Sonic the Hedgehog as a kid,so girls are included in this, too) maturity level. Same for TV. Everything in moderation.
The crying part, I have a feeling Jen’s kiddo might be like mine (he’s 3 today! Gah!) and is shedding tears, crocodile and genuine, more times that Ruby yells at Max in an episode. It wears on you. Again, it’s all about where kids are developmentally. If he is in the throws of hysterics over a beyblade loss at 9…it’s time to talk about sportsmanship and how to lose gracefully. At 5 or 6…console him and let him know it’s ok to be frustrated, angry and disappointed…just with a little less water works the next time. Same goes for the little ladies who lost a round of their favorite game.
Teach him how to groom himself. Hair cuts, keeping the unibrow tame, a little cologne (not a drenching), these are all practical tips we teach our daughters…boys would benefit too.
Aimee recently posted..Sharing the Passion
Teach him not to call women skanks. Teach him to see the value in every human.
Agree
Also agree.
Aimee recently posted..Music Monday: Pop some tags
Outside reality TV, I don’t even know where one would locate a skank. We don’t know any Kardashians, so I’m going to skip the double skank warning prescribed by this list and hope he learns what a classy lady is by watching his mom.
same here!!
Agree
I JUST had the argument about #1 with my son this morning. He kept complaining about how unfair it was that HE had to be the one putting down the toilet seat after he went, instead of the females in the house doing it before we sat down. Courteousness and respectfulness aside, I also told him that it goes with the territory of being a guy. And before I started ranting about how many benefits men get over women and it’s the least he could freakin’ do, my husband just looked at my son, sympathy in his eyes, and said” You’re never going to win this argument, kid.” Someone’s mother did a great job.
Gina recently posted..My brush with celebrity…
Love it!! I have 2 boys and when I finally get around to potty training, lord help me, I will teach them to sit down and pee. My husband sits down and I’m so grateful he does. Whenever one of him friends comes over and leaves the seat up it takes everything in my power to not grab him by the arm and drag him into the bathroom and teach him how to put the damn seat down, cause clearly their mothers and wives haven’t done a very good job!
My father showed my son how to pee standing. I taught him accuracy (to avoid pee on the floor) by teaching him to “sink the Cheerios.” Better than any video game.
I’ve got boy/girl twins. They’re 8. They still share a bedroom. Some day his spouse will thank me. He’s learned how to share space and deal with someone nagging him about his crap strewn about.
Hilarious post!
Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) recently posted..5 Books You Don’t Want Your Spouse to Sign out of the Library
16. Take him to a ballet, play, or opera. Real men like culture and it’s not ‘just for sissies.’
17. Learn to cook.
18. Speed does not equal good driver. If I ever catch you stree racing, I will render you legally blind.
Teach him the difference between what he sees on TV, and whatever BS story he hears from his friends — and real-life women. Teach him that strippers are NOT just working their way through college, and if you have to pay a woman to take her clothes off for you — you have something wrong with you – your time, money and effort is better spent working on fixing that.
I agree with an earlier post about cooking – my Hubby doesn’t and it drives me nuts, as much as i love him.
Love the ones about sense of humour and creativity, my DS9 has loads of that, and already the girls chase him on the playground (currently he complains about it, but I see a day soon when he wont :) )
The Lego one got me. I have two boys and my husband is an engineer. I tried to trow away the instructions, but my husband and sons protest and stated that they “needed” them. Use your brain! What fun is it to build things if you have to do it the “correct” way.
OMG to the fork comment on #3
Teach him to love reading! Even if it means reading a book starring a girl. And when he gets older, hand him a good romance novel.
Teach him to love learning, in and out of school.
Teach him which end of a screwdriver to hold and what its proper use is. Let him tear apart his toys-broken ones only if you please-to see whats in there.
I could go on and on.
Douche canoes! Cracking up, Jen.
What about teaching your sons that it’s never ok to use violence. Or that no means no. Or that women have the right to dress, act and go wherever they want without be labelled as sluts, skanks or ‘asking for it’.
Teach him to entertain himself and that if one door is closed, others will be open if he knows to use them. For example, when Momma’s head is about to explode because she has heard video games for too long, books can be a wonderful diversion.
Amanda recently posted..Meeting Nature in the City
I’ve been working on these and others for years. Please tell me that it’s getting through to them.
Shower, shower, shower, use deodorant and brush those darn teeth. I have had that running fight for the last two DECADES with my three boys and I wish I could say I am winning. I will in the end because I am THAT persistent, but I don’t understand why boys feel the need to be so darn dirty? It takes like two minutes a day for crud’s sake!
adrian recently posted..I’m a Shot@Life Champion
PERFECTION! Now I need to check out the she-child version! :)
Rule #19 Enforce table manners at an early age and continue the level of complexity as they grow older…for instance at age three, our rule was “No Meat Necklaces” and now it’s “Super Farts are Not an Appropriate Table Topic”.
Sarah recently posted..Work it Mama: Shrimp Tacos in Less Than 30 Minutes
Wow there’s an awful lot of slut-shaming in this post.
I agree. Slut shaming is too widespread and ‘acceptable.’
I love that my husband sits to pee. I wish I could take credit for it, but I found him this way. So our boys sit to pee, cause it’s just how it’s done in our house.
Nicole(Whole Strides) recently posted..Inauguration Day
ok… agree SO much with most of these but I have problems with #6. I understand the gist of it, but if my son wants to cry because little Timmy down the road got his cars taken away from him then so be it. It teaches (and shows me that he gets the concept of) empathy.
I would also add “teach him to be chivalrous”. Be WILLING to open her car door, walk on the outside, hold doors as the two of them come and go, if she is cold he needs to offer her coat. If she turns it down, that’s on her…but at least he tried.
I really wish I had stuck to my guns on the whole peeing standing up thing. I think it’s only been the past year that I can count on a dry toilet seat. Most of the time. My guys are only 17 and 21.
Yeah, my future daughters in law are gonna hate me.
My Half Assed Life recently posted..How Many Sweaters Will Fit Under My Coat?
This post is getting printed out and stuck on our fridge. I have two boys myself, and I am totally on board with your rules, Jen. Love it.
Kim Foster recently posted..A Mom’s Quest For “Me Time”
Rule #20 Teach him to dance (without the tutu). At dances from grade school thru well, old age, women are out there dancing away while the guys sit in the corner. My father dances and when him and my mom go out, they both dance the night away with different partners (they are in thier mid 60′s). My dad always says “well, thier husbands can’t dance with them…but I can!”
Also, the money talk.
Past, present and future. Very important.
Mama and the City recently posted..Home Insurance To The Rescue
These aren’t tips on how to raise sons, it’s a pet peeve list for young disgruntled mommies. Here’s what’s wrong here: #1. Better to teach your daughters to look where they’re sitting. #2 Save your breath, this is best taught by example. #3. Women can breast feed in public but I can’t adjust myself when it becomes uncomfortable? #4. Amen! #5. Since when does the man have the final say in baby names? #6. Teach your son it is NOT okay to cry, under any circumstances. If the circumstance is serious enough, it will just happen. #7. Guys never use instructions or directions… and the women always give us crap for it! #8 Every girl has been labelled a “skank” by another girl at some point… so no girls allowed? #9. I’ll agree with this one. A dirty guy is a lonely guy. #10. When something needs fixed, men don’t worry about getting their hands dirty. #11. Google “public masturbation”. The only thing that comes up is porn. Ladies, real men don’t do that, so quit watching so much porn. #12. Popping bra straps is as much a part of growing up as wet willies and titty twisters. If you can’t stand the heat, get off the playground. #13. In order to teach something, you must first know how to do it yourself. #14 Don’t do this. #15. What is a douche canoe? Besides, if you follow these rules they’ll end up like that anyway.
You are a douche canoe. Just sayin’.
This post is very heterosexual specific. Raising boys assuming they will enter into a marriage with a wife, or even at all is a bit dated.
Rule #21: that they should be true to themselves and love whomever they wish, man or woman.
14. Let him to dance in a pink tutu. If he wants to wear a tutu and carry a sword let him. Either he’ll grow out of it or he’ll never struggle with his identity.
Pretty sure that is saying the same thing.
These are little boys… Why are you worried about their sexual preference. These are good things to learn wither you are gay or straight. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT GAY AND STRAIGHT. Why to bring up an argument that doesn’t need to be there.
This is perfect! My one year old son is already imitating his dad by “pretend” vacuuming and dusting all over the house. (My husband does more housework than I do…) I think it’s really important to have male role models also showing him all these things. At least for my son, he definitely responds to “Daddy” in different ways than he does to me.
Jessica Smock recently posted..Mothers with one child are “real” too: my response to Elizabeth Banks
Oh, #7 yes. “It’s an airplane hotel car, Mommy.” And #9: Add laundry because you wanna get me moist, husband, fold those motherfucking socks.
Arnebya recently posted..Sometimes
At the ages of 21,21 and 17, in addition to what has been said above, and what I’ve said here…I wish I had made and enforced a clean bedroom rule. It might have carried over to the rest of the house.
http://arianaisstillgrowing.blogspot.com/2012/12/10-lessons-and-advise-for-my-sons.html
Ariana recently posted..Sleepers
this list is horrible!
Fabulous! The holy grail for bringing up boys!
Rebecca recently posted..If You Smell Something, Say Something
YES to #4 and #8…would add to them “Teach him that once he is married SHE is his #1 woman – even though it will break your heart”
Never teach him to pee standing up??? So when he goes to elementary school the kids will have another reason to make fun of him. I always put down the seat and lid.
SITTING DOWN TO PEE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LEAVING THE SEAT UP!!!!
@ Aimee… Very heterosexual specific??? They are little KIDS!!!! I’d hope at this age we weren’t pushing sexual preference on them. I guess you missed the pink tutu part?? Also I didn’t know gay men didn’t clean their house. Clean is cleaning weather you are gay or straight, no?? I’m sure gay men like a man that can clean also.
Love this post. My oldest is 25 I have a picture of him dancing in a curtain with a ruffle pretending he was a ballerina when he was 4. I worked full time straight nights since he was 10 He learned to do laundry and clean the house.